Come Closer
by Chloe Masen
Summary: Isabella. The one woman Edward can't have. The one woman he doesn't dare claim. Does he? Is he strong enough to resist the forbidden? AH, OOC. *Rated M for adult content, strong language, violence, and delicate subject matter.
1. Chapter 1 : Shame

**Disclaimer : Edward, Bella, and all things Twilight belong to SM. Everything else belongs to me.**

****This story will at times contain violence, strong sexual content, and delicate subject matter. Please be advised.**

**Now that we got that out of the way... Shall we?**

**Chapter One : Shame**

**Edward**

"Oh fuck!" she screams, grasping wildly for something to hold on to, toppling bottles and everything else within her reach. "Fuuuuuuuuck!"

"That's right," I sneer, my hands flat on her back, holding the rest of her body immobile under my weight. "That's what you wanted. As I recall, it's what you _begged_ for."

"Jesus, Edward, you're... relentless... " She's struggling for breath with every punishing thrust of my hips. "I can't... take... much... more... "

"Which is exactly _why_ you begged. So, suck it up, or I'll make you do just _that_ and that's all you'll get."

This bitch has been begging for it for months. Today I decided to take pity on her. By giving her what she wanted, and fucking her with no pity at all. And no mercy. Not one fucking bit.

She's bent over my bathroom sink, since she couldn't wait for me to take a leak in peace, and when I opened the bathroom door, there she was. Standing there waiting like a greedy whore. Now here she is. Getting fucked like one. And she's loving every minute of it. Her mouth is saying she can't take it, but she's trying desperately to grind her ass against me at the same time. Greedy. Lying. Whore.

Begging for it... Every inch of my more-than-ample cock. Every hammering thrust I put behind it...

And Loving. Every. Minute. Of it.

Unfortunately for me, as is the nature of things, I'm _not_.

I look at my reflection in the mirror, vacant as I pound into her. As she moans. As she screams. As she begs for more. Begs for mercy. Begs for release. Begs for anything I'll give her.

It's not the only pleading I hear. My disinterested face speaks volumes. The voice in my head, once again asking _Why_? Why is it always the same?

It all feels the same. They all feel the same.

They all look the same. Bent over or on their knees.

They all sound the same. Screaming and panting my name. Or God's. Whores' prayers.

They're all the fucking same. Every damn one of them.

No... not every one. Almost. There's one exception... only one, but I can't think of her now. Not yet. She's not here yet.

What _is_ here...

They have different names, maybe, not that I remember many of them, if I even bothered to ask in the first place. Or if I listened when they told me, whether I did or I didn't. It doesn't matter what their names are.

Or their faces. I don't see them. Of course, they're usually turned away from me, or buried in my lap...

But even if they weren't, there's nothing to see. I don't notice the color of their eyes, I don't look into them. They're all the same, anyway. I know this without having to look. Wanting. Wanting is a shade in and of itself. A shallow, colorless shade of nothing, in shallow pieces of greedy flesh. Greedy flesh that's always open for me. Wide open. Legs... Lips... whatever I want. It's there for the taking.

Meaningless...

Empty.

I see nothing.

I feel nothing.

My dick is hard, that's why we're here, but then it often is, the way these nameless, faceless whores throw their wares at me.

Wares. To be used. Worn out. Thrown out. Replaced with new ones. New ones to be used. Worn out. Thrown out. Replaced with...

All the fucking same.

Nothing new.

Nothing unused.

Nothing worth keeping.

Nothing worth...

Fuck.

This isn't working.

And her incessant screaming is giving me a headache.

She's getting off.

The greedy bitch is getting exactly what she wanted.

And I'm getting shit.

Because she can't give it to me.

None of them can.

I can never have what I want.

I can never have what I need.

I'll never feel it.

I'll never feel _her_.

She could give it to me.

She could make me feel.

But I can't have her.

She's not mine to take from.

She never will be.

I'm not worthy. Not of her.

And even if I was...

She's off limits. To most, but especially to me.

I've accepted this. I accepted it long ago.

I'll never have her.

I try to fill the gaping hole, but I can't.

They can't.

"Shut up!" I yell, as I pull out of her, and rip the condom off, throwing it to the floor. I wrap my fist tightly around my dick and close my eyes.

They can't, but she can.

I know it's wrong.

She's better than this.

She's too good for what I'm doing now.

Thinking of her. Picturing her beautiful face. Hearing her sweet voice.

While I stroke my now-throbbing cock. Throbbing because of _her_, not the whore still bent over in front of me.

My release only comes one way. From one thing. Her. Only she can give it to me.

I tighten my grip on my cock, trying, as always, to imagine how she would feel around me.

Tight.

Warm.

Pure.

Untouched.

Different.

Perfect.

Unlike anyone else.

Unlike anything I've ever felt.

Better.

She's so much better.

Than them.

Than me.

Than this.

But I can't help myself.

I can't stop.

She's the only thing that makes me feel.

And I want to feel.

My thoughts are all I have.

These thoughts of an angel who deserves better than to be here with me now.

I close my eyes to my reflection, because I can't look at myself anymore. I'm a monster to have brought her here. But I can't let her go. And as much as I hate myself for doing it, it will happen again. I'll bring her back. I always bring her back.

He'd kill me if he knew.

She'd hate me.

They'd both be right.

But they'll never know...

I feel my hatred for my monster-self in my grip. My cock will take the punishment. It always does. Because the pain feels good. It's what I deserve. And I'll take it. Because I want to feel. What I crave will never be real before me. This is all I have.

This.

I don't make a sound as I find my temporary peace. The ass I drench with it isn't worthy of hearing it. She isn't worthy of feeling it, either, but she's what's here. She couldn't give it to me, and she knows that. She'll leave here knowing it. They all do.

They all think they can turn my world upside down, for an hour or so, but they all leave knowing they failed. Knowing they weren't good enough. Knowing they weren't worthy.

And now it's time for her to go. Take her new-found knowledge and go.

"Get dressed and get out." My tone is harsh as I pull up my boxers and jeans, looking at her still-bent form with disgust.

She turns and opens her mouth to protest, but shuts it quickly when I glare at her. _Don't even think about it..._

I pick up her clothes from the floor and shove them at her. "Now."

She mutters_ "Dick"_ under her breath and puts them on, not stopping to attempt to clean herself up. It's more than I should let her take from here, but I don't care. I just want her gone.

And to know her worth, or lack of. "And that's exactly what you came here for. It's your problem if you feel like a dirty whore now that you got it."

She gives me the look I've seen hundreds of times, the look that says_ I hate you, but you're right, I got what I_ _wanted_, and runs out the door, slamming it behind her.

Why do bitches always slam doors?

Why do they beg for something and then hate you for giving it to them?

For a minute.

They only hate for a minute. Then they want it again.

Greedy. Whores.

They have no shame.

I wish I didn't.

I wish I didn't feel what I feel now.

What I always feel.

After.

Shame.

Guilt.

Disgust.

Dirty.

Everything is dirty.

I pick up the condom from the bathroom floor and walk through the kitchen and into the garage. I toss it in the trash can where I know there are others.

Disgust.

I grab the bleach and a rag and the mop and head back to the bathroom. I pour the bleach straight from the bottle and scrub everything she may have touched. I don't want any trace of that filthy whore here. I pour it on my hands. I don't want any trace of her on me, either. I don't remember where I threw the condom, so I pour bleach on the floor and mop the whole thing.

I hate the smell of bleach. I hate the way it assaults my senses. I hate the way it lingers harsh in the air. Reminding me of what I did.

Again.

What I did to her. Not that whore, _her_.

What I did to myself.

What I know I'll do again.

I hate the smell of bleach and I hate myself.

I return the mop and the bottle of bleach to the garage. I throw the rag in the trash, covering the offending condom, and replace the lid. I go back into the house and head straight downstairs to the basement. I kick off my shoes and start the washing machine, and pour the detergent and strip naked, throwing in my clothes and dropping the lid with a bang.

I head back upstairs and the smell of bleach hits me like a brick wall. The evidence of what I did and tried to scrub away. The bathroom is clean, but I'm not. Maybe I'll never be clean. Maybe I can never wash it off. The disgust I feel. But I'll try. I always try.

I start the shower and set the temperature as hot as I can stand it. Hotter than I can stand it. I step in and let the scalding water punish me.

Because this is what I deserve.

For what I did.

To her.

Again.

"I'm sorry, Isabella. I'm sorry... "

.


	2. Chapter 2 : Illicit Behavior

**Disclaimer : Twilight belongs to SM. What I did with it belongs to me.**

**A/N : I hope that first chapter didn't fool you, this shit is long. And chaotic. Now, on with it.  
><strong>

Chapter Two : Illicit Behavior

**Edward**

I'm sitting in my office at E. Masen Architectural Design on an early April morning. It's Monday, three days after my last descent into nameless, faceless nothingness, and my disgust at my weakness still has me in a choke hold. I query if the self-imposed cyclical hell that has become by carnal being will ever change course, or if I will be imprisoned by said hell for the rest of my empty, pleasureless life.

Pleasureless.

Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. I do have _some_ pleasure in my life...

The punishing run that I start each day with invigorates me. The burn I feel in my chest when I push past my limit makes me feel alive. The cool dawn air clears my head. _Usually_.

I enjoy my work, although I haven't found my focus yet this morning. That may have something to do with the fact that I couldn't clear my head this time, but I will get there. My work is my passion. My _other_ passion. The one that isn't _her_.

Music. Music helps me to get away. Helps me to get lost. My guitar is an instrument of peace in my hands.

My hands that long to touch her...

My hands that will never claim the precious treasure they seek.

My hands... if it wasn't for them, my cock might think I was dead.

I give it a reassuring squeeze, just to let it know _we_ aren't, and expel a frustrated breath. I used to enjoy the company of women. A lot of women. Women were once an infinite source of pleasure to me. Their willingness. Their eagerness. Their effort, desperate to please me. There was nothing they wouldn't do. I was denied nothing. They were shamelessly grateful for the opportunity. Each and every one of them. It didn't matter what I asked for. It didn't matter what I told them to do. They were saying yes before I could finish saying the words.

I didn't have to _do_ anything. Not that they didn't ask, but they didn't argue when I said no. Because they were grateful for what they were already getting. And because if they did, they'd never get another minute of my time. Or my dick, which was what they really wanted. They knew there was no point in wanting more.

Edward Masen doesn't give more.

I never have.

I've never been willing.

I've never wanted...

I didn't.

But now...

I could.

I would.

For _her_.

To her.

If only...

"Fuck!"

The knock on my door pulls me back to reality. And pulls my hand off of my rock hard cock. Which I didn't even realize I was stroking. Simply because I thought of her. Right here in my fucking office.

I put myself back together quickly and painfully, and turn to the window, barking angrily at the unwanted intrusion. "What?"

I tug my hands through my hair in frustration, just as I hear my office door open behind me. I know who it is without turning to look. No one but Jasper would dare open it without an invitation.

"I said _what_, not come in, asshole."

"You're going to be bald by the time you're 35. And what's your problem? Wake up on the wrong side of a whore this morning?" He laughs at his own attempt at humor, and sits a large coffee from Stumptown's on my desk. Which I also know without turning around, but I do now, because I've been waiting for it, and Jasper's arrival has put my cock back in sleep mode.

"You know damn well I don't do _mornings_. Whores don't get sleepover privileges. And you look like shit, by the way."

"You're welcome. Did you even try to comb your hair this morning?"

"Fuck you. And thanks for the coffee. So, _why_ do you look like shit?"

"Because I _do_ do mornings. And no thanks, you're pretty, but that styled-by-angry-crows mane of yours doesn't do it for me."

I ignore his jab, because it's nothing new. "Since _when_ do you do mornings, Jasper?"

"You know better than that. She didn't stay, she just kept me up half the damn night crying on the phone, and then showed up at the crack of dawn to cry some more. I think she may have slept in her car outside of the house. Or _not_ slept."

"You're such a pussy."

"Fuck off. What was I supposed to do?"

"You know that red icon on your phone that says _End call_?"

"Real mature, Edward. I'm sure that would have made everything so much better."

"I don't know, I don't have these problems. Whores know their place."

"You're such an asshole."

"An asshole who doesn't have to put up with all that crying shit. And _why_ the fuck did you answer the door at the crack of dawn?"

"_I_ didn't."

"Oh. Well... did you at least end it this time? Don't tell me you gave in to her tears again." I glare at him and I know the answer before he says a word. Unbelievable...

He completely disregards my question as he turns towards the door. "See you later."

"Jasper, for God's sake, she makes you miserable! Squash that shit!"

"We still on for lunch?" is his only response.

Fine... be miserable. "Yeah, we'll stop and get you some cat food and a bowl of milk. _Pussy_."

With that, he flips me off and walks out of my office, leaving the door wide open. Fucker. He knows I hate it when he does that shit. 

**Isabella**

"Yes?"

"Who answers their phone like that?"

"I knew it was you, Rose. What can I do for you?"

"What makes you think I want you to do something for me?"

"Don't you? Usually?"

"I'm offended, Bella. Like _really_ hurt. You've hurt me."

"Sure I have," I roll my eyes and tap my pencil eraser on my notebook. "and the favor is?"

"You're heartless. What are you doing?"

"Nothing much."

"You're making a list for something, aren't you?"

I eye the list on the bed in front of me and smile. "Nope."

"Liar. What is it this time? Seventy two new dusting polishes you've painstakingly researched and the order in which you're going to try them?"

I flip to the next page and write down dusting polish. We do actually need some. Thank you, Rose. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness. The hurricane aftermath that is your apartment begs you to hear me. As do I, considering I almost broke my ankle the last time I was there. And no, there is no dusting polish list." _One doesn't constitute a list..._

"My shoe meant you no harm. I see no point in locking them away in some dark, dreary closet. They're just too pretty."

"The point of your call, Rose?"

"Am I bothering you? It must be some really important list. What could it be?... Oh! Is it a list of all of the freaky sexual positions you'd like to try - and the order in which you'd like to try them - when you finally decide to stop being a good girl and give up the prize?"

"You're disgusting."

"Who gets the prize, Bella? Who's the lucky guy? Please tell me you don't still have delusions of Edward Masen being the worthy recipient? Because he's not. Not for you."

They are _not_ delusions. "Why not for me?"

"Umm... let's see... well, for starters, because he's the biggest asshole on the planet. Actually... that sums it up."

Not to me. "No, he's not."

"Yes, he is."

"You'd give it to him."

"I'm not you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Honey, next to you, Snow White looks like Cruella De Vil. And me, well... I gave up my prize a long time ago. To someone just like Edward Masen. Okay, no one is _just_ like him, but you know what I mean. And that is _not_ going to be _your_ first experience. You know I was just kidding about the list. I'm sure your wedding night will be beautiful and sweet and everything you dream of. And with someone that is not an asshole. So, stop writing Isabella Masen all over that paper, burn it, and come out with me."

"That's _not_ what I was doing. And it's nine o'clock. On a Monday."

"Please?"

"Come out where?"

"Eclipse."

Ugh. "What's his name?"

"Royce."

"Why do you need me?"

"Because I don't know him well enough to go alone."

_I'm going to kill her._ "What's his friend's name?"

"I can hear you tapping your pencil. I'm not trying to set you up. Well, not this time. Are you ever going to forgive me for that?"

"No."

"I said I was sorry like a zillion times. And I bought you pretty shoes."

"I thanked you for the shoes. That's all you're getting."

"Please, Bella? I'm sure he has a friend, or friends, but there's no set up. I swear on my red stilettos, and you know how I feel about those. I just don't want to be alone. Besides, someone from your security detail will undoubtedly be there to keep any and all unwanted attention away from you. The president would be easier to get to than you."

Although I know it's not... "That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?"

"You know it isn't. So, please? I promise you'll have fun. I'll even flirt with the DJ and get him to play some Eminem just for you."

"I can listen to Eminem in the comfort of my bedroom."

"I know. I'm surprised I don't hear him in the background as we speak. Please, Bella? Pretty please with peanut butter on top?"

"I have that, too."

"Peanut butter and Eminem... come on, I'm offering you the world, what more could you want? I'm begging here. Pleeeeease?"

Could she have put any more emphasis on _e_? "You're being awfully pathetic for a guy you don't even know."

"Okay, maybe I am, but that's because I really _want_ to know him."

"Is this like last week when you really wanted to know... what was his name again?"

"I don't remember."

"Exactly."

"This guy is different. I know he is. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Okay, apparently she can. "Your pleases are really annoying."

"Then say yes and you won't have to hear any more of them."

"Why tonight?"

"Because he just called."

"So you're going to go running?"

"No, I'm going to strut in there with my gorgeous best friend who loves me and wants me to be happy."

I sigh at the never-ending pattern that is Rosalie's love life. "I do love you, Rose, and I do want you to be happy, but going running the minute they call you has never ended with a happy result. You know that."

"I know you have a different approach to these things, Bella, but I'm just excited. He's_ really hot_. Please do this for me. Please go with me."

I can't listen to her begging anymore. And I really don't want her to go alone, which I know she'll do if I say no. _After_ she annoys me for another hour... "Okay. Just don't say the p word again."

I hold the phone away from me as she screams in my ear. "Thank you!"

"I know I'm going to regret this, and you'll probably owe me, but you're welcome. For now. How soon do you want me to meet you there?"

"I don't. I'm picking you up, and I'm already here, so come and let me in."

I should have known... "And if I'd said no?"

"You didn't. Because you're the sweetest, most amazing friend in the whole wide world!"

I roll my eyes as I get up from the bed and tuck my book of lists under my mattress, before I run downstairs to let her in. I am a good friend, but I happen to know for a fact that the reason she wants _me_ for this mission is because I'm the only friend that wouldn't try to grab her _really hot_ guy for myself. I'm the only one she trusts. The things some women will do to each other...

I know that she means business as soon as I open the door. She must really like this guy, because she is in head to toe red, complete with the aforementioned stilettos. Red is her power color, and she has all but painted it on. What there is of it.

"He won't know what hit him, Rose."

She divas through the door and I close it behind her, laughing at her as she all but drags me up the stairs. "Will you slow down?"

"He's waiting! There's no time to slow down, we have to hurry and sex you up!"

"There will be no sexing, hurried or otherwise." I pull my hand from her grasp and fold my arms across my chest.

'Well, I didn't mean _that_," she smiles wickedly at me, "but I'd totally do you if I was into that. You're hot."

"Rose!"

She laughs at my shocked expression, and then tries to finish me off by wiggling her tongue at me.

Mission. Accomplished.

"You know, Bella... that innocent thing only makes you more irresistible. I almost wish I had that."

"Had _what_?" I slink away from her and run to my bed, grabbing my stuffed monkey and holding on to it for dear life.

"You're so funny. Not _that_, just the way you are. You don't have to try."

You'd never know to look at her that she has an insecure bone in her body, but this is the real Rosalie, my friend, stripped of her confident, designer armor. I know it's a part of her that only I see, and this will only last a moment, but until that moment passes, she needs the speech. The fact that she will disregard it won't stop me from giving it for the thousandth time.

"You're gorgeous, Rosalie, neither do you. You don't have to dress like that. You don't have to _do_ anything. You don't have to go running when they call. You don't have to give them anything. And there's more to you than your blond bombshell looks, much more. I wouldn't love you if there wasn't. You don't have to do any of this. You can just be you. It's more than irresistible. It's more than enough."

She gives me a small smile and turns to rifle through my closet. After a minute, she puts her hands on her hips, but doesn't turn around as she speaks. "You don't have anything sexy."

"No, sexy isn't really my thing. It would be false advertising. And would probably get me killed if I even thought about it, and since I really enjoy life... You know, you could find something in there for both of us... we could be _not sexy_ together."

"Thanks, Bella," she whispers, and then the moment is gone. She lets out a deep sigh as she turns around, "but this is who I am. And you're perfect just the way you are. Except we're not leaving this house with you in your sweats, so please change, because there's a really hot man waiting for me to knock his socks off."

I climb from the bed and take the dark jeans and pale blue silk blouse she holds out to me, and head to the bathroom to change, silently praying that his socks are the _only_ thing she knocks off tonight. 

**Edward**

"Tell me again, McCarty, why did I let you drag me in here tonight?"

"Because it isn't healthy to drink alone, and you have my back."

"We could have gone for a beer anywhere."

"I like it here. The fruit is always nice and ripe. I'll be a happy man, if I can find a piece that hasn't been damaged by _you_."

I look around the club at the nameless, faceless whores in attendance and chuckle. "Good luck with that."

"Yeah, I figured as much. And I probably won't find that anywhere, unless I move to Siberia, so maybe I have no choice but to dip into your sloppy seconds." He cringes and then beats his chest, "But I have some moves of my own, and since I know you always cover your shit, I guess I can live with that. Just tell me which ones have never had your dick in their mouths, cuz that's where I have to draw the line."

I take another look around and shrug my shoulders, "I don't know, Em, my memory is a little hazy, but maybe some freshly picked produce will walk through the door for you."

"You're such a fucking asshole, Edward."

"Thank you, I try."

"Actually, I don't think you do. It just comes naturally to you, like that wild animal that lives on top of your head."

"Why are you pussies so fucking obsessed with my hair?"

"I got your pussy right here."

I roll my eyes as he grabs his junk and wait for his next bit of brilliance. It's like watching someone flip a light switch, and then watching their shock when light actually fills the room. Any thought has this effect on Emmett, but you can't help but love the stupid bastard.

"Speaking of pussies, where is Jasper, anyway? Is he going to show?"

I smirk at the absurdity of his question, as I ask my own. "Where do you _think_ he is?"

"Aw, Jesus, you mean he still hasn't cut her loose?"

"She's got him by the balls, you know he's a sucker for tears."

"Can't he see that she flips that shit on like a switch? She knows he's checked out, she's playing him like a fucking fiddle."

"He'll send her packing as soon as she throws down the jealousy gauntlet. It can't be much longer."

"What's taking her so long? This has to be some kind of record."

"Beats the hell out of me, but it's inevitable, so I guess we just wait." My eyes travel lazily around the club, looking for anything to look at that isn't his ugly face, and I see a familiar redhead eye-fucking me from across the room. I vaguely remember her, but I can't say from where. She licks her lips and the memory becomes a little clearer. I don't know her name, but I remember that hair, although I was looking at the top of her head the last time I saw her. Mouth. That's her name. And, like a script played out a thousand fucking times, here she comes looking hungry. They're all the fucking same...

"Hey there, handsome, long time no see."

Typical. "Has it been? I can't say I recall... "

She looks hurt, for a fraction of a second. "Well, that's too bad, but I think I could refresh your memory."

_You'd like to try..._

Emmett shakes his head and mutters something that sounds like _unfuckingbelievable_, and I smirk at him. Yeah, I'm an asshole... and the whores can't get enough.

She reaches her hand towards my hair, because she's evidently lost her fucking mind, and the glare I give her stops her hand in midair. Don't even try it, bitch. She frowns slightly and then tries a different tack. "So... what's there for a thirsty girl to drink around here?"

Whore. "If you're looking for something fruity, with ice cubes in a glass, go buy yourself one, the bar is that way," I point in the direction of the bar, but her hungry eyes stay on me, "but if what you really want is to suck my dick, then stop wasting my fucking time and ask me. And maybe I'll consider letting you. Then again, maybe I won't. But you'll never know if you don't ask."

Her mouth drops open, she's trying to look offended, but I know better. I glance at Emmett, and he looks like a kid at his first circus, absolutely mesmerized by the most spectacular fucking show on earth. The Edward Masen Show.

Mouth is still gaping, so I give her something juicy to think about. "If a mouthful of my dick is what you're hoping for, you're going to have to open it a lot wider than that. And do it quickly, because that kind of blatant disrespect will get you nothing."

She narrows her eyes at me hatefully, and closes her mouth, before walking away with a flourish of her fiery mane. Oversensitive bitch. For about ten minutes, I'm guessing...

Emmett's booming voice explodes into the air, "Dude, what the fuck?"

He just doesn't get it. "What?"

"You fucking had her! I don't know how, but you did. I saw it. Why did you piss her off? You blew it!"

I smirk at the clueless bastard who has been my friend long enough to know better than that shit. Who does he think he's talking to? "She'll be back."

"No way. You're too cocky for your own good, and now she's pissed. She's not coming back, unless it's to throw her fruity drink in your face."

"Never happen, Em, and trust me, she will be back, _because_ I'm 'too cocky'. She's probably in the bathroom trying to stretch out her jaw as we speak."

"You're an epic fucking asshole, dude. And you're wrong. But since you're so sure of yourself, what do you say we make a little friendly wager? You willing to put your money where your arrogant mouth is?"

"I don't want to take your money. It's too fucking easy. I might feel bad." _Yeah, not a chance..._

"Well, I want to take yours. You gonna man up, or what?"

Like taking candy from a baby... "If you want to give it away, that's on you. How much?"

"Hundred bucks."

"Show it. Or, better yet, just give it to me now."

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of bills, counting out one hundred dollars in twenties, and slams it down on the table between us. "Your turn."

"Such a waste of time," I sigh deeply as I pull two fifty dollar bills from my wallet and lay them next to his soon-to-be-mine wager.

"You know, Masen, she has to do more than just come back over here for you to get my money."

"Terms?"

"You have to actually get your dick in her mouth. And I want proof."

"You want to watch? You're a freaky bastard, Emmett."

"Well, I'm not going to take your word for it."

"I'm wounded by your lack of trust."

"Yeah, I'm sure you're real broken up about it."

Why not?... "Okay, if I decide to entitle the bitch, I'll just take her out to my truck. You know where I'm parked. Feel free to observe. Freak."

"I only need to see that shit for a minute. But it won't happen, so maybe I'll be a nice guy and buy you a box of tissues with your money. You can dry your tears with half, and then use the rest to clean up after you jerk off, cuz that's all you're going to be doing tonight."

"Oh, ye of little faith... "

"Ye? Really, Edward?"

"Is that word too big for you? It's only two letters... "

"And _Fuck You_ is only two words."

"That it is. I'm going to get a beer. Are you going to nurse that all night?" I nod to the still half-full beer in front of him, and he picks it up and drains it in one pull. "Keep an eye on my money," I chuckle as I head to the bar. Never make a bet against my game... dumb ass.

I get our beers, and propositioned by the bartender, and head back to the table and find Emmett looking far less relaxed than when I left him. And the money's not on the table, so why isn't the feel of it temporarily in his pocket making him grin like an idiot? "What's wrong with you?"

"We got trouble, Edward."

I follow his gaze and there she is. Isabella is here with her friend Rosalie, who I don't much care for. They couldn't be more different. Isabella is sweet. Rosalie is... not, and dressed like a fucking whore. And the wolves have descended upon them. Fuck!

I feel the rage build inside of me as I look at each of their faces. Salivating fucks. Rosalie has put it all out there, like a neon fucking sign, but that's not what they're looking at. They're looking at Isabella. Sweet, innocent, Isabella. _My_ Isabella. And I'm going to kill someone. Or five someones.

I try to keep my emotions in check as I watch her, which isn't fucking easy, but Emmett can't know what's going on in my head. Not that he's smart enough to figure that shit out, but I can't take the risk.

Isabella already looks uncomfortable. Damn Rosalie for putting her in this situation. It's clear which one of the assholes she's here to throw herself at, she's already throwing it at him, which leaves Isabella to fend off the other four. Not. Fucking. Cool.

One of said assholes is talking to her, way too close for my liking, since the music has started pounding through the club, making it hard to hear yourself think, let alone talk to someone.

Pounding music or not, I hear Emmett, knowing his eyes are just as focused as mine, although for reasons I know are different. "Watch it, asshole."

Just at that moment, asshole puts his hand on her arm, and I'm up so fast I nearly upend the table. She flinches away from him and shakes her head, and turns and heads quickly towards the bar. I follow her, knowing Emmett is right behind me, headed straight for the asshole.

By the time she reaches the bar, and I get to her, I've intercepted three frothing-at-the-mouth canines who now have their tails between their legs. Every nerve in my body ignites as I step behind her and lean in close enough that she can hopefully hear me. I don't want to startle her with my closeness, my voice, and sure as fuck not with my now-hardening cock. _Stay down!_ I lean to whisper into her ear and am immediately assaulted by the scent of her. Strawberries and sweetness. Fuck. I struggle to regain my focus and speak her heaven-to-my-ears name, "Isabella."

My hope not to startle her fails miserably, and she jumps, and I'm so close that she crashes into me, and fucking hell, it's like being struck by lightning. I take a step back, and try to collect myself, and give her room to turn around and see that it's only me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

Her startled expression warms as she looks at me with those soulful brown eyes, and even in the dim lighting, I see a blush spread across her cheeks. Fuck, she's beautiful...

"Oh... Edward... that's okay. I didn't... sorry."

What could she ever have to be sorry for? Certainly not that angelic voice that just spoke my name. "It's my fault," I smile apologetically at her. The bartender puts two drinks on the bar behind her and, much too rudely, bellows the total, startling her again.

Jealous bitch. Isabella blushes an even deeper shade of red and starts fumbling in her purse. She's out of her element in a place like this, it's flustering her already, and she hasn't even been here ten minutes. It tugs at my heart, and my aching cock. _Jesus... focus, Masen!_

"I got it," I whisper to her through clenched teeth, steadying her fumbling hand with mine. Another lightning bolt strikes, and the startled look on her face tells me that I'm not the only one that felt it this time. I watch her as she bites her bottom lip, and I nearly come undone. There's a subtle movement of her small, delicate hand beneath mine, and even if I could have misread the gentle touch, which I unequivocally did _not_, her pleading eyes leave no question. I've never been more tempted by anything in my life. But I can't. _Sorry, beautiful, as much as it kills me, no way in hell..._

I'm so fucked. And I seriously need to remove my hand from hers, but I can't muster up the will to move.

That bitch bartender yells "Excuse me?" and it's just the motivation I need, and well past time for me to put her in her place.

I pull my hand free, and turn from Isabella's frowning face with a hole in my chest, and pull out a bill and slam it down on the bar, motioning for the rude bitch to lean towards me. She does, of course, and the venom in my voice changes her tone immediately. "She's a friend of mine, and you will be nice to _her_, or you will never even so much as dream of getting the chance to be _nice_ to me. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir!" She salutes, and turns her attention to Isabella, "Can I get you anything else, sweetie?"

I can't read Isabella's expression exactly, but it almost seems sad, and she bites her lip again as she shakes her head at the bartender and picks up the drinks. She mouths "thank you" as she holds them up, not wanting to attempt to yell over the music, and I nod and watch her walk back towards Rosalie. She turns once to look back at me, and the sadness in her face is crystal clear this time. What I wouldn't give to take it away... but that can never happen.

"Is she alright?" Emmett asks from beside me now.

I rip my hands through my hair as I answer him with the only response I have to his unknowingly loaded question. "She shouldn't be here."

"We could make a phone call."

"Not yet. If it comes to that, one of us could take her... " _You, for her safety._ "Just don't let her out of your sight." 

**Isabella**

I should have known this would happen. We haven't been here five minutes, and she's all over him. Royce. Sleazeball Extraordinaire.

How can she not see it? And he's not even that good looking. The way she talked about him the whole way here, I expected an Adonis, some breathtaking specimen of raw masculinity, someone like... _Edward_. But he is no Edward Masen... he couldn't be farther from _that_ perfection. No, he's... repulsive. And he's leering at _me_ while she's practically in his lap, whispering God knows what in his ear. I want to go home. I should have never come. But I knew this when she asked me. Because it's always like this. The only difference is, it usually takes longer than five minutes for it to happen.

One of Royce's friends is yammering in my ear, but, of course, I'm too polite to just walk away... The rest of them are staring at me like I'm some juicy cut of beef, and I seriously think about making a phone call and turning myself in. I'm already going to catch hell for coming here without _permission_, which would never in a million years have been granted. Which is _exactly_ why I didn't submit my evening's itinerary. So, confessing now can only serve to relieve me from my current misery, because there's not a chance in hell that I won't be dragged out of here.

I'm pulled immediately from that thought as yammer-man puts his hand on my arm. I cringe away from his unwanted touch and shake my head to whatever lewd things he was probably saying to me, although I wasn't listening to a word of it, and run for the bar. I need to try to convince Rose to leave, but I know there's no chance of that happening yet, since we just got here. Well, if I'm stuck in this hell, then I might as well have a drink. And get one for her, since the sleaze that invited her here can't be gentleman enough to offer. I order a Corona for myself, and a Vodka-Cran for Rose, and am waiting for the drinks when I feel a sudden too-close presence behind me and hear my name. It's too loud in here to make out the voice, or whether I know it or don't, and it scares the hell out of me, making me jump, and slam into whoever it is. The contact sends a shiver up my spine and then it's gone, and I spin around to see who dared to get so close to me, and why their body created such a reaction from mine.

And who I now see standing before me is none other than Edward Masen. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

Well, that explains the shiver. And the blush that I know I'm now wearing. "Oh... Edward... that's okay. I didn't... sorry." _Way to sound like an idiot, Bella._

"It's my fault," he says with a sweet smile.

Oh great... now he thinks I'm an idiot _and_ pathetic.

The suddenly impatient bartender screams out the amount of money I owe her, and I feel stupid for not having it ready. I feel my face heat as I shakily try to pull my wallet from my purse, but I seem to have been rendered all thumbs in Edward's presence.

He takes further pity on me and says "I got it", although through teeth clenched in what I assume is irritation, and his hand moves to still mine in an attempt to save me from further humiliation. Or further irritation for himself. Or maybe both.

I might remember to be truly humiliated for making a fool of myself in front of him, if it weren't for the surge of electric bliss that is now coursing through my entire body from his simple touch. It's like nothing I've ever felt, and to say that I am overwhelmed by the sensation would not begin to describe what I feel. Not. Even. Close.

My heart is pounding furiously in my chest and I bite my lip, because I'm honestly freaking out, and because I don't trust myself not to say something stupid to ruin this moment. He still hasn't removed his hand from mine, and if I didn't know better, I'd swear I see something in his eyes that tells me he doesn't want to. Is that even possible? _Is_ this a moment? A moment I've dreamed of for...

My hand moves of it's own volition against his, a gentle flutter of skin against skin, and he still doesn't move or take it away. His blazing green eyes hold me captive, which is not in itself new, but the depth I see in them now is something I've never seen from him before. Not when he looks at me. _Oh, please... please let this be real... please..._

My moment of hope is shattered by a screeching voice behind me. I don't hear her words clearly, but Edward pulls his hand away now and reaches into his pants pocket for his wallet. I see him slam money on the bar and she leans close to him and he says something to her that I can't hear. It's now that I really notice her. She's very pretty in an edgy sort of way. She's nothing like me. She doesn't look nervous as he talks to her. She looks like the kind of girl who knows things. Who's done things. Who understands what men want. Who will _do_ those things.

Nothing. Like. Me.

I was stupid to even think...

She's suddenly being nice to me, asking me if I want anything else, but the only thing I want in this moment is to be somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. I think he told her to be nice to me. And she did it because she wants him. Maybe he wants her, too. Maybe he'll take her home and they'll laugh at how pathetic I am before they...

I bite my lip again as I shake my head at her, praying for the strength not to cry, and pick up our drinks from the bar. He's looking at me again, probably waiting for me to just go away, so that's exactly what I'll do. I mouth my thanks for the drinks and he nods, dismissing me effectively. I'm almost to Rose before I turn back to look at him... I don't know why I do. I don't know what I expect to see, but finding him still watching me was not even a possibility in my mind. Maybe I imagined the whole thing. Maybe I'm imagining it now. But the pain I feel knowing what I can never have, looking at him and knowing, is anything but imagined. This is real. And it doesn't feel good.

Rose doesn't look at me as I get back to the table. She's too busy to notice me. She's too busy to see anything but the backs of her own eyelids, as she's connected at the mouth to the sleazeball. I'm tempted to pour her drink over her head, but maintain my composure enough to set it down in front of her instead. She's nothing like me, either.

I sit down and take a long drink of my beer. Luckily, some of Royce's friends have found other girls to bother, none of whose absence is more appreciated than touchy-feely yammer-man. Or maybe I spoke too soon... the one that is still here now scoots his chair closer to me. I, in turn, scoot mine further away. He's too stupid to get the message, and does it again, but then I see his eyes focus on something behind me and he scoots it back. I turn to look, grateful to whatever may have inspired his change of heart, expecting to find a leggy blond or something, but all I see is a bronze-haired god staring right at me. Edward. And the big bear of a man with arms crossed angrily over his chest beside him. That would be Emmett.

No... I shouldn't have come here. I've humiliated myself, and here I sit with a foolish, wounded heart. And now, to make me feel even worse, I know with certainty that I'm ruining their evening. They came here to have a good time, but now feel obligated to babysit me. That's not fair. Not fair to them and not fair to me. I've never wanted to be that annoying thing that's always around and just won't go away. That thing that has to be tolerated. A dreaded obligation. I've never wanted to be that, and I certainly don't want to now. Especially not to _him_.

"Rose?" I try not to look at her, but that's easy since he's still looking at me, and I'm momentarily mesmerized by his unwavering gaze.

She doesn't answer and I'm not sure she even heard me, so I try again. "Rose!"

Still nothing. I actually do think she heard me this time, but maybe I've become that annoying thing to her now, too, even though she begged me to come with her. Well, too bad. I take another drink of my beer, a very long drink, and before I know it, I've finished it. I look at the empty bottle with surprise and then look back over at Edward to see if he saw my unladylike chugging. He did. He's still looking at me, only now with raised brows. Emmett is next to him, smiling at me. He's probably proud in some_ that's my girl_ way. I'm a little embarrassed. Maybe more than a little. I suddenly feel warm, but I'm not sure if I'm blushing or if it's from the beer. I also feel irritated enough to put my foot down. But I don't, because I use it to kick Rose instead.

I have her attention now. "Ow! What the fuck, Bella?" She spots her drink and takes a long sip from the little straw while she glares at me.

"I want to leave." I tell her pointedly.

"Well, I _don't_," she snarks back.

I'm not giving in. I shouldn't have let her do this to me, but all I can do now is not let her keep doing it. "Just drop me home. Then you can come back."

"I'm not leaving, Bella."

"It will take you all of fifteen minutes. Take. Me. Home."

"Don't be a cockblock, I'm sure you can find any number of people to give you a ride. Or you could stop being a baby, and get yourself another drink and have some fun."

So, it's like that? My tone is icy as I glare at her, "I'll remember that, Rose."

She rolls her eyes at me and instantly resumes her inappropriate meet and greet with the sleazeball. And it really pisses me off.

Really. Pisses. Me. Off.

I toss my composure out the window, and grab her drink and dump it on her, ice cubes and all. And it feels really good. Getting it on sleazeball as well is just an added bonus. They're both stunned, and probably really pissed now, too, but I don't care. "I thought you needed to cool off." My only regret is that Rose is wearing red and the pink drink doesn't show anything more than _wet_. I grab Rose's purse from the table and dig her keys out of it, removing the key to her car, and toss the rest back in, dropping it in her lap. "You find a ride, I already have one."

She looks mad, but she doesn't say anything, because she knows how upset I am to go that far. She'll be begging my forgiveness in the morning, and probably try to bribe me with shoes. I'll keep the shoes, and send her away to suffer.

I turn to leave, and walk past a smirking Edward and a chuckling Emmett. Now they're both proud, and this time I'm not in the least bit embarrassed. Yes, it was childish, but it felt good. Score one for _sweet_ Isabella.

I head out of the club and walk quickly across the parking lot to Rose's car. I hear footsteps behind me and reach into my purse and wrap my hand around my canister of pepper spray, before spinning around and taking immediate aim.

My mouth falls open and thankfully my finger _doesn't_ depress as I see Edward, who has his hands raised in surrender. And a smile on his face. "I'm sorry, Isabella. Again. For scaring you. But I must say I'm very impressed by your quick draw."

I. Am. Mortified. "Oh my God, Edward! What if I would have...? I'm so sorry!"

"Don't be," he smiles warmly at me, "Again, _my_ fault. I should have alerted you to my presence. And _if_ you would have, it would have been entirely deserved. I'm really very sorry that I startled you."

"It's okay. And I'm really glad I didn't." I cringe at the thought of peppering those beautiful green eyes and he looks sympathetically at me.

I try to shake the unspeakable image from my brain, and the visible shiver from my body, and nervously bite my lip. As if it's the most natural thing in the world, Edward reaches up and pulls it free with his thumb. We both gasp at the surge of heat and he drops his hand so quickly, you'd think he'd been burned. His brow furrows deeply and it sends a jolt to my heart. He looks as though he's committed some horrific crime against me. I want him to know that he hasn't. I want to touch him, commit a crime of my own.

I reach up slowly, with trembling fingers, and run them through his unruly hair. It's always been one of my favorite things about him. I'm amazed that he doesn't stop me. He doesn't pull away. My heart leaps in my chest as he closes his eyes for the briefest of moments, before saying my name.

"Isabella." My heart sinks just as quickly as he speaks again. "No."

I drop my hand and look down at my shoes. "I'm sorry... " Why would I ever think that he'd want me to touch him? That I had the right? We're not...

He clears his throat and speaks again, "Isabella... I just wanted to make sure you're alright. And that you got to the car safely."

I keep my eyes down as I respond, "Thank you. I'm fine."

"Are you okay to drive?"

"Yes. I only had the one beer."

"You drank it pretty quickly. It goes to your head faster that way. How do you feel?"

"I feel fine, really. You don't have to be concerned. Go enjoy yourself. I'm sorry if I ruined your evening."

"Isabella, look at me." I take a deep breath and look up at him and his eyes are soft. I bite my lip again and he sighs."Don't do that. And you didn't ruin anything."

I release my lip and nod, feeling stupid. I unlock the car and he reaches to open the door for me and I climb in, anxious to get away from his piteous gaze. I'm about to apologize again when he speaks.

"Are you going straight home?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

"Straight home."

"Will you do something for me?"

I swallow, and it sounds so loud to my own ears that I pray he didn't hear it. I look at him expectantly and he gives me a small smile.

"Let me know when you're home safe and locked in?"

"You don't have to worry... "

"I'd feel better."

"Okay. If you'll feel better."

"Thank you." He smiles again and closes my door. I start the car and fasten my seat belt and turn on the lights, and am just about to pull away when he knocks on the window. I put it down and he leans towards the car. "Drive safe, Isabella. And _don't_ be sorry."

_Thank you, Edward, because I'm not..._

**Edward**

I watch Isabella drive away, chiding myself for my behavior with her.

Careless.

Stupid.

Dangerous.

Unacceptable.

I tug my hands roughly through my hair, but it's only her gentle touch I feel.

I'm so fucked.

I turn to head back to the club and Emmett is there glaring daggers at me. Fuck, how long has he been standing there?

"What the fuck are you doing, Edward?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What took you so long? I thought you were just making sure she was okay?"

"I was."

"And?"

"She is."

"What the fuck is going on?"

"You need a beer."

"Don't bullshit me, Edward."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Emmett. Care to enlighten me?"

"No? You. And _her_. That's what I'm talking about."

"Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"Have _you_?"

"You really need a beer, Emmett. Jesus... "

"And you need to fucking listen to me! I know you think you're the self-appointed ruler of the land of women, but that girl is off limits! I can't fucking believe you would even consider it! You're out of control! And out of your arrogant fucking mind if you think you're going to go near her!"

"And you're out of your fucking mind if that's what you think. Fuck, Emmett, I'm an asshole, but _Isabella_? I'm glad to know you think so highly of me."

"There's really nothing going on? You weren't trying to...?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

I shove past him and through the doors of the club, leaving him bewildered behind me. He couldn't have been standing there long enough to see anything, not that there was much to see, but I know that he wasn't. He'd have never stood by...

I head straight to the bar and order a beer, and then he's next to me. "I'm sorry, man... I don't know what I was thinking. I know you wouldn't... "

"Just drop it."

"Edward... "

"I said drop it. Now, get yourself a beer and prepare to lose your money."

I know it won't take my mind off of her, nothing could now, but I need a fucking release from this hell, any way I can get it. I went too far. I crossed the line. And now it's time to step back across it. Back to the dark side that is my life.

My phone vibrates in my pocket as soon as I sit down. I pull it out and see a text from Isabella:_ Home, as promised. Locked in. You can feel better now. Good night. Isabella_

I type a quick reply:_ I do, thank you. Sweet dreams. Edward_

"What are you smiling at?"

Fuck. "Your delicate ears couldn't handle it."

"I don't want to know... and brace yourself, because here comes your moneymaker. Lucky fucking bastard."

I look up just as Mouth reaches our table. Unfortunately for her, I've decided I'm not interested.

"So... uh... you wanna get out of here, handsome?"

"No thanks."

"What?"

"I said no. Twice, actually. Now, move along."

She considers for a moment that I might be joking, but my dismissive gaze clears up her confusion, and she turns and leaves with a huff and a "Fuck you". I expected nothing less.

"No?" Emmett's eyes are wide across the table. "Are you stupid?"

"No, just had a more intriguing offer."

His next question remains unasked as bartender girl approaches. "Ready?"

Seems she was only covering for someone who was going to be a couple of hours late, and now they're here. In a few minutes, she's going to be covering something else. "I'm going to finish my beer, but you can freshen up while you wait for me."

Without another word, she heads in the direction of the bathroom. I glance at Emmett and see exactly what I expected. "Close your mouth, McCarty."

"Unfuckingbelievable... "

I finish my beer, and a few minutes later lead the patiently waiting bartender girl out to my truck. She's so eager I can smell it on her. "So, where to?" she asks, trying to sound indifferent.

My reply is what _true_ indifference sounds like. "Right here."

"Right here, _what_?"

"_Right here_ is where I'm going to let you be nice to me."

"Here? I work here."

"Here or not at all. Your choice."

"What if someone sees?"

"I don't know... if you do it well, then I guess they'll learn something. Or be jealous."

"If _I_ do it well?"

"That's what I said."

"I want to get fucked. I believe that requires _we_."

"Well, of course you want to, but you're not going to. You're going to suck my dick and say thank you. And get to it, because I'm getting bored."

"Anyone ever tell you you're an asshole?"

"Every day. My patience with your chatter is wearing thin."

I unfasten my belt and she crosses her arms over her chest. I undo the button and ease down the zipper of my pants and she rolls her heavily made up eyes. "You're really full of yourself."

"Not as full as your mouth is about to be." I push my pants down my thighs a few inches and free my dick. She takes one look at it and I know I won't hear another smart-ass word from her. And I don't, because in the next second, she's face down in my lap furiously sucking my dick like her life depends on it. So fucking easy.

I watch her, knowing it should feel fucking amazing, because the whore's got skills. But it doesn't. Because it never does. Because I just can't feel anymore. Because she's not _her_. I feel the nausea start to snake over me and open the ignition and put my window down. I need to breathe some fresh air.

Why the fuck is it like this? Why can't I feel it? Why can't enjoy it? Why can't I get _her_ out of my head in this moment? She shouldn't be here now. I'd never in a million fucking years sit in my truck in a club parking lot and make Isabella suck me off like a whore. Never. I don't want her here. She's better than this.

Better than the weakness I let take hold of me again.

I know this, yet here I am. And this bitch's mouth is so wet, if someone were to walk through this parking lot right now, they'd get an earful. Not to mention her moaning as she sucks me so hungrily in and out of her mouth that I think she might take my skin right off. Normally, I'd think that shit was hot, but right now it's getting on my fucking nerves. I want her to shut up. She's not worthy of the taste of me. And I don't want to hear her pleasure as she gets it. I lean my head back and close my eyes, because I don't want to _see_ _it_, either. I shove her head down and thrust up until I feel my dick deep in her throat and she shuts the fuck up. I knew she wouldn't gag, because bitches like her never do, even with the epic shit that I'm packing. Whores know how to handle that shit.

And this bitch is taking it like a pro. And wants more. Her hands move greedily under my ass to pull me deeper into her throat and she rocks her mouth against me, trying to get the best angle to take it all. I let go of her head and let her do her thing and shove my hands into my hair. I fucking hate myself.

And now I think I've truly lost all sense of reality, because I hear Isabella's sweet voice calling my name. "Edward?"

Really not fucking cool because I know Isabella is at home in her bed, hopefully sleeping peacefully and safe, right where she belongs.

But that knowledge doesn't stop my brain from hearing it again. "Edward? Are you alright? Is something wrong?"

Her voice is so clear, I'd swear she was right next to me. And then I hear it. A gasp so loud and horrified that it echoes through the air and the dense fog that is my brain. My eyes fly open just in time to see her turn and run with her eyes wide and her hand covering her mouth.

The bitch is laughing as I shove her off of me and hurry to put myself back together. "Get out!", I yell as I jump out of the truck and run after Isabella. "Isabella!" I scream as she makes it back to Rosalie's car. "Isabella!" She flings the door open and gets in. "Isabella!" I scream it again and again and hear the torture in my own voice, but she doesn't stop, and she doesn't turn to look at me. I get to her just as she peels out of the parking lot and I feel as though she drove right over me.

Crushed.

Limp.

Lifeless.

Her beautiful name echos one last time into the air.

And all I can think...

is that I wish she had. 

**So... any thoughts? Leave them if you do, or drop me a few words of wisdom on the little blue bird at melarimo. And let me tell you a few things... I will not be updating on any kind of structured schedule. If they talk to me, I'll share it with you. RL can be hectic, and I write another story, so I'll do my best with the management of it all. And, yeah... sometimes I make up words. Or, at least, the spell check powers that be say I do. And that's okay with me. Until next time, CM**


	3. Chapter 3 : Ruin

**Disclaimer**: All things Twilight belong to SM. What I chose to do with them is all mine.

**Warning**: This chapter contains delicate/violent subject matter that may be uncomfortable for some.

**A/N** : So, not all of you love Edward... the majority of you, however, seem to adore Emmett. He thanks you. Bear hugs for all. And he's quite enjoying rubbing it in Edward's beautiful face. *Eyeroll at Emmett*

For those of you still with me at the end of this chapter, I thank you in advance. And, we're off...

**Chapter Three : Ruin**

**Isabella**

I'm so stupid. So so so so so so STUPID!

I thought he was being sweet. He was attentive...

I thought his eyes held a secret. That he gave me a peek at. Because he wanted me to see.

I thought he felt something. When our hands touched. Like I did.

But I was wrong. About all of it.

Because I'm just a stupid little girl. That's what he thinks. That's what he sees.

Sweet and attentive was nothing more than pity. For me. The stupid little girl.

The stupid little girl that he just wanted to go away.

Attentive was ensuring that I did.

So he could have his fun.

With a woman.

Not a little girl.

He will always see me that way.

Only that way.

Naive.

Pathetic.

Stupid. Little. Girl.

A stupid little girl who wants to go home and crawl into bed and hold my monkey and cry.

The monkey that he gave me when I was five years old.

That still sits on my bed.

That I still sleep with every night.

Because _he_ gave it to me.

And because of what it represents.

What it means.

What he knew it would mean to me...

And because I'm a stupid little girl.

What else could explain why I walked up to his truck?

I called his name and he didn't answer.

Why didn't I take the hint?

He didn't want me there.

He wanted me to go away.

But, no... stupid Isabella was too stupid to see that.

And I kept going.

Because I thought something was wrong.

Because he had his head back and his eyes closed and his hands in his beautiful hair.

I thought he was upset.

Because I'm stupid.

And I stupidly walked right up to his door.

And saw...

God, who does that?

Edward Masen does that.

I pull Rosalie's car up to the curb in front of our house and get out. I put her key under the large potted irises on the front porch, hoping she comes to get it before he gets home. But I know she probably won't. And I'll have to explain why it's here and she isn't. That's not going to go well. Maybe I won't have to explain that part. He'll assume why, and he'll be right. And then I'll get the lecture about how she's not worthy of being my friend. Again.

I go into the dark, empty house and lock the door behind me. I should have left a light on. I don't like the dark.

Edward Masen is dark.

He wasn't always.

But it's who he is now.

And he'd never want anything to do with a stupid little girl who's afraid of the dark.

A stupid little girl who'd never do what that woman was doing to him in his truck.

Where anyone could see.

Where someone did see.

_I_ saw.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to push the image out of my mind. Not that I really saw anything... just her bowed head. Buried. In his lap. I don't have any experience with that kind of thing, but shouldn't I have seen something else?

Further proof that I'm stupid, I guess.

And my dreams of Edward Masen will never be anything more than that.

Dreams.

Stupid. Little girl. Dreams.

I go to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and head upstairs. I change back into my sweats and t-shirt, wash my face, and brush my teeth and climb into bed. I throw the stupid monkey across the room and it hits the closet door.

But I don't leave it there.

I can't.

Because I'm a stupid little girl.

I slip out of bed and go to pick it up.

Because I haven't slept without it in seventeen years.

Since the day he gave it to me.

And I can't now.

I crawl back into bed and hug him to me.

And cry myself to sleep.

**Edward**

How could I be so careless?

How could I make such an epic fucking mistake?

Why didn't she stay at home?

My sweet, innocent Isabella...

What the fuck am I going to do now?

I want to go after her.

I _should_ go after her.

I thought I could...

I tried...

But I can't.

Not now.

I can't face her.

I don't know how I'll ever face her again.

I'm such a fucking asshole.

I'm not worthy of standing before her.

I'm not worthy of speaking to her.

Not worthy of telling her how sorry I am.

Not worthy of begging for her forgiveness.

I'm not worthy of breathing the air that she breathes.

I'm not worthy of the genuine concern that brought her to my door.

I'm not fucking worthy.

I'm not worthy of the look I saw in her eyes. The one _before_.

I'm not worthy of the way she fluttered her hand against mine.

I'm not worthy of touching her.

I should never have touched her.

Not her hand.

Not her mouth.

Fuck... why does she do that? She's always done it... when she's nervous... when she's uncomfortable... when she's worried about something... when she's embarrassed...

Every time she bites that beautiful lip, I fucking come undone.

It's always affected me. Not quite like it does now, but always.

Sometimes it pissed me off. Made me want to kill the person whose words or actions made her do it.

Sometimes it broke my heart. And made me realize I _had_ one...

It made me want to take care of her.

It made me want to protect her.

It made me want to do things to make her smile.

It still does. All of those things.

But that's not all...

Now... it makes me want to do things to her.

It makes me want her to do things to me.

How many hours have I dreamt of her mouth?

Her sweet, innocent mouth.

Against mine.

On me.

All over me.

Around me.

Fuck!

EPIC. FUCKING. ASSHOLE.

I have no right to think of those things.

No fucking right.

I shouldn't have touched her.

I shouldn't have let her touch me.

Her delicate fingers in my hair...

She's done it so many times...

But it was different then.

Not like tonight.

Nothing like tonight.

I knew when she reached her hand up...

I knew.

And I didn't stop her.

I couldn't stop her.

Because I'm selfish.

I wanted to feel it.

I wanted her to touch me.

In her innocent way.

And it felt better than anything I ever imagined.

Such a simple thing...

Sweet...

_Her_.

Unworthy.

_Me_.

The look in her eyes. _After_.

What have I done?

To that sweet, beautiful girl I've spent almost my entire life trying to protect...

What the fuck have I done?

I rip my hands furiously through my hair as I turn from the spot I've been paralyzed in since she sped away. I know the moment I see Emmett leaning against my truck that he knows. I know, without a doubt, that he _saw_. This time. He must have come out to see if I sealed the deal with that whore. And he saw. He knows what _she_ saw.

He knows.

And I'm a dead man.

Of that I am worthy.

**Jasper**

I pull my ringing phone out of my pocket with an annoyed huff. I _just_ left her. What could she possibly want!

One glance at the screen tells me I was wrong to assume, but I'm no less annoyed. Why the hell is that asshole Newton calling me? "Yeah?"

"So, you _are_ alive?"

What the fuck? "Why _wouldn't_ I be alive?"

"Well, I thought you couldn't possibly have been since your baby sister was at Eclipse tonight. Have you released her from protective custody?"

_My baby sister..._ "WHAT?"

"So, you didn't know? You mean your boys didn't even tell you?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Masen was here. McCarty, too. Still are, actually. Rosalie... "

I don't need to hear another word. I disconnect the call, my tires screeching as I turn around like a bat out of hell, and head straight to Eclipse, where I can be in two minutes. If there's no cops around...

Fucking Rosalie! Big fucking surprise. I'm going to kill her.

I should probably call my _baby_ _sister_, but since she lied to me - which I can't fucking believe! - I think I'll just surprise her. She should know by now that she can't do anything in this city without me knowing about it. Knowing or finding out... but the knowing _usually_ comes from her _telling_ me. Or asking me.

_Usually_.

Fucking Rosalie!

I fly into the parking lot of Eclipse and screech to a stop right next to Edward's silver Suburban, next to which he's standing, arguing with Emmett. For fucks sake, just whip 'em out already!

I don't know what they're arguing about, and could give a shit less, there's only one thing I care about. "Where is she?"

Neither one of them answers me, they just glare at each other, and I don't fucking care why, since the fact that they're out here fighting means they're _not_ in there keeping an eye on her. Assholes. They'll hear about that shit after I get her out of there. And the fact that neither one of them called me. That is not the way this works!

My eyes quickly scan the parking lot for her white Mini Cooper as I run towards the doors of the club. Where the fuck is her car?

"Jasper! She... " Emmett calls from behind me, just as I fling the doors open, but whatever he said is drowned out by the thumping music.

I make my way through the club, and see no trace of her. Where the hell could she be? I try her phone as I look again, but it goes straight to voicemail. She turned it off. Shit!

I'm just about to shove the ladies room door open and scream for her when Jessica comes walking through it. "Hey, Jasper!"

"Is Isabella in there?"

"No, haven't seen her."

"Rosalie?"

Mike comes out of the men's room snickering, "I was going to tell you, but you didn't give me the chance. I don't know where Bella is, I haven't seen her in a while, but Rosalie is in _there_."

"I know you're a pussy, Newton, but that _is_ actually the men's room you just came out of."

"You're a funny guy, Jasper, but that's where she is. You don't believe me, go look for yourself."

I know by the look on his face what I can expect to find before I slam through the door. In the last open stall is some piece of shit with a handful of Rosalie's hair. And Rosalie with a mouthful full of the piece of shit.

He gives me a cocky nod as his words slither out, "She's so fuckin easy, man, give me another minute, and I'm sure she'll have no problem taking care of you next."

She turns to look up at her audience in shock, but when she sees that it's me her eyes go even wider and her hand comes up to cover her mouth. And then she panics. "Please don't tell her!"

I grab her arm, pulling her up, and dragging her out of there. I hear the piece of shit screaming behind us. "I wasn't fucking done!"

_Too bad, asshole._ We get a few feet out of the area of the bathrooms and I see that Edward and Emmett are now inside. I pull a stumbling Rosalie to a stop right when we get to them, and she yanks her arm free and wipes at her shamed tears, but I don't give a shit about her.

"Where the fuck is my sister? Somebody better answer me!"

Rosalie is the first to speak. "She's not here. She left a long time ago."

Edward and Emmett exchange a look, and I see Masen's jaw twitch, and I know something is wrong. "WHERE. THE. FUCK. IS MY SISTER?"

"Calm down, Jasper, I'm sure she's at home sleeping now... "

"Are you, Edward? Are you _sure_? Sure, because you did what you _should_ have done when you saw her here, and _took_ her there? Did you do that, Edward? Did you take her home? Because you sure as fuck didn't call me to do it!"

"She's not a child!" Rosalie screams from beside me.

"Don't you fucking start with me, Rose! Go home!"

"I can't!" she screams again. "She took my car and left me here!"

_Good girl, Isabella..._ "Now, why would she do that, Rosalie? Did she see something that made her sick and sent her running? What the hell was she subjected to tonight?"

I look at each of their faces, and see another tense exchange between Edward and Emmett, and I have no question that something did, in fact, happen here and that's where the answers lie. With them.

Rosalie starts to say something, but I wave her off, "I'm not interested in your bullshit. I'm going to go check on my sister, and I better fucking find her at home, where she should have been all night. And when I do, and on your fucking lives you better pray I _do_," I glare at Edward and Emmett, "you two are going to talk. Fun time is over, _gentlemen_. I'll expect to see you both at my house in about eight minutes."

I turn and walk away and hear Rosalie whine behind me, "What about me?"

"You can ride with me," Emmett answers, and it's a good thing, because I might kill her if she were to get in my car. Not that killing her isn't still a possibility._ If she saw anything like what I just saw..._

The million pound weight of fear and panic starts to lift as I pull onto our street and see Rosalie's red Mercedes parked at the curb in front of our house. It lifts even further as I pull into our driveway and open the garage door, and see Isabella's Mini Cooper sitting in it's place inside. I pull in beside it and get out, just as Edward pulls into the driveway behind me. I head into the house through the door that leads into the kitchen, leaving the garage door open for him.

I'm sure my best friend had other ideas about how he would end his night, but he knows I'm pissed about his carelessness with Isabella. Pissed and, frankly, fucking _baffled_. He would never put some random whore before my sister, not in a million fucking years. He's as protective of her as I am, so why the hell didn't he take care of her when he saw here there? He knows there's no fucking way I'd allow her in a place like that.

As does she.

I run up the stairs and straight into her bedroom. She never closes the door when she sleeps, not since the night she woke up screaming and I had to break it in to get to her because she had locked it. Because I had told her to lock it. Because I had let a friend crash at our house that night and didn't trust him with her down the hall. Because there's not a living soul that I would trust with her, with one exception. Edward. Not that Emmett would, or even think to cross a line with her, but Isabella is not something I take chances with. Ever.

The fact that she put herself at risk tonight...

My chest tightens as I look at her sleeping sweetly, the stuffed monkey Edward gave her when she was a little girl clutched in her arms. No... she's just too damn important.

"Isabella," I shake her gently as I call her name. I hate to wake her, but I can't let this wait until morning.

She's a light sleeper, and wakes easily, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Jasper? What's wrong?"

"I think you know _what_. Come downstairs. I want to talk to you."

She gives me her adorable_ But, you love me_ face, but I can't let it sway me. "Five minutes, Isabella."

I turn and walk out of her room, and head downstairs to the kitchen, where I find the _three_ of them. "Go home, Rose."

"And let her face the firing squad alone? Not a chance."

"It's a little late for your concern for her well-being, Rosalie, don't you think? _You're_ responsible for this mess! _You're_ the one that dragged her there, out of the safety of our home! _You're_ the one that put her in danger! _You're_ the one that did God knows what to upset her so much that she took your car and left you there! Which means that she left there _alone_! Did you give a damn about that? Did you even think about that? Did you think about her at all? She doesn't belong in a place like that! She doesn't belong in a place where whores suck guys off in filthy bathrooms! And she sure as fuck doesn't belong in a friendship with the _whore_ that I had a front row seat to watch do it!"

I didn't hear a sound over my own screaming, but the expression Rose now wears tells me that Isabella must have come into the room. I turn around just as she starts to speak.

"You don't know him well enough. That's what you said. That's why you begged me to go with you. Because you said you didn't know him well enough to go alone. And I went. I went with you. Because I didn't want you to be alone and uncomfortable. I didn't want you to end up in a bad situation with the guy that you didn't know well enough to be alone with. I went with you... knowing that I shouldn't... knowing that it would make Jasper furious with me... I went with you... knowing you'd forget I was there... knowing you'd do things that would disappoint me... "

Only Isabella could truly make Rose feel shame. She feels it now. Her dirty secret was exposed to the angel that is my little sister and her best friend. And she is ashamed. "Bella... I... please... "

But she doesn't stop. "You were all over him within minutes. The guy you don't know well enough. You were making a spectacle of yourself. You always ask me why they don't respect you. Why they're not nice to you. Why they forget you exist after they get what they want from you. Kind of like you did to me. I did what you wanted and you slapped me in the face. You forgot I existed. Because you had what you wanted. You didn't have to try anymore. You forgot I existed, Rose, but he didn't. Because the whole time you were all over him... whispering in his ear... kissing him... that sleazeball was looking at _me_. Because he knew he'd get what he wanted from you. You made that clear immediately. He didn't have to try anymore. He didn't have to try at all. Not with you. He wouldn't remember you. He won't. He hadn't even gotten it yet, and he'd already forgotten. I don't want to know what he was thinking when he was looking at me. I'm sure it would make me sick. His eyes made me sick. His leering. Everything about him. And knowing you wanted him. Knowing you'd let him use you. Knowing you were asking him to... knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop you... because you weren't listening to me. You wouldn't. You refused to hear me.

I wanted to leave. I asked you to take me home. You refused. You told me not to be a cockblock. You told me I could find a ride. _From any number of _people, to be exact. You didn't care whose car I might get into. You didn't care what kind of situation that could create for _me_. You told me to stop being a _baby_. Well, you know what, Rose? I don't care if that's what you think about me. That doesn't hurt me. I'm who I am. I'm proud of who I am, no matter how pathetic you may think it is. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I may be too innocent to understand everything, the things people do, the way people behave, the choices people make... the choices you make... but I don't need to understand.

I don't wake up every morning with regret. With shame. With _Why did I ?_ and _Why doesn't he?_ questions battering my conscience. I may be a baby to you, Rose, but no one will ever, _ever_ call me a whore. The _bathroom_? That you would... at all... for a guy you don't know well enough to even meet alone... that you... _that's_ why they don't respect you. Because you don't respect yourself. And you sure as hell don't respect me. Now, get out of my house."

Rosalie is dumbfounded by her speech. I'm _proud_. Unhappy about what she went through, and that she let herself be put through it, but proud of her for who she is. Always.

"Do you need an escort to your car, Rose?" I ask, my insistence of her immediate departure clear in my tone.

"You'd have to let _her_ out of your sight to do that, and I don't want to be held responsible for the physical _pain_ that would probably cause you, so, no thanks. And unlike _her_, I'm not a baby. I can walk all by myself. As for _you_, Bella, you may not be a whore, but you sure are one hell of an entitled _bitch_."

We all move towards her at once, her words unacceptable, but, lucky for her, Emmett gets to her first and drags her out of the house before Edward or I can. Because he knows we both lose all rational thought where Isabella is concerned. And because, frankly, he's just a nice guy most of the time.

Their exit seems to have left a tension in the room. Isabella is biting her lip, her eyes down, looking anywhere but at either of us. Edward's jaw is rigid, and he's ripping through that hair of his with distracted vengeance. What the hell happened tonight?

It's time to find out. "Isabella, sit down, sweetheart."

She sighs as Emmett comes back in, delaying her impending inquisition with hospitality, "Does anyone want anything? I could... "

"I didn't get you out of bed to play hostess. If anyone wants anything, they can help themselves. Please sit down."

She's not looking at me as she sits in the chair I've pulled out, she doesn't like it when I'm upset with her. But, thankfully, that doesn't happen very often, because it breaks my heart to see her unhappy.

"Do you know what's the most important thing in the world to me, Isabella?"

She doesn't hesitate, her voice quiet, "Yes."

"You _should_ know. And you should know that it's not okay for you to risk that."

"I didn't mean to... I wasn't... I... I'm sorry."

"Do you have any idea what I felt like when I got that phone call telling me where you were? When I thought you were here, safe in our home, and I found out, instead, that you were in some seedy club? Do you know how that felt? I don't think you do. I don't think you can."

"I'm sure you were worried. And angry... but I didn't lie to you. I wasn't planning to go anywhere. It was the truth when I said I was staying home. She... "

"She put you at risk. And _you_ let her. You broke my trust. I'm very disappointed in you."

I know when she flinches that my tone was too rough. My words were too harsh. And she's yet to make eye contact with me. This isn't what I want. She seems so small right now. So innocent. This is exactly why I try so hard to protect her. To shelter her from the harshness of the world. And now I'm bringing it into the one place it should never be.

"Please don't say that. Please don't be mad at me."

Her pleading whispers crumble me.

I can't do this to her. She knows. She understands.

She's here. Safe. Right in front of me. Pleading with me. The person that she knows loves her more than anything on earth. Pleading for that love not to waver.

She should know that it won't.

She should know that it can't.

But in this moment she doesn't know.

In this moment she feels unsure.

Because she knows how quickly things can change.

Because the careful safety I try to wrap her in was penetrated tonight.

Because she did what any other young woman her age would do. She went out with a friend. To _be_ a friend. To someone who didn't show her the same courtesy. To someone, that instead of shielding her from ugliness, put on a show of it.

And she thinks I'm so disappointed in her that she's unsure. Because I was careless with my words.

She's everything that's important in my life, but that little girl in her that lost so much can't ever be sure that she won't lose more. That she won't lose the last thing that she has left.

The fact that she got to that place in her mind so quickly... so easily... that she's that fragile...

I take the few steps to where she's sitting at the table, ignoring the glares from Edward and Emmett at the place I put her in. It doesn't matter that I didn't yell at her. I've never raised my voice at her once in her life. But putting her in the position I did, like she was on trial... before me... before them, even though they're like brothers to her... I went too far.

I bend and kiss the top of her head and try to bring her back, "I'm not mad at you. I got that phone call and I got scared. I was worried. You know me... I'm a little nuts when it comes to you. You usually humor me. Tonight you scared the hell out of me. _Nuts_ took over. But I'm not mad at you. And all that matters to me is that you're safe. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I don't want you to be upset. I'm not mad. And I'm not disappointed, I shouldn't have said that. But please don't do that to me ever again."

"I won't. I promise."

"Still love me?" I ask playfully, praying that her mind switches gears.

"Yeah," she finally looks up at me and smiles, "I love you... even though you're nuts."

It's the first time I've really gotten to see her eyes, and the smile her words gave me falls just as quickly as it came as I look at them. They're red and puffy, and I know it's not just from my waking her up from her sleep. "You've been crying. What happened to make you cry?"

"Nothing."

"Something."

"No... I was just... it's nothing, really. I'm fine."

"Tell me, Isabella. What the hell did Rose do?"

"No, it wasn't her... she made me mad, but... "

"Not her? Then, who? Did something happen? Who upset you? Did someone _hurt_ you?"

"No... don't freak out. It's nothing like that... "

"Well, I _am_ freaking out. Someone or something made you cry and I want to know what it was. Tell me, Isabella. Now."

"Please, Jasper? Please let it go? I promise no one hurt me, of course I would tell you if that happened. You know girls are just emotional sometimes... that's all it was. I was just being a silly girl."

"There's something you're not telling me. And by the looks on _their_ faces," I push, gesturing to Edward and Emmett, "I'm the _only_ one who's in the dark here. What happened? I want to know, Isabella."

"Look... you said I didn't belong in a place like that, and you were right, I don't. Nothing happened that isn't my own stupid fault. It was just too much for me. I came home and I cried like a stupid little girl. And that's the _only_ thing that they know. That I'm a stupid. Little. Girl. And my being there ruined both of their nights, and still is, just like yours. Please, Jasper? Please can I just go to bed?"

"Let her go to bed, Jasper," Edward sighs, "I'm pretty sure it's my fault she got upset. Believe me, she's had enough. Let her go to sleep."

"Why the hell would it be _your_ fault?" I can't imagine what Edward could have done to upset her, but one look at her now confirms that he did. She's biting her lip and looking down at her hands twisting in her lap.

"Just let her go. Being in the same room with me right now is probably making her sick."

"What the fuck did you do, Edward?"

"Dude, listen to him," Emmett says, as he opens the refrigerator and grabs three beers, and gestures to Isabella, who now has her eyes closed, "and stay calm, but, for God's sake, don't make her sit through this."

I don't know what the fuck is going on, but it's clear that whatever it is would be thought cruel to make her relive tonight. Of course, that only makes me want to keep her next to me... until I hear her.

"Please?"

There's so much misery in that one word, that I can't deny her. "Okay. I'm sorry. Try to get some sleep... we'll talk in the morning."

She visibly cringes at that as she gets up from her chair. "Good night," she says quietly, and starts to walk from the room, before turning around and looking right at the man who's been my best friend for twenty five years. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry that I'm so stupid. And I'm sorry that I ruined your night. I'm so sorry."

**Isabella**

I didn't want to hear the pity in his voice, or the questions Jasper was about to undoubtedly ask, so I ran from the room as quickly as I could, through the living room, and up the stairs to my bedroom. I know there will be an eruption the moment they tell him what I saw. I can't blame him, I guess, but I wish more than anything that he would've just let it go. He hates crying girls, and the silly reasons they cry... I thought sure I could get him to drop it by playing the girl card...

Who am I kidding? He only hates crying girls that _aren't_ his little sister. Anything that could make me cry is a heinous monster in his eyes. Silly doesn't exist when it comes to me. Not in his eyes. Not ever.

Was it a silly reason to cry? It didn't feel like it. I made a fool of myself. I humiliated myself. In front of him. Again.

Him. The man I've been secretly in love with almost all of my life.

Okay, maybe not so secretly. Jasper knew. He thought it was just a crush... he mostly just rolled his eyes about it. And Emmett knew. He teased me relentlessly and pretended to be jealous that it wasn't him, instead. Of course Edward knew... I'd be stupid to think he didn't... but he never teased me. He never treated me like some silly little girl that annoyed him. He never acted bothered that his best friend's baby sister was always around or tagging along. He was never anything but nice to me. Not once.

And tonight was no exception.

Except it was.

Because he definitely knows now.

He was still nice. And I thought...

But no.

And he was definitely _bothered_.

He wouldn't even look at me.

And he'll never look at me the way I want him to.

Because he's a man.

And men want things.

Jasper's voice breaks through my thoughts, and probably wakes up the whole neighborhood, "She saw _WHAT_?"

Yeah... men want things. And _WHAT_ is obviously one of them. I knew that, I guess... but I didn't ever care to see it.

If I'd have just stayed home...

Just told her no...

Then I wouldn't be hearing what I'm hearing now.

I pull the pillow over my ears to try and muffle the screaming. Jasper's screaming. He still hasn't stopped. And I'm pretty sure I heard the table crash over a minute ago... that's really not good, that table weighs a ton. I can't even budge it when I want to clean the floor, and have to scrub around it's heavy wooden legs.

I've never heard him yell like this.

And I never want to hear it again.

It's not Edward's fault.

It's mine.

I'm the one he should be yelling at.

Not him.

Not his best friend.

Not the man I'm in love with.

Not the man that will probably never speak to me again.

I wish he was yelling at me instead of him.

Because I ruined everything.

**Edward**

I made her cry.

I can't believe I made her cry.

I've never thought twice about the things that I do. I've never cared who saw or what they thought.

I've never had to.

Because Isabella was never there. She was always at home or with her friends in places I wasn't. Any occasion we happened to be in the same place, I made sure to be on my best behavior. Nothing was more important than her.

Nothing _is_.

And now I know I made her cry.

I knew she was upset.

I knew she was shocked... horrified, even... and that was as bad as I could have imagined feeling, but to know that I made her cry...

He should have killed me.

He should have at least beat my ass for what I did.

I would have let him.

I would have taken it.

Welcomed it.

It's what I deserve.

Or maybe that's too easy.

It would be easier than this.

What I feel now.

For making her cry.

For the way she looked as she sat there.

Embarrassed.

Confused.

I confused her.

Even Jasper...

He'd never intentionally hurt her, but he did.

And I did.

And Rosalie... fucking whore. She's never been worthy of Isabella's friendship.

But that's Isabella. She sees good in almost everyone.

Because she looks for it.

Because she's good.

Sweet.

Pure.

Pure of heart.

Pure of mind.

Pure in every sense of the word.

Until tonight.

Until she saw something that tarnished her view of the world.

Her world that Jasper has tried so hard to create.

That we've all tried to shelter her in.

People don't understand. How he protects her. Why.

How I do. Why.

How I _did_.

Until tonight.

When I showed her that people aren't always good.

That I'm not.

That I'm not the man she thinks I am.

I'm not worthy of her tears.

I'm not worthy of her apologies.

God, what is _she_ sorry for?

She's not stupid.

She walked up to my door because she's good.

Because she's caring.

Because she's sweet.

And there's nothing in the world that she could ruin.

Nothing in my world.

But I could ruin hers.

I could ruin _her_.

Maybe I already have.

**Isabella**

I take a deep breath and walk down the stairs, ready to face the day. I've been looking forward to this day for the last week. James is supposed to make the announcement this morning as to who he's chosen for this month's feature for Scene Magazine. The feature that I want. The feature that four photographers besides myself are dying to get. I'm confident in my work, but James is an _odd_ guy, and no one seems to have an edge. None that we can see. He could choose any one of us. For any reason at all.

I've been looking forward to this day, but that was before last night.

Before I went to that stupid club.

Before I humiliated myself in front of Edward.

Before I saw proof that I'm not the kind of girl he'll ever want.

Before all of the tears I cried.

Before I disappointed my brother.

_Disappointed_. He's never said that to me before.

_Before last night._

I walk into the kitchen, afraid of the mess I'll find, but everything is as it was. There's no trace of whatever happened in here last night. No trace... except for Jasper. His back is to me, he's looking out the window, at something in the backyard. I think that maybe he didn't hear me come in, too lost in his thoughts, and I'm grateful. For a moment.

"Good morning, Isabella." His voice is so quiet, I almost didn't hear him. Eerily quiet.

"Good morning." I try to sound cheery, and pour myself a cup of coffee, hoping that there is some way that last night's conversation is over. That there's some chance that he'll leave it alone. "French toast okay?" I ask, as I pull eggs, butter, and milk from the refrigerator. I look at him when he doesn't answer, and see that he's watching me now.

"It's fine," he says after a moment, "Whatever you want."

I smile, because my french toast is his favorite, and I know that he'd probably eat it every day if I made it. "Sausage?"

"Sure. Isabella... I know certain things may feel uncomfortable to talk about, maybe especially with me, but... "

"Oh God... please, Jasper... "

"You can talk about anything with me."

"I know that, I do, but I don't want to talk about _that_. Please."

"You were upset, as is understandable. You came home and cried... I think we should... "

"Not because I was _traumatized_. If that's what you think... I... look, it's just the _way_ things are. The way people are. The way Rose was acting with that guy... I didn't like that. I know that's how she is, or how she can be, but it doesn't mean I like to see it. I never would have imagined she'd go so far as to do what you found her doing. I mean... in a public place like that. That's... well... and what happened outside... I just didn't understand... I would never have walked up to his truck... I know that people _do_ things... I just believe that those things should be private. Should mean something. The person you do them with should mean something to you. Should mean everything. But I know that that's not the way most people are."

"It's the way people should be."

"Well... that's just not the way it is. I got hit with a hard dose of that reality last night, but I didn't actually _see_ anything, if that makes you feel better. I mean, not... and he was mortified. I know you're angry with him, but I wish you wouldn't be. That's not fair. It was _my_ fault. For not understanding. For being there in the first place. For walking up to his door... for not realizing what I would see. What I _could_ see. I... more than anything, I just felt stupid. Embarrassed. And I still am, so can we please not talk about this anymore?"

I all but hold my breath as I put breakfast on the table, his watchful silence unnerving me, until, thankfully, he starts to relax a little. "Okay," he sighs deeply and continues, "but, other than being somewhere you shouldn't have been, you didn't do anything wrong. And you have nothing to feel stupid or embarrassed about. Nothing at all. He was careless. I don't blame you. I blame him."

"You know, he really wasn't. From the moment they saw me there, they didn't take their eyes off of me. Neither one of them. I wasn't in any danger. And after I got angry with Rose, and walked out, Edward followed me to her car to make sure I was alright. I almost pepper sprayed him, because I didn't know it was him behind me. _That_ would have traumatized me." His mouth curves into a smile at the mental image of that, but I try my best to ignore it and continue to plead Edward's case. "Anyway, I was fine, I had only had one beer, and I told him I was going straight home. He made me promise to let him know when I got here, and stood there until I drove away.

I sent him a message when I got home, saying I was safe and locked up tight and good night...

He wasn't careless, at least not with _me_, he really did think I'd left. And he couldn't have known I'd come back. I started to feel bad about leaving Rose like that, and went back... that's when...

Just don't be mad at him. It's not his fault. And if I hadn't have been there and seen... you'd probably be high-fiving him for his... whatever you guys call it, or beating your chests or something."

"Is that what you think we do?" he asks, trying to look innocent.

"Your male bonding rituals are none of my business. And I really don't want to know about the things you boys do." I shudder, and smile at my overprotective older brother, who I know has always tried to keep the true nature of men hidden from me.

"I'm sorry, Isabella. I'm sorry you... "

"I know. So... do you have plans tonight? Will you be home for dinner?"

I plead silently with him to let us move past this and get on with our day. A deep breath and an apprehensive nod tell me he is, at least for now. "I will _not_ be home for dinner, because I will be taking my sister out to celebrate, anywhere she wants to go."

"That's a bit premature, don't you think? I might not get it."

"If you don't get that feature, he's an idiot."

"Well, thank you, but I think you're a little biased."

"I know how talented you are, if that makes me biased... "

"Yeah, that's it... now, if you're finished, I need to get this mess cleaned up and get out of here. Then I'll tell you if there's something to celebrate."

"Call me as soon as you get the good news."

"_If_ there's good news. And I will, he's supposed to make the announcement this morning."

"Think about where you'd like to go. The sky's the limit."

I roll my eyes at his unwavering confidence in me, and clear the table. I return our kitchen to it's immaculate state quickly, and am ready to head out the door. "Wish me luck," I say, and kiss him on the cheek, like I do every morning.

"You don't need it. I'll be waiting for the call," he says with a smile, as he holds the door open for me. I grab my things, and we head into the garage together. And, like every morning, he waits for me to get in my car, buckle up, and pull out before he does the same. _Overprotective nut..._

I drive the ten miles to Scene anxiously. I wish I'd gotten more sleep last night, and hadn't cried so much, but I think my minimal, yet careful, makeup application has covered up my dark circles. For some added confidence, I'm wearing the purple blouse that I always get compliments on when I wear, paired with a knee-length cream skirt and cream pumps, and I'm really feeling pretty good.

Angela is pacing in the lobby when I walk in, and I can see that she's no less anxious than I am. If I don't get this feature, I really hope she does. Anyone but Lauren.

"Oh God, Bella, I think I'm going to throw up. How can you look so calm?"

"I'm not so calm on the inside, believe me. It won't be long now. If you're going to throw up, you'd better hurry before he comes down."

"Do _not_ encourage my stomach!"

"Sorry... Just relax. If his decision has been made, there's not much we can do about it at this point, so there's no reason to stress yourself out so much. Want to get some coffee? We have a few minutes."

"No way, it'll make me have to pee. Which I already have to do. Well, I didn't, but I do now. Really bad. Crap!"

I laugh as she runs in a panic towards the bathroom. That girl is going to give herself a stroke one of these days.

I get myself settled in, and Angela comes rushing back just as James comes down to make the big announcement we're all waiting for. Poor girl, I think maybe she actually _did_ throw up. She looks panicked as she takes the seat next to me, and a little green.

I almost hope Angela gets this. It would make her so happy. It would give her an outlet to direct her nervous energy to. Which would be great for her... and her stomach, but not for me. Not at all. I _want_ this. And I'm about to find out if I got it. Right. Now.

"So, I know you're all anticipating an announcement as to my decision, however, I am still undecided. I'm going to be calling each of you into my office this morning, and I'm confident that by the end of the day, someone will have made an impression on me. That being said, let's get started. Adam, you're up first."

And, just like that, the meeting is over. And we're left to wait. Again. Angela's head hits the table with a thud the moment they're out of sight.

"Come on," I say, grabbing her by the ponytail, and tugging until she moves, "You need some fresh air."

"I don't want to take a chance being outside, in case he calls me next. That coffee is starting to sound good, though."

"Coffee, it is. And maybe a muffin for you. Do you eat?"

"Not when I'm nervous."

"That explains a lot, Angela. One of these days, I'm going to figure out how to get you to relax, and start fattening you up."

"Bella, what do you think he wants? And why did none of us give it to him? We all have a different eye, and not one of them caught his."

We make it to the employee lounge, and I head straight to the coffee station, and pour her a cup. I grab a bottle of water for myself, and sit down, watching as she adds a nauseating amount of sugar to her coffee. I'm not so sure that's such a good idea, but I keep my opinion to myself. About _that_.

"I don't know what he wants... if I did, the shoot would already be mine."

"And then there were four," Adam sighs, walking in and right for the coffee.

"That was fast." I'm truly shocked, James is usually very longwinded. "Did he say anything about what he's looking for?"

"Nope. Just that it wasn't me. Lauren is in there now."

There is a collective eye roll around the table, Lauren is no one's favorite person.

We still haven't moved when Lauren enters, about fifteen minutes later, with a huge grin on her face. "Good luck, girls, you're going to need it. Not that it will help you. I have it in the bag." She pours a cup of coffee, grabs a donut, and practically skips back out.

Adam nails her as soon as she's out of earshot, "If she gets it, we'll know she blew him."

"Now _I'm_ going to be sick. That's disgusting." I punch him in the arm, but can't help but laugh.

"Disgusting or not, he's probably right," Angela says with contempt. She has every right, Lauren is the reason Angela is currently single.

I give her a sympathetic smile, and hear Nick behind me. "Bella, James wants you to run over to copy. I guess he's waiting for something from them, and his new secretary quit this morning after about twenty minutes. And, Angela... _you're_ up."

"And you?" I ask, confused by how quickly this is all going.

"I'm out. He seems to want a woman's touch on this, so it's up to you three ladies to fight for it."

"Two ladies. One _slut_," Angela chides, linking her arm with mine. Their chuckle echos down the corridor behind us, as I head towards copy, wishing Angela luck as she goes to meet her fate.

I run into Adam as I come out of copy, after what I'm sure is more than an hour. They were not ready to hand over what James wanted. "He's waiting for you, so head up."

"Okay, how did it go with Angela? Did she say? Do you know where she is?"

"I'm not sure exactly, but I saw her for about three seconds after she came out. She didn't look happy. Maybe it's just you and Lauren now. Kick that bitch's ass, Bella."

"I'll try." I guess I'll have to find Angela when I come out, although being made 'errand girl' doesn't do much for my waning confidence. Or my faith in James to make a good decision.

I make my way upstairs and knock on his door. "Come in," he calls from inside, smiling as I enter. "Sorry about that, Bella, I was given the impression these were ready." He brushes my fingers as he takes the envelope from me, causing me to jerk my hand away awkwardly. My reaction doesn't appear to bother him as he gets right to the point. "I'm going to be upfront with you, Bella. I've narrowed my decision down to you and Lauren. Everyone else in the running has been informed, and now it's up to you to prove that you deserve this opportunity."

"Well, I believe the quality of my work stands for itself. If you could give me a clearer idea of your vision, I'm confident that I'm the right person for this assignment. Or would you just like me to submit something else? I can... "

"I think, as you said, that your work stands for itself. I know what you're capable of delivering, or I wouldn't have hired you. I'm just not sure you're right for this. I took a chance with you. You're young, the youngest photographer on staff... a bit too innocent, perhaps... I'm not sure if you have the drive to give me what I'm looking for on this particular piece."

Young? This is a young, trendy magazine, we're all young! And I may be the youngest, but not by more than a year. And drive? Is he kidding? "I assure you, I do have the drive. I want this, and I _am_ the right person for this piece. Choosing Lauren would be a mistake, I'm the one you want."

"I admire your confidence. You have fire, I like that, but I'm still not convinced you're as driven as Lauren is."

"Then you underestimate me."

"Perhaps I do," he crosses the room to the door, "and, to be fair, I'm going to give you the same chance I gave her. To prove to me just how _much_ you want this," turning the lock on the door with his last words.

_Why did... ?_ "Excuse me?"

"Don't play innocent, Bella, you know what I want. Don't make the same mistake your friend did."

_Oh my God. What the hell happened in here?_ "I don't know what kind of girl you think I am, but I'm _not_ the kind that's going to play these kinds of games. Unlock that door. I'm leaving. This office and this magazine."

"This is a tremendous opportunity for you, Bella, I can do great things for your career. And you only have to do one little thing for me. I may have underestimated how _innocent_ you actually are, but don't worry, I'm not asking for _that_. There are _other_ things you can do." He's leaning against the door, and starts to undo his belt.

I try not to panic, and beg my brain to focus and think about how I'm going to get out of here. "I'm not going to do _anything_ for you. Move away from that door and let me out."

"Try to get past me. Or you could stop being a baby, and just get over here and give me what I want. Women talk too much, I find them much more appealing when their mouths are otherwise occupied."

"I think you'll find _yourself_ much more appealing if all of your parts remain attached to your body. The only chance you have of that is to move away from that door."

He's actually laughing at me now... well, I didn't mean by _me_. Like I could do any damage... I really wish I had my purse, and the pepper spray I carry everywhere...

But I don't. And I _don't_ want a physical struggle. I have no way of winning that. My best defense is the phone on his desk. The phone I can use to call Jasper. And pray that he stays right where he is, just long enough for me to dial, and that he's intimidated by it enough not to touch me.

Unfortunately for me, it doesn't appear that he is as I reach for it. Or as I dial. He's smiling at me. My face must show my panic when it goes straight to voicemail, because he chuckles menacingly.

He was expecting a phone call from me, so why isn't he answering? I hit redial, and work to stay calm and focused, my eyes never leaving his. He's staring at me, more and more amused with each passing second. Voicemail again. My heart sinks. What do I do?

If only I had my phone... Maybe the reason Jasper isn't answering because he doesn't recognize the number from James's office. I have to try someone else. I should call Edward. I wouldn't have hesitated before last night, but now...

"Can I get you a phonebook?" he sneers, "you seem to be having a hard time."

"What _you_ can do is stop blocking the door. Then I'll leave, and you can call Lauren in and give her the good news. I'm sure she'll be very _grateful_."

"Lauren was already here. She was, indeed, grateful just for the opportunity. The thing is, Bella... you were right when you said that you're the one I want. You don't have to be afraid, you know." He takes a step towards me, smiling lewdly, "You and I could do a lot of things for each other. No one will know. No one would ever suspect... not a sweet girl like you. Even Lauren told me you wouldn't. But I think you're just nervous."

"Stay where you are," I try to sound firm, but my voice sounds more like a weak, pathetic cry. And he's still moving slowly towards me. I quickly dial Emmett's number, my hands shaking so hard I misdial, and have to start over. The line connects quickly on the second try, and goes straight to voicemail. This can not be happening! The tears start to fill my eyes, as he's now just a few feet from me.

"Awww, what's the matter? No one's home? No knight in shining armor to come and save you from me? Well, that's too bad... Put the phone down now, Bella. I gave you a chance, I played your little damsel-in-distress game, you lost. And now it's time for you to play mine."

My fingers dialed Edward's number without my even realizing they were moving, and the call connects, his voice one last beautiful sliver of hope in the dark, evil abyss that is about to descend upon me.

"Edward Masen."

"Edward! ... Help... me!... "

**xx**

**Come Closer now has a beautiful banner, made by the amazingly talented RobsButtonsBabe. It's on my profile if you'd like to take a look. And special thanks to Amy for talking me off of the ledge a few times during this chapter. **

**So... your thoughts are always welcome. Until next time...**


	4. Chapter 4 : Shattered Comfort

**Disclaimer** : SM owns Twilight. All the shit I changed? Yeah, that's mine.

**Warning**: This chapter contains violence.

**A/N** : To clear up some confusion that **I** created, Isabella is 22. At this time. To those of you I may have told otherwise, what can I say? My mind was ahead of where we are now. My apologies. Now, for those of you that thought there wasn't enough Edward in the last chapter, here he is.

**Chapter Four : Shattered Comfort**

**Edward**

I can't get Isabella out of my mind. The many expressions I saw on her face last night have haunted my every moment since I left their house. They haunted my dreams, though I don't think I slept more than three hours, her face was all I saw.

It's all I see now. I can't focus on anything else.

Her face.

Her voice.

Her words... _I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry that I'm so stupid. And I'm sorry that I ruined your night. I'm so sorry._

She didn't let me respond. She didn't let me say anything. She ran from the room, taking her sadness with her.

And I did nothing to stop her.

I didn't tell her how wrong she was.

I didn't say or do anything but call her name... but I don't think she even heard me.

I wanted to go after her... to pull her into my arms and tell her...

But I can't do that.

So I just stood there.

With Jasper.

So the reasons I can't would stay clear in my mind.

To keep Isabella safe.

I'd do anything for her.

I'd do anything to protect her.

I'd do anything to keep her _safe_.

Even from me.

Especially from me.

I'm the only one that can.

Because no one else knows they need to.

I thought Emmett suspected for a minute... but he was easily swayed away from his suspicion. Because he gives me more credit than I deserve.

Just like Isabella.

Just like Jasper. He doesn't have a clue...

If he did...

But he doesn't. And my behavior with her is out of character. I'm letting my feelings for her affect everything. Everything that is normal. Everything that's always been comfortable and automatic. If Jasper were paying close enough attention, he would see it. If his trust in me wasn't so absolute...

I never even told her I was sorry. For what she saw.

Why isn't he questioning that?

Why isn't _anyone_ questioning that?

Someone is...

_I_ am.

And it's time for me to deal with it.

I have to talk to her.

Make things right...

If I can.

If it's not too late.

I have to try.

And I have to do it now. While Jasper's not around. I know he's in a meeting, so now is the perfect time. I'll go by the magazine and see if she'll have lunch with me so we can talk. So I can apologize and try to undo the damage I've done.

If it's not too late.

I grab my jacket from the back of my chair, and rush out of my office, "I'll be out for a few hours."

"But, Mr. Masen, you have... "

"Reschedule."

"But... "

"Reschedule!"

"Yes, _sir_."

I ignore the rudeness of her tone, too focused on Isabella to care at the moment, but I'll come back to that later. If you're too nice to a woman, it makes her brave and she starts thinking she can get away with shit. My secretary needs a reminder that she _can't_. And that just because I had her bent over her desk last week, it doesn't give her permission to disrespect me. Or eye-fuck me every time she sees me. Another error in judgement to add to my ever-growing list. But that hardly bears the significance of what I'm about to do now.

The shame floods over me again as I get into my truck, and I wish I could go back to last night, and never make the careless choices I made. The careless choices that made her sad. The careless actions that made her cry. I'd do anything for that to be possible. To just go back. Anything to see that sweet smile on her face again, instead of the sadness that I saw last night. The sadness that I put there. That I have to take away. Any way that I can.

I don't know what the hell I'm going to say to her. What the hell I _can_ say to vindicate myself. _Vindicate? Really, Masen?_ Fuck, I'm an asshole. And maybe she's better off knowing that...

But I don't think I could stand it. And, being the selfish bastard that I am, I'm going to do everything in my power to get back on that pedestal she put me on so many years ago.

I pull in to the lot at Scene and am relieved to see her car; I hadn't considered that she might not be here and could have gone to lunch already, but she's here. And I'm suddenly nervous. Or something... there's this uncomfortable feeling in my chest, and in the pit of my stomach. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but I don't like it. Something just feels wrong. Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't be here. Maybe I shouldn't push her...

But the look on her face... the sorrow in her voice...

I can't leave things like this. I can't just leave her to get over it, knowing she blames herself. _Man up, Masen. Her first._

It's why I'm here. And it's why I'm now out of my truck and heading in to find her. I've been here before, once to pick her up, and used the opportunity to have a chat with the coworker she mentioned had asked her out three times and wouldn't accept her polite refusals. The chat went as expected, and he never bothered her again.

The reception desk is unattended as I enter the lobby, but I don't want to wait, so I take it upon myself to walk right in and begin my search for her. People are bustling about, but none of them seem to question my presence, until a familiar blonde catches sight of me and beelines straight for me. I recognize her from the last time I was here, and I know that Isabella doesn't like her. This speaks volumes about the kind of person she is, because Isabella doesn't dislike easily.

"Well, hello there. Is there something I can do for you?"

_Not on your life._ "I'm looking for Isabella Hale."

"Oh. _Why_?"

Watch it, bitch... "_Excuse me_?"

My tone makes her think better of her rudeness, and she clears her throat and composes herself, "Well, I do believe_ Miss Hale_ is busy at the moment, is there someone else that could attend to your needs? _I'm_ available, as you would have it."

"Your _availability_ is of no interest to me. I'm here to see Isabella Hale. Period. If you'd like to _attend to my needs_, then direct me to her."

"Excuse me," a man's voice calls from behind me, "You're looking for Isabella Hale?"

I turn, grateful for the reprieve from the trash in front of me, "Yes, I am, would you happen to know if she's available?"

"I believe she's in a meeting right now, but if it's important, I could probably get her for you. Did you have an appointment with her?"

"My visit is of a personal nature."

"Oh, well, if you're a friend of Bella's, then welcome." He extends his hand in a friendly gesture, "I'm Adam Davies, a fellow photographer on staff here."

His friendliness appears genuine, and I firmly shake his hand. "Edward Masen. And I'd like to wait for her, providing that's not a problem."

"No problem at all. She shouldn't be long, she's meeting with the editor. Can I get you anything while you wait?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

The insignificant blonde still hasn't left. "We haven't been properly introduced, Edward, I'm Lauren Mallory, and..."

I balk at her outstretched hand, "That's_ Mr. Masen_ to you, and why are you still here?"

Adam's amused expression tells me that Isabella isn't the only one who doesn't like the now-offended twit, and I roll my eyes as she flings her hair over her shoulder, and stomps off. _Because I know that one word from me would have her on her knees begging..._

The sound of my phone ringing in my jacket pocket breaks into Adam's chuckling, and I take a step away as I pull it out and look at the screen. The number isn't familiar. "Edward Masen."

The panicked voice I hear stops my heart. "Edward! ... Help... me... "

"Isabella? What's wrong?"

The only sound is her now-muffled cry.

"Isabella!"

She doesn't answer, and I hear a man's voice. A menacing laugh, and then the line goes dead. _But he said she was..._ "Where's the editor's office?" I scream, grabbing Adam's arm.

"The editor?" Confusion is all over his face, "What's wrong? Was that Bella?"

"WHERE IS IT?"

"It's upstairs... the door at the end of the hall, but... "

I take off at a run, the stairs in the open floor plan just a few feet to the left of where I was standing. I'm to the top in seconds, taking three at a time, and race down the hall to find a locked door. The sounds of a struggle behind it makes the blood boil in my veins. I kick it in with such force that it slams into the wall beside it, shattering the wooden frame, and leaving the door hanging precariously from it's hinges.

And what I see fills me with a rage I didn't know a man was capable of. The son of a bitch has her pinned on the desk, as she kicks, and cries, and tries with all of her might to fight him off.

I don't feel my legs move, but now I have him in my grasp, and I throw him as if he were weightless, across the room. He crashes into a wall of glass shelves, and they fall in shards around his stunned form, now lying on the floor. My eyes meet Isabella's terrified ones, and my heart explodes in my chest. Her beautiful tear-stained face calls to me as she struggles to right herself. He will have to wait. _Her first._ I pull my jacket off quickly and wrap it around her, stopping her desperate and futile efforts to cover herself with the remnants of her torn blouse.

"It's okay, sweetheart," I whisper against her hair, as I walk her, trembling, towards the doorway, where several people are now assembled, staring in shock. I guide her into the arms of her friend Angela, still whispering softly to her, before I let go, "Everything's going to be okay. I'm here, no one can hurt you now. I'm going to take you home. We'll leave in just a minute. Okay?" I wait for her understanding, mere seconds, but what feels like hours to me, agonizing to hold her, and make her feel safe again. Her head nods in the slightest movement, her mouth trembling, and Angela leads her away. The rage retakes it's hold of me as I tear my eyes from her, and turn slowly to the evil behind me. I see the faces collected here as I turn, some just before they rush to follow them, full of concern. The others are too intrigued by the scene waiting to play out in her defense.

I watch as he gets to his feet, glass falling off of him. He laughs as I stalk towards him. "I guess I let her make one too many phone calls. It was co cute watching her... so determined... but failing... until she found you. You got here much too fast. You ruined my fun. The _sweet_ ones are so much more fun... "

My fist connects with his mouth, cutting off his disgusting words, and knocking him off of his feet. He laughs again, the same laugh I heard just before the line went dead, and the fear I felt for her in that moment takes over. Isabella is at the center of my mind, as she has been since last night. But the face I see now is the face I saw moments ago. The voice I hear is one of fear, not sadness. And I am a man possessed.

Anger.

Fury.

Rage.

He scared her.

Tormented her.

He made her cry.

He dared to put his hands on her.

He dared.

And I'm going to punish him.

I don't feel the motion of my arms.

I don't feel my fists connect with the bloodied mass of broken flesh that's quickly transforming before me.

Blow after blow after blow...

Anger is all I feel.

Rage.

Hatred.

Destruction.

Of the man who dared to touch her.

Toyed with her.

Gave her hope.

Let her believe safety would come.

So he could take it from her while she waited.

I ruined his fun.

His fun.

He tried to ruin her.

Her sweetness.

Take it from her.

Take it from me.

And I am a man possessed.

I will take his life.

His laughter is long gone.

Silenced.

The only sound is of bones shattering.

Flesh splitting.

Ragged breaths.

Mine.

Ragged with hate.

Gasping...

His.

Gasping for life.

Life that I want to take.

My bloodied hands around his throat.

Taking.

Draining.

"Edward... "

_No..._

"Edward, please... Please stop... Not you, too... I can't... "

She came back. She wasn't supposed to see... but she's here.

The terror I saw in her eyes before was nothing compared to what I see now.

Fear.

Pain.

Sorrow.

And...

"Please, Edward?" The tears are streaming down her beautiful, tortured face, her cries desperate, "Please not _you_... "

_Oh, Isabella..._

I feel now, and my hands around his neck still. For her, because she needs me to stop. Because she's afraid... of something far worse to her than what he did to her. I understand. I know what her pleas mean. I know what caused her tears. And only I can stop them. Only I can take them away.

I leave him lying in a crumbled bloody heap on the floor, gasping for breath. Gasping for the life I almost took from him.

For her.

But that's not what she wants. It's the last thing in the world she would want. For a life to be taken for her. Because the suffering that can come from that... the suffering she knows and will feel for the rest of her life...

"It's okay," I stand and walk to her slowly, my voice soft, a stark contrast to the ire she just witnessed. "Nothing's going to happen. I promise you, Isabella." I want to touch her, to wipe the tears from her face, but I won't touch her with these hands covered in his blood. And surely she'd pull away, wouldn't she? If I tried? After everything she's seen...

She should... but when she throws herself into my arms, I know it's the last thing she would ever do. I wrap my arms tightly around her, I won't deny her this. Not in this moment. In this moment I'd give her anything.

In this moment I am not a man. Not the man I am. Not the man who wants to take. Not his life. Not her. In this moment I am not myself. Not my own.

I am hers.

And I'll give her what she wants. I'll give her what she needs. My own don't exist. They are hers.

I hold her close to me and turn towards the open door, just as two police officers walk through it. I know when she clutches hard to my shirt that she sees them, too. She's afraid, her fear palpable, but she doesn't need to be. She's not going to lose anything more today.

"Edward, what happened here? Is she hurt?"

I know I only have to say one thing to Sam Uley, three words. "Not for nothing."

His nostrils flare as he eyes the pitiful mass on the floor. "No. And Jasper?"

"He doesn't know yet."

Our eyes met and he nods his head, then turns his attention to Isabella, still clinging desperately to me. His voice is gentle as he speaks to her, "I promise you don't have to worry. You have my word. Are you hurt, sweetheart? Did he... ?" His question trails off unfiinished as he looks at me, and I shake my head. He nods again and she buries her face in my chest.

This is horribly uncomfortable for her, and I need to get her out of here. And prove to her that I can. That no one is going to stop me. That Sam, of all people, never would. He knows how much she's lost. He lost it, too. He'd never take more from her. He'd never let anyone else. He couldn't do anything then... He couldn't stop the train of destruction that changed all of our lives. He couldn't prevent the devastation that it would leave in it's wake... but he can now.

"Take her home, Edward. I'll take care of everything else."

Isabella relaxes slightly in my arms at his words, but the knowledge that Jasper doesn't have yet is thick in the air around all of us. I have to trust that he can keep his focus on what's most important. Sam's last words as I lead Isabella out tell me that he's less confident than I am. "Do whatever you have to to keep him there. I'll come to the house as soon as I can."

She tenses again and I pull her tighter to me, not stopping this time until we're away from this place and at my truck.

Angela followed us out, carrying Isabella's things, worry all over her face. "I'll get us both packed up and bring everything else to you later, okay? I'm sorry I wasn't there to warn you... if I had known that... I'm so sorry, honey."

"It's not your fault," she whispers to her, climbing into the passenger's seat, then turning to me, "What about my car?"

"Don't worry about that, I'll get it for you later," I reassure her, as I take her bags from Angela and put them in the back. She nods and I watch her as she wraps my suit jacket tightly around herself and fastens her seat belt over it. She seems so small and fragile in this moment, it tugs at me, and I ache to hold her again. To let her feel more than my clothes wrapped around her. To be the one who comforts her and makes her feel safe and protected...

I hear a faint sound and see Angela walking away in my peripheral vision. She must have spoken, but I can't say what she said. Isabella's deep brown eyes are looking at me intently, her lips slightly parted. There's knowing in her expression, and I realize I've been standing staring at her, my hand frozen on her open door. I'm so stunned at my own carelessness, and the look in her eyes, that I close her door so abruptly that it makes her jump in her seat. _Get it together, Masen! What the hell is wrong with you?_

I curse myself as I walk around to my door and get in, trying desperately not to look at her as I start the truck and pull out to the street. But it doesn't last for long, my eyes are drawn back to her the second we stop at a light, and what I see is proof of how careless I really was. She's sitting there trailing her finger along the edge of my jacket, watching her own movements with a small smile on her face. _She knows_. And even after what she's been through today, and the fear that will retake her as soon as Jasper finds out, at this moment she has forgotten. What a fucking asshole I am...

This has to stop. I have to get control over the situation. I take a deep breath and go to reach for my phone, and realize that it's in my jacket. My jacket that she's wearing.

She speaks before I can ask her for it. "Don't call him yet. Please?"

"We have to call him, Isabella. You can't keep this from him."

"I know. I would never... I just... just a few minutes? I don't want him to see me like this. My blouse... you know if he sees it... "

It will send him over the edge. Of that there is no doubt in my mind. "Okay. We'll call him from the house. I'll give you a chance to change first, but then we call."

"Okay."

We drive the rest of the way to their house in silence, her eyes turned to the window beside her. Her hands fidget in her lap as she worries her lip distractedly. My heart breaks to think of where her mind has taken her, what terrors are holding her there. She doesn't seem to notice as we pull into the driveway, and I turn off the truck and get out. She's startled when I open her door, and even seems to forget the restraint buckled across her as she moves to get out. I reach over her and pop the latch on her seat belt and hold my hand out to her. She takes it and jumps down with a whispered "Thank you." I grab her bags from the back and hand her her purse and watch her dig for her keys with trembling fingers. I fear she's starting to come apart.

At the front door she drops her keys before they reach the lock. I pick them up and unlock the door, holding it open for her. She whispers another "Thank you," and heads straight for the stairs. On the fourth step she turns to look at me. "Please don't leave."

It's not the request of a twenty-two year old woman, but of a young, frightened girl. "I'm not going anywhere, Isabella. I promise."

She reaches into the pocket of my jacket and pulls out my phone with a deep sigh, coming back down and walking towards me. When she reaches me, she looks up at me with tears pooling in her beautiful eyes. "I called you last... I... You're the only one that answered. I know you didn't know it was me... but thank you."

I knew he'd toyed with her, standing by while she tried to get help, but I never really thought about what that meant. Of course she would have called Jasper first, but he was in a meeting... even if he looked at his phone when the call came in, he wouldn't have answered it unless it was her. But he wouldn't have known...

Before last night, I would have been her second call... I could have gotten to her even sooner... but this isn't before... and the site Emmett is at today gets shit for reception...

How many unanswered calls did she make? While he toyed with her?

What kind of horror grabbed at her as each cry for help went unanswered? As he closed in on her...

If I hadn't have been in the building...

Because I wanted to try to repair the damage I'd done...

I'd have never gotten to her in time. She would have...

I push the horrific thoughts back down, because what I saw was enough. That image is etched in my brain alongside others, other sick bastards that thought they could take something from her. If we let our guard down. If we didn't pay attention. If we didn't answer her pleas.

How many times have I been the one who answered? Who went running when she was in trouble? Or who saw dangers she didn't even see?

It's why she doesn't fuss about the way we hover. She doesn't complain. And she doesn't hesitate to call for help. Except she did. This time. She hesitated to call me.

"I'll always answer for you, Isabella. Nothing will ever change that. I'm sorry if you thought I had taken that away from you."

She gives me a sweet smile as she puts my phone in my hand, her fingers lingering there for a moment. Her eyes close for a few seconds, and when she opens them and looks up at me again, I know I'm back in place. Back on that pedestal she keeps me on. Where I've never deserved to be.

I expel the breath I was holding as she moves away from me and up the stairs. I stare at my hand as if something I can't live without has been ripped from it. Because that's what the loss of her touch feels like.

But I have to live without it. It doesn't belong to me. I have no right to want it. I have no right to this desperate ache for it. This desperate ache I feel for her.

I head for the bathroom just to the left of the staircase, to clean the animal's blood from my hands. It's the only sign that anything happened today. He took a couple of swings at me, but they never connected. I was consumed with rage that he touched her, and I beat him mercilessly. He never had a chance.

I splash cold water on my face and try to get a grip on myself. I have to stop being careless with her. I let her see something she should have never seen. Again. It has to be the last time. No more mistakes.

I dial Jasper's number as I walk to the kitchen. Straight to voice mail. That meeting should be over, what the hell is taking so long? The phone rings in my hand as I grab two bottles of water from the refrigerator. "Emmett, I want you to shut down the site for the day as soon as you can."

"What's up? Are there changes?"

"No, just shut it down. Something happened today, and I may need a hand keeping Jasper from killing someone."

"Shit. Bella?"

"Yes, so shut it down and come to their house. I'm already here with her."

"What the fuck happened, Edward?"

"Her boss attacked her today. I took care of him, and Sam is dealing with that, but Jasper isn't answering his phone, and doesn't know yet... "

"Fuck."

"As soon as you can, Emmett."

I disconnect the call and try Jasper one more time. Voice mail again. The thought of Isabella hearing the same thing at the end of the line rips a hole in my chest. And he's going to hate himself for it.

There's only one way to get him without leaving her. My secretary answers on the fourth ring, which she's going to catch hell for tomorrow. "Holly, clear the rest of my day, I won't be coming back. And go find Jasper Hale, tell him it's important and to go home _immediately_. Do it now. Do you understand me?"

"Is everything alright?"

"Just do what I told you."

"Yes, sir."

I hang up and head back to the living room to wait for Isabella. She's coming down the stairs just as I get there. She's showered, her hair wet and her face scrubbed clean. Of course she'd want to wash away all traces of his hands on her. And to comfort herself. She looks like an innocent child, drowning in Ethan's Duke University sweatshirt and warm up pants. She has various items of his clothing, even after all of these years, and wears something of his whenever she's upset. She says it's the closest thing she can have to his arms around her. It gives her a comfort that nothing else can. I'm not surprised by what I see. I knew she was thinking about him, just like I was. Just like Sam. Just like Jasper will be. And Emmett. We all felt the loss. We all feel it still. It's why we try so hard... it's why we suffocate her... wanting only to keep her safe. Needing. So it's not for nothing.

Ethan's clothes aren't all she tries to comfort herself with. In her arms is the stuffed monkey I gave her when she was a little girl. The day of her father's funeral. Because I wanted to make her smile. She hadn't smiled or laughed in days. She'd only cried. And even as a thirteen year old boy, it broke my heart to see her hurt so much. I asked my mother if she would take me to buy her something. Anything that might make her smile. My mother loved Isabella. She'd have done anything for that little girl. When I saw the monkey, I knew it was the perfect thing for her. It was a baby chimpanzee with big, innocent eyes... My mother said I should get her a doll or a fluffy white bunny or something instead, something more delicate, but I insisted she would like the monkey better. And I insisted on using my own money, money I'd earned raking leaves and mowing lawns, even though she said she'd buy it for her. She surrendered her argument and I bought it, and after she saw that it did, indeed, make her smile, she told me how proud she was of me for understanding what she needed.

If only I understood what she needs now...

My eyes move from the monkey to her face and she gives me an innocent smile, a blush spreading across her cheeks. I smile back at her, and tug my fingers through my hair, wanting to do more for her. Wanting to take her pain away. Wanting... "What can I do?"

She bites her lip and her eyes dart across the room. "Would you play me something?"

_I haven't touched a piano since..._ "Isabella, I haven't played a piano in years... I don't... " Her face falls at my words, and I'm unable to continue with my excuses. "Okay... but forgive me for any pain I may inflict on your delicate ears."

"You'd have to do something really awful for me not to forgive you," she smiles sweetly and crosses to the piano and sits down on the bench, waiting for me. "But I don't think that's possible. And I already know how beautifully you play, the gift that you have... so sit down. My ears could never be in danger from you."

And just like that, I know I am forgiven for last night. Forgiveness I haven't earned, but that I selfishly accept. There's nothing left now. Nothing standing in the way anymore. We're back to where we were before. Well, almost...

I move to sit beside her on the bench, handing her the bottle of water I was holding for her, sitting my own on the floor next to me. My arm brushes hers as I get myself into position, and I grit my teeth at the sensation. Being so close to her is challenging my strength. Only a monster would be tempted by an angel's vulnerability.

I am a monster.

I take a deep breath and look at her one last time, forcing myself to see what's next to me. Forcing myself to see _her_. The child's toy clutched tightly to her. Her brother's clothes drowning her, because it's all she has of him. Her beautiful face scrubbed clean of the fear that was etched there when I found her. Scrubbed clean of the tears. Bared to me because she feels safe. She's not afraid now. She's not afraid to be vulnerable. Because she's safe in her home. And because I'm here.

And I won't take advantage of that.

She looks up at me with pleading eyes... deep chocolate pools of innocence, and my hands answer her, unable to resist. They don't remember how long it's been. The ivory keys an old friend, comfortable and familiar. Welcoming. Pulling me to them. For her.

She wants me to play for her, so I play. Willing my fingers to comfort her. To create notes to soothe her.

I don't know how long I play, but it seems like my fingers move over the keys for only a few moments before Isabella places her hands on mine. I try, once again, not to acknowledge the surge of electricity that her touch sends through me as I look at her. I've shown her more than enough, I can't let her see the effect she has on me again.

Her expression is sad as she looks from my hands to my face, and I think I've disappointed her, or upset her somehow. But her words are selfless. Sweet. "You have the most beautiful hands... in a masculine way, of course, I didn't mean... " she blushes at her own words, "and look what you did to them for me. I feel terrible... I... Come with me."

She stands, pulling the monkey from her lap and sitting it on top of the baby grand piano, as she gently tugs on my hand for me to follow her. I do, and she leads me to the kitchen, pulling out a chair before she lets go of my hand. "Sit."

I smile at her, and do as I'm told, having no doubts that there's sweetness behind whatever she's doing. She leaves the room, only to come back a minute later with the most elaborate first aid kit I've ever seen. I start to protest, but she gives me her_ "Don't argue with me"_ face, and I hold my hands up in surrender. This is the Isabella I'm used to. Adorable and sweetly bossy. As sheltered as she is, in this house, she's in charge. She takes care of everything. Jasper likes to act like he does, but everyone knows better. It's all Isabella. She takes care of everyone that comes through the door, her need to take care of the people that she loves the strongest part of her. I know that I'm one of those people, which makes the change in my feelings for her even more despicable. She knows that love is returned, but if she knew the nature of the thoughts I've had about her... the things I wish were possible...

I try to shake those thoughts from my head, and focus on her hands.

Her small, delicate hands.

On me.

_Not helping..._

She dabs gently at the broken skin on my knuckles with an antiseptic-soaked piece of cotton. The slight sting serves as a good distraction, until she bends her head to blow softly over the dampened skin.

_Jesus Christ, is she trying to kill me?_

I've never been more grateful for a sound in my life, as I am now, as I hear the slam of the front door.

Jasper's home.

Home to stop me from making any more mistakes with her.

Home to comfort her, if he can keep his focus where she needs it.

He has to.

So it's not for nothing.

I look up just as he runs through the kitchen doorway, frantically screaming her name, her monkey she left in the other room clutched in his hand. He takes one look at her, her wet hair... the way she's dressed... the first aid she's administering to my hands... and I watch as the pain and anger flood over him.

It doesn't matter that he doesn't know the _what_ or the _why_...

He sees.

He knows that someone hurt her.

He knows that he wasn't there to stop it.

That someone got past him...

He sees. He _knows_.

In this moment, he believes it _was_ for nothing.

Because of what he sees.

And now he is a man possessed.

And her momentary comfort is shattered.

**xx**

**Edward is all we really need, right? Well, it was enough for me. Thoughts? Leave them if you have them. Or drop me a few words at the little blue bird at melarimo. You know... the NeckGirl. Can't say when the next chapter will be up, I'm going to spend some long overdue time with Jaimin. I know those of you who know who that is won't be mad about that. As if.**


	5. Chapter 5 : Strategy

**Disclaimer: **SM owns Twilight. Strategy? MINE. And Isabella's.

**A/N :** Would it really matter? I think not.

**Chapter Five : Strategy**

**Jasper**

My heart sinks as I enter the house and see Isabella's stuffed monkey on top of the piano. She never brings it out of her bedroom unless she's really upset about something. And she hasn't played her piano in... or maybe _she_ didn't... Edward would have if she asked him to. If she needed him to...

I grab the monkey, calling for her, and run to the kitchen, knowing that's where I'll find them. Only I'm not prepared for what I see when I get there. The sight of her unravels me... so different from when she left here just a few hours ago. Her confident, knock-em-dead exterior gone... replaced with raw innocence and vulnerability. Whatever happened to her after she left the safety of this house- to go to _work_- something so terrible that she tried to wash it away... her hair still wet... wearing Ethan's clothes... Edward...

My eyes fall to his hands in hers. Broken skin. There's no doubt in my mind, broken for her. But how much did _she_ break first? She did, I know she did... but _God, how much?_

Ethan's sweatshirt... blood on Edward's shirt... I can't stop looking between them. Back and forth, again and again. Isabella. Ethan. Edward. Blood.

I can't breathe.

The rage rises up from deep inside of me, choking me.

What did I let happen? I promised him... I'd never let anything happen to her... I promised him I'd protect her always. I'd have done it anyway, with my life, but I _promised_ him.

I broke my promise.

I failed her... and it's him that she wants. He's the one she wishes was here.

"Jasper?"

But I'm all that's here. And the worry and fear on her sweet face... in her voice...

Isn't enough.

However much blood someone spilled for hurting her wasn't enough. Whatever Edward did to them wasn't enough.

"What happened?" I manage finally, in a strangled voice.

"Jasper, I'm okay. I... it... just stay calm, please." She's in front of me now, looking up at me with terror in her eyes. "Edward was there... "

"Where?"

"It's over now. Please... "

My heart is pounding so hard I can hear it in my own ears, drowning out her pleas. I barely hear myself, "Tell me, Isabella. Tell me right now."

Her arms wrap around my waist and her hands clutch the back of my suit jacket into her fists as she puts her forehead against my chest. "Please, Jasper... please calm down. You're scaring me."

I know it's bad. She doesn't want to tell me. She's holding on to me for dear life, and her tears are now soaking through the front of my shirt. I hold her to me and stroke her hair, her monkey still clutched in my hand, as I look at my best friend, who's now getting up from the table.

Edward has always had a way of comforting her... ever since she was a little girl. He's always understood what she needed. He knew it then. He's known a thousand times since. And today... whatever happened to her, he was there. He brought her home and stayed with her. He was still with her when I came in... and she was calm. Whatever pain she is in, she focused on taking care of him. And he let her. Because he knew it was what she needed. He always knows. It's one of the reasons I trust him so implicitly with her. He understands her and he cares about her. I don't think he could love her any more if she was actually his little sister. And, until last night, I know that there's never been a tense or stressed moment between them. She feels safe with Edward. Relaxed. She was _calm_. And I came in and now she's crying hysterically, her calm shattered.

Because she's afraid. Afraid of what I'll do.

I know what happened. It's in her fear. It's in Edward's eyes. In his voice. "I took care of him."

Someone put their hands on her.

I pull her tighter to me with trembling arms as I ask him through clenched teeth, "Who?"

"You need to stay focused, Jasper. Nothing is more important than what's right here."

"WHO?"

I watch as his eyes move from me to Isabella's quivering form in my arms, his jaw twitching. I hear the front door open and slam behind me as he nods to who I know must be Emmett. His eyes flash back to me and he takes a step forward, pulling the monkey from my grip and speaking to Isabella, instead of answering my question. "I promised you nothing would happen, right, sweetheart?"

She nods against me and I watch as his hand rests on her arm before his fingers wrap around it and he gently pulls her towards him. I'm shocked when she lets go of me and turns into him, pulling her beloved plush comfort to her chest. He whispers something to her that I can't hear and she looks up at him trustingly as he wipes the tears from her face.

He's calming her. Giving her back the peace that I took away. I want that, for her, but I need to know, and I need to know now.

"Tell me who."

"My editor," Isabella says in a small voice. "He wanted me to _prove_ how much I wanted the feature. I... he wouldn't... he was blocking the door... he locked me in... I tried to ca... " She stops and bites her lip, but I know what she was going to say.

She tried to call me.

My phone rang four times when I was in that meeting. The last two calls were from Edward, but the first two... I glanced at my phone only long enough to see that they weren't from her...

I pull my phone from my pocket and look now. I didn't pay enough attention. The first three numbers are a prefix for Scene, the last four just an extension I didn't recognize. She had a chance to call me... twice... and I didn't answer.

_What did I let happen to her?_

How many chances did she have before...

"Oh God, Bella... " Emmett's voice is pained behind me. "I'm so sorry... "

Edward shakes his head and I spin around to see Emmett looking at his phone. I snatch it out of his hand and look at the screen. It's the same number. She called him, too. Right after she called me the second time.

Three calls.

_Four._

She called Edward last. She hesitated... because of last night. The only person that answered her was the last person she called. By the time he could have gotten to her..._ Oh God, no..._

"It was all for nothing!" I cry in agony at what I let her be put through, as I turn toward the kitchen doorway.

"No!" Edward grabs my jacket with one hand, Isabella tucked protectively under his other arm. "As long as you stay right here, it _wasn't_."

"You said you took care of him! Did you kill him? Because if that son of a bitch is still breathing, then you didn't take care of anything!"

"Jasper, stop it! Don't say that to him! He was there... the _only_ hope I had. He _answered_. He came running... He got there in time. He _wasn't_ too late. And he probably _would_ have killed him... if I wouldn't have been so terrified of that happening that I ran back to that office. He stopped because I asked him to. I begged him to stop and he stopped. He stopped my _world_ from being ripped apart today. He took care of _me_. Doesn't that mean anything to you? If he wouldn't have answered... "

Her words cut through me like the blade of a knife. The _only_ hope she had. _He_ answered. _He_ stopped her world from being ripped apart. _He_ took care of her. And he still is... she's in _his_ arms. _He's_ comforting her.

I let her down. I wasn't there for her, and now that I'm here, I'm still not giving her what she needs. "Isabella... I... of course it does. I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I didn't answer. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry I let someone hurt you. I... "

"Let someone hurt me? Is that what you think?"

_It's what I know._ "It's what happened. I wasn't there to... "

"You don't get to blame yourself for this, Jasper. You spend your life watching over me. You put me before yourself every day. You've done it all of my life. You didn't fail me. You've never failed me. I wasn't trying to say that...

You were busy. You couldn't answer the phone. It doesn't mean you _let_ someone hurt me. You would never do that. I know it. Everyone in this room knows it. And _you_ know it better than anyone. You're the most amazing brother in the world, Jasper, and I love you. And I _need_ you. _Here_. Please? I couldn't bear it if I lost you. Please hear me."

"I hear you, Isabella, but... "

"I know."

No, she doesn't. She can't. She can't possibly understand the anger I feel... that he touched her. That he tried to take from her.

Ethan knew this feeling. And he couldn't push it down.

She said Edward stopped. She begged him to stop and he stopped. _For_ her.

Ethan couldn't hear her. He couldn't see her face. He didn't see her tears and her pleading eyes. He didn't stop.

And he didn't see the tears that came after. The flood of pain that washed over her. That threatened to drown us all.

My hands are shaking in fists at my side, my heart pounding painfully in my chest.

Three pairs of eyes on me. Pleading in different ways. But all for one thing. For her.

She said she needs me. But I know they would take care of her if I wasn't here. If I couldn't.

Edward would take care of her. She wouldn't be alone.

And he knows my thoughts just as sure as if I'd spoken them. "She needs _you_, Jasper."

Edward's words leave a chilling silence in the air, but it's soon interrupted by the unmistakable screech of tires out front. Isabella's eyes go wide with fear and she clutches on to Edward like her life depends on it, her monkey falling to the floor. In this moment she believes that whatever he did for her today is coming back to change all of our lives again.

And in this moment I know that I can't let her lose anything else. That I won't do anything that could hurt her, no matter how much I want him to pay for what he tried to do to her...

But nothing is going to change. Nothing was coming. It was only Rosalie, and she bursts through the front door before Emmett even gets to it. She drops an armload of shopping bags as she reaches the kitchen and runs for Isabella, but I grab her and hold her back, her behavior last night not forgotten.

"Jasper, please!" she cries, "I went _there_ first, I know what happened! Let go of me!"

I look at Isabella, and she nods her head, releasing her panicked grip on Edward. "It's okay, Jasper. I know she's sorry, even though I'll thoroughly enjoy her showing me how much... and... I think maybe I might _need_ her, too."

That's all I need to hear. I let go and she rushes to her, pulling her into her arms. I can see it, the pain on Rosalie's face is clear. She's not always the best friend to her in the choices that she makes, but she loves her, and the knowledge that someone hurt her has brought her heart to the surface. I give her a warning glance, telling her it better stay there, as she pulls her from the kitchen towards the living room._ If she says one thing to upset her..._

They're back before I can finish my murderous thought, Rosalie collecting the bags from where she dropped them, and Isabella taking her monkey from Edward's outstretched hand.

"Please don't leave," she says to him, so low that I barely hear her.

"I won't," he smiles at her and shakes his head, and something about their simple exchange fills me with an strange sense of foreboding.

I watch him closely as they turn from the room again. His eyes never leave her, and they're filled with an indescribable sadness. It unnerves me for a brief moment, until I realize why. He was there. He was witness to the evil that fell upon her today. And I still don't know exactly what that was. Or how he managed to get to her before it was too late. It would have taken him...

My thoughts are cut off by two ear-splitting screams from upstairs. I know that sound all too well. Isabella's, at least, leaves no question as to the cause, and I hear Emmett laughing, even as we all run from the kitchen.

They're running down the stairs at a frantic speed when we get to the living room. Isabella somehow manages to hold up Ethan's warm ups enough not to trip on them, and runs straight to Edward, and practically climbs him like a tree. Rosalie chooses to take shelter behind a now-guffawing Emmett, and I try my best to keep a straight face as I look up at my sister. "Where is he?"

"In my bedroom!" she wails, her face morphing instantly from fear to _I'm going to kill you and your stupid snake!_ "Again!"

Isabella has no love for Aro, my six foot green tree python. If she wasn't so afraid of him, I might be afraid _for_ him, but she is absolutely terrified of the beautiful Houdini-like creature. He is a master escape artist, and sneaks up on her every time he gets loose, which is often. His behavior is a bit out of character for his breed, but he seems to be inexplicably drawn to her, much to her terror and annoyance. I have no fears that he would ever hurt her, or I'd never have him here with her, but she doesn't share my confidence.

I control my laughter only until I make it into her room and see him wrapped around the top of her four poster wooden canopy bed, but then I lose it. Thank God she didn't wake from her sleep to find him there...

"What are you doing up there? That's not a tree, buddy, come down."

He seems to disagree, and it takes me a few minutes of coaxing to get him down, but he finally cooperates. When I come down the stairs with him, the scene hasn't changed much, except that Isabella is now rested a little too comfortably for my liking atop Edward's shoulders, his hands gripping her legs, as she's playing with his out of control hair. I know it's innocent, and they're all laughing at something Emmett is saying, but I don't like it. I don't like it at all...

"I'm putting him back now, Isabella. Get down from there, please."

She rolls her eyes at me, and Edward scowls at my unspoken thoughts that I know he can read clearly on my face, but he reaches his hands up for her to grab onto. "Down you go, monkey."

I feel a bit like an asshole as she giggles at his use of her long-ago appointed nickname- bestowed upon her by our father- and grabs his hands and jumps down behind him. The last things I see and hear as I continue my path through the room with Aro are Emmett's _What the fuck, dude?_ glare, and Rosalie's suggestion that Isabella would look fierce in a pair of green _snakeskin_ heels. _Ouch..._ and I'm fairly confident that I'm even less loved at this moment than he is.

I get him settled back into his tropical paradise, baffled as usual as to how he got out of it again, and when I make it back upstairs, Sam is there, speaking quietly with Isabella. I can't say that I'm all that surprised to see him, since Edward said he_ 'took care of him'_. I watch as his eyes flit repeatedly to Ethan's sweatshirt and he struggles to keep his composure. We lost our brother, but Sam lost his best friend, and his suffering was just as devastating to him as ours was to us.

_Is_. That kind of pain just doesn't go away.

He pulls her into a very tender brotherly hug and our eyes meet over the top of her head. I nod and glance slowly around the room at each of the faces of the people that are here for her and let out a deep sigh. I know she doesn't want to talk about it, but I can't let her bottle it up. I know the details of what happened to her in that office will test my will to be what she needs, but I have to hear them. And she needs to get it out while she's surrounded by people that love her. And she knows this absolutely the moment I say her name. She bites her lip nervously and tries to busy herself gathering drinks from the refrigerator to prolong the uncomfortable discussion. I say her name again and she stills her movements, but doesn't turn around.

Edward has been looking between us and moves to take her by the hand. Her attention falls to his hand on hers and she speaks quietly, as she strokes her fingertips over his broken skin, "I never finished... "

"Everything's going to be okay," he tells her, pulling her gently towards the table.

His words send her eyes straight to me and I know that_ I'm_ the hardest part of what I'm asking her to do. I have one more chance to give her back her calm, and I won't let her down again. "I promise."

**Isabella**

Will this day ever end? At least all of the _informative_ discussions have been had, how horribly uncomfortable _that_ was...

And Jasper didn't go tearing out the door... well, no one _let_ him, anyway. I know he meant to keep his promise, but hearing the details nearly sent that promise out the window. And my heart with it... but thankfully, Edward, Sam, and Emmett were at full attention, although Emmett nearly lost it himself.

And now, even though none of them will take their eyes off of me for more than a minute at a time, they're letting me have things my way. I need to _do_ something. Keep myself busy. Take care of people, instead of dwell on myself and what happened today. _What could have happened..._

No. I'm not going to let myself do that. I can get past this. Because Edward came and made everything okay. So much more than okay... and he's been doing it all day.

I know he has some idea of my feelings for him, but he's not punishing me for it. He's not avoiding me or pushing me away. And as crazy as it sounds, I think it's more than that he just wants to comfort me. It's not pity, I know it's not. He feels something too. Something has changed, and it's not just me. Something has changed in _him_. The way he looks at me. The way he _sees_ me. The way he touches me... the way he responds to _my_ touch, however innocent I intend it. He responds. He tries to hide it... but I saw. I wasn't wrong last night. It wasn't my imagination, or hope... it was real. It _is_ real.

So, what do I do about it?

It's what I want. It's what I've wanted for so long...

_He_ is what I want.

It doesn't matter that he's been best friends with Jasper since before I was born. It doesn't matter that when he started making out with girls, I was still losing my baby teeth. None of that matters. We're not kids anymore._ I'm_ not a kid anymore. And he doesn't look at me like I am. Not anymore.

Even last night seems like it was ages ago. I cried myself to sleep because I felt like a stupid child... because I thought that was what he saw... but that's not what he saw, and it's not what he sees.

I'm not like the women he spends his time with, but that's not what he really wants. They're not what he wants. It's just what's easy. They throw it at him, so he takes it. He doesn't care about them. He wouldn't take care of them the way he takes care of me. He _cares_ about me. He's cared about me all of my life. Not because he had to... not then and not now. He doesn't have to. He just does.

The man I've been in love with all of my life doesn't see a little girl anymore. Now if I can just get him not to see his best friend's little sister...

"Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"Oh... Jasper. What?"

"Are you alright?"

_How do I get you not to kill him?_ "Yes, I'm fine."

"You don't have to do this, you know. We can order pizzas."

"I know. I want to."

"You should be... well... we should be taking care of you, not the other way around."

"I'm just making dinner. Making sure none of the people I love starve, or eat out of a box."

"You never let me eat out of a box."

"That's because I love you the most."_ Different..._

"Are you sure you're alright? You don't have to pretend for me. Or for anyone... "

"Am I supposed to be crying?"

"No... but if you need to... "

"I don't. I have what I need. You're here. They're coming back. Everyone I love will be as close as I can get them."_ Almost..._

"I'm sorry, Isabella. I'm sorry you've felt so much pain in your life. I'm sorry we didn't protect you from it better. I'm sorry _I_ didn't. I'm sorry I do it wrong. Today... I didn't... "

He's always so confident. So strong. My big brother. The last few hours have been so hard for him. He hurts for me, and he blames himself. It's too much. "You don't do it wrong. Well... except for that damn reptile of yours that wants to eat me... "

"He likes mice, not _primates_." He gives me a playful wink and I can't help but smile. "He doesn't want to eat you. Cuddle, maybe. He likes you."

"Cuddle? You mean choke the life out of me?"

"He would never do that to you."

He's trying to sound convincing, but I'm not buying. "And if he did?"

"Don't even joke about that."

"Where did you find him when you went into my room?"

"Probably exactly where you saw him."

"Didn't you find that at all disturbing? Just because he has bouts of snake insomnia sometimes... even I know he's nocturnal. What if I had been asleep in my bed? How long would he have stayed up there before he slithered down and killed me in my sleep?"

"Isabella... "

"That is the only thing you do wrong. The thing you trust most with my life is the thing I live in fear of every day."

"Okay, okay. I hear you. But actually... I trust Edward more than the snake. With your life."

"Good to know," Edward laughs, coming through the kitchen door. "Your keys, mademoiselle."

"Merci, monsieur." I smile, taking my car keys from him and leaning past him to hang them next to the door, trying with all of my might not to faint from the delectable scent of him.

I sent Emmett and Rose out with a shopping list for dinner, which I insisted I was making, much to everyone's protests, and they dropped Edward off at my car, which he took to his house so he could shower and change before bringing it to me. He is positively sinful in dark jeans and a black button down shirt, with still-damp tousled bronze locks, and smelling like pure, clean _MAN_...

_Good to know, indeed, Jasper... just remember that._

I try to clear my senses of all things Edward Masen, which is an impossible feat, and turn my attention back to preparing the salad, when I see that I've been caught swooning. By _both_ of them. The corners of Edward's mouth are tuned up in an almost smile, making me blush. Jasper, however, is definitely not smiling, and I'm pretty sure all of the blood drains completely from my face. If there was any color left in my cheeks, it's gone now, as he leans down to whisper in my ear, "Over my dead body, Isabella."

"What?" I ask innocently, looking up at serious eyes.

"You know _what_, and it's _never_ going to happen, _baby_ _sister_."

_Geez... how quickly we forget..._ "Green snakeskin heels? Oh, that's okay, I know Rose brought me_ I'm sorry_ shoes. I'm sure they're fabulous, they always are."

I smile sweetly at him, maintaining my innocent routine, even though I don't think he's buying it. His next words only confirm that suspicion, and that he has his own. "Edward, I need to talk to you."

_Shit!_

**Edward**

Isabella has been putting me through the ringer all day, testing my strength at every innocent-gestured turn, and as if that wasn't enough, now Jasper's getting observant. Well, as long as it's only of _her_, I'm fairly confident that I can deter him from his thoughts. I was hoping he didn't catch her _acknowledgement_ of my return, but I have to admit, I thought it was adorable. Yeah, I'm still an asshole... _who's going to do everything I can to get him off of her back..._

"I know you're worried about her, Jasper, but I really think she's doing exceptionally well, considering. Don't force her to think about it too much. She'll talk to you, or any of us, if she needs to."

"Of course I'm worried about her, but what happened today isn't the only reason why. _You_ need to be more careful with her."

"What are you talking about? Careful how?"

"You know she's always had a bit of a _crush_ on you... whatever that means to her."

_Not where I want this conversation to go..._ "That was a long time ago, and she's been over that for years."

"No, she _hasn't_. I don't know how you could not know that, other than for the fact that you assume every woman on the planet is in love with you. Maybe she got lost in the mix in your cocky head, but she is definitely _not_ over it. As pissed off as I was about how careless you were last night, I actually hoped maybe you'd gotten yourself removed from that endearment- but after today, you're more esteemed than ever with her. That's not good, Edward, not good at all."

"Jesus Christ, Jasper, do you hear yourself? After today? What the fuck? How could you even say that?"

"You know damn well that's not how I meant it. I'll owe you for the rest of my life for what you did for her today, but your _rescue_ sent her admiration for you into overdrive."

"You don't owe me anything, I didn't do it for you. Do you think I'd _ever_ let someone hurt her? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"No, damn it, I know you wouldn't. You're not hearing me... "

"I hear you loud and clear, and your priorities are fucked up. She went through hell today, and this is what you're thinking about? Some shit you've convinced yourself you see? Well, I'm telling you you're wrong. She's not sixteen anymore. She's a grown woman, and as much as you'd like to tell yourself that she's still a little girl, she's _not_. And she's not stupid... she knows what kind of man I am, and she's far too good to find that appealing."

"Yes, she is, but she does, nonetheless. You're not just any asshole. Not to her. You know that. She'll always see you differently. I get it, you've been great to her, but she'll never see you in a clear light. I'm asking _you_ to see that. You're being careless with her. Your attentiveness is confusing her, and it's dangerous. It will hurt her. I know you don't want that any more than I do, so I'm begging you to just open your eyes. Pay attention, Edward. She looks at you differently than you look at her. She wants that to change. I don't want you giving her any hope- no matter how unintentional- to think it has, or ever can."

Is he right? Is that what I'm doing? Isn't that the exact same thing I've been telling myself? That I've been too careless?

No... not exactly.

He said I'm being careless- because he thinks she looks at me differently than I look at her. He's wrong about that. The only difference is that she looks at me more innocently.

Whether or not she sees me clearly... I thought she did this morning. I thought I'd lost my place with her. My place of _honor_. I was going to fight to get it back. Before I had any idea...

She made it easy. Did I take advantage of her today? Am I _that_ much of a monster?

I gave her what she wanted. I tried to...

Was it for myself or for her? I wanted to comfort her. Ease her pain in any way I could. Her fear.

Did I confuse her? Or did I just let her see something I shouldn't have?

Is it wrong if it's real?

I know it is. It's wrong _because_ it's real.

He thinks she's the only one. The only one that feels something different. The only one that feels something she shouldn't. _That_ feels wrong to me. I should tell him. Tell him that it's not just her.

I should stop being a such fucking coward and just tell him.

I watch Aro slither along the branches in his terrarium- the place he should be the most comfortable- the place he escapes from at every opportunity- seemingly to be near Isabella...

Even the damn snake understands how irresistible she is, and has more balls than I do, because he doesn't fight the temptation.

She's terrified of him. She thinks he's dangerous.

Is he any different from me?

No... not really. Neither one of us belongs close to her. We both want to be... the only difference is, _she_ wants me to be. She's not terrified of me. Even if she knows I'm dangerous... she's not afraid. She trusts me. She trusts me completely. I know that. What kind of predator does that make me?

The most dangerous kind. For her.

She would be safer if I told him the truth. If I told him what he doesn't see.

But I don't tell him. I can't.

I like the way she trusts me.

I _like_ it, and I won't give it up.

"I heard you, Jasper. I'll pay closer attention. I'll be more careful. Now, we should see if Isabella needs help with anything."

_I'll pay attention to everything._

**Isabella**

Edward's face as he enters the kitchen tells me everything. My brother is suspicious, but apparently not of _him_. His eyes are a warning... _Don't let him see._

He'll have to see eventually, if I'm ever going to get what I want. He'll fight it. I know it won't be easy to convince him, but I'll have to try eventually. When I'm not alone. When I'm not the only one fighting. When Edward is ready to fight with me. _For_ me. He's not yet, but he will be. So I'll wait. I've waited this long...

"Can I help you with anything?"

"No, you've done more than enough for me today. Thank you, Edward."

"You don't have to thank me, Isabella."

I give him a careful smile, feeling Jasper's eyes on me, and turn back to the stove. The tension in the room is uncomfortable, and I'm grateful for the sudden momentary distraction of the doorbell chiming through the house.

"Jasper, your stalker's here!" Emmett calls from the living room, where he and Rosalie are having a Wheel of Fortune showdown.

Edward chuckles as Jasper groans miserably, and I decide to put an end to his torment the best way I know how. "I'll get it," I say with a sickeningly sweet smile, and head towards the front door. When I'm almost to it, I see that she is peeking into one of the windows next to the door, and it Really. Pisses. Me. Off.

I fling the door open and glare at her, my hand on my hip. "What the hell are you doing, Leah?"

"Hello, Bella. I'm looking for Jasper, of course."

She tries to step past me into the house, but I block her way. "He's not available for you tonight. You'll have to speak to him another time, that is, if he doesn't get a restraining order on you."

"A wha... _Why_ isn't he available for me tonight?"

"Because _I_ said he isn't, so you can be on your way. I'll tell him you stopped by... _if_ I so choose."

"What's going on here?"

_Well, I never thought he liked her for her brains..._ "You're being dismissed."

"Not by you, I'm not."

_They always underestimate me..._ "Oh, but you are."

"Excuse me? That's not your place. I want to see Jasper."

"I don't really care what you want. This is _my_ house, and Jasper is _my_ brother, and _I_ would like his undivided attention this evening. That means you leave."

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

_She's making it so easy..._ "Me? Well, that's simple. I'm the one he will always put first. _Always_. And, unfortunately for you, I've decided that I don't like you. You're very clingy. And whiny. And frankly... downright creepy with all of your stalker tendencies. You make him unhappy. That makes _me_ unhappy. Jasper doesn't like it when I'm unhappy. Do you understand now?"

"What I understand is that you're a self righteous little bitch! Now move out of my way, or I'll move you!"

_As if, stalker girl._ I consider challenging her, but the wall of my loved ones that seems to have formed itself in front of me out of thin air looks pretty impenetrable. Oh well... I guess I've had my fun, and accomplished my goal. "Good bye, Leah!" I call, laughing to myself, as I turn to head back to the kitchen. _That's_ who the hell I am.

"Dinner in five minutes, darlings!"

**xx**

**You gotta love those cockblocking Hales... Now, if we can just do something to get Jasper to _stop_... Well, not to worry, I have a _strategy_.**

.


	6. Chapter 6 : A Gracious Heart

**Disclaimer** : All things Twilight belong to SM. The rest is mine. And Reese's.

**A/N** : You don't really want to hear from me, do you? Yeah, didn't think so. Now I give you THEM...

**Chapter Six : A Gracious Heart**

**Isabella**

"Are you sorry for something I don't know about yet? What did you do?" I eye Rose suspiciously as she comes through the door bearing gifts for the third day in a row.

"Nothing! I just don't think you've really forgiven me for the other night yet. And... well... you know... "

_Ignoring 'you know'..._ "You've been here every day. If I hadn't have forgiven you, I wouldn't have let you in. Or stay to annoy me."

"I'm not annoying! I'm _attentive_."

"Hmmm... perhaps you mean well. And I suppose you are, as long as there are no _really hot_ guys around."

"I knew you didn't forgive me. And there have been really hot guys around, and I have still given _you_ all of my attention. Unless you're cooking... because that's just... _eew_."

"Eew? You're getting kicked out before dinner's ready, and since you've made yourself a permanent fixture here for the last three days, what really hot guys are you referring to? Do not start perving on my brother, or I'll have to kill you."

"No... Jasper's gorgeous, but personally I think he's an overbearing ass."

_Oh, if she even..._ "Then _who_ are you referring to, Rose?"

"Damn, if looks could kill! I promise you, _you_ are the only one in this room that has eyes for Edward Masen. Geez... possessive Bella... You should really open your presents now, cuz you're kind of scaring me."

"You still haven't answered my question. Who are you... oh my God! Emmett?"

"What?" She feigns confusion, but her cheeks suddenly look a little flushed.

"Don't _what_ me! You were referring to Emmett!"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Don't you want your shoes?"

_I'm so not letting this go..._ "You have a thing for Emmett. Admit it."

"No I don't."

"Liar."

"I do _not_ have a thing for Emmett."

"No? Then why are you _pink_?"

"Ugh, Bella! You know I don't do pink."

"Then why are you?"

"I'm not. I just... well... I never really noticed before, but he's kind of cute... in that big teddy bear sort of way. And he's funny. And he's been really nice to me...

And he totally adores you. I mean, I knew that already... I guess I just have a new perspective on him now. An appreciation of sorts. That's all."

"Emmett's a really nice guy."

"Yes he is. Now, can we move on? There are shoes here waiting to be worshiped."

"Rosalie Cullen likes a _nice_ guy. I'm not sure I'm capable of moving on... surely you can understand that."

"And Isabella Hale is hopelessly in love with a bad boy of epic _proportions_. You know... or so I've heard."

"Rose!"

"You're so cute when you're embarrassed," she laughs and pokes my cheeks.

_Okay, moving on..._ I smack her hands away from my face. "Give me the damn shoes, you whore."

"You're so easy... "

"No, I'm _not_."

"I know, sweetie, and I love you for it."

"Oh, really? So _baby_ was meant to be endearing?"

"I'm really sorry I said that, honey. I really am... especially now, after... "

"DON'T. What do you want to drink?"

I grab the shopping bags she came in with and head to the kitchen, desperately not wanting to revisit the recent unpleasant past. I drop everything on the table and pull a bottle of white wine from the refrigerator, raising my brows in question. She nods apologetically and sits down at the table.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"I know."

"About everything."

I sigh and hand her her glass. "You always are."

"And you always forgive me. Mostly."

"That's because I love you. Mostly."

"I have great taste in shoes."

"Yes you do, but Rose... _that_ is not why. I wish you wouldn't think that way. This is the same thing you do with men." I sit across from her and take a sip of my wine, looking at her intently. "I don't love you because you buy me things. I don't forgive you because you bring me shoes and presents in hopes that I will. You don't have to do that. You don't have to give me things for me to care about you. And you don't have to give _them_ anything either, not if they're worth your time and affections. You're better than that. You deserve better than the way you let yourself be treated. I love you because I _know_ you. I accept the things you give me because I know you really want to give them to me, but I don't need them. I just need you, to be _you_. My friend. The presents... they're beautiful, but they're not why I forgive you. And they're certainly not why I love you. _You_ are important to me, not what you can give me."

She cocks her head to the side and smiles at me. "You're very special, you know. There's a reason everyone loves you."

"You're special too, Rose."

"Only to you."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is. You're the only person besides my parents that gives a damn about me, and like them, all I do is disappoint you...

Disappointing you is hard, Bella. Not hard to achieve- I do that with no effort at all- but hard to take. The other night... I don't know what to say about that... I was mortified when Jasper came in there... I knew he would tell you. He's never thought I was worthy of being your friend. What I'd been doing... I don't know... it didn't really bother me until I knew you'd find out. But then it felt wrong. I knew you would be disgusted by it... I don't want... I don't want you to think I'm just some... "

"I want better for you than to be treated that way. I want you to want better for yourself. You don't have to do those things."

"We're very different, Bella... "

"You don't have to be like me, that's not what I'm saying. I know that my choice to _wait_ is an unpopular one, it's just the right one for _me_. You make different choices. There's nothing wrong with that if it's healthy... but it's not. Not for you. You hurt, Rose. After. That's what I can't understand. If you choose to share yourself with someone, it should feel good, not leave you feeling dirty and used and ashamed. I can't imagine that it's worth that? For a few minutes of... well, I don't really know, but I can't imagine anything would feel so good that it's worth that?"

"No," she says quietly, tracing her finger around the top of her glass, "but what else do I have to offer someone?"

I reach across the table and still her hand with my own. "You."

"Like I said... we're very different. I don't have this army of people that loves me and just wants to be around me. That's you, Bella, not me. I'm just... "

"My friend, who is just as beautiful on the inside as out, only you don't let anyone see that."

"You have a tendency to think more highly of people than they deserve. I think you create beauty where there isn't any."

"I don't like _ugly_ people, Rose. They don't get to be in my army. If someone's around me, they're beautiful. In some way or other. And I'm not talking about pretty faces, although none of you hurts my eyes."

"Did I mention that you're very special?"

"Yes," I smirk, "You most certainly did. And you're absolutely right. I _am_."

She rolls her eyes and pushes her empty glass towards me. "You know, it's kind of creepy to be the president of your own fan club. Can I request that we adjourn this meeting of_ 'I love Bella because she's perfect'_?"

I flip her off and laugh as I refill our glasses. "Fine, it's not as fun when it's just you, anyway. And I think you're wrong about the president... it's sooo Jasper."

We both burst out laughing, because my adoring brother is without a doubt my biggest fan, and I dig into the 'for me' haul that is Rosalie's latest shopping spree. She really doesn't have to, but bless her heart that she did!

My twirls and squeals of delight are paused briefly when I catch Rose's expression. Her eyes are serious and she gives me a warm smile. I smile back, telling her she doesn't have to say it, but her soft voice flows into the air anyway, "Thank you, Bella."

I know she doesn't want me to say anything sappy, she's had her fill for one day, so I simply pat her on the head, knowing it will make her laugh. She does, and I coil my fingers into her hair and give it a rough yank and scramble away, but not before she cracks me hard on the ass.

"Don't tease, oh innocent one... those peep toes are already tempting me to switch teams."

And, as is so often the case when she trumps my playfulness and leaves me at a complete and utter loss for a response, "Rose!" is all I can say. For a moment. "You're such a freak."

"Pfffft!" she laughs, "Coming from the little _angel_ that I saw climb Edward like stairs a few days ago and just pulled my hair with dominatrix expertise?"

"Dominatrix expertise? Yeah, that really sounds like me, Rose... "

"Well, I admit I've always thought you a bit on the submissive side, but those boys of yours don't give you much choice. Now that they're not here... the real you comes out. Our sweet little Isabella likes to play _rough_... I like it. "

"I'm going to start cooking now, _freak_, so you may want to go bother someone else with your fantasies. Thanks for the shoes and all things girly. You know where the door is."

"You're not really kicking me out, are you? I was just kidding about the cooking, as long as you don't want me to help."

"If you like to watch, then be my guest," I snicker at her.

She winks and snickers back, "I'd watch _you_ do anything, sweet cheeks."

"Dream on, bitch. Never. Gonna. Happen."

"You're no fun," she pouts.

Rosalie is not the pouting type and it makes me laugh out loud at how ridiculous it looks on her. "Stick with sultry, babe, innocent doesn't work for you."

"I wouldn't begin to know how. Besides, I wouldn't want you to get mad and sue me for copyright infringement or something." She laughs and I flip her off again. She hesitates for a moment, unsure of her next words. "So... I know this is your weekly dinner night with your boys... and I know I've never been invited... and you never let Leah crash the party... "

"You can stay. _If_ you don't start crap with Jasper."

"He's the one that... "

"I mean it, Rose."

She makes a face, but relents. "Okay, but I'm not kissing his ass."

"Because _that_ you don't do?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" she asks with a chuckle.

"No!" I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes shut, but I can still hear her laughing at me.

"Oh, Bella, you're so easy... "

**Edward**

I've tried to keep my distance from Isabella for the last couple of days, to try to get a handle on things, but this is Thursday, and every Thursday she makes dinner for Emmett and I. And Jasper, of course. I have never missed a Thursday night dinner at the Hales. Not once. And I don't plan to start now. I just have to keep my emotions- and my cock- in check. I can only hope that she doesn't go out of her way to make that difficult for me. Isabella is sweet, but now that she has some inkling of my less-than-brotherly feelings for her, I'm not so sure she won't try to take advantage of that. I know how determined she is when she wants something- Isabella Hale is a force to be reckoned with. May God have mercy on us both.

The only thing on my side is Jasper, and Isabella's adoration and respect for him. I can only hope she keeps him in mind, and how he would feel if anything were to change.

Fuck. That my mind is even capable of entertaining that thought...

Nothing can change. It can't. I can't have her. I can't give her what she wants. What she _thinks_ she wants.

It's always been easy. Clear. When she was just a sweet young girl with a harmless crush... I was flattered, because Isabella was never that boy crazy girl who giggled at everything they said and wrote their names on her notebooks. She couldn't be bothered with any of that. She's dated, and had a few short relationships, but nothing ever lasted very long. They always wanted something she wasn't willing to give them. Something they weren't worthy of.

She's smart, and has always been careful about the situations she got herself into, but a few were bold. They caught her off guard. Those few paid the price. Paid it to Jasper, paid it to me... whoever got there first. They learned hard lessons. For her. Word spread, which made our lives a little easier, because most were afraid to even look at her, let alone try to get close to her. They knew we were watching. Isabella was off limits.

Isabella _is_ off limits.

I can't forget that. I can't let her make me forget.

But every time she looks at me...

Every time she smiles at me...

I know...

She's not that same young girl anymore. This is not just a harmless crush.

And flattered doesn't begin to describe the way I feel about it, no matter how wrong it is.

This is going to be a very long night.

It's not the first time it will be hard, I've struggled since the first time my cock twitched at the sight of her, but now that I let her see something... something I know she's wanted to see for a long time...

Long night? This night is going to be complete and utter _hell_.

And if I don't get out of here, I'm going to be late.

Jasper left an hour ago, not long after everyone else. I stayed to try to get some work done, but I've accomplished very little, except think about her. Thinking about Isabella seems to be the only thing I can do anymore without veering off track. _She_ is the track. And she is going to have my ass if I ruin her dinner. _What I wouldn't give to have hers..._

Fuck! That is _not_ the train of thought I want to take to dinner with me. Or my hardening cock- greedy bastard. I've taken care of that shit twice already today._ Settle down! YOU sure as fuck can't have her!_

I have to get my mind off of her. I don't see how I'm going to accomplish that, since I'm on my way _to_ her, but I have to find a way.

And I need to let her know I'll be there in a few minutes. I pull my phone out of my pocket to call her, silently telling my still uncooperative cock to control himself- all the while knowing that's pointless, because the sound of her voice will make him do the fucking tango...

I start dialing her number and what I see when I walk out of my office doesn't exactly help me with my predicament- or his cooperation. I know Holly left over an hour ago, but for some reason there she is, bent over under her desk with her skirt hitched up to her ass. Her _bare_ ass. She appears to be looking for something, or to look like she is, but I'm pretty sure all she's really hoping to find is my dick.

"Lose something? _Besides_ your panties?"

She turns her eyes to me, but leaves her ass just where it is. "I didn't lose those, they combusted at the thought of you."

I gave her hell all day... I've given her hell for the last two, but I should have known that shit would backfire on me. She should have cried for as much of a son of a bitch as I've been, but since I'm seeing what I'm seeing now, it's clear that it only excited her. _So typical._ "Your ass didn't get reamed hard enough today?"

"No, sir, I don't think it did. I haven't been performing up to your standards. It's unacceptable. You should punish me."

I'm about to tell her no, but my cock has other ideas. The greedy bastard is trying to perform a one man prison break.

_Not tonight, asshole. We can have her anytime._ "I have dinner plans."

"I see. Well, if you're hungry, I have something for that, too. It would be my honor to let you _eat_ first."

"You're not worthy," I scoff._ Delusional bitch._

"I'm sorry you feel that way, _really_ sorry. It seems I've made another error in judgement... Certainly that warrants some form of punishment?"

She's damn right it does. Whores know better than to ask for that shit from me. Edward Masen doesn't drop mouth on anyone. _Not that I've never wondered what Isabella would taste like... and not that I'm not wondering now..._

Fuck it... there's no coming back from _that_ thought. Greedy bastard is getting paroled. "Well, since you're already down there, you might as well make yourself useful. Turn around and get over here."

The smile on her face makes me sick. The sooner I take it off the better. I cancel the unsent call and toss my phone on her desk and make quick work of my belt as she turns and crawls the few feet to where I stand. She can't wait to get my cock in her mouth, her hands are already greedily reaching for the button of my pants. Normally I'd make her beg for it, but I have shit to do and don't have time for that game tonight. She wastes no time as my dick springs free from it's confines, and takes it into her mouth and deep into her throat in one well practiced move. Her tongue slips out and licks my balls as she cups them in her hand like precious gems, all the while never taking her eyes off of me. I know the bitch wants praise for her feat, but I won't give it to her. I can't, because, once again, what I see is not what I feel. I just can't fucking feel...

_Unless ..._

No. I won't do it. I won't let my mind go there. I can't bring her here again.

It's all in my head. I've created this shit somehow, and I have to make it stop.

This is what I do... I treat women like shit, and they offer it up to me. They offer it and I take it, if it appeals to me. This bitch used to appeal to me. It's the only reason she still works for me. I resisted for a time, not wanting any headaches around the office, but she made the right offer one night and I took her up on it. And she didn't disappoint. Not that night, and not several nights since, but that was before... when I could still feel.

I will myself to feel. To be aroused by what's in front of me. I used to take great pleasure from seeing a woman on her knees before me. Seeing them with their mouths full of me. Watching those mouths lick and suck and swallow everything they could, while I demanded more... they were always capable of more. They always tried. They didn't want to fail, because then they'd never get another chance. You don't disappoint me and get a second chance. This little slut didn't disappoint me. And if I could just get my head to stop fucking with me, I know she wouldn't now. Except she is. And it's pissing me off.

So is the fact that she's getting brave. She's getting downright affectionate with my cock, like it belongs to her or some shit.

"Knock it off with the sweet. It's not yours to cherish." I sneer, grabbing her by the hair and yanking her off of me. "If you want it, stop fucking around and do it right. I won't tell you again."

She tries to fight against my hold on her head, mouth open wide, seeking what I took away from her, but I make her wait for it. I'll make her wait until I think she's hungry enough to stop wasting my time. I train my eyes on my cock as she reaches her hand out to stroke me, her mouth being denied what I've decided it doesn't deserve. Her grip is hard and fast as she works me and I tighten my hold on her hair, pushing her head down and guiding her mouth to my balls. Her free hand comes up to hold them as she licks and sucks them each into her mouth. Her hand picks up speed, twisting and squeezing my cock as her tongue flicks quickly over the flesh beneath it. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on the sensation I know I should feel, but it's just not there. No matter how hard I try, the pleasure eludes me.

I should accept it. Take the punishment that's undoubtedly being put upon me- that perhaps I'm putting upon myself- for the things I've let my mind think about _her_, the things I want... the things I want to do to her, the things I want her to do to me...

Punishment for bringing her to this place again, because, no matter how hard I try not to think of her, I'm too selfish to let myself be denied what I want to feel.

I'm selfish for wanting it... and angry at myself for being selfish. And angrier still that I can't have it. But I won't punish myself... selfish will win out. It always does.

Her face floods my mind. Her mouth... the one I wish was on me, instead of the whore's that's here now. Her mouth that I would never deny this way. Her mouth that I would beg for. Her mouth that I would give anything to feel.

It enrages me... for thinking of her. And because thinking of her is all I can do, all I can have. I want someone to suffer. Suffer for me. Suffer for her. Suffer for the shame I'll feel when this is over.

Suffer _now_.

I yank her head up roughly and pull her hand from my cock, taking it in my own and forcing it into her mouth. She doesn't protest, she doesn't fight, she takes it willingly. Appreciatively. She braces her hands on my hips as I pound in and out of her mouth, hitting the back of her throat with every thrust. I fist both of my hands in her hair and my head falls back as I fuck her mouth with a punishing fury, while pictures of Isabella punish my mind even more relentlessly.

I see the disappointment on her beautiful face, as if she's really here with me. As if she can see. Hurt in her deep, soulful eyes that I've brought her here. That I'm not strong enough to protect her from my selfishness. That I'm not strong enough to give her what she wants. That I'm not strong enough to put her first. Before my own selfish needs to feel.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to push her away as I explode into this meaningless whore's mouth, but she won't leave me. She stays. She always stays. And her disappointed eyes turn my brief moment of pleasure into the one emotion that rules my existence.

I let out a disgusted breath and pull my cock from the greedy mouth that's trying to drain me dry, knocking her off balance as I step back roughly and put myself back together. Her hands hit the floor where I just stood, and I turn my back on her pathetic form.

"Don't be here when I come out," I hiss, walking back to my office and slamming the door. I go straight into my private bathroom and try to scrub the shame away, knowing I can't, knowing it will eat at me until there's nothing left.

I want to take a shower and wash that bitch off more thoroughly, but the time I've just wasted creating the need to is exactly why I can't. Isabella is going to kill me if I don't hurry the fuck up. I dry myself off and fasten my pants and belt and reach into my pocket for my phone, forgetting it's still sitting on Holly's desk outside. _Jesus, Masen, where's your fucking head?_

I know where it is... it's where I should be. It's where I want to be more than anything... and I've kept her waiting long enough.

**Isabella**

"Come on, Bella, I'm starving. Why do we have to wait for that asshole?"

"How many times have we waited for you, Emmett? Hmmm?"

"I thought you only made them wait for me because I was special. Now I find out that Edward gets the same consideration? I'm hurt."

"Stop whining, or you won't get any pie."

"That's mean, Bella. It's bad enough I only get one piece, and Edward gets a whole pie, and now you're threatening to take my piece away... "

"Emmett! Shut! Up!"

He pouts and I roll my eyes and grab my phone to call Edward, who's never late. I haven't seen him since he left here Tuesday night, and I'm starting to worry that he's not here yet. Jasper is just as surprised as anyone that he hasn't strolled through the door- he didn't say anything to him at the office about being late or not coming. This isn't like him at all. I really hope everything's alright.

It rings only once before the line connects, but his voice is not the one that greets me. "Hello, Isabella."

Well, that's strange... "Holly? Um, hi... is Edward not able to get to the phone?"

"Actually, no. I can give him a message though, if you'd like."

"Oh... okay, well would you just ask him to give me a call as soon as he gets a chance? We're holding dinner for him, if he's still coming."

"He did mention that he had dinner plans... and he already _came_, but he didn't _eat_, the stingy fucker, so you'll probably see him soon."

My mouth drops open at her words, and the chuckle that follows, and a feeling of nausea washes over me at their disgusting implication. Is that why we're waiting? Because he's fucking his secretary in his office? Is he right next to her- or _somewhere_... - letting her answer his phone and tell me that shit? While I'm here worrying about him like an idiot?

I try to push down the bile rising in my throat to respond. "That's far more information than was necessary, Holly, and I don't appreciate it. Just tell Edward that I called, and that we're waiting for him."

I hang up, not waiting for a response, and sit my phone carefully on the counter with an unsteady hand. I want to throw it. I want to hit something or break something, but I know it won't accomplish anything. And everyone's eyes are on me, waiting for details.

"Isabella, what's wrong?" Jasper asks, concern all over his face as he crosses the room to me.

"Um... nothing... I guess Edward just got held up at the office. He shouldn't be long now."

I smile and try to act like nothing is wrong as I move about the kitchen, but I don't think I'm very convincing, because every time I look up at anyone, I find them watching me. It's nothing new, I'm used to their eyes on me. I live under a microscope most of the time. It doesn't bother me too much, I know they mean well. They just want me to be safe and happy...

And at the moment, what would make me happy is to be a little numb. Rose and I laid off the wine an hour ago, at Jasper's suggestion, but I'm suddenly feeling thirsty again. And it shouldn't take much to rediscover my buzz.

I pull out another bottle and grab my glass from the table and Jasper takes it from my hand just as I pull the corkscrew out of the drawer.

He eyes the glass and gives me a small smile. "I'll do that for you. Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart. What did she say that upset you?"

"I really don't think you want to hear it, Jasper, so just let it go, please. I'm fine."

"If it upset you, then I do want to hear it. Tell me."

I know he won't stop asking until I tell him, so there's no point in trying to hide it. "Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you...

Just because I know what Edward _is_, doesn't mean I like to have his extracurricular _activities_ thrown in my face. As if the other night wasn't bad enough, I was just very rudely informed by his slut of a secretary that the reason he isn't here yet is because _she_ had something for him that was apparently more important to him than coming to my boring dinner on time. The dinner that I was stupid enough to think he actually enjoyed and looked forward to every week... my mistake. That's what upset me. _That_ is what's wrong."

"She WHAT?"

I close my eyes for a moment, willing her words back where they came from, and for Jasper not to make a big production out of this. When I open them, his angry expression has softened a bit.

He exhales a breath and pulls the cork from the bottle, filling my glass. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Of course you don't want that kind of _information_ thrown in your face. That was inappropriate, to say the least. I'm sure Edward will... "

I take a long sip and shake my head. "Just nevermind... it doesn't matter."

"Isabella... "

"Please don't. I don't need a lecture right now about how silly I am or... "

"Hey," he lifts my chin and looks at me with the love and understanding of my brother and nothing else, "I wasn't going to do that. I know it hurts you, and I know _why_. I'm very sorry for that, sweetheart. I really am. I don't want to see you hurt, I never want to see that."

"How do you feel about seeing me drunk?" I ask, draining my glass and holding it out in front of him.

"I think it's beneath you," he sighs, his eyes sad.

"You think everything is beneath me. And everyone, mostly."

"I do. You're special."

"You're biased."

"It's hard not to be. Maybe even impossible."

"You're right, it _is_."

"Sweetheart, you don't need... "

"You're here. You're watching. Like always... Nothing can happen. I just want it not to hurt so much. Just for a little while. Please?"

I think he's going to say no, but then I hear the front door open, and my eyes plead with him for mercy.

"Okay, Isabella," he whispers, refilling my glass, and leaning to kiss me tenderly on the forehead. "And, believe me, you _are_ special. "

_Yeah, just not special enough._

**Edward**

The atmosphere is tense as I enter the house and I know I'm in trouble, but I'm instantly concerned that it's more than that as I make it to the kitchen and see Isabella, just as Jasper kisses her forehead and whispers something to her. She doesn't look happy.

"It's about damn time, asshole," Emmett grumbles, "I'm starving and Bella is being mean."

Mean is not what I see as she looks up at me. Until she speaks. "The next time you're going to be late, at least have the courtesy to call. The world doesn't revolve around you, you know."

_Of course I know, it revolves around her, and she's definitely pissed..._ "Uh... you're absolutely right. It was inconsiderate of me, I apologize. But I brought you something."

I hold up the bag of miniature Reese's cups I stopped and grabbed on the way- out of guilt- hoping she'll smile, but I'm fairly certain the look she gives me can only be interpreted one way..._ "Drop dead."_

_Ouch_. Okay, I deserve that... but it doesn't stop me from trying, "You still like these, don't you?"

She snatches the bag from my hand and throws it on the counter. "Yes, Edward, most _kids_ do."

_What?_ "Isabella, I wasn't implying that you... "

"Do you need to clean up or can we sit down and eat? I may be just a little girl to _you_, but I understand more than you think- and I think it's safe to assume that the 'grown up' games you were playing while we were waiting for you probably got you pretty _dirty_, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't bring any of it to my table, so... ?"

_How the fuck?_ "I'm not sure what you think I was doing... but I came straight from the office, and I did actually freshen up before I left there... Isabella, I really am sorry that I'm late. And I'm a little confused as to why you're so upset... is dinner ruined because you waited for me?"

"I don't know, Edward... the meat may have gotten a little dry while you selfishly made us wait so you could get _yours_ wet."

I'm sure my shock at her words is clear on my face, but I work to compose myself quickly, and try to ignore Emmett's cackling and fist-pumping. I don't know if she knows or just assumes... but I don't see how the first is possible, and the second isn't at all like her...

I'm completely baffled, until I see how quickly she drains the glass of wine in her hand. She holds it out to Jasper, who starts to refill it with a sigh, and then gives me an unmistakable_ I'm going to kill you_ glare. Something is definitely up.

"Isabella... as I said, I came from work... "

"I believe you mean _at_ work, Edward, and I've already heard all about that, as you well know. I'm curious about one thing, though... Do you pay her overtime for that?"

_What the?..._

My phone...

Fuck! I pull it out and look at my received calls and understand immediately._ That fucking bitch._ "You called me."

"You knew that."

"No, I _didn't_. Isabella... "

"I don't believe you."

_I'm going to fucking kill her._

"I left my phone unattended for a few minutes. Clearly she answered it... and clearly she said things to you that she shouldn't have... " I see the hurt in her eyes and know that she thinks I let her. How could she think I could do that to her? I rip my hands through my hair and try to find the words to make her understand that she's wrong. "I'm truly sorry for whatever she said to you... mortified by the thought... and I would never, _ever_ have just stood by and allowed her to do that. You know me better than that, Isabella. I... "

"No, Edward, I don't think I do." She takes another long drink from her glass and places it on the counter, turning her back on me. She bends to open the oven door, and pulls out what I recognize as Emmett's favorite pot roast and carries it to the table. There's a fire in her eyes when they meet mine again. "In the future, if you find these dinners to be a hindrance to your social calendar, then by all means, you're not obligated to attend. As for tonight, however, since you have finally graced us with your presence, everyone is hungry and has waited more than long enough. So, if you would, please keep your lies and excuses to yourself, because I'm not interested in hearing them anymore. And sit down. Dinner is served."

And just like that, I know I'm back off of my pedestal... and I'm pretty sure she just shoved it up my ass. How the hell do I fix this? Neither her tone or her words were in any way playful. She's hurt and she's angry and I'm responsible for both.

I've never felt worthy of her adoration, but it's never wavered, not even after my behavior the other night, and worthy or not, I've always been grateful for that. But there's no trace of that adoration in her face now. Not in her voice, and not in her actions as she slams things around the table and then stops to glare at me with her hands on her hips.

I can't say I understand what she really wants. And I don't want to upset her anymore than I already have. I clear my throat and tug at my hair in exasperation. "Maybe it would be better if I just left... "

Her angry glare has turned to a murderous stare at my suggestion and I raise my hands in a helpless gesture. "Tell me what you want, Isabella."

She rolls her eyes at me like I'm the biggest idiot on planet earth and yanks a chair from the table with a huff, resting one hand on the top of it and the other back on her hip. "Sit. The fuck. Down! Edward!"

_Well, fuck me..._

"Yes, ma'am," I say, as I dutifully obey her order, shamelessly grateful that she didn't really want me to leave. I see something flicker in her eyes, and I fight the smile that threatens the corners of my mouth.

Because, no matter how pissed off she is at me right now, deep down, she still adores me. And that adoration, accompanied by wine and her determination to punish me... is sexy as hell.

_A very long- and hard- night indeed..._


	7. Chapter 7 : Sugar and Spice

**Disclaimer** : Twilight belongs to SM. The badass Isabella you'll find here? Mine.

**Long as shit A/N** : So... based on the lynching some of you h00rs were planning after Chapter six, I was going to place Edward into top secret protective custody. For his safety. I mentioned this to Isabella, and it made her sad. I don't like it when she's sad. She asked me to give her a chance to get through to him. She has a way of softening him a bit, and I have faith in her, so... Dinner At The Hales' shall commence shortly.

I want to give a special thanks to **blueeyedcherry**, because if it wasn't for her encouragement, along with Isabella's pleading, I might not have let Isabella loose here. I, for one, am glad that I did. Isabella is as well, believe me. And I want you to go check out her stories, that blueeyedcherry, because she's amazing. I even appear in one of them, FOR WHICH I WILL LOVE HER FOREVER, because I even got a smack on the ass from Edward. Amongst _other_ things... but you'll have to go read to find out what. And why I WILL LOVE HER FOREVER. She already knows. And now I've told you. Twice.

And one more thing... **Green eyes 72.**.. what can I say? You inspired me. And her.

That's all.

**Chapter Seven : Sugar and Spice**

**Isabella**

I can not believe that he had the nerve to stroll in here with a peanut butter cup bribe and act like he was working late when he knows damn well what he was doing! What. An. Asshole!

And then feed me a bunch more lies when I called him on it? Who the hell does he think he is?_ Damn you, Edward Masen!_

And now he's just going to stand there while everyone else sits down? Well, I've got news for him. This is _my_ revolving world, not his!

I turn around and glare at him, my hands on my hips. He's not used to me being angry at him. I'm usually just hurt by the stupid things- and whores- he does, and suffer that pain in silence, but not this time. And he doesn't quite know what to do with it.

He clears his throat uncomfortably and tugs at his beautiful hair. "Maybe it would be better if I just left... "

Left? What? _Oh... not so fast Mr. Masen..._

I turn up the wicked in my glare and he raises his hands helplessly. "Tell me what you want, Isabella."

Yeah, like he doesn't know the answer to that... but since I can't say _that_ while Jasper's watching- which he is- I just roll my eyes at him and yank out his chair with my hand on my hip. "Sit. The fuck. Down! Edward!" _You beautiful asshole..._

"Yes, ma'am," he drawls- _and shit, it's so cute!_- and sits without a second's hesitation.

Is that a smile threatening his sexy mouth? Okay, maybe _cute_ got me for a second, but if he thinks he's out of the dog house, he's got another thing coming. Dinner at the Hales' starts now! And God help you if you're Edward-I-can't-keep-it-in-my-pants-Masen!

The seating arrangement is as it always is, with the addition of Rose being allowed to stay. Emmett has his allotted area at one end, because no one wants to sit very close to him when he eats. You might lose an arm or something... the man loves his food. Rose has courageously taken the spot to the right of him, and to the left of me, with Jasper on my right, and Edward on his- which means Edward is directly across from me, just where I like him. If all I can do is look, then I want a clear, undistorted view. Especially when we're eating and drinking, because every time he swallows... his adams apple does a delightful dance for me...

But right now I'm pissed, and I don't want to get mesmerized by that damn neck of his. Edward Masen's neck is Isabella Hale's kryptonite. Need. More. Wine.

Jasper is apparently going to continue as my wine keeper, since I'm the only one drinking white. Everyone else has opted for the red, and Emmett has his milk, because according to him, milk just goes with pot roast. I drain my glass and hold it out to him again, and he fills it with a sigh, and another dirty look at Edward. Serves him right, my unquenchable thirst is _his_ fault!

I sit quietly for a while, letting everyone enjoy their dinner, which, no thanks to Edward, was not dry or ruined in the least. I, myself, am drinking more than eating as I ponder how to make Edward suffer, because he is in no way off the hook. I want my beautiful fish to squirm.

He keeps looking at me with _but you love me_ expressions, taking a page from _my_ book, but it's not going to work on me any more than it works on Jasper when he's upset with me for something. Granted, it's rare that Jasper gets upset with me for anything, but it's happened once or twice. I don't like it, and from the look of disappointment on Edward's face, my continued displeasure with him doesn't feel good to him either. _At least I know he cares..._

But I won't let it soften me. "So, did you _gentlemen_ have a good day?"

"It was a day," Jasper answers warily, knowing I'm up to something.

Emmett's response comes through a mouth full of food, "It's better now. This is delicious, Bella. I love you."

"You love my pot roast. And please don't talk with your mouth full of it," I say with a gentle scold and a smile.

"I love you both!" he says with another mouthful and I can't help but laugh.

"I love you, too, Emmett, and the fact that I never have to put leftovers away."

He raises his knife in the air with a goofy grin and I laugh again.

I look to Edward now, who hasn't responded yet, and I'm grateful that he knows at this moment that 'gentlemen' didn't apply to him. He's nothing if not intelligent. And he knows something's coming. His mouth twitches and his eyes are warm as he braces himself for it, taking a sip of his wine, as he looks at me over the top of his glass.

But perhaps he's not quite fully prepared for my next words... "And what about you, Slutward? How was your day?" ... because he chokes on his wine and his eyes go wide with shock.

And he's not the only one. I probably should have made sure no one was in the process of swallowing anything before I asked him about his day. Good thing I know the heimlich maneuver...

Luckily, it doesn't appear to be necessary for me to save any lives today. The in-stereo choking has become nothing more than laughter at Edward's expense. Even he looks amused. Well, amused with a side of _wounded_.

"Thank you for asking," he clears his throat and seems to ponder his response. "My day was rather _uneventful_, Isabella, until I got _here_."

"Is that so? Well, if you had arrived on time, instead of wasting so much of it with your _suckretary_, who apparently does so _uneventfully_- how terribly sad for you- then your day might, indeed, have been more interesting that much sooner."

He's again shocked, and another round of laughter fills the air. I think I've even managed to make him feel a little guilty, and every time his mouth opens to say something, it closes again wordlessly. So I take the opportunity to make a point.

"I challenge anyone to trump my hospitality, Edward. Don't ever again insult me by thinking some tramp in a painted on skirt is worthy of trying. She can't, and by your own roundabout admission, she didn't. You should know by now that no one can take better care of you than I can. And you should show a little respect for that. More than a little."

The room goes quiet, the only sound that of Edward expelling a long breath. I feel Jasper's eyes boring into me from beside me and Rose's hand gives my leg a gentle squeeze under the table. But I don't focus on any of that, because my attention is glued to Edward's face. His expression is pained, and I know he understands how much he hurt me this time with his selfishness.

It's not so much what he was doing, of course I hate that he does, I've always hated it... but this time he made me wait for him while he did it. That's too much. I deserve better than that. From anyone, but especially from him.

"Isabella... I'm truly sorry. I never meant to disrespect you... "

"But you did."

"I... "

"I'm not one of your whores, Edward. If I'm of no value to you, then be man enough to say it, and then leave my house. If I _am_, then be man enough to show it, and stop acting like a fucking teenage boy who can't keep his dick in his pants for a couple of hours for fear it might explode. It_ won't._ Grow. Up."

His brows furrow and his mouth falls, his head shaking in disbelief. I know he cares about me... _he_ knows I know, and I know he's stunned that I would call him on it... but things have changed- I know what I saw and he knows he let me see it. I want acknowledgement of that, and he damn well better give it to me, whether my brother is watching or not.

His eyes flit to Jasper, and mine follow, knowing exactly what I'll see. He's looking only at me, a battle of emotions taking place on his face. I know he's proud that I'm sticking up for myself, but he knows it's more than that. He knows that something else- besides the wine and my own self respect- is driving me, and he isn't happy about _that_. And he sure as hell doesn't want Edward to give me what I want.

What I _need_.

"I'm waiting," I declare, my chin up and my eyes back on Edward.

His eyes plead with me for a moment, but he sees my determination, and that it's not wavering. "Isabella, you know how much value you have."

He's going to have to do better than that. "Yes, I do. Do you?"

Jasper clears his throat not so subtly between us, and Edward's eyes are again pleading with me, but the pleading in my own softens him for a moment. "Of course I do. You're very special, Isabella. You know how I feel about you."

_No I don't. You should tell me._

I want more than that, but Jasper is seemingly appeased by his careful choice of words. He thinks they're innocent. And he thinks they've hurt me, because he sees the disappointment I know I'm wearing on my face.

Disappointment because I want more. And Edward's not going to give it to me. Not tonight. I've gotten all I'm going to get from him.

Or maybe I haven't...

"Prove it," I challenge.

He doesn't know what I'm asking for, and his assumption is clear in his discomfort. And in his_ "I can't"_ gaze. There's desperate conviction and regret in his voice. "I _am_ sorry. I wish you believed me. Your disappointment is something I never want to see again. I made a grave error in judgement. I promise you it won't happen again. I was _wrong_. I would never hurt you, Isabella. I know I have with my careless actions, and I'm very, very sorry. You have my word that I won't make that mistake again. You're too special to me. You deserve so much _better_. I won't forget that again."

The true meaning of his words and his promise isn't lost on me, but he should know me better than to think I'm going to accept that from him now. It's too late for that. I won't forget what I saw. He can't make me forget.

I'll let it go for now, because I don't want him to have the excuse of my current wine-induced state to use against me in his attempt at nobility. He knows he's the reason for it, or at least for the extent of it, but that knowledge is all he's going to get. I'm not sorry for wanting to be a little numb to the pain he caused me. I'm not sorry that that numbness made me braver. I'm not sorry for anything. _I_ have no regrets, and I won't tomorrow. And I'm not ashamed for what I'm going to demand from him now.

I take another long drink from my glass, making the corners of his mouth turn down as he watches me with guilt in his magnificent green eyes. He _should_ feel guilty, but not for the reasons he does. He should feel guilty for being an asshole. He should feel guilty for disrespecting me. He should feel guilty for letting her. And, even if he's telling the truth, and didn't know, I want him to make it up to me. I want to see how _special_ I really am to him.

"As for your _speech_, I suppose only time will tell how much you _don't_ want to _hurt_ me. But for now, I want you to prove how much _better_ I deserve."

He leans back in his chair with a sigh, and rakes his hands nervously through his hair. "I'm not sure what I can do to prove that to you right now, but I will if I can. What do you want?"

"It doesn't have to be right this minute, or even tonight. It can wait until morning. And you _can_, quite easily, _if_ I'm special enough."

"Then name it." There's trust in his willingness. Trust that I've moved on from more sensitive matters. "Because you are, Isabella."

_I better be._ "Fire the slut."

He doesn't hesitate to answer. "That decision was made the moment I discovered she spoke to you that way. It should go without saying that I would find it unacceptable that you be put in that position, but I understand that any doubts you have about that are my fault, and mine alone. I am truly sorry for that, as well. And I assure you, her dismissal is the first thing on tomorrow morning's agenda."

"Good."

His smile is genuine, and threatens to crumble my will. His question nearly sends me across the table and into his lap. "Anything else you'd like me to do?"

But his lap isn't worthy, and neither is his mouth that I'm wondering for the millionth time what would taste like. I take another courage-building drink of wine and try to push the thought from my still-mad-at-him brain, because even if the rest of me is softening, despite it's muddled state, _it_ isn't.

"Actually, yes, if you're finished, you can help me clear the table. I have a dessert that you are expected to shamelessly swoon over."

He follows my lead as I get up from the table, though without the wobble that accompanies me. Jasper and Rose reach up simultaneously to steady me and I giggle as Jasper guides me back into my chair. I reach for my glass with a shrug. "Guess it snuck up on me."

"You mean while you were chugging along like a freight train, dragging the derailed Masen caboose behind you?" Emmett chuckles from the other end of the table.

"Yes, precisely then," I say, draining my glass for the... oh, who cares how many times...

"You're my hero, Bella," he grins, shoving the last forkful into his mouth, as a smirking Edward reaches for his plate.

"Mine too," Rose says with a wink and a gentle tug of my hair.

I smack her hard on the ass and Jasper uses it as his excuse to cut me off. "I'll make coffee."

I pout at him and reach across the table for the bottle of wine, but Edward grabs it before I can. "Sorry, sweetheart, you're outnumbered on this one."

_Did he just?..._ "You're still on my shit list, _Slutward_, and if I were you, I'd be sucking up, not playing keep away with what I want. Especially if you have any hopes of getting your mouth on my pie."

His eyes widen for a brief second, and I don't realize how it sounded until Rose bursts out laughing, before getting silenced immediately by a not-amused Jasper. My face heats and I bury it in my hands, wishing I could disappear. _So not what I meant..._

I feel a hand on my hair and then his velvet voice is in my ear, "I know I'm not worthy, but I'd give anything for that to be different." And then it's gone.

I raise my head, my heart pounding furiously in my chest at his words- which I don't believe had anything to do with pie, but I meet Jasper's overattentive stare as I do and it stops my heart cold. I smile sweetly at Edward's retreating form and any suspicion he had is instantly erased. He thinks Edward said something sweet to me to soothe my embarrassment. Because no matter what stupid things he's done in the last few days, Edward has never been anything but sweet to me...

Sugar and spice and everything nice is _not_ what Edward Masen is made of.

But I believe with all of my heart that it's what he _wants_.

And worthy or not, it _will_ be different.

Because he let me see.

And he let me hear.

And I want it all, no matter the cost.

I think I get lost in my thoughts for a few moments, because when I focus now, I see the table completely cleared and dessert plates and coffee in place. Well... coffee for _me_.

"We're only cutting one of those pies and you know it! Don't make me take your piece away!" I call as I see Emmett grab both from the counter. He turns his head so I don't see the face he makes at me, but I know it's not a nice one as Rose and Jasper start laughing.

Edward closes the door of the dishwasher he just loaded with the dinner dishes and looks up at me hopefully as he washes his hands. "What's the other one for?"

Apple pie is Edward's favorite, and normally he would know the answer to that without asking, but since I'm mad at him, he doesn't assume it's for him anymore.

_Damn that adorable asshole... like I could deny him?_

"It's for _you_. You don't deserve it, but like I said... no one can take care of you better than I can. You know that. I know what you like, and I know what will make you happy. I made it for you, and I'm not going to take it away now just because you're an _ass_. And when it's time, you'll take it... _untouched_. Because no one should have to share something they love so much with other greedy mouths."

I ignore the gaping mouths that now surround me, no one missing the meaning of my words, especially not my brother, whose angry glare may very well burn a hole through me as he takes his seat beside me again. No... I don't care about any of that right now, because Edward's face... his beautiful face that has starred in every dream I've ever had of my future... is showing me all I want to see.

_That's right, Mr. Masen..._

Game.

On.

**xx**

**So... thoughts? I'd love to hear from you. **

**And I know this was short, but Isabella had a few things to say that just couldn't wait. I doubt anyone blames her for that?**


	8. Chapter 8 : Masochists

**Disclaimer** : SM owns Twilight. I own the masochists.

**A/N** : So... I know a lot of you were hoping for an EPOV of Dinner At The Hales'... and there will be one, but I've decided to donate it to a good cause. Fandom4Texas is that cause, so go donate if you can. Those who can't... patience, my lovelies.

As for now... amazing response to Chapter 7. I told you to give my girl a chance! She raises her glass in thanks. And she asks that you cut her brother a little slack. _Ouch_, ladies. Seriously.

More at the bottom... And, if you will,** it's a bridge**. Don't throw me off of it, I don't swim so good.

**Chapter Eight : Masochists**

**Edward**

Pounding.

My heart in my chest. My feet on the pavement.

_Isabella_. Pounding on every part of me. _In_ every part of me.

In my head.

My ears.

My throat.

My heart.

In my stomach...

In my fucking pants. Or shorts, as you would have it this morning. Damn, that shit hurts.

My cock is aching.

My head..

My heart...

It all hurts.

Because of her.

Because I want her.

Because she wants me.

Because I shouldn't.

Because she shouldn't.

Because it's wrong.

But not having her...

Not having her is agony.

Not giving her what she wants...

What she's strong enough to ask for... in her way.

What she's strong enough to fight for...

_That_ is wrong.

Isn't it?

It _feels_ wrong.

To deny her.

To deny myself.

For...

Why do I deny her?

For what?

For _him_.

Fuck.

I know that's not the only reason.

It would be easier if it was.

But it's not.

_She's_ the reason.

The reason I want...

And the reason I can't.

And she's the reason I push through the burn in my chest. My legs.

And I won't stop until the pain is stronger than the pain I feel for her.

For me.

For _wrong_.

**Isabella**

Why is there a thousand pound weight on my head? _Pounding_ on my head. I search my befuddled brain and then I remember...

Knock knock.

_Ow_. Please stop. Who's there?

Pinot Grigio.

Oh... it's _you_. Well, please stop knocking and go away!

Yeah, I definitely remember now... and frankly...

Worth. The. Pain.

God, it even hurts to smile... but that's worth it, too. Because Edward's face...

Oh...

But Jasper's face...

He was incredibly sweet to me last night... He got me upstairs, and Rose helped me into my pajamas, and then he tucked me in._ Really, really_ sweet... which tells me how much he loves me, because I know he was_ really, really_ unhappy with me...

Did I go too far? The look I saw on Edward's face screams no, but my brother...

No. Not too far. I already knew how Jasper would feel... and I love him with all of my heart, but he's just going to have to accept it. I won't give up until Edward Masen is mine. I'm not going to just sit by anymore wishing his revolving bedroom door would stop revolving. I'm going to throw a wrench in it's gears and stop it. _I_ am. Sweet little _me_.

But right now...

I manage to get one eye open and glance at the clock beside my bed. After a moment I actually focus enough to see the numbers. Right now my brother, who I truly _do_ love with all of my heart, is probably moping around the kitchen helplessly trying to figure out how to feed himself breakfast. And pounding head or not, that picture is more than I can bear. No one goes hungry in my house. Certainly not him.

I force myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I really wish the jackhammer trying to break ground on my head would go the fuck away, but it seems to like it here. I flip it off and grab my toothbrush and try to break through the cotton field that is my mouth. A double brushing seems to do the trick, and I quickly wash my face and make my way slowly to the stairs. I feel like I'm standing at the top of the Spanish Steps looking down. When the hell did our staircase get this monumental?

Knock knock.

_Shut up!_

**Edward**

I make it into the office early, and leave my door open, so that I know the exact moment Holly arrives. When she gets here, I want her gone as quickly as possible. I'm not one of those bosses that has no idea what's going on in my own company- my schedule of meetings and appointments was made by _me_, and the only disruption her immediate departure will create is that I'll have to answer my own phone until I find a replacement. In the meantime, I've already called the temp service, and have transferred all calls to my desk until they send someone.

I was mortified when I knew that she'd taken it upon herself to answer my phone and speak to Isabella the way she did. I blame myself for being careless enough to leave my phone on her desk, but that she had the nerve to answer it? Has she lost her fucking mind? Clearly the answer is yes, and now she'll lose her job for her indiscretion. Her sudden bout of insanity is of no concern to me.

Isabella didn't have to ask me to fire her- or demand it- _which was sexy as hell..._

The decision was instant, but even if I hadn't come to it on my own, I would do it for her. Whatever small satisfaction she gets from it is the least I can do... the very least I can give her. If I could give her more...

Holly enters the office before the thoughts of what I'd like to_ give her_ consume me, and my focus is immediately centered on the task at hand. I'm through the door before she can set her bag down.

"Don't bother settling in. You won't be staying."

"Good morning, Mr. Masen. Are there errands you need me to run?"

"The only errands you'll be running are your own. Clear all of your personal belongings from your _former_ desk and leave. You are no longer employed here."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Yes, but whatever for?"

She's trying my patience. "Don't play dumb with me. Did you think you were going to get away with that shit?"

Her eye roll tells me that she did. "So, little miss Snow White tattled on me... I can't say that I'm surprised, but really... life isn't the fairy tale she thinks it is. I did nothing more than give her a dose of reality, and that's hardly a reason to fire me. I'm sure she still thinks you're her Prince Charming, the only difference is, now she knows you have more than a white horse between your legs. If anything, you should _thank_ me, because when you decide to take her to your castle, which you _will_- the sexual tension between you two has been at the boil over level for months- maybe now she'll realize that she'll have to do more than smile pretty and bake pies to make you happy. Where's the gratitude, Mr. Masen?"

"Do not talk about her! Not another fucking word! There won't be any thanks or gratitude, you're out of your delusional fucking mind. It's over. You're done. Get your things and get out. Now."

She raises her hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay. You're pissed. I get it. I shouldn't have answered your phone. I shouldn't have talked to your sweet little princess like that. But there are _other_ ways you can punish me. No one else is here yet... you could take me into your office and... "

I let this shit go way too far. It ends now. "Do I have to physically remove you from the premises?"

"You're serious? You're really firing me?"

"You've exhausted my patience. You've got five minutes. Use them wisely."

She's stupid enough to be truly surprised, which tells me how monumentally careless I've been in my actions. If I could fire myself, I would. Fucking idiot.

She's quiet as she gathers her few belongings from the desk as I watch her with an unwavering glare and arms folded over my chest.

It takes her only a moment or two, and she puts her bag back on her shoulder with a sigh. "I have really enjoyed working for you, Mr. Masen. If you ever reconsider... "

"I won't."

"Or anything else... " she tries shamelessly.

_Whore_. "Good bye, Miss Gardner."

She turns and walks from the office silently but with a frown, and the sense of relief I feel as she disappears from sight catches me off guard. I knew I had made mistakes by getting _involved_ with her, but hurting Isabella brought forth a clarity that I had been unable to reach until last night.

I have to stop thinking with my dick.

I know this is easier said than done, and as I walk back into my office, I say a silent prayer that the temp they send over doesn't knock my new plan of action on it's ass. Maybe I should have told them no firm, round asses...

And just like that, I'm back to Isabella.

_So much for not thinking with my dick..._

**Isabella**

What feels like an hour later, I finally make it down the stairs and to the kitchen and find Jasper frowning at the box of Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch cereal in his hand.

"You don't have to eat that. I'll make you something," I say quietly.

He turns to look at me, and a sad smile forms on his lips. "Are you okay? You look like you're feeling some pain."

"I'm fine. The jackhammer has to run out of gas eventually, right?"_ God, please..._

He looks like he's in some pain of his own as he drops two Aleve into my hand and opens a bottle of water and holds it out to me. "I shouldn't have let you drink so much."

I swallow the pills and will my head to have mercy on me until they kick in. "It's not your fault. I'm a big girl. So, what would you like for breakfast?"

"Why don't you tell me what _you_ want, and I'll go out and get something for both of us? You don't feel well, I'm not going to stand here and watch you suffer to cook me something."

"It's just a headache... "

"Isabella."

I ignore his _Listen here, young lady_ tone, my inexplicable need to _do_ taking over, and plead my case. "It's bad enough that you all had to clean up dinner last night and serve dessert and then clean that up, too... now if you don't let me make you breakfast, then I'll just feel worse than I already do. What's next? You're going to order pizzas for the game tonight instead of my game night man-feast?"

His face answers my question before he does, and my sudden feelings of not being needed rage a war with my pounding head. I'll be damned if my head will win, and I start gathering everything I need to make his favorite french toast and bacon.

He starts to protest but my pout silences him for a moment before he responds with a different approach. "Sweetheart, we just thought you might not feel up to it tonight. We were going to move game night to Edward's this time and let you... "

_They thought what? And deprive me of Edward Masen in his old, ripped and tattered Trail Blazers t-shirt? Oh, no you don't! Operation 'poor me' phase two starts now..._

"The game is hours and hours away, Jasper. Is it really that you thought I might not feel up to it, or is it that you boys thought you finally had an excuse to get away from me? If that's what you all want, you only had to say so." I make my voice impossibly small for my big finish, "I never meant to be in the way... "

As if my words weren't enough, I see my sulking face break his heart, and I feel truly evil for doing this to him, but the alternative would break _mine_... and I _am_ making his favorite breakfast, even though my head is going to explode. It's something, right?

He watches me for a moment as I set the table with deliberate sadness, and lets out a deep sigh. "Isabella, you know better than that. How could you even think such a thing? Emmett would move in if I'd let him, so you could spoil him and feed him every day. And Edward... well, Edward adores you, to say the least. You know that. And you know you've _never_ been in the way. As for me... have you met me, little sister?"

_All absolutely true, as I well know._ "You're that much-taller-than-me shadow I see everywhere, right?" I ask with a small smile, refilling his coffee.

"The very one," he smiles back, pouring juice into my glass. "So, you see the problem with your theory, sweetheart? You couldn't get rid of me if you tried. Or them. We really just wanted to give you a break."

"Well, I don't need one." _Certainly not from Edward... out of sight, out of mind is the last thing I want to be right now for him..._ "So tell the boys that the game night tradition will commence here as usual."

"Why don't we just see how you feel in a few hours? Because if it's anything like you feel now, then I don't think... "

I don't let him finish, because I'm not budging. "If I haven't rejoined the land of the living by then, you might as well just shoot me and put me out of my misery. Barring that, game night is on. And so is breakfast, so sit."

I drain the bacon on a towel lined plate, and carry it and the french toast to the table. He sits, but doesn't take his eyes off of me, his gaze contemplative.

"You're rather determined this morning."

_Uh oh... I thought I had distracted him enough..._ "I'm always determined."

"When you really want something."

"Isn't that a good thing?" I ask innocently.

"It is if what you really want is _good_ for you. But in this case... "

_Nice try, but I'm not hearing it._ "It's just a game, Jasper. The worst that can happen is that Emmett will get excited- or mad- and food will fly. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before. Oh... and that your beloved reptile friend will get a front row seat to salivate over me... "

"And isn't that exactly what you _want_ to happen?"

_Ooooh... shame on him!_ "Of course not. What I _want_ is for him to take up residence in a faraway jungle where he belongs. You know that."

"And you know that I was _not_ referring to Aro."

_Of course I do. Now who's evil?_ "That's not a very nice way to talk about your best friend." _That beautiful creature..._

"I doubt he'd be offended."

"Well, _I'm_ offended."

"You might have found it amusing last night."

_Insignificant._ "This isn't last night, this is today. And today I definitely _don't_."

"I see that."

"Good. So, be nice."

His tone grows increasingly more serious, "I'm more concerned about you than him."

"I'm fine. You have nothing to be concerned about."

"I don't want you to get your heart broken."

_His lack of faith in me is rather_ _disappointing._ "You think Edward's going to break my heart?"

"Not intentionally, but yes."

_But I'll humor him anyway..._ "And how exactly is he going to do that?"

"By never looking at you the way you want him to."

_Humpf!_ "Which way is that?"

"Isabella... your words didn't escape anyone last night."

_Here it comes..._ "Please keep in mind that my head hurts."

"You think I'm going to yell at you?"

_Hell yes._ "Seems likely, considering... "

"Have I ever?"

"No, but there's a first time for everything."

"I'm not going to yell at you because you have feelings I wish you didn't have. The fact that you have them is more punishment than I'd ever want you to endure."

"What does that mean?"

"He's never going to see you that way, sweetheart. I thought you understood that, until the last few days. And last night _proved_ I was wrong. You _don't_ understand. You have some kind of hope... but it's only going to get you hurt. I don't want that for you."

_Some kind of hope? If he only knew..._ "What if he did?"

"He doesn't."

_Wrong!_ "What. If. He. Did?"

"Isabella... "

"Answer the question, Jasper."

"He _won't_."

_Ugh!_ "If. What _if_?"

"Okay... you want an answer... I'd kill him. How's that?"

_Yikes! Serious much?_ "I don't like that one."

"That's all I got, darlin'."

"You should go to work now."

"You know I just want what's best for you."

"I know."

"Because I love you."

"I know."

"Thank you for breakfast."

"You're welcome."

"Want me to clean up?"

_Now he's got jokes?_ "No, I'll manage. Besides, you don't know how."

"That's because I have this amazing little sister that spoils me."

"Yes you do, and that amazing little sister of yours is currently unemployed, so get your ass to work so you can support her."

"Don't worry, I'd get a second mortgage on the house if I had to to keep you in peanut butter." He stands from his chair and smiles at me warmly before kissing the top of my head. "We take care of each other in different ways, Isabella. I promise I only mean to keep you safe and happy."

"I know... but just like when I was little... maybe I need to fall out of the tree to know if how much I want it is worth the pain."

His face contorts at the memory and his eyes close for a moment. When he opens them again, I see his fear for my determination. "You were right back in that tree the next day."

_He's damn right I was..._

**Jasper**

Where did she go? That sweet young girl with the harmless crush on my lifelong best friend...

This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to grow up and see him for what he is. That clarity was supposed to free her. I knew her true affection for him would never waver, but the rest... I was sure it would fall away. That she'd pack it away with a laugh and a _What was I thinking?_ and leave it there.

But that didn't happen.

That didn't happen at all.

She's more enthralled than ever.

And it's not harmless anymore.

When the fuck did it go so wrong?

Why doesn't she see?

She _did_ see. She saw more than she ever should have.

Why wasn't it enough?

How do I protect her from herself?

How do I protect her from her own heart?

Her heart that's beautiful and kind and pure...

Her heart that wants...

"Rough morning?" I ask, as I duck out of the way of the flying stapler that was undoubtedly aimed at the open doorway of Edward's office. The unadorned-by-a-skirt desk outside of it tells me that he did, indeed, fire Holly this morning and isn't adjusting well.

"My door is wide open and I'm answering my own fucking phone, what do you think?"

"Not jacking off for an hour making you grumpy? Get a grip, man. Oh... that's right, you _can't_."

"Shut up and give me my damn coffee. And why are you just now getting here with it?"

"Priorities."

His irritated scowl turns to understanding, "And how is our little _angel_ this morning?"

"Determined."

"About?"

"You."

"Hmmm... I thought I was safe. She's still that mad?"

I sit down in the chair in front of his desk and level my eyes at him. "I don't think _hurt_ you is what she has in mind. And don't pretend you don't know that."

"It was just the wine talking, Jasper... "

"The only thing the wine did was make her brave enough to say it. _What_ she said was all her. So, my question for you is, what are you going to do about it?"

My question looms in the air unanswered as three lines simultaneously start ringing at once.

"What the fuck?" he growls, "She knows I fired that bitch, why is she bombarding me?"

I laugh as he pounds his fist on his desk, knowing Kate is probably doing it on purpose. "Maybe because _that bitch_ is a friend of hers? Women talk, you know... "

"Well, if she doesn't cut it the fuck out, she'll be talking to her _friend_ in the unemployment line!"

Less than an hour in and he's coming apart at the seams. I might feel bad for him if he hadn't brought it upon himself. "I think you have enough problems without firing anyone else today. Have fun with your phone, _Mr. Masen_," I chuckle, getting up from the chair.

He flips me off and I duck back out of his office quickly, just in case what he was reaching for as I turned my back was anything but the phone on his desk. I make it into the hall unscathed, and nearly crash into a short-skirted blonde with full red lips headed straight for Edward's office. The temp service strikes again. I swear, one of these days I'm going to prove that Hugh Hefner is secretly running that place.

_Didn't I just say he had enough problems? Dear God, let him keep it in his pants..._

**_xx_**

**_I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for reading and reviewing. I promise to catch up on replies from the last chapter. Cross my heart. Reviews make my day... and if you knew how wretched some of my days were... Hey, I never said I was subtle. Nor did anyone else._**

**_A special thanks this time around to_ shadowed by passion ... seriously... THANK YOU. Hugs, kisses, and back rubs, babe. **

**And go read her stories! There's spinning!**

**Next chapter will be... hell if I know.**

**So... thoughts? I want to hear them. Honest, I do.**


	9. Chapter 9 : Pregame

**Disclaimer**: SM owns Twilight. The Pre-game belongs to me. And any other famed entity I may have given a mention.

**A/N**: It's been a bit of time since I last saw you, but I've been busy. Wrote the EPOV of Ch 7 and got it sent off to Fandom4Texas, posted Ch 24 of Clear and Bright, aaaand started a new fic, for those who may not know, Say Goodbye. Prologue and Ch 1 are already posted. To sum it up in one word... Bitchella.

Now, as for this little darling... I'm still on the bridge. Holding on tight, scared shitless of heights. And water. Send a helicopter, please. You know which one. I'm willing to beg. Fifty times over. *sigh*

And one more thing... I kept my promise. For those of you who have PMs disabled, you were spared.

aaaand... Pre-game in T minus... NOW.

**Chapter Nine : Pre-game**

**Edward**

"Knock it off, Kate."

She laughs as she looks up at me from her desk. "Knock what off, Mr. Masen? Your too-pretty-for-your-own-good head?"

"Would you like to join your friend in the world of the stupid and unemployed?"

"No, thank you, sir."

"Then I suggest you watch how you talk to me, and KNOCK. IT. OFF."

"Yes, _sir_. My apologies, _sir_. But I still don't know what you're referring to. What would you like me to knock off?"

_Don't know, my ass..._ "Stop sending every unimportant fucking phone call that comes in to my desk!"

"Well, they all asked for you."

"Of course they asked for me, it's my fucking firm, they _all_ want the chance to talk to me. But do you really think it's so funny- and worth risking your job for- to send a call to my desk that wants to confirm that we received the new yellow pages? Or any of the other waste-of-my-time bullshit you've sent?"

"It was a little funny."

"Kate!"

She doesn't try to contain her laughter, but manages to rein it in finally when she sees how strongly I don't share her amusement. "Okay. I'm sorry. It was childish, and I'll stop now. Just wanted to torment you a bit. Give you a reminder of sorts." She looks at me intently, and her tone grows serious, "You're better than your recent behavior, Mr. Masen. Holly is my friend, but friend or not, she's not worth your lapse in judgment. Or what happened because of it. She told me what she did... and even though I've behaved childishly today on her behalf, I completely agree with your decision to fire her for it. She was way out of line, and I unequivocally told her that. Isabella did nothing to deserve to be put in that position, and Holly only did it because she knows- and is, and always has been, jealous of the fact- that you have a strong _affection_ for her. Unfortunately, last night you gave her an opportunity that she couldn't resist taking advantage of. I know you're not happy about that, and probably feel like absolute shit for your own part in it, but I implore you to keep that firm in your mind when you choose a replacement for her. Someone less _tempting_, perhaps. And less conniving. With all due respect, sir."

All of that, yet I only heard one thing. _Strong affection for her._ Jesus, am I that transparent? Kate knows Isabella is important to me, but her emphasis on _affection_ leaves no doubt that she's now fully aware that there has been a change in what that means.

And there were Holly's comments this morning...

And Rose's knowing glare at dinner last night...

And, of course, Isabella herself...

Shit.

I'm wearing it on my fucking sleeve. Or somewhere.

Are Jasper and Emmett the only ones who don't see it? They're closer to it than anyone.

But they know better than anyone how deep that affection goes.

And, Jasper especially, would never doubt it's innocence.

Because it's unfathomable to him.

Even to me.

It's _unfathomable_.

I know that.

Under no circumstances can I have her, no matter how much I want her.

"Aren't you going to answer that, Kate?" Jasper's sudden appearance makes me nearly jump out of my skin.

The phone is ringing like crazy on Kate's desk, but she's just staring at me. How long have I been standing here silently, lost in my self-dialogue?

She's _still_ staring at me.

Because she _knows_.

And now she knows that _I_ know she knows. Her eyes flit to Jasper- who she knows doesn't know anything- and back to me, before she clears her throat purposefully and attends to the sudden barrage of calls.

"You're awfully tense, isn't your temp working out?" Jasper asks to my back as I turn and walk away.

"No, she didn't. Or the two they sent after," I mutter, not bothering to turn around, certainly not wanting to take the risk of him _seeing_ too.

"What happened? Were they all wearing thongs, unaware of your out-of-character aversion to them?"

"I don't know what kind of fucking undergarments they were wearing, Jasper, nor do I care- and I sure as fuck wasn't interested in finding out- but that worthless temp service sent me nothing but whore after whore, whose only interests in performing a _job_ were to _blow me_, so I sent them packing one after the other. And it's _not_ out of character, you know how much I hate that trashy shit, you asshole. And... now the whole day has been an unproductive waste of time, because I can't get shit done while I'm still stuck answering my own fucking phone!"

"You weren't interested? You feeling alright? Or did your dick finally fall off from overuse?"

I cross the threshold to my office and kick the door shut in his face in answer to his unamusing questions, but he isn't deterred and opens it, following me in, laughing like he's the funniest thing since Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Too bad he's not.

"Don't you have anything more important to do than amuse _yourself_ with me?"

"Actually, no. Unlike you, _I_ have had a _very_ productive day. I was thinking of heading out early and seeing how Isabella is faring. I talked to her a couple of hours ago, and she said she felt better, but she looked so terrible this morning, I'm not sure I believe her."

_Isabella_ _looking terrible is a physical impossibility..._ "Why would she lie about that? If she said she felt better, then she probably does. You should be _glad_. Why are you questioning it?"

"Her feelings were hurt that we moved game night to your house. I tried to explain why, but she wasn't listening... She said we wanted to get away from her. And that she never meant to be in the way... "

_Oh, Isabella... you wicked little devil..._ "She knows better than that, Jasper."

"You didn't see her face or hear her voice, Edward. It broke my heart."

_I'm sure it was true Isabella-fashion Oscar worthy..._ "I can see that," I snicker.

Now _he_ doesn't see the humor. "I can't believe _you_, of all people, would be amused by her feelings being hurt. Are you really that bitter about her serving you your ass last night?"

"Don't piss me off, Jasper, you fucking know better. What I'm _amused_ by is _your_ cluelessness. Let me guess... you ensured her she was _wrong_, told her how much we all _adore_ her, and _then_ she insisted she would be fine and that game night be moved _back_ to your house as usual?"

"Pretty much. Your point?"

_Some things never change..._ "Okay, take notes.** Isabella : Lesson 177,245** ... " He flips me off, hating it when I have to explain her to him, or feel the need to, like now, but I ignore him and continue. "For some reason, she actually _enjoys_ spoiling us. She looks forward to it. Needs it. And, believe me, she likes it when we bow to her for it. We have to_ be there_ to do that. Understand now? She played you. And you fell for it. And everyone thinks Emmett is the dumb one?"

"She wouldn't do that to me. _I_ know my sister. Her feelings were genuinely hurt."

"If you were so concerned about it, then why didn't you say something this morning? You came in here, you didn't say a word."

"That's because by the time I left the house, she had moved on to _determined_. At that moment, it seemed the bigger issue, but now that she's had all day to stew... you know she can be... _sensitive_... her mind... No. You're wrong. I'm going home."

"Let me know if... "

He doesn't wait for me to finish, he's already out the door. I still think I'm right, but after last night, I feel like a complete ass for not at least checking to see how she was feeling. Or thinking. God knows I thought about her...

Well, it's not too late to let her know that, at least on some level. I pull out my phone and type her a message:

_I had the most heavenly apple pie for breakfast this morning, my humble thanks to YOU. How are you today? You've been on my mind. Edward_

I hit send, and wait for her reply, trying not to over-analyze adding that last sentence, or how she might take it. Luckily, I don't have to wait long.

_You're welcome. I'm fine... NOW, thank you for asking. And... GOOD, at least you're man enough to finally admit it. Isabella_

Shit!

How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that? I pull at my hair in frustration, flabbergasted at my continued carelessness and stupidity with her. Of course that's how she took it.

Didn't I know she would when I sent it?

Yes, I knew.

Did it stop me?

No.

The only question I have no answer to is _why_?

Why can't I think straight when it comes to her?

Why isn't my brain capable of anything but thinking _about_ her?

Why can't I stop myself from doing and saying things I know I shouldn't?

Why can't I keep the boundaries clear in my head?

The lines are clearly drawn.

Between us.

All around her.

Where they're supposed to protect her on all sides.

There's even signs posted...

**STOP**

**KEEP OUT**

**DO NOT ENTER**

**AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY**

**PRIVATE PROPERTY**

**NO TRESPASSING**

**BEWARE OF DOGS**

Well, they _were_.

Until she pulled them all out by their stakes.

Until she flipped then upside down and used them to sweep those carefully defined lines into oblivion.

Until she swung them like a bat and knocked my will into the same.

Until the dogs were duped like the idiots they are.

She distracted them.

Threw food to one. That was easy.

Her seemingly wounded heart to the other.

So he'd wander away searching for a way to help her. That one was harder.

He never lets his guard down.

Except he did.

Because he doesn't realize he needs to protect her from one of his own.

One of the authorized personnel.

As for the third...

She doesn't want him to leave her.

Or be distracted in any way.

She just wants him to stop standing guard. Leave his post. His post _outside_.

She erected signs of her own.

Just for him. _Me_.

**ENTER**

**WELCOME**

**_DOGS_ WELCOME**

**PLEASE COME IN**

If only...

But no.

No. No. NO.

They're not for me.

She can't see it now, but she will.

I'm not right for her.

I don't belong inside.

Out.

Out is where I belong.

Out is where I have to stay.

For her.

Her, who has gotten tired of waiting for my reply.

_Your wishing you could take it back doesn't make it unseen or unsaid. It's too late for that. I won't forget. Any of it. Isabella._

Fuck!

Everything was so much simpler a week ago. Before I let her see anything. Hear anything. _Know_ anything.

I knew... I'd always known, but not _how_, perhaps. Not how deeply.

I'd catch her stealing glances... She'd blush. I'd smile. But nothing changed.

No lines were crossed. It was harmless. Innocent. Sweet.

Sweet, like the day when she was four years old and I arrived for one of her infamous tea parties and found her wearing the Snow White dress my mother had made for her-topped off with a makeshift veil. Her table, usually set with a teapot and teacups and cookies, instead held apple juice and champagne glasses and a cake, with her Snow White and Prince Charming figurines centered on top. She'd told me this tea party would be a special one, and to dress up like a grown up. I had done as she asked-or rather _insisted_- and had even tried to get my hair to lay down. She giggled when she saw me and ordered me to sit, and reached up with her tiny little fingers and messed it all up again. Then she said it was perfect and asked me if I was ready.

I laughed and asked her who the lucky prince was that was going to get to marry the beautiful princess and she rolled her big brown eyes at me, put her hands on her hips, and said "You, silly."

I remember that day like it was yesterday, and how her eyes lit up when I smiled at her declaration. I looked up when I heard Ethan laughing, and he was leaning in her doorway, beaming at the adorable little girl that was the light of his life. My brows lifted in shock when I saw that he, too, had dressed for the occasion, foregoing his usual basketball shorts or warm up pants and t-shirt for a suit.

He crossed the room, and bent down to kiss her smiling cheek, and glanced up at me. "Like it could ever be anyone else? Really, Edward... " He rolled his eyes, mimicking her and making her giggle, before directing his next words at her, "He really is silly, isn't he?"

She nodded her head with an exasperated sigh and another roll of her eyes, making us both laugh, and Ethan slapped me hard on the shoulder. "Good luck, _O chosen one_, you're gonna need it."

She batted her long eyelashes, an innocent smirk forming on her small mouth, before running to the doorway and balling her hands into fists. "Jasper! Get your butt in here! It's time for the wedding!"

_Like it was yesterday..._

Only it wasn't.

And she's not that little girl anymore, playing innocent dress up games.

And I'm not that young boy who only wanted to make her happy.

Not even close.

Doesn't she understand that?

How different it is?

Doesn't she see the danger now?

What would her answer be if I asked her?

Do I want to know?

Yes.

I want her to tell me.

Tell me, so that I know how to protect her from both of us.

I type out my message, hoping that she takes it seriously. And that her answer won't scare the hell out of me.

_Oh, Isabella, when did you stop dreaming of Prince Charming and resign yourself to tempt the evil huntsman? Don't you see how dangerous that is? Please see. For me? THE HUNTSMAN_

**Isabella**

See? For him?

Oh, I _see_... I just have to make _him_ see. For _both_ of us. But right now I'm going to make him wait. And anyway, I'm pretty sure I just heard Jasper's car pull into the garage. I stick my tongue out at Aro, who hasn't stopped his slithering frenzy since I came down here- which I don't do often when Jasper isn't here- and go upstairs to see why he's home so early.

"There you are," he says as I come up behind him. "I was just about to check upstairs. I thought maybe you'd gone to take a nap."

"No, I was just downstairs straightening up. Did you come home early to check on me?"

"Yes, actually. You look much better than you did this morning. You really do feel better?"

"Yes. I told you I did."

"You did. But I thought maybe you were just... "

"Just _what_?" I ask with wide, innocent eyes.

He gives me a look that says_ I have mine on you_, but smiles. _Briefly_. "So, what on earth was there to straighten up downstairs? No snake guts, I hope?"

"Tempting... " I smile wickedly, "but _no_, and you'd be surprised. Mayhem creeps in the moment I go to sleep. Dust and such... it's horrendous."

"Horrendous? I'm pretty sure you could run a white glove over any surface in this house, and the glove would come up cleaner than when it touched down. Mayhem is too afraid of you to dare to enter your territory."

"I _am_ pretty scary. Armed with my rag and a can of polish... I almost feel sorry for the nasty little particles. But not quite. So... did you tell the boys game night is back on?"

"Not yet. I wanted to see how you were doing first."

_Of course you did..._ "Well, that's okay. I knew you wouldn't, so I already told Emmett. I was just about to call Edward, but since you're home, you can do that. And then you can go out and get the beer, because I didn't get out to do that today. Or you could delegate it to one of them. Whatever."

"You're passing up a chance to call Edward? That's... _interesting_."

I roll my eyes at his narrowed ones, and turn for the stairs, without another word.

I need privacy.

I have a _list_ to make.

**Edward**

Productivity in the last two hours?

Negative.

_Less_ than none.

Response from Isabella?

Still waiting for it.

Number of times I've looked at my phone while waiting?

Lost. Count.

Reasons to stick around the office another minute?

Can't think of a one.

I grab my keys from the desk, my phone already in my hand, like a teenage girl that gave it up way too fucking easy, and is stupidly sitting, waiting for a call that will never come from the asshole that took it without a second thought.

How many times have I been that asshole?

Granted, they're not teenage girls anymore, but they haven't grown any wiser with their years. They still give it up way too fucking easy. Most of them.

The only difference is, now they know better than to wait. They know their phones won't ring. I don't have a single number. I don't ask for them. I don't take them when they offer. I don't need them. If I want to get my dick wet, I have only to walk into any one of a hundred places and take my pick at how.

Yes, _how_.

Nameless, faceless whores, remember?

I slide my key into the ignition and start my truck, thinking that's exactly how easy it is for me...

I only have to decide what I want.

Decide, and it comes to me. I don't have to ask.

I glance at my phone, now on the console next to me, and I know.

There's only one thing that I want.

And for tonight, at least...

Nothing else will do.

**Isabella**

Well, Edward, I tried.

Even though your memory of the huntsman's actions don't seem to include _his_ eventually discovered heart, I still tried.

For you.

Because you asked me to.

Yes.

I did.

Gave it my best effort.

I honestly and truly did...

But nothing.

I glance down at the list in front of me.

Well...

It has a title.

** Reasons I should be afraid of Edward Masen**

But under that?

BLANK.

Couldn't think of a one.

And a title does _not_ a list make.

Certainly that means something?

Maybe _he's_ the one afraid?

Hmmm...

_That_ could be a list.

I flip the page, smiling to myself.

** Reasons Edward Masen might be afraid of _me_**

**1) Jasper. The most obvious.**

**2) I'm a great cook. Maybe he's afraid that eating my cooking more than once or twice a week will make him fat? Seriously, Adonis has _nothing_ to worry about.**

**3) Jasper. Probably worth mentioning twice.**

**4) Sudden irrational fear of peanut butter? Doubtful.**

**5) His dick. Probable. He might think not using it for a day will paralyze it or something.**

**6) Jasper. Yeah... back to that again. But unnecessary. I think he could take him.**

**7) Jasper + Emmett? A threesome of sorts. _That_ might not go well in Edward's favor.**

**8) Threesomes. The other kind. Wouldn't go well in his favor, either. He'd have to give them up. Completely.**

**9) His dick. Getting more obvious.**

**10) Happiness. The pure kind. I'd give it to him. He doesn't think he's worthy. He's _wrong_. This should be number 1.**

I should put in a call to Letterman. Offer up my Top Ten.

Except it's not funny.

So I'll just put it in Edward's hand. With the other one.

**Edward**

The hot spray beats on my chest without mercy.

The same way my hand strokes my throbbing cock.

The same way Isabella pummels my mind.

She's here again.

I brought her.

I tried not to.

But I failed.

I was doomed the second I walked through the kitchen door.

Greeted by her pie.

My mouth started watering.

I grabbed a fork and took a bite.

Then another.

My stomach told me there was no better taste on this earth.

Than Isabella's apple pie.

My cock disagreed.

It thought something could top it.

I think it was right.

I bet she tastes like heaven.

I want to know.

I've never craved anything more in my life.

My mouth has never watered quite like this.

And it's never done what it wants to do to her now in my mind.

As she's waiting before me.

Her sweet, unpicked fruit.

Dangling, yet hidden.

Out of sight to all eyes but mine.

Up on the highest branch.

Out of reach to everyone but me.

Tempting me.

Breaking my will to resist.

_Stroke..._

My body trembles as I climb higher.

_Harder..._

Slither towards it.

_Harder still..._

My breath becomes ragged as I reach out.

_Punishing... the muscles in my arm straining with the effort..._

My lips quiver as I take it gently in my hand.

_Squeeze..._

A hiss rolls deep in my throat as I bring it to my mouth.

_Twist..._

Her name flies from my lips into the steam-filled air.

_Pure._

My knees buckle beneath me.

_Unadulterated._

And the hard, hot spray beating down on me is a mere trickle, compared to the surge of indescribable bliss that explodes from my cock as I taste her sweet, delectable flesh.

_Heaven._

My hands hit the tile wall in a desperate attempt to regain my bearings. Catch my breath. Come back to earth.

To _her_.

The _her_ that I'm going to see just minutes from now.

The _her_ that I'll have to look at, and talk to, knowing what I just did.

Just _wanted_ to do.

_Still_ want to do.

To _her_.

_I am so fucked..._

**Isabella**

Tip-off? T minus 37 minutes.

Jasper? On a beer run.

Emmett? Will show up when he smells food.

THE HUNTSMAN? Just pulled into the driveway.

Snow White? Prepped and ready. For THE HUNTSMAN. And the game.

Eminem? Present and blaring. NOT AFRAID.

Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not.

I open the door with a smirk, and his hands move instantly to his hair. _God, I love it when he does that..._ The only thing I would love more is if _I_ was doing it.

I'm already making him nervous.

I love _that_ too.

I look him over slowly and purposefully.

His long fingers in his untamed hair.

His deep emerald and currently _wary_ eyes.

His perfect lips.

His chiseled jaw.

His will-put-me-on-the-floor-if-I-look-at-it-for-too-long NECK.

_I'm still standing, so just another minute..._

He clears his throat and it makes his adams apple bounce and I bite my lip.

_Breathe! Must. Finish. Inspection!_

Tattered old Trail Blazers t-shirt. Black. And arms...

_God help me!_

Faded, ripped jeans over long legs.

_Hello?_

Black Adidas.

_Head to toe perfection._

He clears his throat again, and my eyes make their way back to his face. Now _he's_ the one smirking. "Is there a new dress code at the Hale residence? Do I meet the requirements to be permitted entry?"

"You could be wearing nothing and you'd meet the... " His brows raise and my hand flies up to cover my mouth. I really didn't mean to...

His mouth twitches and he reaches forward and pulls my hand from my thousand-shades-of-red face, sending shivers through me. And maybe himself. Or flames. I'm not sure which, but his face tells me it was something. It doesn't matter to me in the least. _Something_ is all I need.

For now.

"Can I come in?" he asks, letting my hand fall from his, his eyes troubled by my newest glimpse of his weakening.

"Of course," I whisper, unable to stop the smile that spreads across my face.

He steps slowly inside and closes the door behind him. "Where is everyone?" he asks, shoving his hands into his pockets.

_I want to join them... his beautiful hands..._

My thumping heart makes my words come out breathlessly, "It's just you and me."

_xx_

**So... you must have _something_ to say? Like when the hEliCopter will arrive? *bats eyelashes* Pretty please?**


	10. Chapter 10 : Slammed

**Disclaimer**: SM? She owns Twilight. Slammed? MINE.

**A/N**: Short? YES. Sweet? You tell me. _After_.

**Chapter Ten: Slammed**

**Edward**

I pull into the driveway of Jasper and Isabella's house and say one last prayer for strength. The fact that she never responded to my text tells me that it's still her show, and I may be walking right into Act II of my bestowed starring role. _Please, God,_ _have mercy on me._

Something tells me He's not listening as I reach the door and hear Eminem's Not Afraid thumping through the house. _He's_ not listening, _she's_ not afraid, and Jasper is definitely _not_ home. If he was, she'd be listening to Paramore or something instead. Jasper's never forgiven Emmett for introducing a very young Isabella to Mr. Mathers, and the shock-to-us-all love affair that followed. And speaking of Emmett... his Jeep isn't here, either. _Yeah, like I didn't already know I was destined for Hell?_

I've been alone with Isabella many times, more times than I could ever count, so why is the prospect of it currently scaring the ever-loving shit out of me?

If there were sand before me, my cock would be drawing in it. The lack of isn't deterring him in the least. ALONE WITH _KNOWING_ ISABELLA.

_It was a rhetorical question, asshole!_

I take a deep breath and knock on the door- very different in and of itself. Normally I would walk right in, but with Jasper not here, I wouldn't dare, and his MIA status is written all over her face in the form of a devilish smirk when she opens it. Needless to say, Isabella with a devilish smirk is already threatening to crumble my will. Unfortunately for me, my cock has surrendered his, _if_ he ever had any, and suddenly thinks he's Michael fucking Flatley. I tug through my hair in frustration at his weakness, and his apparent determination to secure mine._ Traitor!_

Her smirk turns into a sweet smile, and I think she's going to move aside and let me in, but she stands motionless as her eyes travel slowly from my hand in my hair, down and over every detail of my face. I wait patiently, admittedly flattered, until she gets to my neck and seems to be momentarily entranced by something. It's not the first time I've noticed it, I've found her gaze there many times, but I've never understood _why_. I clear my throat, hoping to pull her out of her trance, and she sucks in a small breath and bites her lip. _What did I do?_

She recovers her focus after a moment, and turns it boldly to making it's way down the rest of my body inch by inch. I've been looked over by thousands of hungry women, but this is different. This is Isabella. There's an innocence in her gaze that's unmistakable, and it liquefies my insides. And the deep appreciation I see in her eyes makes me feel like some kind of god. The cocky son of a bitch in me can't help but smirk at that. I clear my throat again, bringing her attention back to my face, and my smirk returns as soon as our eyes meet.

Upon my own inspection of her beautiful face, her beautiful _pale_ face - the fact that she's _not_ blushing is just one more peek into her new _determined_ state, and frankly, absolutely fucking terrifying. _Where has_ _my sweet, shy girl run off to?_ And why has she still not invited me in?

I decide to ask her, and distract us both from our thoughts. "Is there a new dress code at the Hale residence? Do I meet the requirements to be permitted entry?"

"You could be wearing nothing and you'd meet the... "

_Oh... there she is, blush and all, covering that pretty mouth that I dream of so often._

Well, not being able to _see_ it is more than I can bear. I reach up to pull her hand away and my legs all but buckle beneath me at the contact. _Shit!_ Why did I touch her? I knew that would happen... just like she knows it _did_. _Again_. Why can't I stop showing her things? Why am I such a fucking idiot?...

I release her hand, desperately not wanting to, but needing to get control. "Can I come in?"

Her voice is a whisper, a stark contrast to the screaming joy on her face. "Of course."

I step inside and close the door, shoving my hands in my pockets after I do, so her answer to the question I'm going to ask doesn't send them wildly out of control and straight _to_ her. "Where is everyone?"

Her whisper is breathless this time, "It's just you and me," and the knowledge that I already had does nothing to prepare me for hearing the words come from her mouth.

_Or_ the step she takes towards me.

Or the _second_.

I step back as she takes a third, not trusting myself in the least. Her eyes are pleading pools of melted chocolate, and my legs suddenly feel like liquid cement.

My back hits the door as she takes a fourth, eliminating any space left between us. She reaches up with soft-as-silk fingertips and touches my cheek and her name leaves my mouth in a strangled plea for mercy.

Her own forms into a sweet smirk as she pulls her hand back and holds a delicate finger up in front of me. "Make a wish," she murmurs softly, and I now see the eyelash on the tip of her finger.

I close my eyes and inhale deeply through my nose. What the hell did I think she was doing? What did I _want_ her to be doing?

_Don't go there, Masen... you know exactly what you wanted her to do. Too bad you're so much of a pussy that you can't do it yourself._

When I open my eyes, her shy but beaming smile at my obvious misinterpretation of her movements nearly knocks me on my ass.

"It's okay, you don't have to. You probably think it's silly... " Her words trail off and she pulls her lip between her teeth like she's done something wrong, and starts to drop her hand.

I reach for it before I can even think I shouldn't, and she gasps softly as my fingers wrap around her wrist, my thumb moving of it's own volition along the veins on the inside. Our eyes lock and our labored breaths mingle in the small space that separates us.

But I don't want there to be any space...

I want _her_.

I want her eyes.

I want her mouth.

I want her delicate fingers and her gentle touch.

I want her smile and her breath and her words.

I want her heart that's beating so hard in her chest in this moment that I can feel it through the tension-filled air surrounding us.

I.

WANT.

HER.

So much that I can taste her.

So much that I'll implode if I don't.

So much that I can't think. _Don't_.

So much that I can't stop myself from pulling her hard into my chest, her pulse racing beneath the pad of my thumb.

So much that my fingers tangle into her silken hair and I see tears pool in her beautiful brown eyes.

I see them.

Her tears.

I know what they're for.

And her quivering mouth...

Her sweet, quivering-with-anticipation mouth that I can't resist anymore. _Don't_.

Sweet...

Soft...

Intoxicating.

Her mouth.

Her lips.

_Mine_.

Her arms around my waist as I spin her, her back now against the door.

Her hands fisting the back of my shirt.

Her face...

In mine.

Held.

Her eyes spilling over.

Her cheeks wet beneath my thumbs.

Salt on my lips. Hers.

Where her tears have settled and found peace.

Peace.

_Mine_.

Her mouth.

Sweeter than I ever imagined.

Softer than I ever dreamed.

Warm.

Welcoming.

Pleading...

Open.

For me.

Begging me to take.

Give.

And I won't deny her. Can't. _Don't_.

My tongue slips between her parted lips and the taste of her slams into me like a freight train - the force of it so strong that my every sense is compromised. I have no thoughts in my head but that I can't stop. That I won't. No consciousness but of _her_, molten in my hands and under my mouth. Her fisted hands twisting, pulling me closer. Our lips melted together. Her tongue dancing with mine. Natural. Perfect. _Right_.

Right, like her in my hands. In my arms that wrap around her now, lift her, carry her away from the hard door. She deserves better. Softer. Gentler.

I carry her to the couch, cradle her trembling body in my arms, willing myself to show her tenderness, not greed. I pull my mouth from hers and trail soft kisses over her face... her eyes, her still-dampened cheeks, the tip of her nose. Her hands grip my neck and she nips at my mouth. My will is again crumbled as she utters one simple, breathless word...

"Please... "

I'm powerless to deny her. I'd give her anything she asked for. My mouth has already answered...

Her soft moans and cries wash over me, the only sounds I hear. Telling me she's not afraid. Begging me not to stop. Not to take it away... just to take. To need. To _keep_.

Her scent pummels me... strawberries and innocence and _Isabella_, while the taste of her - like nothing I've ever known - continues to pull me under. Every moment I've fought, every moment I've denied her, myself, us, obliterated in one kiss. One moment of weakness. One moment of need stronger than all of the hours of reason.

One moment of pure peace...

_Moments_...

Time has ceased to exist.

_She_ is all there is.

Her mouth.

Mine.

_Peace_...

Until it's shattered...

With the slam of the front door.

**xx**

**Ummm... so... yeah... **


	11. Chapter 11 : It Was Nothing

**Disclaimer**: SM owns Twilight. This? Mine.

**A/N**: So... you all liked their first kiss. Thank you, I did too. As for this... Edward didn't deny her her moment, I sure as hell can't. A little instant replay of sorts. Being game night and all... with a bit extra at the end.

I'll leave it at that.

**Chapter Eleven: It Was Nothing**

**Isabella**

"Can I come in?" he asks, letting my hand fall from his, his eyes troubled by my newest glimpse of his weakening.

"Of course," I whisper, unable to stop the smile that spreads across my face.

He steps slowly inside and closes the door behind him. "Where is everyone?" he asks, shoving his hands into his pockets.

_I want to join them... his beautiful hands..._

My thumping heart makes my words come out breathlessly, "It's just you and me."

He seems slightly unnerved by this information, although he must have known the answer before I spoke it.

It's really sort of cute... Edward unnerved.

Irresistible.

Not that he isn't anyway...

_Irresistible_.

Always.

To me.

To all.

I push _all_ out of my mind as I focus my eyes on his face.

His beautiful face.

I take a step towards him.

Then another.

He steps back as I take a third.

More unnerved.

More irresistible.

His back hits the door on my next step, not understanding my innocent intentions.

_Innocent_.

I wish I had the courage for them to be anything else, but at this moment I can't muster any. Innocent is all I have.

But he doesn't know that.

And I like it.

And the space that no longer exists between us.

Because I took it away.

Most of it.

I wish I had the guts...

If I could just...

But I can't.

I don't.

So I reach up slowly and sweep the tips of my fingers across his cheek, collecting a stray lash that has fallen there.

His voice is a desperate, strangled plea, "Isabella... "

I can't help but take a page from his book and smirk at his misunderstanding of my actions. I hold my finger up in front of him and murmur softly and simply "Make a wish," wishing that I had done more. Could do more...

His eyes fall to the tip of my finger, and then closed as he inhales deeply through his nose.

Is he relieved?

Or something else?

I wish he was disappointed.

I wish...

But it's not my wish to make.

And he's...

Irritated?

The smile I couldn't fight falls from my face at the thought. Asking him to wish on an eyelash certainly doesn't further my plan to get him not to see me as a child. The child who dreamed of fairy tale princes and happily ever afters...

"It's okay, you don't have to. You probably think it's silly... " _Of course he does... God, what's wrong with me?_

I bite my lip, feeling stupid, unable to even finish my sentence, and let my hand fall.

But it doesn't fall.

Because _he_ doesn't let it.

I gasp as his fingers wrap around my wrist, holding it still in the nearly nonexistent space between us.

My heart pounds frantically as his thumb moves along the sensitive skin on the inside.

Time stands still as I meet his deep, emerald gaze... mesmerized by what I see.

Everything I hoped for.

Everything I've dreamed of.

Everything I dared to want...

Right there in his eyes.

And in his firm grip that now pulls me roughly against him.

In his long, purposeful fingers that tangle into my hair.

It's happening.

It's really happening.

Right _now_...

The tears pool instantly.

My eyes won't hold them for long.

I'm too overwhelmed to stop them.

Overwhelmed...

By him.

His touch.

This moment.

His understanding.

He understands.

What it means to me.

He knows.

His eyes are tender with the knowledge.

But it's not all I see...

Tenderness.

No...

It's not all...

I see _want_.

I see it in his eyes.

I feel it in his hands.

The air.

Thick between us.

My lip quivers with anticipation.

For this moment I've hoped for for so...

No more air.

Only...

His lips.

On mine.

On _mine_!

Softer than...

Than...

I can't think.

Can't feel myself.

But I feel...

Him.

Edward.

I wrap my arms around his waist, the feel of him the only thing telling me this is real.

And my back now against the hard door.

Where he wanted it.

Where he put it.

Him.

Edward.

I cling desperately to him.

Willing him not to disappear.

Fist his shirt in my hands.

As he takes my face in his.

My tears falling now. Spilling over.

Because it's real.

This.

Me.

Him.

Edward.

Tears.

Streaming.

Pouring.

_Edward_...

His thumbs stroking their path down my cheeks.

His lips tasting them from mine.

Consuming them as they've consumed me.

The tears.

His mouth.

Soft against mine.

Slow.

Careful.

Sweet.

Mine...

Pleading.

For him to take.

Open.

Waiting.

Desperate.

Shown glorious mercy...

As his tongue finds mine.

His legs buckle.

Mine disappear.

I clutch him closer with all of my strength.

While I still have any left...

Willing him to have enough for both of us.

I'm too weak to fight.

Too overcome.

Lost in his taste.

His scent.

Him.

Edward.

Me...

Liquid. Like the tears.

But different.

More.

So much more.

And he understands.

Edward.

Sweeps me into his arms.

Carries me away...

While I tremble against him.

Trusting.

Needing.

Held.

_Gently_.

In his arms as he sits and pulls his mouth from mine.

Moves it over my face.

Kisses my tears away.

Silken lips on my eyelids.

My emotion-soaked cheeks.

The tip of my nose.

So sweet...

Because he thinks he has to be.

Needs to be.

I can see it in his eyes.

I want him to know he doesn't.

He doesn't have to be.

He just has to give me more.

That's what I need from him.

_More_.

Can I tell him?

Show him?

Do I know how?

I have to try.

I will my arms to move...

Grip the back of his neck in my small hands.

Lift my mouth to his.

Nip gently.

Asking.

Pleading.

Begging.

As I breathlessly break the silence with more... "Please... "

The single desperate word barely leaves my mouth before my plea is answered.

But it's not only for me.

He wants it too.

Wants it.

Needs it.

More.

Me.

I feel it.

Him.

Edward.

He's hungry.

For _me_.

He. Wants. Me.

Edward wants me.

Needs me.

It's strong.

Desperate.

Pure.

Undeniable.

He can't.

He won't...

But still the pleading cries flow from my mouth to his.

Begging him not to stop.

Not to take it away.

Not to think.

Just to be.

Here.

With me.

Always...

Here.

Like this.

Where I've always dreamed he'd be.

Holding me.

Giving.

Taking.

Me.

Edward.

Losing himself.

His strength to fight what he thinks is wrong.

_Thought_.

He doesn't think it's wrong now.

Not in this moment...

It's right.

He knows it is.

Like I've always known.

_Always_.

He knows.

Him.

Edward.

His arms know. He holds me like he never wants to let go.

His mouth knows. He kisses me like he never wants to stop.

His heart knows. It pounds against me like it couldn't beat without me.

He finally knows.

I've waited all of my life for him to know.

I've waited all of my life for _this_.

And nothing can take it away.

These arms are meant to hold me.

This man is meant to claim me.

His mouth...

That's never been anything but sweet to me.

But never like this.

Never sweet like _this_.

Sweet...

Him.

Edward.

_Mine_.

My heart.

_His_.

Slamming against my chest.

Slammed.

A door.

Stopped.

His lips.

_Stopped_.

My heart.

"Well, well, well... what do we have here?"

Edward jumps to his feet and gently sets me on mine.

Except I don't have any.

Because he took them away from me.

Him.

Edward.

Who gives me a sweet, knowing smile as he wraps his arms around me to keep me from falling.

But it's too late...

I fell long ago.

Me.

My heart.

For him.

Edward.

Who answers the looming question with words I don't want to hear. "It's not what it looks like."

_Oh no you don't..._ "Yes it is."

"Isabella... " he starts, but I don't let him finish.

"It _is_. It's _exactly_ what it looks like. Don't say it's not."

Green eyes meet brown.

Green eyes now filled with guilt.

Brown overflowing with hurt.

Green looking away.

Past me.

Away from the pain.

I grab his face, making him look at me.

But I don't see what I want to see.

I don't see what I saw a few minutes ago.

He's taking it away.

Just like that.

He pulls my hands from his face.

And my heart from my chest.

It hangs there between us as if on a string.

He lets my hands fall.

My heart falls with them.

The string not strong enough.

No more than a thread now.

Weak.

Fragile.

I look at his face, tears blurring my eyes, willing him to look back.

I want him to see.

Need him to see.

But he doesn't.

He won't.

Words is all he'll give me. "Isabella, go upstairs."

_What? _

I follow his gaze to where it meets an angry one. An angry one that's coming towards us. "That's a good idea. Then she won't see me kill you."

I cross my arms over my chest. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Isabella... " he tries again.

"Is _not_ a child! And the two of you don't get to send me to my room!"

"Well, then I guess I'll just have to take you there."

I scream as Emmett throws me over his shoulder and heads for the stairs.

Edward's hands are on me immediately, trying to pull me from him. "Let go of her, Emmett!"

"You get your fucking hands off of her, Edward! You've had all you're going to get!"

"This doesn't concern you!" I yell. "Put me down!"

"It damn well does concern me, Bella, because you don't know what you're doing. He _does_!"

I kick and scream and slap at him, but his arms are like a vice, and even with Edward still fighting to pull me free while they scream at each other, I seem to be hopelessly trapped.

A tug of war ensues, and I may very well end up with bruises all over me if it doesn't stop soon. Edward is clearly aware of this fact, and seems to be more focused on not hurting me than pulling me free. He's not fighting hard enough. In any way at all. And that hurts more than any grip or hold on me.

Much, much more.

He's not fighting for me.

He's not ready yet.

This is only Emmett. Yes, he's the size of a bear, but that's not why he won't fight.

And if he won't even fight Emmett...

The tears pour freely down my cheeks again.

But this time they're not from happiness.

They're from having it ripped away.

Ripped away like I am now.

By new arms.

Different arms.

Arms that just arrived to win the battle.

Arms that would never hurt me.

And arms that would never let go.

Like Edward's do as Jasper's wrap around me.

Pull me to his chest.

Where I feel his heart pounding furiously.

And his voice...

Furious.

"What the fuck is going on in here? Have you both lost your fucking minds?"

"Trust me, if you... "

"If I WHAT, Emmett? Did you not hear her screaming? Do you not see the tears on her face? You were hurting her! What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck were you trying to do?"

"Hey! I'm not the one you should be screaming at! He... "

I let out a scream as loud and high as I can muster through the pain in my chest, not knowing how else to stop his words. His eyes fall to mine as Jasper's arms tighten around me, confused but ever protective. I plead with him silently... beg for him not to hurt me anymore than I already am. Beg for him to see that he's already taken it from me. He shakes his head, telling me that he can't pretend he didn't see. Edward speaks just as he's about to.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Isabella. I didn't mean to." He rips his hand through his hair and swallows hard before delivering the blow that breaks the thread and my no longer dangling heart to pieces. "It was nothing, Jasper. Stupid. Unimportant. _Nothing_."

I suck in a breath at his words, and my legs give as if I was punched in the stomach.

Punched.

Hard.

Even Emmett looks like he felt it. And I know he won't say a word. He doesn't need to.

Not now.

Edward said it for him.

Edward said it all.

Edward.

Stone-faced.

Hard.

Cold.

Edward...

_Not_ mine.

It was nothing.

**xx**

**OUCH. ****Damn him. And damn Emmett.**

**I call FOUL! **

**If Isabella were at the line, how many shots would she get? **


	12. Chapter 12 : Drafted

Disclaimer:** We all know Twilight belongs to SM. The draft? Isabella's. MINE.**

Long as shit A/N:** I have a few things to say, so skip this if you're not interested. First and foremost... I never promised a one way street into heaven. Not once. And I won't apologize for any detours or road work. This is MY story. I'm writing it MY way. That may _annoy_ some of you, will likely at times piss you the fuck off - Chapter 11 is a glaring example of both - but MINE it will always be, and I won't change one word of it to please anyone. The preceding chapter sent many packing, good riddance to them. For those of you still here, buckle up. It may very well be a bumpy ride. Perhaps I've made it clear that I got some shit on 'It Was Nothing'. That's true, but I also got some amazingly supportive PMs, and for those of you who sent _those_... you have my thanks and a special place in my heart. It meant a lot.**

**Now, as for this chapter... I considered sitting on it for a bit, because I can't promise how long you'll have to wait for the next one. I'm jetting off to 'Paris', because I _need_ to. I'll be back _here_ whenever _they_ let me go, but know that I won't be begging to leave. Most of you probably don't know what the hell I'm talking about, but those of you who do... my heart is not my own. You know this.**

**Now, since we're here, obviously I decided not to sit on anything. It was done, so here it is.**

**Chapter Twelve: Drafted**

**Isabella**

I look at the message for the thousandth time...

_Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words... well, now that would be a lie, too. So here's some truth for you: I never thought you could be so cruel. Not to me. I'ts painfully clear that I was wrong about that. But what isn't... What did I ever do to deserve that from you? Sincerely broken, Isabella_

I sent it as he sat just feet away from me.

I watched him read it.

Waited for a response.

Waited for his eyes to meet mine.

I waited...

I'm _still_ waiting.

For both.

**Jasper**

What the hell is going on around here? Why is everyone acting so strange? Edward and Emmett have been... _tense_, to say the least. Isabella is not herself... and definitely hiding something from me. Even Aro seems out of sorts. What did I miss? What don't I see?

Ever since the day I walked in the house and found those idiots practically ripping my sister in half - because she supposedly got between them and tried to break up some stupid fight they were having...

Yeah, that still isn't adding up. It doesn't make sense. It didn't then and it doesn't now. She was crying. Isabella hasn't cried over any of us fighting since Edward and I got into a tousle at the baseball field when she was five years old. She ran away crying, by herself, which we were both too stupid to notice for a few minutes... minutes I'd give anything to have back... to have never happened...

We forgot our fight - which I can't even remember what was about - and took off like bats out of hell the second we realized she was gone, both in tears by the time we got to the house, sure that something had happened to her. We knew she couldn't have been gone very long, or didn't think so anyway, and we should have found her on the way...

We should have... but we didn't. And she wasn't at home when we got there. Or at Edward's, where we looked next. I tracked down Ethan, and within minutes about a hundred people were out looking for her. But even with all of those people, it took over an hour to find her. One of the longest hours of my life. Of all of our lives.

I loved my baby sister, but I never realized just how much until she wasn't there, looking up at me with those adoring brown eyes. She trusted me to take care of her and keep her safe. She loved me, and I let her down. I took her with me and lost her.

It started to rain while we were still looking. Then that rain turned into a downpour. I was sure it was our father's tears, falling down on me from above. Drenching me with pain and guilt.

His.

Mine.

She was his world. He loved us all, but Isabella was the center of his universe. Everyone knew that. He would have never left her. Never have turned his back. Never have taken his eyes off of her. He never did, not for a second. Not like I did. But our father wasn't here. He got taken away from us. From her...

And now she was lost. Maybe hurt. Maybe...

And it was my fault.

Because I wasn't paying attention.

Because I didn't put her first.

The fear that coursed through me was overwhelming. Every second she was lost was an eternity. I wouldn't give up... I'd never, ever give up until she was safe again. Until I could tell her how sorry I was. Tell her how much I loved her. Beg for her forgiveness. Forgiveness I wouldn't deserve.

I was walking, getting soaked... by the rain... by the tears that poured from my eyes... looking everywhere I could think of, when Edward's mom pulled up beside me, telling me to get in, that she'd been found. Edward and I had split up about a half an hour ago, thinking we could cover more ground that way. It seems he was right, and I wasn't at all surprised to discover that _he_ was the one who found her.

Mrs. Masen pulled into our driveway, and I jumped out of the car and ran into the house as fast as I could, and saw Isabella safely cradled in Ethan's arms, wrapped in a blanket, her eyes and nose red and puffy from crying, her hair soaking wet, her monkey and the sleeve of Ethan's shirt clutched in one hand. Edward was sitting on the floor next to my father's chair, where Ethan held her, and it took me a moment, but then I saw that his hand was on the arm of the chair and she had her tiny fingers wrapped tightly around one of his.

He was forgiven.

Would I be? Would she ever trust me again?

I vowed at that moment that I'd never let her down again. Never not see.

_I did, of course... I broke my promise..._

I squeeze my eyes shut tight, and feel the tears from that day return, and many after, the memories vivid in my mind and heart. I stood back, not taking my eyes off of her, but afraid to go to her. She looked up and saw me after a few moments and my heart exploded in my chest when I saw the love in her tear-battered eyes. Then her little voice rang into the air...

"Jasper, you're all wet."

"So are you."

"I was lost in the rain. Why are you wet?"

"I was looking for you in the rain."

"You were?"

"Yes I was. I'm sorry I didn't find you."

"It's okay. Edward found me. I'm sorry I ran away from you."

"I'm sorry we scared you."

"Edward said that too. You shouldn't fight."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't fight anymore."

"No. I promise. No more. And please don't run away ever again."

"No. I promise. I was scared. Until Edward came."

"I was scared too. I'm so sorry, Isabella."

"Don't cry, Jasper. I'm not scared now. I'm just sad."

"Why are you sad? I don't want you to be sad."

"Because you didn't miss me."

"What? No, that's not true. I missed you every second! Why would you say that?"

"Because you're far away. Over there."

"I thought you might be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you. I love you. You're so dumb sometimes."

She rolled her eyes and made everyone laugh and I took a few tentative steps as she beckoned me forward with one tiny little finger. I stopped and asked her if I was where she wanted me, and she shook her head and giggled.

"Come closer," she ordered through her giggles, pointing to the floor as I reached the chair. I got down in front of her and she climbed from Ethan's lap and and slammed into me, wrapping her arms around me. "I missed you every second too, Jasper."

"I love you so much, monkey. I'm so sorry. I love you so, so, so, so much... "

I said the words a thousand times. I couldn't stop. And I couldn't stop the tears that fell from my eyes as she held on to me. I hugged her so tight she squealed until I let go and then Ethan took her upstairs to get her out of her wet clothes and into the bath. When they came back down, he made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, accompanied by a plate of banana slices and Oreo cookies, and a cup of milk to wash it all down with, and then held her until she drifted to sleep, exhausted from her terrifying ordeal and full belly. Edward and I sat in wait, guilt-stricken, while he took her back up and put her in her bed. I'll never forget the look in his eyes when he came back down the stairs again. The disappointment. The fear. The pain. The way his voice shook when he yelled at us.

She was the world to him, just like she'd been to my father. To everyone but our mother, who didn't even help look for her. Didn't bat an eye at the fact that her daughter was missing. Didn't hold her when she was found. Didn't do anything. Didn't give a damn...

I swallow down the bile that rises in my throat at the thought of _her_, and try to push away all of the old, painful memories and focus on what's in front of me. What just came through the kitchen door. _My_ world.

"You're home later than I expected. How was the end of your first week? Another good day?" I ask, taking her bags from her.

"Well, I... Have you been crying?"

"Don't worry about me, I want to hear about your day."

"Jasper, what's wrong? Tell me." Her eyes are full of concern as she looks up at me.

"It's nothing... " I start, but she flinches at my words. She looks like someone slapped her. "Isabella? What's wrong? What did I say?"

"I... I just... It... Nothing. It's not important. Please tell me what's wrong? You were crying... You don't cry. Did something happen?"

"No, sweetheart. Everything's fine. I was just thinking... about something that happened a long time ago. Some memories are just... I love you. That's all."

"That's certainly not nothing. Not to me."

_Still that sensitive little girl..._ "I didn't mean it that way. That couldn't be farther from the truth." I pause and reach for one of her hands, still small, but not the hand of a little girl anymore. Not the hand that I held on the way to the ball field that day. Not the hand that I couldn't hold on the way home...

I let out a breath and squeeze it in mine as I try to make her understand. "Look... I'm just feeling a little lost. Something's going on with you, and you're not telling me what it is. I'm worried about you. I feel like I should know. Should understand. Should see something I'm clearly _not_ seeing. I'm paying attention, but I feel like I'm going to lose you anyway. You promised you'd never run away again, but you... "

"Is that what you were thinking about? Is that what made you cry?"

"Yes. Now will you tell me why _you_ were crying?"

"Me?"

"Yes. _You_. The day Edward and Emmett were here with you."

"I told you... "

"You told me a _lie_. And they backed you up. What I don't understand is why. Something happened... none of you wants to tell me the truth. The truth that has become this thing making everyone tense. The truth that has had you moping around here _trying_ to look like nothing's wrong. The truth that has caused Edward to be a no-show at your weekly dinners two Thursdays in a row, not to mention the royal asshole he's been at the office during those two weeks. The truth that makes Emmett look like his head will explode if he doesn't tell me what's inside of it. The truth that I can't keep pretending isn't there. _Here_. What happened that day, Isabella? Tell me the truth."

**Isabella**

I ran away that day because they were fighting. Two people that I loved were hurting each other. I didn't understand why. It scared me. And I ran away.

They didn't notice.

Didn't see.

They weren't paying attention.

_That_ was different. They always paid attention. Everyone did. Everyone except my mother...

Running away was stupid. I got lost. I was afraid. I hurt people. Scared them.

It wasn't his fault. It's not his fault now.

I didn't get hurt that day. Not the day I ran away...

I got hurt the day I stayed. The day I was told to go and wouldn't.

He doesn't know that. Well... he doesn't know _why_.

And now he's hurting again. Blaming himself again...

And asking for answers.

I lied to him. I've been lying to him for weeks. Manipulating him.

It's wrong. Unfair. Hurting him.

But the truth...

The truth he's asking for now...

The truth I wanted...

The truth that was finally given to me...

The truth that was ripped away...

The truth that Edward won't fight for...

The truth that he hurt me with...

The truth...

Do I even know what the truth is? I've been trying to figure it out. I've spent weeks trying to understand.

But I don't. I don't understand. I just _hurt_.

I haven't even seen Edward since that day. Haven't spoken to him. He won't face me. He won't talk to me.

That hurts. He didn't just take away the dream that I thought had come true...

He took away everything. He took away himself.

Left me waiting...

I haven't spent a night in my bed without tears. Or a day without trying to cover them up with a fake smile plastered on my face.

Lies.

Like the one I'm about to tell.

Because I don't know the truth.

And I want Jasper to help me get back what I lost.

Well, _part_ of it.

Edward won't face _me_, so I'll make him face my brother.

"Okay. I'll tell you... but you're going to be really mad at me."

"Why would I be mad at you? You were crying when I came into the house. If something or someone hurt you, I'll be mad at it or them, not you."

"Even if it's my fault?"

"I don't understand, sweetheart. How could it be your fault?"

"You told me he'd never look at me the way I wanted him to. Edward."

"And?" he asks, his body tensing.

"I wanted you to be wrong."

"I knew that already. What does that have to do with... ?"

"I tried to prove that you were."

"What do you mean _prove_?"

"Edward got to the house first. We were alone... "

I let the words hang in the air, give them time to sink in. A thousand different emotions cross his face, but the trust he has in Edward, and in his own belief that he'd never cross a line with me, wins out in the end and he remains confused about where I'm going with this.

Confused and anxious for me to get there.

So I do. "I kissed him."

"You _what_?" I can see his heart hammering against his chest through his shirt.

I bite my lip, working to chase away the nervousness I suddenly feel at what I've done, and the pain of the truth of what I didn't. But I started this... I can't turn back now.

"I _kissed_ him."

He shakes his head in denial and disbelief. "No you didn't."

"Yes I did." It's not really a lie, I kissed him _back_...

And he believes me enough for his hands to start shaking and his voice to lose its calm. "AND?"

"Well... and _nothing_. That's when Emmett walked in."

"Keep going," he demands through clenched teeth.

"He misunderstood. He assumed Edward was the one... I tried to tell him it was me... but he wouldn't listen. They both told me to go upstairs... when I wouldn't, Emmett threw me over his shoulder and said he'd take me himself - 'so I wouldn't see him kill him'... What you walked in on was just my response to that and Edward taking pity on me. Or something."

I stop, just watching him. He's angry. He wants to yell at me. He wants to scream at me. I see him fighting to control it. Fighting for words to _say_ to me, not scream.

He rubs his hands up and down his face roughly, a frustrated groan erupting from his throat. It's not easy - not easy to see him angry with me, and whatever else he's feeling - but as hard as it is, the absence of Edward is harder. Hurts more. Whether he'll ever again give me what I want or not, right now he's just _gone_. I can't stand it. I want him to come back.

I know my brother loves me, and we'll get past this moment with him _still_ loving me, but Edward... whatever it is that _he_ feels for me, will only get easier for him to push down the longer he stays away. I can't let that happen. Not for one more day.

Jasper still hasn't spoken, so I continue, "I'm sorry that I lied to you, and that they let their pity for me push them to follow my lead. Or whatever it was... I just... I don't know what else I can say. I know you're angry, and disappointed in me, and I deserve the pain and humiliation I feel... "

His eyes close and he cuts off my words. "You don't deserve pain, Isabella, and I could never be angry enough with you to want you to feel a second of it. I'm not happy that you lied to me, but I suppose I can understand why you did, and you're telling me the truth now...

The _truth_. Shit, Isabella, what were you thinking? What on earth would possess you to do such a thing?"

_Come on, Jasper... remember, please..._ "You said yourself I was determined."

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"No. It's not funny. None of it is. I... it doesn't matter. But now that you know... can you help me?"

"Help you _what_? You can't possibly think...?"

"No... Just help me fix it? Put everything back the way it used to be. Before... "

"Before you were _determined_?"

"Maybe just before it chased him away. I never could have imagined he'd just leave me... us. He won't even... I'm sorry, Jasper. I didn't mean to ruin everything."

"Is that what you think? Isabella, you could never... "

"Well, you said yourself that everyone is tense. And he won't even come here now... He said it was nothing, but... " _Please remember..._

"I don't... " he starts, but then it hits him. He remembers Edward's words. It doesn't matter how unhappy he is about what he thinks I did, he _remembers_, and he knows how much they would have hurt me. The pain in his eyes is clear. And the anger. At Edward.

He pushes it aside for a moment and holds his arms open for me, his eyes sad.

"Aren't you going to yell at me?" I ask, not moving.

"No. You've suffered more than enough."

I don't have to hide my pain from him anymore, and the tears come the moment I stop trying. There's not a lie among them, their raw truth spilling over onto his shirt as I let him comfort me. He's not angry anymore, not at _me_. He loves me too much for his heart not to break with mine. _For_ mine.

And I need him too much not to let him try to mend it. I've been suffering alone. I had no one to talk to. No one to cry to. No one that would understand.

Edward isn't there for me anymore. For the first time in my life, he's _not_ here. And the hurt came _from_ him this time... hurt on top of hurt...

Emmett runs at the sight of tears, unless they're mine, and then he wants to _hurt_ the person who caused them... and no matter how hurt _I_ am, I would never wish for that.

And Rose... I couldn't even tell her. She doesn't support my dreams. She would have just gotten mad and shown up at Edward's door Single-White-Female-style and put one of her stilettos through one of his beautiful green eyes for breaking my heart. My heart that she's never thought he was worthy of, let alone any other part of me. I can't even tell her about the kiss. The kiss...

The kiss that lied to me. That told me my dreams had come true.

His mouth. That surpassed them all with sweetness before he turned them to nightmares with his cruel words.

His words that I hear again and again and again...** It was nothing, Jasper. Stupid. Unimportant. Nothing.**

His words that I know now course through Jasper's mind as well, as his arms close tighter around me with every sob. As he offers me words of his own to try to drown them out. Words that will change when he lets go. He'll defend me. It doesn't matter that what he'll defend me for is something he never wanted to happen...

He'll defend me.

Because I'll _never_ be nothing to him.

Never stupid.

Never unimportant.

NEVER _nothing_.

Never.

And I'll never not be thankful for that.

Or the fact that he always puts me first.

"Your phone's ringing," I mumble into his now tear-soaked-mascara-stained shirt.

He strokes my hair as if I'm the only thing that exists. "_That's_ unimportant."

"You're late for your date."

"I'm not going."

"I'm okay. You can go," I tell him, my words contradictory to my tightening, selfish grip.

"I'm not leaving you," he declares, tightening his own and kissing the top of my head.

_Well, not for her..._ "She seems kind of needy," I sigh with annoyance as his phone stops ringing and starts again.

"I seem to attract the _needy_ ones."

"I think they can sense that you like to take care of a girl."

"_A_ girl, yes."

"It's kind of sad, really... the disappointment they must feel when they realize it's only _one_. I almost feel sorry for them."

"But not quite," he laughs.

"No. Not quite." I give him a squeeze and a small laugh of my own as I rest my chin on his chest and look up at him. "I really thought you'd yell this time."

He wipes away the last traces of my tears and shakes his head. "Not at you."

"But you _are_ mad."

"No. I'm not mad, either. Not at _you_."

"Even though I... " My words are cut off by his hand on my mouth.

"I really want that mental image out of my head, darlin."

I nod, unable to say anything, wondering if Edward feels the same way. Jasper's phone starts ringing again, seconds after it stopped, and I reach into the pocket of his jacket and pull it out as he drops his hand from my mouth. "You really can go, you know," I say as I hand it to him, "but if you're not, you should at least tell her you're standing her up. She doesn't know our address, does she?"

"No," he laughs. "Leah taught me a lesson about giving _that_ out. Although, I don't remember giving it to her... I think she just followed me home one night."

We both shudder at the mention of his recently dismissed-by-me stalker, as his possible new one sounds the next alarm.

"I can't take it anymore. Please answer that."

He starts to shake out of his jacket as he finally takes the call. "Hello, Maria. ... No, I won't be able to make it. ... Something _important_ came up. ... Yes, _more_ important than you. ... _First_ is already taken... That's the way it is, accept it or don't. ... Have a good night."

He smiles at me as he sits his phone on the table. I smile back and ask innocently, "So, _first_ is...?"

"Gee, I wonder... " he smirks, moving across the kitchen. He starts opening cabinet doors, inspecting the contents of each like he's never been here before.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to make us dinner," he says as if it's perfectly normal.

I laugh out loud, because it certainly _isn't_, and point to a drawer. "If you're looking for take-out menus, they're in there."

"I said _make_, not call for."

"You don't know how to _make_ anything."

"Yes I do."

"Okay, I take that back. But if you're planning to grill, you won't find meat in the cabinets. And there's nothing thawed, since I thought you'd be out for dinner."

"I know where we keep meat, smarty pants, I wasn't looking for that. Where's the peanut butter? In your bedroom?"

I stick my tongue out at him - because he knows there _is_ one jar in there, but never in my life have I had just _one_ - and point to the correct cabinet.

He winks and asks his next question. "Jelly?"

"Refrigerator. And it's _preserves_, not jelly."

"_Preserves_. My apologies to your strawberries, ma'am."

"You know they're strawberry?" I ask with pure astonishment.

"Of course I do." He actually looks hurt that I would question that, and I place my hands over my heart with an honored pout.

I clap as he finds the bread, and _woop!_ when he pulls out two plates, and he rolls his eyes at me.

"Now, where are those pesky knives hiding?" I muse through my laughter, but he opens the correct drawer on the first try.

His eyes are serious as he looks at me. "I'm not completely clueless, you know."

"I know," I whisper, crossing to where he stands at the counter and kissing him on the cheek. "You're the best."

"You're lying to me again."

"Nope. Not even a fib. You _are_."

"You only say that because you love me in spite of the fact that I'm _not_."

"I say it because it's _true_. And I _do_ love you. Very much."

He gives me an innocent grin and rubs his hands together. "Are you ready for me to make you the best PB&_P_ you've ever had?"

"Absolutely! Do I have time to change?"

"I'm aiming for quality, not speed, so I think you're safe," he laughs, rolling up his sleeves.

I'm still smiling at him as I run up the stairs to change my clothes. I quickly wash my face and pull on a pair of sweats and then eye my bed. I don't have to hide the hurt anymore, so I reach under my pillow for Ethan's sweatshirt that I've been secretly sleeping with for the last couple of weeks. Because I didn't want Jasper to see it. I didn't want him to ask me why I needed it. I didn't want him to worry. I didn't want to have to tell him any more lies.

I figured he'd assume any sadness I couldn't manage to conceal was due to Edward's continued MIA status, which wasn't in itself a lie. He just didn't know that my pain was built of more layers. Now that he knows, albeit a _twist_ of the truth, I can let him see. I can show him how much it hurts and let him try to take it away. I can show him how much I need him.

He wants me to need him.

Wants to take care of _a_ girl.

Only one.

_This_ one.

And I'm going to let him.

I put on Ethan's sweatshirt, and grab my monkey, and head down the stairs to the living room, just as he's placing two glasses of milk on the coffee table next to our plates. His face contorts with sadness as he looks up at me and I shrug and give him a small smile. "You don't want me to lie to you... "

"No, I don't, sweetheart. I just wish the truth didn't hurt so much."

"Me too," I whisper.

He sits down on the couch and pats the cushion next to him, and I smile at his spread as I settle in. PB&_P_ sandwiches - cut on the diagonal, banana slices, milk, and a package of Oreos.

"Did I miss anything?" he asks.

"No. You remembered _everything_."

**...**

Jasper's quiet voice pulls me from my dream. It's barely above a whisper, probably in an attempt not to wake me, since it would appear that I fell asleep curled up against him on the couch. His left arm is around me and he has his phone in his right, up to his ear.

"Where are you? ... Good, stay there. ... If you have company get rid of it, I'm coming by."

Even in my just woken state, I know without a doubt that he was talking to Edward. The last part hurt to hear, but Edward is Edward and I know that _company_ is probably a strong possibility.

I also know that Jasper wouldn't have said it if he knew I had woken up and could hear him... so I pretend to still be asleep, until he strokes my hair and whispers my name. "Isabella?"

"Hmmm," I murmur sleepily.

I wait for him to say something else, but he's quiet, and instead picks me up and starts to carry me up the stairs. Now I feel bad for pretending.

"I'm sorry... I can walk."

"Shhh... It's okay." He pulls me tighter against him and I snuggle into him for the last few seconds it takes him to get to my room. He drops one arm and pulls back my comforter before laying me gently on the bed, and I smile up at him as I climb under the fluffy down. "I guess it's better that you woke up anyway... Will you be okay if I leave for a bit?"

_Hell yes, do what you have to do..._ "Of course. I told you you didn't have to stay. Even you have _needs_... I'm not so naive that I don't know that."

He narrows his eyes at my insinuation. "That is _not_ what I'm going out for."

"It's okay... you don't have to justify yourself... "

"Go back to sleep, Isabella," he sighs, and smacks me on the head with the extra pillow.

I laugh and he bends down to kiss me on the forehead. "I don't know how long I'll be, but call me if you need me."

"Do me a favor before you go?"

"Anything."

"Make sure Aro is where he's _supposed_ to be."

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm going to see to it that _all_ slithering creatures are present and accounted for, where _you_ want them."

"Really?" I ask with wide eyes.

"Don't push it, little sister. I love you, but I haven't lost my mind. The rules haven't changed."

_Yet..._ "_Okay_."

He shakes his head at my pout, and I give up, content for now with the ground I've gained. "Drive safe."

"I promise. See you in the morning. Sweet dreams."

I call for him just as he leaves my line of sight, because there's one more thing I want him to know. "Jasper?"

He pops his head back in and waits with raised brows.

"Thank you."

He doesn't say anything, only smiles and walks from the room, but I know he understands. It's a few minutes before I hear the garage door, and I know that he checked on Aro as I asked before he left me. Slithering creature #1 secured...

I feel bad for Edward - slithering creature #2, although not to _me_ - for the position I just put him in, but only for a second...

He toyed with me.

He hurt me.

He broke my heart.

And now he's about to find out that that's NOT _nothing_.

"How about a little two on one, Edward?" I whisper as I close my eyes - free of tears for the first time in weeks - and drift to sleep with a hopeful smile on my face and my monkey clutched to my chest.

He's not secured _yet_, but now that Jasper's on my team...

He doesn't stand a chance.

Game.

_Back_.

On.

**xx**

**Yeah... I'm not done. Deal with it. _Obviously_, there was no Edward in this chapter. You all wanted his balls on a platter anyway... so, in case Isabella dreams of having his children someday, I thought it was best he stay hidden. He'll come out and play next chapter. Or grovel. Something. I promise.**

**Just one more thing... I try my best to reply to reviews. In my experience, most authors don't. This has at times disappointed me, so I _do_. If anyone would rather not be bothered, just tell me. In a review. That you're welcome to leave now. **

**Subtle I'm not... Bye!**

**P.S. blueeyedcherry... I adore you. xo**


	13. Chapter 13 : For Her

Disclaimer:** Twilight belongs to SM. Her? She's mine. And theirs, I suppose.**

Warning: **I needed tissues. It doesn't mean you will, but there it is.**

A/N: **All previous rants still apply. As for something new... although this may be obvious to some, or all, I don't use a beta. All bad habits and imperfections are mine. Like THEM. And like them, I'm okay with it. No one is perfect. **

**Once again, thank you so much to everyone who showed tremendous support after the last chapter. I'm still working on replies, so anyone who hasn't yet gotten one, you're not forgotten, I'm just behind. As for my time away, which wasn't as long as I thought it might be, 'Paris' was... in a word... WORTHY. If anyone doesn't know what that means and wants to, go read Clear and Bright - which isn't Edward and Bella, but I happen to think if it was, you'd all be all over it. **

**Now, for those of you all over this, here it is...**

**Chapter Thirteen: For Her**

**Edward**

"Why does your house always smell like bleach?"

_Because I'm a reprehensible piece of shit._ "You know what they say, Jasper, cleanliness is next to Godliness."

"I have the cleanest house on the planet, but it doesn't burn your nose when you walk in the door."

_Of course it doesn't... she's there._ "Why are you even here? I thought you had a date? Although, by the looks of your shirt, I'm guessing it didn't go well and you ended it early. You know, they only get so psycho on you because you're too nice to them."

"I didn't go at all, I cancelled."

"And what, she crawled right over and spilled her broken heart all over you? Jesus, what do you do to these women, Jasper?"

He doesn't look amused as he crosses his arms over his chest and glares at me. "The only heart that was spilled all over me tonight was the one that _you_ broke."

_Me?_ "What are you talking about? I was referring to the evidence of recent tears all over the front of your shirt. What does that have to do with me?"

"I know what you were talking about, Edward, and you're right, but they didn't come from any date gone wrong. They came from Isabella and you're responsible for them."

_Fuck._

My throat is suddenly so dry that I can barely form a response. When I do, her name is all that comes out. "Isabella?"

"Yes, _Isabella_." The look on his face as he repeats the angel's name is exactly why I couldn't bear to see hers and haven't since...

And even though _I_ do, there's no possible way he could know the reason why. "I don't know what I could have done to make her cry... " _Fuck, I'm a lying bastard..._ "I haven't seen or talked to her in weeks." _Some of the longest weeks of my life..._

"Don't bullshit me, Edward. You know exactly why, and now so do I."

I'm confident that the only thing he knows is how sensitive she can be. Maybe he thinks my recent distance from their house is enough to have hurt her. "Look, I know I've cancelled on the last two dinners, but... "

"While that may indeed be part of it, you know damn well it's not what hurt her. What hurt her is _why_. And don't bother with any_ 'I don't know what you're talking about'_ performance, because I know what happened that day in our house."

_Fucking Emmett! He swore he..._

Wait a minute... I'm still on my feet... breathing... _alive_. He can't know. What does he think happened?

"Isabella told you..." I start, her explanation to him returning to my mind.

"Yes, she _did_," he spits, cutting me off.

What the fuck is he trying to say and why is he so pissed about it? "I know that, Jasper, I was there, remember?"

"You were there when she _lied_ to me. You and the other traitor backed her up. _After_ you ripped her heart out and threw it in her face."

"After I _what_?"

"God dammit, Edward, I know what happened! She told me what Emmett walked in on. And I remember what you said to me. With her standing right there! I can't believe you would hurt her like that!"

_You're not the only one, Jasper..._

But she couldn't have told him. He's pissed, but not the way he would be if he knew I...

No. What did she tell him?

I try to push away the words I've regretted since I said them, since I saw the hurt they caused her. The hurt that I've been too much of a coward to deal with, and try to get to the bottom of this. I need to know what she said. "What exactly did she tell you?"

"What _you_ should have. You have to know how much you hurt her. No matter how pissed off you thought I might be about what she did, the way you chose to deal with it was beyond cruel and it broke her heart. How could you do that and then leave her to suffer alone? You may have decided you don't give a fuck about her feelings, which is a whole other issue, and one that truly fucking baffles me, but _I_ never would! Your covering up her lie locked her up all alone in the hell that _you_ put her in! If you suddenly care so little about her, then why protect her from the ONE person that would NEVER hurt her? You should have fucking told me!"

What _she_ did? "You know damn well that I care about her, and we'll get to that in a minute, but I need to know what she told you."

"She told me the truth!"

"Which is?"

"Why are you playing this game, Edward? You know WHAT! She told me that you were alone in the house before Emmett got there and that she kissed you!"

She _what_? _Oh, Isabella, why did you do that?_

But he doesn't let me spend a second trying to figure it out. "And I know what led to the tug of war that I walked in on, but how could you say what you said, Edward? Stupid? Unimportant? NOTHING? I told you to be careful with her, NOT BREAK HER! I don't give a fuck how uncomfortable she might have made you, and how much you wish she hadn't, but she is _not_ one of the worthless whores that throw themselves at you! How could you say _those_ words about her?"

I've asked myself that very question countless times in the last couple of weeks. Started to call her countless more. Typed out still more messages I didn't have the courage to send. Because what could I say after what I already had? What would be enough? What could possibly make up for...

Nothing.

And that's exactly what I did.

I did something unforgivable. I dared to touch her.

Then I said something even more...

There aren't words to describe what I did by saying _those_ reprehensible words.

About her... which could never be true, never in a million years describe her or how I feel about her, or that unforgettable few moments when everything was so amazingly right, despite how wrong, but I know that's how she took them. And how Jasper is taking them now, as he waits for some kind of a response from me.

What can I possibly say? About the horrendous things I already said? About the lie she told him tonight that he believes is truth? The lie she told while she cried.

He believed her. She took responsibility for what I did. Even after the horrible thing I did next. The thing I continue to do as long as I don't face her. Why? Why on earth would she...

She took responsibility because I wouldn't. I ran away instead of fought. I hid from her like the unworthy-of-her coward that I am.

I know why now.

Why she told him what she did.

Why she took responsibility for what _I_ did.

She's not afraid.

This is her fighting.

Because I didn't gave the guts to.

She's forcing me to face her.

Through Jasper.

Yes... Isabella Hale is indeed a force to be reckoned with.

A master manipulator with an angel's intentions.

We are merely her puppets.

_Okay..._

I take a deep breath and look at Jasper.

Arms crossed, jaw set, eyes glaring.

Ready to fight.

For her.

Exactly how he should be.

How I should have been.

His phone rings the moment I open my mouth to speak. He's irritated by the interruption. Until he looks at the screen.

I know it's her.

**Isabella**

"Hello?" I answer groggily into the phone in the kitchen. The phone that's ringing woke me up. Incessant ringing I couldn't ignore. It's probably his new whatever-she-is, and she probably is now calling the house because he isn't answering his cell. Because he's doing something more important than her. Something for me.

And I already don't like her. I'll have to take care of that. But first I want her to acknowledge that she woke me up. The silence on the line is pissing me off. "HELLO?"

"I want to talk to Jasper."

But it's not her. "He isn't here."

"Then give me his cell phone number."

"No."

"I'm not in the mood for your entitled brat games. Give it to me."

"No. He doesn't want you to have it. Or this one, which is why it's unlisted. How did you get it?"

"You don't get to question me. Give me the damn number!"

"You don't get to give me orders. NO."

"You're still the same worthless little NOTHING that you've always been, which is why I won't waste any more of my time on you, but I'll give you the chance to do one worthwhile thing in your meaningless existence. Give Jasper a message for me. Tell him that HIS mother called. And to call me back, it's important."

She rattles off the number and I even pull a pen and paper from the drawer and write it down. I don't know why I do, or why I say what I say next, but the words fly from my mouth. "You have TWO children, you know."

Her response is exactly what I expect. "I HAD two children, before YOU killed one of them."

And even though it _is_ what I expected, it doesn't make it hurt any less. Or what she says now. "I had a husband once too, you remember... your FIRST victim. Or, actually, maybe you _don't_." She laughs cruelly and I know she hopes I don't with all of her hateful heart.

But she's wrong. "I _do_ remember him," I choke out through my constricting throat, "but I didn't... Don't say that... I was just a little girl... I didn't... "

The line goes dead, my pain nothing to her. Nothing but what she wanted, and knew how to get.

Nothing.

What I've always been to the woman that should have loved me.

My mother.

The woman that hates me.

She blames me for their deaths.

Still.

My father and my brother.

Who both loved me more than life itself.

Love that made her hate me more.

Like when Jasper chose me over her.

She blames me for that, too.

She can't stand that he loves me.

That he loves me so much that he turned his back on her and took me with him.

Built us a new life.

Made me the center of his.

I still am.

And it's why he isn't here at this moment.

This moment that my heart hurts.

This moment that I need him.

He's out doing something for me, but I want him here.

Here to do something else.

And I want him here _now_.

I hang up the call, silencing the shrill, blaring tone mimicking her laughter on the phone still clutched in my shaking hand, and dial Jasper's number.

My voice cracks on my words when he answers. "Mom called. _Yours_... "

His shakes with instant fury. "Did she say that to you?"

"Among other things. Please... "

But I don't have to ask. "I'm on my way."

**Edward**

The rage in his eyes and voice tell me who _she_ is without my asking. Isabella can handle the always-jealous-of-her women that come and go in Jasper's life. She's why they _go_. The _she_ that he's referring to can only be one person. Their mother. The only woman that can break Isabella down.

Even if she starts out strong... she never ends that way. That bitch knows how to take away her fight. Knows the words to say to her. Spits them at her every chance she gets. And there's no doubt in my mind that she's done it again.

I grab my jacket and keys and follow as Jasper storms out of my house.

At this moment nothing else matters but her.

Nothing.

And she needs to know that she's _not_.

She's waited long enough.

**Isabella**

I know Jasper would have brought him to me, but not this quickly. I didn't hear the slam of just one car door after the garage door opened, I heard two.

Edward is here.

She helped bring him here.

It would make her sick if she knew. If she knew that she did or said anything to make me happy. To give me something I wanted, no matter how indirect the way. She only wanted to hurt me.

She _did_ hurt me.

She always has.

Any way she could.

But this time there's a silver lining in my cloud of pain.

The sound of the garage door closing, with him inside.

Two sets of footsteps coming through the kitchen door.

The missing piece of my heart is back where I can see him.

His sorrowful green eyes that I stare into as Jasper wraps his arms around me.

That don't look away, don't hide from me.

He's back where I can hear him.

His soft, tortured voice as I pull from my brother's arms and his eyes fall to Ethan's sweatshirt.

"Don't let her hurt you like that, sweetheart. Don't give her that power."

His soft, tortured voice that spoke words my brother now responds to instead of me.

"She didn't. _You_ did before she had the chance."

His eyes move from Ethan's sweatshirt to Jasper's tear-stained shirt at his words. My heart breaks as the realization settles on his face. I know he knows he hurt me, but to watch him grasp the understanding of how much is...

**Edward**

I did that to her?

I knew I'd hurt her, but that much?

How can she even look at me, let alone with the sweet sadness that pours from her beautiful brown eyes as I see the depth of what I've done?

Sadness for _me_.

How can a heart that has been so broken still be so selfless?

How can it feel anything but hatred for me?

"You didn't have to come." Her quiet voice rips a hole in me, and the frail insecurity that's weaved through it.

"Yes I did. I'm sorry, Isabella. With all of my heart, I'm sorry." _God, it's not nearly enough..._

She bites her lip and gives the slightest nod of her head, before turning her eyes to Jasper. Without a word, she picks up a piece of paper from the counter and holds it out to him. He scoffs at it as he takes it from her and balls it up in his fist and throws it across the room.

He doesn't understand what she wants. What she's asking him for.

I watch her as she stares at the crumpled paper, her words coming out in a whisper, "She said I was worthless... like always. Nothing... That I killed Ethan. ... Daddy. ... I didn't... I... Do you think I... " She looks up, her eyes flitting between us, her unthinkable question unfinished except for on her face.

"NO," we answer simultaneously. We both take a step towards her, but stop as she pulls the delicate chain around her neck from under the sweatshirt and opens the silver heart. Both of their pictures lie inside, her father and her brother, and tears fill her eyes as she looks at them.

The necklace was a gift from my mother, many years ago, after Isabella started crying in the middle of one of their piano lessons because she couldn't remember her father's face. She ran from our house, with me right behind her, and straight home and up to her room so that she could look at pictures of him. Pictures that Ethan had hidden there for her after their mother had taken them all down from around their house, telling her that it was her punishment for taking him away. She was sure that a young Isabella would start to lose her memories of her father if he wasn't in her sight. She _wanted_ her to lose them. She wanted to hurt her, by taking away even more than she'd already lost.

Later that night my mother asked me if what had occurred in our house that day had ever happened before. I told her that it happened all of the time, no matter where she was, or what she was doing. That just a few days before, we'd had to pick a hysterical Isabella up from a birthday party, where she'd been laughing and having fun until the need to see him had taken over her. My mother cried for her that night, like she had many times before, and would again. She loved that little girl like she was her own, much more than her own mother ever did. She bought the locket for her the next day, and gave it to her, with Isabella's favorite picture of her father nestled inside - Ethan's wasn't added until later - and told her to keep it hidden under her shirt, close to her heart and out of her mother's sight, and that she would never again not have him with her.

It's been years since I've seen her take it out and open it, there are photographs of them in nearly every room of their house, but she looks at it now as if she hasn't seen their faces since the days they disappeared from her life. She wipes at her tears with one trembling hand, the open locket still in the other, and shakes her head, her voice soft but confident. "I didn't. I didn't kill them. I loved them. It wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything wrong."

"Of course you didn't, Isabella. You know that, we all know that." They both look up at me as I speak, and I glance from her to Jasper, who seems lost in this moment, as I cross the room and pick up the crumbled piece of paper from the floor. The piece of paper that he threw, because he doesn't understand what she needs from him right now. It's the same thing she needed when she sent him to my house. She needs him to fight for her, because the ability to do it for herself was taken away from her. Because she was hurt too much. She needs to know that she's worth it.

I open the piece of paper and hold it out to him. "I'll do it... I would be more than willing to give that soulless bitch a piece of my mind, but right now I think it's important that _you_... "

I leave my sentence unfinished, and let him fill it in for himself. Let him see what she needs as he looks at her now. She sent him out of here to fight one fight for her, but she brought him back to fight another. The one that their life is built to protect her from. The one that found its way in again tonight. The hate that he's tried to drown out with an endless, selfless flood of love. That she wants him to drown out with more. Needs him to. She needs him to fight for her, but fight the _one_ person who truly _meant_ to hurt her.

He knows that wasn't me as he takes the paper from my hand. Knows it as she wraps her arms around him and tells him she loves him. Knows it as he whispers the same against her forehead. Knows it as he takes the phone out of its cradle. Knows it as he walks away, leaving me alone with her as he heads upstairs. Knows it as, even a floor and a closed door away, his fight for her reaches our ears.

And, more important than anything, _she_ knows - after all of the tears she should never have had to cry - she _knows_ how important she is.

To both of us.


	14. Chapter 14 : Lost

**Disclaimer**:** SM owns Twilight. This is mine.**

**Warning: SHOUTY CAPS ahead. Maybe tears. Or maybe those are just mine again.**

**A/N**:** We're back on the bridge. Please don't push me off. **

**...**

**Chapter Fourteen: Lost**

**Jasper**

I should have understood. It's why I came rushing home for her, to take away the hurt. Hurt that fell upon her after I left her to take other hurt away. I don't know what the hell is going on with Edward, but I know that he'd never try to hurt Isabella. I do _know_ that. But her... it's all she wants to do. She's wanted to hurt her all of her life. Hated her. Since before she was even born. Of course she didn't say that exactly, not then, but from the time she found out she was going to have her, she was... different.

My little sister wasn't a planned addition to the family. They'd never planned to have another child after me. After eight years. But God had another plan in store. An angel to melt our hearts. A gift. And she was, to everyone but my mother. She was miserable for eight months, even though she never appeared to be physically suffering. Our dad had told Ethan and I that she had thrown up nearly every day that she was pregnant with both of us. That we both put her through hell before we arrived. But not Isabella. She was easy, gentle. A breeze. To him...

Our father was sure it was a girl, even before the doctor said it was. He was ecstatic that he was right. Ethan and I couldn't wait for our baby sister to come. Of course our plans were those of typical boys... he was going to teach her to play basketball, and I was going to teach her to play baseball. Those were the only things we cared about before Isabella was born. Mrs. Masen used to laugh at us, and say that our little sister would come and rewrite our playbooks. That we'd see... she'd have us playing with dolls and having tea parties and that she couldn't wait to see it. She was right of course - though she can shoot a three-pointer and hit one out of the park - there were endless tea parties, when she wasn't in the top of a tree, and Edward was right there with us. Three rough and tumble boys, owned by a little girl with big brown eyes and little _girl_ dreams. Sam was no less immune, and Emmett... she taught him who was boss from day one.

We weren't friends with Emmett when he first moved to town. We both came home from school with black eyes one day, and he went home the same. The next day, Edward and I had taken Isabella to the park and he was there with a few other boys. He started to act stupid, having no respect that my little four year old sister was with us, so we decided to leave. Isabella figured out through his idiotic remarks that he was responsible for the black eyes we wore, and even though he wore his own, she had plans for him. A fight of her own. She ran right up to him and kicked him in the shin and told him he was stupid and he better never touch us again. Everyone laughed, including him, and he crouched down in front of her and said_ "Or what?"_ She answered by balling up her fist and punching him in the nose. We were friends from that day forward, and he was a guest at her tea party the very next day. Owned by a little girl with big brown eyes. And a sassy mouth and a cute little fist...

Owned, like our father was from the moment she was born. Everyone... except the woman that should possibly have loved her most of all. Isn't a little girl supposed to be special to her mother? She should have been. She should be now. But she never was, and she's not.

Our mother... she's not the mother she should be. She's not the mother Ethan and I had before Isabella was born. Not the loving mother _we_ knew. She's a vengeful, spiteful woman with an irrational hatred for her only daughter. Her daughter, that never did a thing wrong in her entire life but be loved. Of course it's not wrong for a little girl to be loved by her father and brothers and everyone who ever met her, but she didn't see it that way. And she hated her for it. She was jealous. She'd lost too much of our father's heart, ours... or so she told herself. A mother shouldn't be threatened by her husband's love for their child. By her sons' for their sister. She shouldn't... but she was. Threatened. Jealous. Maddened...

And when that husband, _our_ father, was taken... she blamed her. And when she lost her oldest son, _our_ brother... she blamed her for that, too. I feared for Isabella after Ethan died. I feared my mother would hurt her. He was already gone, and she already blamed her for that, but this was different. He was never coming back this time. He couldn't tell me what to do, what to watch for. He couldn't tell me how to take care of her until he came home. Not anymore. He wasn't coming home. There was nothing to wait for or hope for anymore. We'd never see him again. But even through all of the pain of that, I still had fear. For my little sister. He'd never again be able to protect her. From anyone, including our mother. It was up to me. I was all she had. It was up to me to keep her safe. It was up to me to _see_. And like tonight, sometimes I get it wrong. I didn't see. I didn't understand what she wanted.

But I'm not alone. And it's never been just me. Edward has been there every step of the way. Seeing things that I didn't. Understanding her on a level that has always amazed me. And making me understand so _I_ could give her what she needed. I know Edward would take great pleasure in ripping into my mother. He's done it many times. And he would have done it tonight, if he didn't understand that Isabella wanted _me_ to do it. She needs to know that I would still choose her. Stand up again to the woman that gave me life. Stand up again to the mother that gave me love she never gave to her.

I crumbled up that piece of paper because I didn't want to talk to her. I never want to talk to her again for the rest of my life... but that's not what Isabella needs. She needs me to fight for her. She showed me her broken heart tonight so I would go fight for it. That fight left her vulnerable. Our mother hurt her while I wasn't here. She called me to come home and fight for her again. A different fight. I didn't understand that exactly. I came home to protect her... but it's not all she needed from me.

And once again, Edward made me see. Because he was here. I didn't have to bring him back to her. He came on his own. He came for _her_. And to make sure I wouldn't get it wrong. Like he knows he did this time. I accused him of not caring, but I know that's not true. It could never be true. Owned by big brown eyes... He knows he put pain in them. And he stayed away because he couldn't bear to see what he'd done. I'm not finished with him yet, but he came here without my saying a word. Because he knew what we'd find. And to make sure we'd both get it right this time.

I don't want Isabella to hear my fight. And I trust Edward enough to leave him to his. She won't be too vulnerable if I leave this time. He won't hurt her again. He'll figure out what she needs. How to give it to her. He's here. Where she's always wanted him. And where he's always been. And now that he is, and she won't be alone, I'm going to put an end to this.

She answers on the first ring. Like she's been waiting. Maybe she has. And if history is anywhere in her deluded mind she should know what's coming.

"I told you never to call me again."

"I'm your mother. I-"

"You're her mother too, you heartless bitch!"

"I'm not-"

"Worthy of her! You never have been. And because of _that_, you don't have a son or a daughter anymore!"

"I don't want to talk about her. I-"

"Well, that's too damn bad, because _she's_ the only thing I care about. And you don't have to talk, I prefer not to hear your disgusting voice, but you're sure as fuck going to listen.

You've hurt her for the last time. You'd better hear me, you pathetic, despicable bitch, because if you ever say another word to her, it will be your last. Don't underestimate how much I love her, and the lengths I'd go to to protect her from you or anyone. Don't make that mistake. Don't be so stupid to believe that your life means anything to me. That it means anything to anyone. It doesn't.

You're alone. Alone because your inconceivable jealousy of an innocent child put you there. Your child!

You let it consume you. Make a monster out of you. You tried to twist that ugliness. Tried to make her the monster. Her! Your daughter! That beautiful, perfect little girl that did nothing but love and be loved by everyone but you! SHE! DID! NOTHING! WRONG! She didn't take anything from you! The only thing she wanted from you was love! And you wouldn't give it to her! You starved her!

But we didn't. We loved her. We loved her more than anything. More than you. And not because she wanted or asked. Because she was. She _is_ love. Only a monster wouldn't love her. Then and now. She didn't take anything from you. She didn't take anything from any of us. She existed. She lived and breathed and smiled and laughed and loved with all of her sweet little heart. She didn't have to ask to be loved back. She just _was_.

And you couldn't stand it. You hated how much we loved her. You hated her because of it. And YOU caused us all to lose our father, not her. It's YOUR fault Ethan is dead, not hers. Your choices... your hatred killed them both, NOT HER! YOU LEFT HER THERE! YOU'RE THE REASON DAD WENT SPEEDING THROUGH THE RAIN-SLICKENED STREETS TO GET TO HER! YOU'RE THE REASON ETHAN'S LIFE WAS SHATTERED! YOU'RE THE REASON ALL OF OURS WERE! HE HAD TO PROTECT HER BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T! IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU BROUGHT THAT ANIMAL INTO OUR HOME! THAT SICK PIECE OF SHIT THAT YOU COULDN'T KEEP IN YOUR BED! YOU! YOU DESTROYED OUR LIVES!

AND I WON'T LET YOU DO IT ANYMORE! YOU WON'T GET ANOTHER CHANCE! I! WILL! DESTROY YOU!"

"No. She-"

"NO MORE! YOU WILL NOT SPEAK ANOTHER FUCKING WORD ABOUT HER!"

"Okay. Please calm down. Please... this isn't what I wanted. It's not why I called. I called because I want my son back. You're all I have left. You're right, I am alone. Alone and sick-"

"No. You don't have me. _She_ has me. I made my choice, and it's _her_. It will always be her. We can never have back what we lost, and neither can you. You don't have a son anymore. You lost them _both_. You don't have a daughter. You robbed your own life of your children. All of them. You have _nothing_. And you'll die with nothing. You'll never get anything from me. Nothing but hatred, and even that is more than you deserve."

"Jasper, please don't say those things. I love-"

"Yourself. And it's all you have."

"Please don't let me die alone. I don't have much time left. I-"

"Just ran out."

I hang up without another word. She doesn't get a goodbye from me. She got all I'm going to give her. Hearing my voice was more than she deserved. More than I wanted her to have. But I didn't do it for her. I did it for the little girl she refused to love. The heart she only wanted to break. The spirit she tried to crush.

The woman she'll never know.

The life she'll never have the honor to be a part of.

The big brown eyes she'll never put tears in again.

**Isabella**

"Thank you," I whisper, pulling Edward's upward gaze to me.

He shakes his head, his green eyes filled with guilt. "Please don't thank me for anything. You could slap me. That I'd accept. But don't thank me."

"I'd never do that. Not to you."

He closes his eyes for a brief second before they travel back to the ceiling. "He doesn't want you to hear this. What do you say we go see what Aro's up to?"

"I'm sure he's just down there plotting my demise. I'm not really interested in watching him do it. My mother might find it intriguing, though, if she were here."

"She's not worthy of your thoughts, Isabella. She has no place here."

I give him a small nod and he takes my hand in his and pulls me gently towards the basement stairs. "And don't worry about Aro, he doesn't want to hurt you. He just knows he can't have you. When something is forbidden, the temptation to claim it can be irrational. It makes him act stupid sometimes."

_No, please don't say that..._ He starts to drop my hand as we reach the bottom of the stairs. I grip his tighter. "Don't say it was stupid. Please don't hurt me like that."

"I never wanted to hurt you. I'm not trying to now... "

"Then don't."

He frees his hand from mine and rakes it through his hair nervously. "I don't think now is the time... "

"I've waited long enough, don't you think? Now _is_ the time, Edward. Now is the perfect time. You said she isn't worthy of my thoughts. And you're right, she _doesn't_ have a place here. And she certainly isn't more important than _you_. You, Edward. You're here. You finally came back. You came back for me... I know you did. And I know you didn't want to hurt me, but you _did_. You know that. And you know you can take it away now. Take it away, Edward. Don't make it worse."

There's pain in his expression. In his eyes as he glances again to Ethan's sweatshirt and back to my face. "I'm sorry. I truly am. If I could go back... but I can't. All I can do... I didn't mean it, Isabella. I'm sorry I said it, but you must know I didn't mean it. You know, don't you? I pray that you know that. I don't know how I can make it up to you... "

_I do._ "Take it away."

"I can't do that."

"Yes you can."

"Not the way you want me to."

_Why is he doing this?_ "Stop pretending I'm the only one that wants it. You tried to act like you didn't care, and I was hurt enough by your words - and the ones you wouldn't give me after - and your disappearing act to believe that maybe you didn't, that maybe I was wrong, but I _wasn't_. It's _not_ just me anymore. I see it. I saw it then and I see it now. I _felt_ it. It wasn't nothing to you. You can't take that away from me. You can never take it. But you _can_ take away the hurt you you gave me after. The hurt you left me with. Take it away, Edward. Please. Take it away."

"I _can't_."

"Stop saying that."

"It's the only answer I have to give you."

"It doesn't have to be. You can give me more than that. Different."

"It's not that simple. You know it isn't. And you know I can't."

His eyes are pleading with me, but I'm not just going to give up. "Why? Because of Jasper? He loves me. He'd do anything to make me happy. He wants me to be happy, Edward. We can make him see. We can make him understand. We. Together. Me and you. You always make him see. You know that. It's why he's up there now. If you just... "

"No."

"You want me, Edward."

"Isabella... "

"You. Want. Me."

"Don't do this. Don't make it harder."

It wouldn't be hard if it wasn't true. I see it. I want to hear it. "Admit it."

"It won't change anything."

_It will change everything._ "Say it, Edward. Give me that much. Say the words. You said it was nothing. You know that hurt me, so give me something else. Give me something different. Take it away. You just said you didn't know how you could make it up to me. Well, I'm telling you how. Say the words. Make it up to me."

"I _can't_. Please... "

"Yes you can, you just don't want to. Because you think it will be too hard."

"It doesn't matter what I want."

"It matters to me. We want the same thing. Please... "

"I'm sorry, believe me I _am_, but I _can't_."

"Am I just not worth it to you? More than nothing but still not enough?"

"This isn't about me. It's about what's best for _you_. Don't you understand that? You're worth everything, Isabella. And I've done enough damage with my selfishness. I won't hurt you any more."

"You're hurting me now."

"I would hurt you more if I gave you what you want. I promise you, it's the lesser of two evils. I'm trying to protect you. I'm sorry if it hurts. You're the last person in the world that I want to hurt. The very last person, Isabella. Please believe that. Please try to understand."

He believes what he's saying, I see it. And I know he doesn't want to hurt me, but nothing could hurt me more than what he's doing. And what his words imply about himself. There's not an ounce of evil in him. Not when it comes to me.

"I don't need you to protect me from you. Never from you. You're not a danger to me. I'm not afraid of you. I could never... "

"I know you're not, but you should be."

_Damn it!_ "Why? Why should I be? Give me one reason. One _valid_ reason, not some bullshit excuse."

"Let me ask you something." He moves to stand in front of an excited Aro. Excited, undoubtedly, because I'm down here. "Would you climb into that terrarium? Lock yourself in there with him?"

"I said no bullshit."

"Please just answer the question."

"You know I wouldn't."

"Why not?"

_Why_ does he see himself that way? "You're not a damn snake, Edward."

"You're wrong, sweetheart."

No, _you're_ wrong. And you're breaking my heart. And pissing me off...

"No, I'm not. But I'll play your little game. You say you're a snake. Fine, you're a snake. Well, I've got an answer for that. I'm not one of your stupid, pathetic little mice. I'd never settle for the way you feed on them. And I'm not offering it. I'm not offering myself to you to be eaten alive and forgotten as you move on to the next. I'd never let anyone do that to me, not even _you_. But you _wouldn't_ do that. You wouldn't treat me that way. You know the difference, Edward. Don't tell yourself that you don't. You treat them that way because they let you. And because you don't care about them. It wouldn't be that way with me. _You_ wouldn't be that way. You care about me. You're capable of different. You've always been different with me. _Only_ me. I know that, and so do you, so try again, because that excuse won't work on me."

But he's not hearing me. "You give me too much credit. Far too much. You always have. And I've let you. You have me on some kind of pedestal, and I've been selfish enough to let you keep me there. And even if I fell off, I did whatever I could to climb back on. But I know I don't belong there. _You_ know I don't. I don't deserve the way you see me. I don't deserve what you want to give me. I know you're not one of the little mice. You don't have to tell me that. I know. You're so much more... and so much more _tempting_. I _am_ a danger to you. You're a sweet, plump, juicy little rabbit with wide, innocent eyes, and too much trust. Trust that the hungry snake will resist his nature. Forget who he is. That he'll be gentle. Hold you instead of eat you. But it's not possible, Isabella. It wouldn't happen that way. I beg you to open those big, beautiful eyes and see that. See _me_. See me for what I am, not what you wish I was. You'd be devoured. And I won't do it. I won't let it happen to you. I took a taste, something I had no right to do, and you got away in one piece... That's where it has to end. One taste, sweetheart. I won't take more. You wouldn't survive another one."

"Yes I would."

"No. You _wouldn't_."

"You'd never hurt me."

"I already have."

"Only because you won't try. You won't fight for me. For yourself. Because you're afraid. Well, don't be afraid for me. Be selfish. Please. The juicy little rabbit wants to be locked in. With you. _I_ want to be locked in, Edward. It's where I belong. You know it is. I belong with you. Stop fighting it and fight _for_ it. I've waited all of my life for you to know. You know now. Please let me in."

I see his answer before it flows from his mouth.

Before Jasper's footsteps on the stairs reach the bottom.

Before the first tear rolls down my cheek.

The answer that breaks what's left of my heart.

Because I've lost my fight.

Because the person I want to love me more than anything refuses to give it to me.

Again.

"I _can't_."

**xx**

**I KNOW. Believe me, I know... **

**Moving on... I have a sweeter ending for you. Go read Cups Full of Wishes. It's new, for those of you that haven't seen it. It's on my profile. And you won't hate me after that one. I promise.**

**And keep your eyes open, the Edward pov of Chapter Seven that I did for Fandom4Texas will be posting soon. It's titled 'Dinner at the Hales'. It will be posted separately, so put me on alert or something. If you want. **

**Happy New Year!**


	15. Chapter 15 : Breaking Point

**Disclaimer**: **Twilight belongs to SM. Breaking Point is MINE. And Isabella's.**

**A/N**: **I thought a lot about what I would say here, because this chapter...**

**But I changed my mind about the whole drawn out thing. So, I'll say only this... Read the ENTIRE chapter before you aim your weapons. And for those who _do_, read it in its entirety, not aim your weapons, I'll see you at the bottom.**

**...**

**Chapter Fifteen: Breaking Point**

**Isabella**

It's been nearly a week since I decided to 'come clean' with Jasper. Nearly a week since I wore my heart on my proverbial sleeve, or chest in this case. Nearly a week since I handed him the reins in hopes that he could help fix my broken heart.

Nearly a week since, for the first time after two, I went to sleep with hope instead of the pain that gripped me every time I laid my head down. Nearly a week since the phone rang and tried to break me. Nearly a week since Edward came running and _did_.

Edward...

He's been very attentive since our conversation.

Very present.

Very sweet.

And very _brotherly_.

Of course I'm happy to have him around... where I can see him... hear him... spoil him - his stomach anyway - and keep him, at least for a few hours each night, from being further _spoiled _by soulless little mice, but _brotherly _isn't exactly how I want him to act.

Not exactly...

Not at all.

I've enjoyed our nightly chess matches, which came about after I challenged him to some one-on-one hoops on Saturday afternoon. He accepted, and we played... until I got a little aggressive in my game - the appreciation for which I felt firm against me - and he, after begging me for mercy that I refused to have on him, forfeited the game and went inside. After a few minutes in the bathroom to 'freshen up', where I'm pretty sure I heard him bang his head against the wall a few times, and which made me smile from ear to ear, he came out and went directly downstairs to retrieve the chess board. We've had a running tournament ever since.

And it's not been without its own moments, like every time I make a move that he doesn't expect and his beautiful mouth twitches, or the hard swallows that make his adams apple bounce each time his king gets a sweet kiss before being swept off the board.

But even with as much of his time and attention as he's giving me, it's not getting me anywhere. He's still not letting me _in_. Not that I've had any real opportunity...

Jasper hasn't left us alone once. He's always around, keeping a close, watchful eye. On _me_, because his trust in Edward hasn't faltered, but my little - or not so little - 'confession' has made him more attentive than ever. He's seen every queen's kiss - which I know because his not-so-subtle clearings of his throat are just that, _not_ subtle - and each night after Edward leaves, he gives me a **NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, DARLIN **lecture, and pleads with me to stop torturing myself.

My brother seriously needs a hobby. One that isn't me.

I suppose I didn't help matters much when I expressed my strong dislike for his newest clinger after we happened to run into her on Sunday when we were picking up a few things at the store. She was much too touchy-feely with him for my liking, and the _So, you're the reason _look she shot me after he introduced us was more than enough to warrant her dismissal. Her dismissal that took place promptly two hours later when she called demanding his attention for the evening, saying that _little sister_ had had enough of it. Even if I hadn't already have expressed my feelings to him about her, which would have led to her dismissal, her fate was sealed the moment _those _words were spoken. Adios, Maria.

My doting and faithful big brother needs a _nice _girl to snuggle up to. One that isn't needy, greedy, threatened by, or jealous of, his affection for his little sister, which is never going to waver. I was starting to wonder if such a woman existed, but good thing for him, and me, and thanks to my new job, I think I know just the girl.

She's cute as a button, sweet, ambitious _and _independent, full of life - and more than a little sass - and best of all, she absolutely adores... _me_. If only I could figure out how to get them together. He's been by the magazine twice to take me to lunch, which is really just an excuse to check up on me, but each time he's been here she's been out or in a meeting. She's described her dream guy to me, and my god, my brother is _it_. I know if I can just get them in the same place at the same time, Alice will take care of the rest.

And speak of the spunky little devil... "Hello, gorgeous! I'm glad I caught you before you left for the day. I have something for you!"

_I have something for you, too... _"Well, I love _somethings for me_, so I'm glad, too."

She laughs and pinches my cheek. "You're so cute, Bella. So, what do you think?"

She holds up a definitely-NOT-for-me short gold spaghetti-strapped dress, with a shimmering sequined front, and satin fabric back, which falls nearly to the black belted waist. It's not the first thing she's given me since I've been here, but it's the first time I'll have to refuse her generosity. Is she trying to get me killed?

"I really appreciate the thought, Alice, but I can't accept that."

"Of course you can. It's one of the perks of my job, sweetie. Designers give me lots of things, and I like to share with people I adore. Today that's _you_."

"Well, thank you, but _that _isn't. I can't-"

"Are you kidding me? It's perfect for you! The color will be gorgeous on you, and honey, seriously... you have legs for days, it's time you showed them off. And this is just the dress to do it in."

"I'm not really the 'show them off' type, Alice. Besides, my brother would never let me out of the house in something like that."

"Your brother needs to wake up and smell the 'my little sister is hot and there's nothing I can do about it' coffee. I'm all for protective, I've always wished I had an older brother, but yours takes his sibling status a little _too _seriously."

"He's not so bad. He's actually very sweet."

"Good, then he can be _sweet _tomorrow night when you wear this and we go out on the town."

"In the words of my brother... Never gonna happen, darlin."

"Well, we'll just see about that. I'll take it home with me tonight, and bring it with me tomorrow when I pick you up. Your brother and I will have a little chat while you slip into it, and then you and I will go out and have some fun."

She _really _doesn't know him... but I want that to change, so what's the worst that can happen? He'll say no, and I'll stay home and pick up sequins for my Friday night entertainment. And provided he _doesn't _kill her - which I'm hopeful about since Rose is still breathing after all of these years - then at least they'll finally meet.

"I suppose you never know what could happen, right?"

"That's my girl! Now, go home and prop those pretty little feet up, because tomorrow they dance!" She spins around in a whirl of gold - the dress I'm never going to wear flung over her shoulder - and disappears.

Look out, Jasper, cuz Operation Distr_A_ction is in motion!

I grab my things and walk to my car with a smile on my face. I really want to see my brother happy, and my gut tells me that Alice is an integral piece of that puzzle.

I'd like to see Rose happy too, and since tonight's dinner menu is a fairly simple one, at Edward's request, I'm going to take a few minutes to stop by her apartment on my way home. She showed up at the house two nights ago with an insanely expensive pair of shoes, but no explanation as to why. Now, unless it's my birthday or Christmas or something, she doesn't usually bring me presents unless she's feeling guilty about something. She said it was _just because_, but I don't believe her, and I want to see what's up with her.

She's been oddly MIA for the last week or so, other than her gift-bearing visit, and that in itself is peculiar enough to warrant a visit from me. The only thing I can think of is that she may have met a guy, but that doesn't make much sense either, because she would be rattling my ear off about him if she had. And it certainly wouldn't explain her most recent _for me _shopping trip. What could she have done?

All train of thought about _what _disappears, and my heart drops into my stomach as I turn the corner onto her street and see Edward's Suburban parked in front of her building. _No... Oh please God, no... _

I pull up behind it and turn off my car, praying I'm wrong, and that it's not his, but I know it is.

Why would Edward be here?

_Why does any man come here?_

No... He wouldn't do that to me. She wouldn't...

Shit. Yes she would. Maybe. She can be one of the mice.

But not Edward. Would he? He _knows _how I feel about him. And random little mice aside, my best friend? That he can't stand? Is he that callous?

I start the car again, afraid of the answer, but can't bring myself to leave. I have to know. Have to see for myself just how little I mean to him. If he could do this...

Seeing it will destroy me.

I pull my phone out of my purse and dial his number, because I'm afraid to do what I should do and go storming through the door.

He answers on the second ring. "I'm not late, am I?"

"Where are you?" I ask as calmly as I can.

"Still at the office. We should be leaving here in a few minutes. Is something wrong? You don't sound like yourself."

_Everything's wrong..._ "No. I just wanted to ask you if you could bring a couple of bottles of wine?" _Or a case..._

"I can do that. Are you sure nothing's wrong, Isabella? You really don't sound-"

_No! _"Yeah. See you in a bit." I hang up without saying goodbye, or giving him a chance to finish, before the tears can fall.

Why did he sound so calm? So _innocent_? Is he that heartless? Is it even possible that I could be _that _wrong about him? He told me last week I could slap him... I never imagined wanting to do such a thing, not to that beautiful face, but now...

And his beautiful face isn't the only one. And Rose would never be so composed. She'll crumble if she's caught. So, I dial her next.

Her phone rings five times before she answers, clearly out of breath, "Hey, sweetie, can I call you back?"

_Bitch! _"Why? What are you doing?" Or _who_?

"Ummm... I'm at the gym working out. I'll call you when I get home, okay?"

_Liar! _"Don't bother."

I hang up and throw my phone into the seat and peel out of the spot and into the street, nearly getting pulverized by a passing pick up truck in the process. The driver flips me off and blares his horn, screaming obscenities, but luckily keeps going.

My hands are shaking so hard I can barely hold the wheel, but I have to get away from here. I know I'm a coward for leaving, for not confronting them and their lies, but I just can't do it. It hurts enough without the visual, and seeing it would...

No. I can't. And I can't wait for the snake to show up with the wine that I plan to drown myself in. There's a grocery store with a very nice selection just a few blocks from where I am now, and I'm not going home without an armful. Home to make dinner for the snake, that once again, is indulging himself before he comes to my table. _Asshole... _

My phone starts ringing in the seat and one quick glance tells me that it's none other than the asshole himself. I don't answer it. I don't want to hear any more lies. It finally stops and a few seconds later I hear the tone that tells me I have a new voice message. I don't want to hear that either, so I ignore it. Anything he wants to say to me, he can say to my face, so he has to see the damage he's done again. And so I can see if he gives a shit when he does, though his current location seems proof enough that he doesn't.

The phone starts ringing again and I just barely avoid smashing into a firetruck parked at the far end of the parking lot as I speed through it, angry tears threatening to fall. I hold them back, once again ignoring my phone, and try to calm my nerves and find a spot up front. I pull in and put the car in park and take a few deep breaths and try to collect myself. As if a pick up wouldn't have demolished my little car, I wonder what kind of damage a firetruck would do... I probably wouldn't walk away...

Walk away like I do now with trembling legs as I jump out of the still-in-one-piece car and head into the store. I go straight to the extensive wine section and grab four bottles - yes, more than is necessary for the wine-induced coma I want to fall into, but these are extreme circumstances - and as I turn to rush to the counter, crash hard into an equally hard chest. The impact knocks me off of my feet, but the _he _that the hard chest belongs to somehow keeps me, and my wine, from hitting the floor.

"Whoa, beautiful, where's the fire?"

Said hard chest that I'm currently staring into wears a Portland Fire & Rescue sweatshirt, which I roll my eyes at before looking up into a handsome, vaguely familiar, and slightly embarrassed face.

"Really?"

"Yeah, sorry, that was lame. Are you alright?"

"No," I answer honestly. "But I will be when I get home with my wine. Thanks for saving it, by the way. And sorry for the collision. Guess three was pushing it."

"Three?" he asks with raised brows.

"I pulled out in front of a truck on the way here. Then almost smashed into what I'm assuming is _your _firetruck in the parking lot, and now you. Which I _did _crash into... so, yes, _three_."

"You must be really thirsty. And I'm glad I was the third, now that your luck has run out, because I don't think you'd have fared well against the other two."

"Yeah, lucky you."

"I think so. It's not every day that a man gets to wrap his arms around the beautiful and forbidden Bella Hale."

_One man could... but his are around my best friend at the moment. _"No, it's not, and you can let go now. And... you know me?"

"Sorry," he mutters sheepishly, releasing me from his embrace and taking a step back. "And no... I know _of _you, but I've never had the privilege of an introduction." He extends his hand, before realizing I don't have a free one, and dropping it to his side with an embarrassed grin. "Riley Biers. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Bella."

That name is familiar, too. Riley Biers... "Did you play baseball?"

"Yes, ma'am, I played in high school."

"I went to every home game your sophomore, junior and senior years. You were really good."

"Thank you. And I know you did, you were quite the cheerleader in the stands. I always wondered why you weren't on the school cheer leading squad."

_Ha!_ _Now, that is funny!_ "Two words... short skirts."

"Aaaah... well, _that _makes perfect sense."

"You _are _a baseball guy, and you _did _refer to me as forbidden, so I'm assuming you're aware on some level of my brother, Jasper."

"Of course I am. Your brothers are sports legends in this city. Almost as legendary as Jasper and his buddies are about keeping guys away from you."

I give him a small smile at _brothers _and he's immediately apologetic, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I know. It's okay. So, ummm... " I glance down at my full hands and back up to him, "It was nice meeting you, Riley, and-"

"God, where are my manners? I'm sorry, I'm not usually this much of an idiot. I think you're making me nervous... Let me take those." He takes the wine from my hands before I can protest, but since my fingers were about to fall off, I don't even try.

I gesture toward the counter a few feet away and he follows me to it as I shyly ask a question, "Why would I make you nervous?"

"Beautiful and forbidden, remember? And I don't know about the second part these days, but the first has certainly never been more true."

I'm sure I'm blushing, but I try to distract myself from being embarrassed about it by turning my eyes to the clerk bagging my four bottles of wine. "You had every pretty girl in the school throwing themselves at your feet from what I remember. I doubt any girl could make you nervous."

"Every pretty girl but the one I wanted to."

"Who was that?" I ask, handing the clerk my card.

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, _you_."

"Why me?"

"You mean besides the obvious?" he asks, picking up my bags before I can and holding them up. "If you'll allow me to make up for my earlier bad manners and see you to your car? And maybe check it for red paint while I'm at it... "

"I did not hit your firetruck, I swear. I said I _almost _hit it."

"You haven't already polished off a bottle of this, have you? Wait, are you even 21 yet?"

"I was only one year behind you, I'm 22, thank you very much. And no, I haven't had a drop." _But I will, believe me, as soon as I get home..._

"Well, I'm glad you haven't. If _three _happened without a drop, then I'd hate to think of what-"

He's cut off by a voice behind us, just as we reach the doors of the store. "Biers, what the hell are you doing? Leave that girl alone! Ma'am, is he bothering you? Because I'd be more than happy to rescue you from him."

I turn to the voice with a shake of my head and a small smile, but am met with a shocked expression on another vaguely familiar face.

"Shit. Scratch that. You really do like to play with fire, don't you, Biers? I sure as hell hope we don't get any calls tonight, since you clearly have a death wish... Are you fucking nuts?"

"Shut it, Parker. I know this may be foreign to you, but there is a _lady _present. Go back to your apple juice. I'm escorting Miss Hale to her car."

"Walking yourself to your execution is more like it," he mutters as we exit the store.

"Death wish? Execution?" I ask, pointing to my car a few feet away.

"Legendary, remember?" he laughs.

"Oh. They mean well." I shrug and open the trunk of my car, so he can put the bags inside.

He does and gently closes it with a shake of his head. "A Mini, huh? I'm really glad you didn't hit the rig with this little thing. I'm pretty sure I'd be peeling you off of it. And I'm sure they do mean well, for _you_."

"You never did answer my question."

"I'm sorry, what question was that?"

"Why _me_?"

"Oh. Well... besides the _really obvious _reason... I guess because you were different from all of the other girls."

"You never even met me, how would you have known that?"

"The way you carried yourself. And the way you _didn't_. And now... the same. You're not like all of the rest."

_Nope... not one of the mice... _"No, I'm definitely not. Anyway... thanks again for saving me in there. And my wine. And for escorting me to my car. It was nice finally meeting you, officially, and considering what you do for a living, I hope you have a good, _quiet _night." I open my door and start to climb in, but his voice stops me.

"Bella, wait... "

"Yes?"

"Look... it was really great finally meeting you, too, officially, but there's something I've always regretted... "

I look up at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. He fidgets for a moment, before he puts his hands in his pockets with a shake of his head. "Maybe I wouldn't even have had the guts once I got close to you, if I hadn't let him intimidate me... "

"The guts to what? Let _who _intimidate you?"

"The guts to ask you out. And who... Edward Masen."

_What? _"I don't understand."

"I knew you were off limits... but I also knew I was a good guy. After almost three years of wishing all of the girls who were 'throwing themselves at my feet', as you said, were _you_, I finally decided I was going to stop being such a wuss and ask you out. It was after the last home game before the playoffs started. Everyone was at Flying Pie celebrating. You were there with a couple of girls, and Jasper and Edward were somewhere, I knew, because they were always somewhere...

"Well, I finally decided to go for it. You were laughing about something, and you looked so unbelievably beautiful... I told Parker, _'That's it, I'm going to ask Bella out, right now,'_ and turned around and walked right into Masen, who told me if I wanted to see the playoffs, or ever walk again, that I'd forget Isabella Hale existed." He takes a deep breath and shakes his head again. "I was pretty sure he meant it, and I'd seen some of his handy work before... guys that were cocky and tried to get near you...

"Needless to say, I was intimidated. I'm not proud of that, but he _was _a lot older than me, and bigger... "

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Riley. I know how Edward is." _He won't take me, but he won't let anyone else even get close... yet he..._

"Is?"

"Well, _was_. I guess. I don't know... " _I just know it hurts..._

"It hasn't changed, has it?"

_A lot of things have changed. Too many. _"I don't know. There hasn't really been a situation where I wanted to say yes to anyone, so I guess their interventions are usually appreciated by me. But... " _Since Edward didn't let me speak for myself... _"Do you want to know what I would have said? If you would have asked?"

"I'd rather hear what you'll say now."

_Oh. _

"I don't like to live with regrets, Bella. I've always regretted letting him intimidate me that night. I know it was meant to protect you, but I'm really _not _a bad guy. I'd like an opportunity, finally, to prove that to you, and any and everyone huddled around you. To prove that I know you're different, _special_, and that I've always admired and respected that about you. I'd love the chance to just get to know you, if you'll let me. I didn't have the guts to do it then, but I'm asking now."

_Admired and respected... _

It would sure be a hell of a lot better than pushed away and _disrespected. _

And the fact of the matter is... if Edward hadn't have intervened that night, and he would have asked me out, I would have said _yes_.

He told him to forget I existed... but he didn't forget. Unlike him, who at the moment couldn't be thinking less about me while he's doing God knows what with my _former _best friend...

Riley's voice pulls me from my thoughts, "I guess I should have asked if you were attached first. I-".

"I'm not." _Just my heart, but the person it's attached to clearly doesn't care about that, so... _"And, I'm glad you're asking now, and my answer is yes."

"You are? It is?"

"Yes and yes."

The smile that lights up his face brings one to mine, even though inside I feel nothing but hurt and betrayal. If the people I care about don't give a damn about me, then maybe it's time I let some new people into my life. And the fact that this particular person is someone that Edward once told to stay out of it just makes him that much more perfect of a choice.

I know Jasper will put him through the usual ringer, but something tells me he can handle it, and won't be scared off so easily a second time. And just maybe, Jasper will be so relieved to see me direct my focus off of Edward and on to someone else that he'll go easy on him. Maybe...

He's still just staring at me with that big grin plastered on his face, so I decide to help him a bit. "You should probably ask me for my phone number before I go. Unless you just want to wait for me to crash into you again?"

"I'm really not usually this stupid, honest I'm not. You're definitely making me nervous."

"I don't think you're stupid. And maybe it's not me that's making you nervous, maybe it's the _huddle _around me, because you're right, it really hasn't changed much."

"No, it's you. I'm not worried about them."

"I'm glad, but as for me... I'm harmless, I promise."

"Something tells me that's not at all true, but I'll take my chances, because something also tells me that you're worth it."

_At least someone thinks I am._

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and presses a few buttons before handing it to me. "Would you put it in for me?"

I type in 'Harmless' and then my cell number and hand it back to him with a wink. He laughs as he looks at the screen and then narrows his eyes at me. "How do I know this is really your number and not just something you made up to get rid of me?"

"Do girls do that?"

"Well, it's never happened to _me_, but yes, they do."

"Hmmm... well... " I reach into my car and grab my phone from where I left it on the seat when I ran into the store. I have eleven missed calls and just as many voicemails - three from Edward, two from Jasper, and six from Rose. I'll call Jasper back when I get home, but the other two can go to hell for all I care at the moment. I clear my screen and turn my attention back to Riley, who's been waiting patiently. "Call _Harmless_. I promise you this phone will ring in my hand."

He presses a button, and sucks in an exaggerated breath and holds it, making me laugh. _At least I know I can... for now..._

My phone starts ringing, and he lets it out with a smile, that I return. I add his number to my contacts, and am just about to type in his name when he holds out his hand. "May I?"

I put it in his hand and he types something in and hands it back to me. It says 'Ecstatic'. I smile, but shake my head. "I'm flattered, but I think something else suits you better." I rename him 'Fearless' and show him just before my phone starts ringing again. I see that it's Rose and press _reject call _and toss it back onto the seat of my car.

"So... "

"You probably have things to do, and wine to drink... "

"I do, actually. I cook 'the huddle' dinner every Thursday night, and I need to get home and get started on that before Emmett shows up and mistakes me for a chicken leg or something. He hallucinates when he's hungry. Scary stuff."

"Yeah, sounds like it. You definitely should go then, and I should get back in there before Parker fills our cart with apple juice and Cocoa Puffs and I have no real food to eat for two days." He clears his throat and shifts back and forth on his feet nervously before continuing, "So, uh... I guess there are supposed to be 'rules' about when you call a girl and all of that, but-"

"I think you should call a girl when you want to talk to her," I interrupt, "At least _this _one."

"I'm glad you feel that way."

"Good. Have a good night, Riley."

"You too, Bella. Drive safe. _Please_. And steer clear of the firetruck on your way out."

"The big red thing at the end of the lot, right?" I ask as I climb into my car.

"Yeah, that," he laughs.

"I'll do my best," I smile, and start my car.

He nods and closes my door, shoving his hands into his pockets, and I give him a small wave and pull out. I notice in the rear view mirror that he's still standing there watching me drive away, so I stop just when I get past his rig. I grab my phone and type out a quick text:

_Firetruck spotted and cleared safely. And I would have said yes then, too. In case you wondered._

I hit send and glance back to the rear view mirror. He looks like he was about to come running to see what was wrong when my text comes through. I wait for him to pull his phone out of his pocket and smile at the screen before I pull away again... and drive home to face the pain that I'll come face to face with there.

By the time I pull into the driveway of our house, my heart, and my incessantly ringing phone, are both about to crumble. My phone because I'm considering driving over it, but I just got this phone and I happen to like it. And I'll be damned if Rose pushes me to crush it. Her, on the other hand... but _that _would probably cause damage to my car, which I also really like...

So I decide against the first, and put the second on the back burner for now, or until I can get Emmett to let me borrow his Jeep, and grab my wine from the trunk. The wine that I hope can help numb my still-crumbling heart. I drop everything onto the table when I walk into the kitchen and pull out one bottle. I set it down on the counter and grab a large pot for the pasta and let it fill in the sink while I get the corkscrew and a glass. The glass that I don't bother to fill once I pull out the cork and start drinking straight from the bottle. Too bad I don't have a really tall straw...

I reject another call from Rose, and get the pot on the stove, and am just about to call Jasper back when I hear the garage door open. Oh well, too late now. I'm in the middle of a long swig when the door opens and Jasper _and _Edward walk through it. I don't remember hearing more than one car, but I don't waste any time on it, because both of their jaws are dropped open in shock at my unladylike behavior.

"Isabella, what's wrong? And why weren't you answering your phone?" Jasper reaches for the bottle, but I yank it out of his reach and step around him.

"Ask him." I scowl in Edward's direction, and take another drink.

"_Me_? What did I do?" Edward asks, and if I hadn't have seen the evidence myself, I'd probably believe he really didn't know what I was talking about.

But since I did see... "You know damn well what. And _who,_" I sneer, taking another drink before my voice can betray me.

"Isabella, please stop that." He's to me before Jasper can even reach out again, and pries the bottle from my hand.

"You don't get to tell me what to do!" I yell, and try to take it back.

"What the fuck did you do, Edward?" Jasper asks. "And when? Everything was fine last night when you left here."

"I have no idea why she's upset, Jasper. Everything _was _fine, and I was with you all day today, you know that. I'm as lost as you are."

"Liar," I spit out. "And give me back my fucking wine!"

He picks up the untouched glass from the counter, fills it and holds it out to me, concern all over his face. "Sweetheart, please tell me what you think I did. I knew something was wrong on the phone... I called you back three times. I left you messages when you didn't answer... Talk to me."

I snatch the glass from him, spilling about a third of it on the floor in the process, and for the first time in my life, I don't rush to clean it up. "Talk to you? You want me to talk to you?"

"Of course I do. I don't like to see you like this. Whatever you think I did, let me-"

He stops mid-sentence when I reach for my ringing phone. I've had enough. "Stop calling me, you fucking whore! We are not friends anymore, and I never want to speak to you again!"

Jasper takes the phone from my hand after I disconnect the call and shakes his head. "Isabella, what happened? Why would you talk to Rose like that?"

"Once again, ask him." I shoot a hurt glance at Edward and head out of the room, because Emmett is now pounding on the front door. I drain my glass on the way, and he takes a step back as I open it with a huff, and looks behind me strangely, but doesn't move.

"What the fuck's your problem?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Uh... "

I wait, but he doesn't say anything else, or move to come in, so I slam the door and walk back to the kitchen to refill my empty glass. I hear the door open and close behind me, but I only roll my eyes and hold my glass out to the snake, who's still holding the bottle with a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Isabella... how on earth would _I _know why you're mad at Rose?"

"POUR!"

"Not until you tell me."

"You know damn well why! I SAW YOUR TRUCK OUTSIDE OF HER BUILDING! How could you do that and then walk into my house like it was nothing? My best friend, Edward? That you practically hate? I realize you don't belong to me, you've made that painfully clear, but HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? WHY HER?"

"_What_? You think I... with _Rose_? Isabella... "

I throw my glass and it shatters against the wall, glass flying everywhere, the last piece of my calm shattering with it. "STOP LYING! JUST STOP! YOU WANT ME NOT TO LOVE YOU? FINE! DONE! YOU FINALLY DID IT! YOU DID THE ONE THING THAT COULD MAKE ME SEE YOU FOR THE SNAKE YOU ARE! YOU FUCKED WORTHLESS WHORE AFTER WORTHLESS WHORE AND I STILL HAD HOPE THAT ONE DAY YOU'D SEE... BUT YOU HAVE FINALLY DESTROYED THE LAST OUNCE OF THAT HOPE. YOU FUCKED MY BEST FRIEND! AND I HATE YOU FOR IT! I HATE YOU!"

I don't even realize I'm swinging at him until Jasper's arms lock around me and he pulls me away. The tears are streaming from my eyes... tears of anger... pain... betrayal... all of it pouring out of me in a torrent. My eyes are locked on Edward's face, and the bright red mark the size of my hand that's quickly forming on the side of it, but he's not looking at me. He's glaring at Emmett, who _is _looking at me, guiltily. Jasper is trying his best to calm me, whispering soothing _It's okay_s and _He would never do that to you_s in my ear, but Edward's calm voice breaks through everything.

"When did you see my truck, sweetheart? Was it today? Before you called me?"

"You know it was," I answer through my sobs.

"No, I'm only guessing. Isabella... I understand why you're upset, and why you thought what you thought... but I would never, EVER do that to you. And as much as I don't like Rose, I don't think she would, either. I promise you there's an explanation for this, and I know you're not likely to believe anything I say right now, but you know Jasper would never lie to you. I was with _him _when you called me, at the office, and when we got here, we were in _one _car and that was _his_, because _Emmett _had my truck. He's had it since about three o'clock this afternoon... until he just got here with it. Jasper can tell you that's true, if you don't believe me...

"And I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I know how much that must have hurt you, and that's not fair to you... to go through that for nothing, for a misunderstanding. I hurt for you, but I promise you that's what it was, just a misunderstanding. And I would never want you to hate me. Believing that you do... _that _hurts me more than anything I could imagine. I hope that maybe it's not true... that you don't really... and that you understand everything that I'm saying to you? It wasn't me, Isabella. On my life, it wasn't me."

Wasn't him.

He wasn't...

He didn't...

"Jasper?" I croak out, in barely more than a whisper.

"He's telling the truth, sweetheart," he whispers, kissing the top of my head. "Edward would never hurt you like that. I think you know that."

"Oh, God... "

"It's okay... no one's upset with you."

"But I... "

"I know. It's okay, darlin, I promise."

"And I... "

"Shhh... it's okay."

"But... "

Edward takes a step towards me, shaking his head, his eyes soft, understanding, forgiving. He reaches out, and Jasper lets go of me. He was right... Edward's not upset with me, even though he should be. Even though I accused him...

Even though I...

I...

The only sound I hear is that of my own scream.

The sound of my heart...

Breaking...

Splintering...

Ripping apart...

Shattering...

Like the glass that still lays on the floor in shards...

Broken.

By _me_.

**xx**

**Many of you thought Edward had that coming, so enjoy, because it's not likely to ever happen again. Clearly, Isabella is a little upset about it. A LOT UPSET, actually, so be kind to her. Yes, I just said that. A mama always tries to protect her cubs.**

**As for the _other_ surprise... it was always coming. You don't have to like it. I'm sure I'll hear about it if you don't. **


	16. Chapter 16 : Fire

**Disclaimer**: **Twilight belongs to SM. Fire belongs to me.**

**Warning**: **F-bombs ahead. A fucking shitstorm of them. Wish I had a counter like my Scarface DVD... but I don't, nor do I apologize for them. Neither does Edward, or anyone else who may drop one.**

**I'll leave the long as shit A/N at the bottom... unless I change my mind before I get there... and for now I'll just say Welcome, new readers! We passed the big 500! And thank you to everyone for their thoughts. Well... _most_ everyone. I didn't appreciate some of them. But the guilty parties will hear about that in my replies, which I will still get to as soon as I'm able.**

**Right now, let's get to this...**

****...

**Chapter Sixteen: Fire**

**Edward**

She thought I was with Rose.

She thought I was _fucking _Rose.

Me.

And her best friend.

Two people that can't stand each other.

And both love her.

She thought we...

The pain in her eyes was...

But the pain _now_...

Now, that she realizes she was wrong...

The words she spoke to me... screamed at me... _I HATE YOU! …_ the regret of them so much louder than the sound of them.

The pain they cause her now deeper than the pain I felt as they reached my ears.

My heart.

Stronger than the throbbing sting left on my face from her now trembling hand...

The horror on hers at putting it there...

She's reached her breaking point.

And it's ripping a hole in me.

Jasper knows this, that she's cracking, though he can't see her face. Can't see what I see. He's behind her, his arms locked around hers, because he knew she misunderstood. He knew, this time, that I had done no wrong. He knew that when she realized...

And when she slapped me, he pulled her away. Held her while I tried to make her understand.

He's trying to soothe her now.

Calm her.

Keep her from breaking.

But he can't see her face.

Her eyes...

Locked on mine.

Horrified.

At what she did.

Said.

He's trying...

But it's not working.

And she's breaking.

Right before my eyes.

And it's killing me.

I shake my head as I step towards her, trying to tell her it's okay. That I'm not upset. Not mad.

That I could never be mad at her. She should know that.

That I understand.

She was wrong, but she didn't know. It's not her fault.

It's Emmett's fault.

And mine, for being the way I am.

And Rose's, for being the way she is.

Careless. All of us.

For letting her see things she never should have. Things she didn't understand. Because we all do things that she doesn't understand. Things that none of us wants her to. Because she's sweet... and we all want to keep her that way.

We did this to her.

All of us.

The people that love her...

Are breaking her.

I reach out to her, wanting desperately to hold her together.

Hold her.

Jasper lets go of her, because he knows, this time, that I'm the only one that can.

Maybe...

Or maybe not...

Because the bloodcurdling scream that comes from her mouth...

As she cracks...

Breaks...

Tells me it's too late.

I made her wait too long.

And her pain...

Rips through everything.

The air.

Everyone in this room.

Every heart.

Every wall we've built to protect her.

Because we wanted her _whole_.

Not like this.

The fragile creature that I wrap my arms around.

Beg to breathe.

Try to put back together.

My arms and words like glue.

I hope.

I pray.

Because I know I did this.

Because I told her I couldn't.

And she thought I gave what she wanted to someone else.

Someone close to her.

What she wanted...

_Me_.

"I know, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. It's okay." I whisper the words again and again. Hold her so tight I'm afraid I'm hurting her, but don't loosen my arms around her. Because they can't hurt her any more than she already is.

And because I know she wants them.

Wants them so much that the glue starts to hold. She starts to breathe again. Starts to feel. Let go of the pain...

Replace it.

With what she wants.

Even now.

She wants.

A moment that I can give her...

A moment that she takes as she goes liquid in my arms. Silent, except for the pained rhythm of her breathing as it slows.

And the four words she thinks she has to say. "I don't hate you."

But didn't. Not to me. Because... "I know."

"I could never hate you."

"I hope not."

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"I know. It's okay."

I wish I could give her more.

God, I wish...

But I can't.

I rest my chin on the top of her head and meet Jasper's eyes. His eyes that move from mine to my arms around her. The curve of her against me. Taking what he knows she wants. The want that is stronger than the hurt. He knows it. He sees it. And I don't care at this moment if he sees anything else. I won't take it from her. And I won't let him. If this is all I can ever give her, I'll give it until _she _lets go.

Because I can't.

I tighten my grip as he reaches for her. His eyes flash back to mine. Narrow.

I silently ask him for trust. Trust I know he shouldn't give me, but ask for anyway. Trust that, for the first time, he seems to hesitate to give me.

Does he see? That what I'm giving her isn't entirely selfless? Isn't just for her?

That the curve of her against me isn't unwanted? Makes my heart pound?

Does he see? That her breaths are deep now? Purposeful? As she breathes me in?

See that I ache to do the same? Breathe her? Inhale her? Pull her under my skin?

I think he does.

Maybe.

But the front door slams and whatever he saw is forgotten for the moment as he greets the tornado that is Rosalie.

"Where the fuck is she?"

He blocks her path to us. "Rose... "

"No, Jasper! Rose, nothing! She's got some explaining to do! You don't-"

He cuts her off before she can go any farther, go too far. "Yes I do. I know what she said to you on the phone, Rose. We all do. I understand that you're upset, but I'm not going to let you charge in here and attack her. You don't understand what happened, and why she said what she did. She-"

"Don't make excuses for her! I don't want to hear them! She's going to answer to me, whether you like it or not! And she's going to answer to me now!"

Isabella tenses slightly in my arms and I glare at Emmett as I tighten my hold around her. "You going to speak up, you fucking pussy? You made this mess."

"He made _what _mess?" she growls at me, "And get your filthy hands off of her!"

"Worry about your own hands, Rose, because everyone in this room knows where they were an hour ago. And _that _is what mess."

"What the fuck did you do, Emmett, come in here and announce it? What happened to the big 'secret' you wanted to keep?" she screams at him.

"I didn't say anything," he sighs, "Bella drove by your place... "

"So?"

"Then you lied to her on the phone... " he continues, still not getting to the point.

"Is _that _why she's upset? What, does she think she has dibs on _you _too? And that gives her the right to call me a whore? And end our friendship? What a greedy, childish little bitch! And you're all here babying her, as usual! And of course, Edward, being the slime that he is, is just taking advantage of another opportunity to grope her... what the fuck, Jasper? Have you gone blind? Do you not-"

"That's enough!" I try to cover Isabella's ears as I scream above her head against my chest, because she still hasn't let go, and knows that I won't make her. "He was driving my fucking truck, Rose! Think about that! MY truck! _That's _what she saw! In front of _your _apartment. _Before _you lied to her! And watch what you say to me, bitch, and about her."

"Get over yourself, Edward, and get _off _of her!" she screams back, maneuvering around Jasper, and trying to pull a going-nowhere Isabella from my arms. I can see that the 'driving _my _truck' part hasn't sunk in to her stupid bleach blonde skull yet, because if it had...

And, there it is...

"Wait, _what_? Your truck? Oh God... Bella? You thought I... _him_? How could you... I would never... _ever_... not with a ten foot pole! That's disgusting!"

"The feeling's mutual," I spit, "but she saw what she saw, and she thought what she thought, and you lying to her, in whatever way that was, didn't help that."

"But-"

"_But_ she understands now, and she's upset about that, so unless you're going to calm down, you're going to have to wait to talk to her."

She glares at me, and I think she's going to disregard my words and reopen the bitch-spout that is her mouth, but a smile breaks over her features instead.

"Did she do that to your face?"

Isabella whimpers in my arms and buries her face in my chest, fisting my shirt in both of her hands. I stroke her hair and whisper a low "It's okay, I had it coming" before answering. "Like I said, she thought what she thought. There's no one here that doesn't understand her reaction, and it's going to stay that way. She feels bad enough. So, you can join us in that understanding, or you can leave."

"Like you could kick me out. I-"

"_I_ can, and will," Jasper interrupts whatever was coming next with a warning glare.

"Calm your knickers, boys. I get it. If she was upset enough to do _that_," she laughs, gesturing to me, "then I know she completely snapped her shit. I'll set my hurt feelings aside for now."

"Wise decision," I mutter, ignoring the overt joy on her face.

She rolls her eyes at me and strokes Isabella's hair. "I'm sure you're upset, honey, since you actually _like _him, but if you ask me, he's never looked better. I'm not your mouth's biggest fan right now, but your feisty little hand is my new favorite thing."

"Enough, Rose. It's not funny," Jasper says, just as Isabella's phone starts ringing on the counter where he laid it. He picks it up and looks at the screen. "Isabella... who is _Fearless_?"

_Fearless?_

She goes suddenly stiff against me, telling me that my own now-rigid form isn't unwarranted. My arms around her start to tighten of their own will, but she shocks me by pulling herself quickly from them and rushing to him.

"Just a friend," she says, biting her lip and reaching for her phone. He raises a brow, and instead of putting it in her outstretched hand, he answers the call.

"Who the hell is this?"

_Exactly what I'd like to know._

"Jasper! Give me that!" She tries to take it from him but he doesn't let her, holding her off with his free hand.

"Well, _Riley Biers_, what the fuck do you want with my sister?"

Riley Biers... Why do I know that name?

_Riley Biers... Who the hell is... _

_That cocky little fuck!_

_That has a place in Isabella's phone..._

_And a stupid nickname..._

"Riley Biers?" Rose asks with wide eyes. "I remember him! Him, I'd touch! But not, of course... Bella! When did this happen?"

_Finally, something intelligent comes out of the spout. Yes, Isabella... WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?_

Isabella, who won't look at me, and is still trying to take her phone from Jasper's hand. Because she _wants _to talk to him, even though I'm standing right here. _His _call pulled her right out of my arms. And punched me right in the fucking stomach. The sting of her slap is nothing compared to _that_.

But Jasper's game of keep away is fouled by an idiot Emmett, who rips the phone out of his hand and gives it to her. "You'd think you'd be grateful for the distraction," he says, defending his actions, with a nod in my direction.

While he swore he would keep what he walked in on to himself, Emmett would still like to kill me for what he saw, and reminds me of that every time we're alone. And him opening a door for someone else, just to block me from it, is blaring proof of how strongly he feels about it. As is Jasper's now-in-agreement stare, which I look away from when Isabella starts talking.

"Sorry about that. Did I mention things haven't changed much?"

_Oh, you're wrong... this is definitely a change. And I don't like it... I don't like it one fucking bit._

"Good, I'm happy to hear that. And that you don't care about the 'rules', since I'm guessing this call means you wanted to talk to me?"

_What are you happy to hear, Isabella? And why are you happy to hear it from him?_

Because I won't tell her what she wants to hear from me. _Fuck!_

_And of course he wants to talk to you... who wouldn't?_

"Thank you, that's so sweet."

What's sweet? What the fuck is he saying to her? And why is she smiling?

"No, it's okay, I'm just about to start dinner now," she says, her eyes flitting straight to me. "I had a few distractions when I got home."

Distractions?_ Is that what I am now? A distraction? Because of Riley fucking Biers? I don't fucking think so... _

She starts moving around the kitchen, the phone to her ear, listening while he says God knows what to her, and I can't stand it. "Isabella, can I help you with dinner?"

She looks at me intently for a moment, undoubtedly seeing the jealousy in my eyes, and a slight smirk forms on her mouth. "No thank you, Edward. I've got it covered. But you can clean up the mess, if you don't mind?"

She smiles sweetly - _too _sweetly - and goes back to her conversation, but keeps her eyes on me. "Yeah, you remember Edward, right? I believe you said you met once?"

_Fucking right we met once... but it looks like Mr. Biers didn't take that meeting very seriously. Though he clearly mentioned it to you..._

And she's clearly trying to make me pay for that.

_Be careful, sweetheart... that's my juicy little rabbit you're dangling..._

_And he can't have it._

"We did meet, actually, Isabella... but it seems _Riley _doesn't remember our conversation very well."

"Oh, he remembers," she says with another sweet smile. "He just doesn't care, because _he _thinks I'm worth it."

_I know you're worth it, Isabella. Believe me, I do... but there's no way in hell he's going to know._

I step closer to her and make sure my response can be heard loud and clear through the phone. "That's like saying Antarctica is a bit chilly, but you like the cold. It doesn't mean you should tear off all of your clothes and run around naked in it. The _elements _would destroy you before your teeth had time to chatter."

"Well, yes, Edward," she says, raising her chin, "sometimes reality is a real _slap _in the face. And I suppose it can either wake you up or destroy you. I imagine it just depends on the strength, or lack of, of the individual which way it goes."

_This is only going to go one way, sweetheart._

Unfortunately for me, she thinks it's hers. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm trying to have a conversation, so if you could tend to the mess before anyone gets hurt, I'd like to get back to it."

She gives me a pointed glare, and then another smirk, before she turns her back, resuming her call. "Sorry about that, Riley. Again. The huddle isn't used to sharing my attention. They're acting out with a little unsportsmanlike behavior."

She laughs at something he says, and the surge of jealousy that shoots through me could crumble the walls that surround us.

Her **WELCOME **and **PLEASE COME IN** signs have been posted for someone else.

She opened the door.

The one I thought I had closed long ago.

And I have no problem slamming it shut again...

Or locking the deadbolt with Riley Biers _outside_, where he belongs.

The question is...

How do I keep myself from smashing through the one I closed to protect her from _me_?

**Isabella**

I had a moment of regret. Well... _after _the other one that secured Edward's arms around me.

A moment.

Or a second.

Because a second is all it took for Edward's body to go rigid against me when Jasper picked up my phone and asked who _Fearless _was.

_Fearless _made Edward rigid.

And as incredible as it felt being in his arms, the way he let me melt into him as he held me tight, his body firm, yet soft...

_Rigid _felt better than soft. Meant more.

I knew soft would eventually let go...

Push me away.

Lock me out.

But _rigid_...

Rigid meant hope.

Because even if he can resist me, the me I want him to take, the me he says he never will...

Never again...

The thought that someone else might...

_Rigid _was a very good thing.

And my moment - _second _- of regret...

Disintegrated.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Jealousy.

Come in!

And boy, did it. Edward is seething.

And seething Edward?

Seething Edward makes my heart pound. And something else... that I don't think I've ever felt before. Something...

Throbbing.

Aching...

Warm.

_Oh my..._

I bite my lip, knowing the warmth is showing on my face. My face that Edward hasn't taken his eyes off of for minutes. He's right next to me, _helping _me with dinner. Because he insisted. And because I'm still on the phone as I make it.

Well... he's supposed to be helping, and he's trying to look like he is, but really he's just murdering vegetables, like the tomato he just crushed in his hand. I look from it to his face and realize that he thinks the _warm_-induced blush I know I wear on mine was caused by Riley, not him.

Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, and can only help me, and we have plenty of tomatoes...

And the timing of Riley's compliment is like a gift-wrapped package. "You say the sweetest things. You really know how to flatter a girl."

_Poor little tomato..._

"Sorry, Riley, just a second... " I pick up a large cucumber from the counter and hold it out. "Here, Edward, maybe you'd do better with this."

He sucks in a breath as his eyes fall to my hand around it. I smile innocently at him when he looks back up at me and he mutters something unintelligible and takes it from my hand. Now I'm the one sucking in air.

Knock knock.

Shit. Who's there?

Warm and throbbing.

_Oh, please go away..._

I swallow hard and clear my throat, with every intention of going back to my call, though my eyes can't seem to tear themselves from Edward's hand. _Is that supposed to be hot? Am I? Is that normal?_

I hear Rose chuckle from where she stands against the doorway that leads downstairs - where Jasper has surprisingly been with Emmett for the last ten minutes - just a few feet to my right, because Edward isn't the only one engrossed in my conversation, though for completely different reasons. I shoot her a dirty look and pick up my glass from in front of me, and take a long drink of my wine.

"Sorry... again... are you still there?"

"Of course I am. And don't be sorry, you're clearly busy and I'm bothering you-"

"No... there's just people all around me determined to distract me. I'm glad that you called." _You have no idea how glad..._

Edward's violent chop through the cucumber makes me jump and Rose laughs again. "This is the best day ever. I know I should be mad at you, Bella, but I'm just too damn happy right now to care."

I shake my head and try to ignore Rose's childish mutterings, and focus on what Riley is saying to me, but his words are suddenly drowned out by a loud, shrill alarm from his end of the line.

"Gotta go, beautiful!" he yells.

I reply with a hopefully loud enough that he can hear me "Be careful!", but I'm not sure that he did because the line is now silent.

"Be careful?" Edward asks, as I put my phone down.

"He's a fireman," I say with a sigh. "And working tonight, and I'm pretty sure they just got a call... so yes, 'Be careful'."

"I see," he says, and then his jaw twitches. "I'd say that would be tough on a woman waiting at home, worrying all of the time, but it's a moot point in this case, so I won't."

"Why is that? I'd have to be heartless not to worry about someone with such a dangerous job, and you know I'm far from that. I worry about Sam all of the time."

"You've known Sam all of your life. You care about Sam. That's different. You don't know this guy."

_This guy? _"Well, I don't know _Riley _very well, no... at least not _yet_, but that doesn't mean I don't care."

"You're not going to get to know him well, Isabella."

"Excuse me?"

"I think you heard me."

"Yes, I _did_." I level my eyes at his cocky gaze and put my hand on my hip. "Rose, would you excuse us for a minute?"

"Hell no. I'm staying right here."

"I'd like a word with Edward _alone_."

"I'm sure you'd like a lot of things with Edward _alone_, but I'm not going anywhere, Bella. Just pretend I'm Jasper or Emmett, because I bet they're only downstairs right now because _I'm _in here with you two."

"Since when are you on their side with anything?"

"Since always, when it comes to _him_."

She says _him _with so much disgust that it actually hurts me, and makes me forget for a moment how bad I feel about what I said to her on the phone. I know Edward isn't perfect, but the person _I've _known and loved all of my life deserves better than the look on her face and the implication behind her tone. I don't like it.

"Don't, Rose. Not in my house."

"I didn't say anything."

"I mean it."

"I know the order of things around here, Bella, and where I fall in them, just as you know how I feel about your disturbing little dreams about _him_. Neither of us likes the reality of that, so why don't we just drop it? And I'm still not leaving you alone with him, sure as hell not now that you've made him jealous with your new boyfriend - which, I might add, I knew nothing about."

"He's not my boyfriend. And-"

"You're damn right, he's not," Edward mutters, thrusting the knife he was using into the wooden chopping block and folding his arms across his chest. "And he's not going to be."

"That's for me to decide, Edward, and him, _not _you. Unless _you'd _like to finally man up and apply for the privileged position yourself?"

He doesn't attempt to conceal his shock at my boldness, or his cockiness. "The _position_, while certainly privileged, is _not _open."

"It's not if _you_ claim it." _Just say the word... please..._

The temptation is there, all over him... and so is his determination to fight it. "I think you should leave the _fires _to Riley, Isabella. They're dangerous, and not something you should play with. And neither is he."

_And you're really sexy when you're jealous, even though you're not ready to give in yet. _"Well, I'm not afraid of either. Maybe it's you? It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know, _fear_."

"As shocking as this may seem coming from me," Rose interjects, "Edward is right... about _one _thing. Stay away from the fire, Bella. You don't belong there. You don't belong anywhere near it. Now, Riley, on the other hand-"

She's really starting to piss me off... "Why don't you worry about yourself, Rose? You haven't been playing where you belong, either."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

_Nothing I want to go into right now, because Edward is right where I want him. _"Nothing."

"Something."

"We'll talk about it later. I know I owe you an apology-"

"Yeah, you do, so let's talk about it now."

"I don't want to talk about it now. I-"

"Will always put _him_ first. I know."

"Just go home, Rose. I'll call you later."

"No. I want to know what you meant. Why am I playing where I don't belong?"

Damn her! "Not. Now."

"_Yes_ now, Bella. Say it."

"Say _what_?"

"Why I don't belong!"

"Damn it, Rose, I don't care about this right now. Why can't-"

"Because _I _do. Tell me what you meant!"

_Fine... _"I don't know what's going on between you and Emmett, but I have a guess, and you should know that it most likely won't change."

"And what do you _guess _is going on, Bella?"

"Rose-"

"Answer me!"

"What do I guess? I _guess _that you're just fucking."

Edward clears his throat and pulls the knife out of the chopping block, and returns to the salad he was making. Rose looks hurt, but doesn't let it go. "And why do you guess that? Because I'm not worth anything more than that?"

"I didn't say that."

"You implied it."

"No, I _didn't_. I don't think that. You know that already. Don't-"

"So, I'm worth more, but not if it's Emmett?"

"Probably not," I mutter, because I think it's the truth, and because I want this conversation to end so I can get back to a more important one.

"You don't think I'm good enough for him?"

"No... just not _right_."

"Ouch, Bella."

"Don't be sensitive, Rose, it's not personal. I just don't want you to get your hopes tied up in something that won't happen. Now-"

"Like _you_?"

_Bitch. _

I look at Edward, the knife in his hand stilled, a warning glare fixed on Rose, his message clear. _Don't hurt her._

But she just laughs. "I think you're just jealous, because I got something I wanted without having to wait more than a couple of weeks. You've been waiting forever, and still are, and you'll _never_ get what you want."

"The only thing you got was fucked! Don't be so proud, Rose. Because I know you want more, but Emmett won't give more. Not to someone like you."

"Not to someone like me? And what kind of someone would he give it to, Bella? Someone like you? Is that what you're trying to say?"

_Well... _"Yes, actually, if you want to know the truth."

"I thought so... and your Prince Charming here? You really think _innocent _is what he's looking for?" She laughs cruelly and shakes her head. "Well, keep throwing it at him, Bella, he just might take it someday. But don't come crying to me when he does, and leaves you bloody and broken while he moves on to the kind of woman he really wants, which, believe me, _isn't _you."

Edward lays the knife down, and gets eerily close to her, his words sending shivers up my spine. "If I had the courage to take it, I'd _keep _it. And she'd _never _need you."

She laughs and there's something maniacal about it. She looks at me, and then past me, and smiles. "Have a nice dinner, Bella."

She grabs her purse from the counter as she walks from the room, her maniacal laugh once again flowing through the air as she heads to the front door. I turn around once it slams behind her, and see Jasper and Emmett standing in the kitchen.

And I know by the looks on their faces, that they've been standing there for a while.

And that she knew it.

One look at Edward tells me that, like me, he _didn't_.

And he isn't ready for this. _Damn her! She fucked everything!_

But I'll deal with her tomorrow, if I'm not too busy crying over the death of Edward Masen, love of my life...

I clear my throat softly and try to turn my attention to my dinner. I turn off my simple sauce of fresh tomatoes, garlic, basil, wine and shrimp, and drain the fettuccine. Then curiosity gets the best of me - and maybe fear - and I chance a look at Jasper, who is looking at Edward, who has his eyes closed and is pinching the bridge of his nose. I glance to Emmett, who is looking at me with a troubled expression.

"I'm sorry, Bella... I really fucked up. I shouldn't have kept secrets."

I know he's not only talking about Rose.

But that neither matters right now. "Well, everything may be out in the open now, but it won't change anything."

I feel Edward's eyes on me, but I don't meet his gaze. I don't want to see my words confirmed. My words that I don't really mean...

Because it _will _change...

When I've pushed him far enough...

When the fire of jealousy burns hot enough...

Burns hotter than my brother's eerily silent glare at him...

It will change everything.

xx

**That long as shit A/N I promised? Fuck it. Changed my mind. As for what it would have been... thank you to blueeyedcherry for listening to me whine for the last 2 weeks about it. Sorry, hon. Love you.**

**Now, for something else... if you haven't read Say Goodbye yet, go do it. There was a yummy surprise in the last chapter. Don't you want to know what it was? You should...**

**Till next time...**


	17. Chapter 17 : Beneath the Surface

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. This chaos is mine.**

**Warnings: There's a lot, so Isabella told me to make a list...**

**WARNINGS**

**1. Ticking**

**2. Explosions**

**3. Violence**

**4. Truth**

**5. Lies**

**6. Tears**

**7. Denial**

**8. Regret**

**9. Pain**

**10. Whiplash - this may be caused by me.**

**A/N: I thought this would be a monster... but it turned out not to be. In length, anyway. And it may not be what any of you want... or expect... but is it ever?**

**...**

**Chapter Seventeen: Beneath the Surface**

**Edward**

Jasper hasn't said a word. Not to me. Not to Emmett. Not even to Isabella. Not one word since they came back upstairs.

He's just sitting there, silently looking back and forth between the three of us, while we wait.

And it's really fucking disturbing...

His silence.

And the waiting.

Because I know it's coming.

We all know...

We're _all _waiting for it...

I considered leaving. Really considered it. Emmett even suggested it...

But the look I saw on Isabella's face...

The disappointment...

And the expectation...

That I wouldn't stay and fight...

It kept me rooted in place.

Because even if I can't give her what she wants...

What we both fucking want...

I will be man enough to stand next to her and defend wanting it.

I won't leave her alone.

Exposed...

Exposed by _my _words...

The words that I was willing to let her hear...

Because I thought no one else could.

Careless...

Wrong...

Again.

I can't seem to do anything right by her.

I don't know what right is anymore.

I don't know anything...

But that there's a time bomb ticking two chairs away from me.

Two chairs...

Because Emmett is sitting between us.

Because he hears the ticking.

And he thinks he can minimize the damage from the explosion.

I think he's wrong...

But I admire his determination to try.

Because I know it's for Isabella.

Who is trying to find shelter behind a wall of wine.

Her eyes are glazed.

Her eyes that won't look at me.

At least not at my face.

Until now...

When Jasper finally breaks his silence.

"Who. Kissed. Who?"

Her eyes that fill with panic when she sees that I won't hide behind her anymore.

The words that rush from her mouth, telling me to go back...

"Jasper, I already told you what happened. I-"

But I can't let her do it anymore. Take responsibility for _my _actions. Hurt because of the ones I wouldn't take after.

"Isabella, no. No more lies." I get up from my chair, willing but not stupid, and tear my eyes from her to address my closest friend. "_I_ kissed her."

And there it is.

The truth. Out there. Surrounding us.

Surrounding him.

Between us.

Seeping in through the layers. The years. The trust.

Breaking it.

But his reaction isn't what I expect. Isn't instant.

I see the anger, it's rolling off of him in waves, but the explosion doesn't come. Yet.

I see the betrayal, the shock and pain of it, but that, too, stays beneath the surface. For now.

Because what is there, rising up and over and out of him... is his greatest fear realized.

That someone would take something from her.

Because she _wanted _them to.

Because she trusted them enough.

Completely.

Enough that she lied...

After.

Because she thought the lie would bring them closer.

Create opportunity.

For them to take more.

Me.

Take _all_.

And keep it.

His greatest fear...

Never spoken.

Never believed was possible.

From me.

He knew that she wanted it...

The only reason it was ever a thought.

A thought...

Not a risk.

Not a fear...

Until he heard my careless words.

My confession.

The one before.

And the one now.

That the magnitude of finally takes over.

Surfaces.

And now...

Explodes.

Isabella screams as he flies from his chair, arm swinging, his fist connecting just under my left eye.

The force of it knocks me off balance, but I right myself quickly, one thing on my mind. "Not here, Jasper."

But my words don't find his ears, and are met only with another blow to the side of my face.

And now I'm afraid... afraid for Isabella, who's running towards me, and who Jasper seems completely unaware of.

Because he can't see her through his rage.

All he sees is me.

"Isabella, no!" I scream, as his fist barely misses her as she tries to get between us. I shove her hard out of the way, and into Emmett, pulling him out of his momentary too-stunned-to-react stupor.

"Jasper!" I try again, "Not here!"

But he's still not listening, and throws another punch, this time hitting me square in the jaw.

Isabella's desperate, terrified screams continue to ring into the air, and Jasper continues to throw punches... and land them _unreturned_.

I'm not going to fight him. I won't take so much as a swing at him. Not in front of her.

And because I don't blame him for his rage.

I did the unthinkable. The unforgivable.

And I understand his anger at me...

But _not _his inability to see and hear her.

The person he loves more than anything in this world.

The person he's fighting for.

The person his fight is hurting.

He doesn't see.

He can't.

Because he's not just angry...

He wants to _destroy _me.

The me that he trusted above all others.

With her.

The me that broke that trust.

The me that dared to take her.

Touch her.

Take advantage.

I know it's what he thinks.

That I took advantage of her.

Her sweetness.

Her trust.

Her innocence.

Her love.

Her.

The woman that he refuses to see as one.

A little girl is all he'll ever see.

Because he won't open his eyes.

And see that she's not anymore.

Not a little girl.

But so painfully like one...

At this moment.

Crying.

Afraid.

For me.

And of what he'll do.

What I'll let him do.

She gets out of Emmett's grasp, or maybe he lets her, and runs to me again... puts herself in front of me, tears streaming down her cheeks, as she screams for him to stop.

She fights me as I try to move her from her protective stance, put her behind me, shield her.

Her instead of me, the way it should always have been.

I won't let her protect me anymore.

And I won't let Emmett, who now has Jasper's arms locked at his sides. "Let him go, Emmett. And take Isabella out of here."

"No fuckin way. He'll kill you. And you're apparently prepared to let him."

"Then you should let him go. Isn't that exactly what _you've _wanted to do since the day you walked in here and saw me with her?"

"Well, maybe I've had a change of heart. That can happen, you know. People can change. Feelings and shit... "

I watch his eyes flit from me to a still-struggling-to-get-in-front-of-me Isabella and see something I never thought I'd see.

Understanding.

He's switched sides.

But he knows now is not the time.

"Besides, watching your pretty face get pounded on isn't as fun as I might have thought it would be. Well... except when Bella did it. That was kind of fun. Warrior Bella is cute. Fighting for what's right... You could learn from her. You pussy."

"We all could," I say with a sigh.

"Agreed. So... what do we do with 'Silent Tyson' here?"

"Let me go, you idiot!" Jasper shouts, no longer silent, just as the front door slams.

"Good, nobody's dead yet," Sam says, strolling into the kitchen. He gives Isabella a kiss on the cheek and slaps me on the shoulder before pulling her away and into a protective hug. "I ran into Rose on my way home and she told me I should send a coroner over here. What's up, kids?"

"Treachery!" Jasper spits. "And I hope they're on the way, because I want Masen's body out of here as soon as possible after I kill him."

"So, you want to kill Riley Biers _and _your best friend? That makes sense, I guess, but I'm not going to let you do either, so calm your ass down. And do it quick, before I decide to _help _you."

"You don't know what's going on, Sam... if you did, the only thing you'd want to _help _me do is kill _him_."

Sam looks to me and then down at Isabella's tear stained face before he responds. "What I know is that I didn't like what I saw when I walked in here. You need to get your shit under control, Jasper, and your focus in the right place. And really try, because if you can't... I'll take Isabella out of this house. You think about _that_, while I talk to Edward."

I nod as Sam gestures towards the living room, and gives Isabella a reassuring squeeze before letting her go. I follow him out, hesitating at the door, not wanting to leave Isabella alone, but when I turn to look back at her, she's right behind us.

Tears are pooling in her eyes again, her voice achingly soft, "Sam... please... "

"I just want to talk to him, sweetheart. It's okay, I promise."

"Just talk?"

"Should I want to do anything else?"

"No," she answers, shaking her head.

"Then don't worry," he says, smiling at her and walking out the door.

I follow him after a few seconds, and close the door behind me.

And Isabella does exactly what I expect.

"She's watching from the window, Sam."

The knowing in his expression when our eyes meet was definitely not what I was expecting from _him_... "I don't have to look to know that. Or to know that nature is finally running its course."

"What course?"

"You and Isabella."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, Sam."

"You know exactly what I mean, Edward. You finally see her as the woman that she is."

"I'm not Jasper, I saw that a long time ago."

"But now you see it as a _man_."

I tug my hand through my hair with a sigh. "That's... " But I don't even know what I can say, and my attempt at a response dies in the air.

"What happened here. Jasper _knows _you see it. And of course he's not happy about it."

He waits for me to say something, but when I don't, again, he continues. "It was only a matter of time. I'm guessing the arrival of Riley Biers sped things along. Jasper called me an hour ago and asked me to run a check on him...

"So, here's my theory... Isabella showed interest in someone - who's a great guy, by the way - for the first time in a long time. And Jasper, being Jasper, went his usual apeshit, with Emmett right beside him...

"But you... who would normally be right along with them in their insanity... _you_, who now sees Isabella for the woman that she is - and that you know has always thought that you were singlehandedly responsible for hanging the moon - you, being the cocky bastard that you are, didn't want to share her previously undivided attention and adoration. And maybe you went a different route of apeshit - the jealous route - and did it for all, including your best friend, to see? And see he did, and now he wants to kill you. Is that about right?"

_Well done, Sam... _"You're in the ballpark."

"Is there more?"

"I may have had a moment of weakness before tonight."

His eyes narrow and his easygoing demeanor evaporates. "_How_ weak?"

"I'm not that much of an asshole, Sam. It's _Isabella_. It was just a kiss."

"Yeah, and World War II was just a _tiff_."

_You have no idea... _"Yeah, well... you're going to have to kill me _without _the details."

"I don't want details, Edward, and I have no intention of killing you. I just want Isabella happy."

"I want that, too."

"That girl in there is _not _happy."

I glance back to the window, and see all of the pain I've caused her in her watchful eyes. "I know. And I know it's my fault."

"I didn't say it was your fault, but I do want to know if you're ready to do something to change it?"

"You think I can change it."

"You know you can, Edward, _if _you're ready to. But by the looks of you, and the lack of cockiness in your words, I can only assume you're not."

"I don't know what you're trying to say, Sam."

"Yes you do. You just didn't expect anyone to take your side."

"You're on my side?"

"I'm on hers. And you by it is what she wants. And what fate decided for the two of you a long time ago."

"Fate?"

"Call it what you will, Edward, but stop denying it. The two of you have always been destined for this."

"This? This what? Jasper wanting to kill me because I betrayed them both? Her crying and confused and scared?"

"The only person you're betraying is yourself. You're not betraying her, unless you continue not to fight for her. All of the rest will go away when you do. And Jasper... he just needs time to see. He'll come around. I never thought that part would be easy for you."

"You expected this to happen?"

"Maybe not now, but yes, I knew it would eventually."

"And you're on my side? Hers?"

"Yes, the side that gives her the best life possible."

"With _me_?"

"When you're ready, yes. When you stop whoring around and be the kind of man you could be for her. When you stop telling yourself that you're not good enough for her. When you realize that _no one _could be better for her, and when you're ready to prove that to her and to yourself, _and _to Jasper, instead of playing the fucking martyr, _then _it will be with you."

"That's not what I'm doing... "

"Bullshit."

"I'm not-"

"_Ready_. Obviously. Then step aside, Edward, and let someone show her what you can't. That she's worth a fight. She deserves that. And if she was willing to open the door, the one she's held closed all of this time waiting for you, then maybe she needs it. Needs to laugh instead of cry for awhile."

"I want her to laugh, Sam."

"I know you do. I know you want what's best for her, but Edward... don't take too long to see what that is, because you _are _the one that would give her the best life, but it doesn't mean that someone else couldn't give her a great one. Are you willing to take the risk that _great _could someday be enough for her? That she might give up hope for more?"

I look to the window one more time, shocked by his words and fearing their truth. Fearing it for her, as she watches over me with love-filled eyes, and fearing it for myself as that love settles over me.

Is he right? Could I give her the best life? Could I be the man she deserves?

Or would I destroy her? Fail her? Ruin her?

I just don't know.

But I know one thing, as her eyes leave me, replaced by Emmett's as she takes her phone from his hand for the second time tonight...

I don't want anyone else to have her.

**Isabella**

He didn't fight back. I thought... for a minute... when he told Jasper the truth...

But he didn't fight back. And now I'm confused.

What he said to Rose... it made my heart dance.

And his jealousy...

I thought it was only a matter of time...

If I just didn't give up, the jealousy would push him. Give him the courage...

To give me what I want. What _we _want.

When he told Jasper that it was him...

The words that should have made me happy...

But didn't.

Because I knew...

I could see it in his eyes...

There was no fight in them.

The truth wasn't going to give him to me.

It was going to take him away.

It's what he wanted.

More than he wants me.

He put his fight in Jasper's hands.

And showed me what I was worth to him.

Not enough.

**Edward**

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Let me know when Jasper gets here."

"He's not coming in. He called about a half an hour ago... "

"Alright."

"Edward, are you okay?"

"I don't know, Kate."

**Isabella**

"What do you want? I'm working."

"Can we have lunch?"

"No, Rose, we can not have lunch."

"Was it that bad?"

"If you're looking for someone to make you laugh today, you're going to have to call someone else."

"I'm not. I'm calling to say I'm sorry."

"Tell someone who will believe you, Rose."

"I went too far, Bella. I know that. I really am sorry."

"Good for you."

"You know, we both said things... I'm not the only one."

"But you're the only one that's sorry."

"I know."

"Good."

"Please, Bella? I'm outside in the parking lot. Please come out. Go to lunch with me. I can't stand it when you're mad at me."

"Well, you should have thought about that last night. Goodbye, Rose."

**Jasper**

"Why aren't you at the office?"

"I'm taking the day off. One long, neverending day..."

"Come on, Jasper, he's your best friend."

"Not anymore."

"He cares about her-"

"Don't, Emmett!"

"He does. You know that."

"He cares about himself."

"If that were all he cared about, last night would have played out a lot differently. And you probably would have gotten your ass kicked."

"Go back to work, Emmett. For the traitor. _Your _friend."

"_Our_ friend, Jasper. This doesn't have to change that."

"This? _THIS_? He put his hands on my sister! The person I trusted most in the fucking world betrayed me! That changes EVERYTHING!"

"Calm down... "

"Don't tell me to calm down, Emmett! You're just as much of a traitor as he is! You saw it with your own eyes and kept it from me!"

"Because I didn't want _this _to happen!"

"But _that _happening was okay with you?"

"No, it wasn't, but... "

"But WHAT?"

"Maybe it's not the worst thing that could have happened."

"Get the fuck out of my house, Emmett."

"I'll leave, Jasper, but only because you're being a dick, and if I stuck around, I'd probably just pound on your scrawny ass. And speaking of... you really should think about last night... and why _he _didn't. You know... _after _you almost coldcocked Bella, which you would have done if _he _wouldn't have pushed her out of the way."

"You know I wasn't trying to-"

"Of course I know that, but that's just it... on the surface that looked really bad. It looked like the most horrible thing imaginable. It's not till you look underneath that you can even begin to understand it. How a person can get overtaken by emotion. Be careless with someone they love. Or maybe just love them so much that they just can't help themselves. Bella almost got hurt last night because you just couldn't help yourself. She _did _get hurt. Because you love her so much. And because you love your friend... who also loves her."

"Don't you dare try to-"

"Look beneath the surface, Jasper. Nothing happened that she didn't want to happen. _That _day. And I can imagine what you think about that, but let me tell you something... what I saw... it wasn't someone who loves her being careless with her. It was just someone who loves her. And couldn't help himself anymore. It doesn't have to hurt her. _You _don't have to hurt her. You don't have to make him."

"Get. Out."

**Isabella**

_Tell me what to do, Edward. Please. What do you want me to do?_

**Edward**

_Live, Isabella. Forget about me. That's what I want. Live like I never existed._

**Isabella**

"Bella, what's wrong? Why are you crying, honey?"

"It's nothing, Alice." _Just the end to my dream. _"I brought a few things with me this morning... Could we get ready at your place? I don't really want to deal with my brother tonight."

"Well, I was really looking forward to meeting him, but of course we can, if that's what you want. And I'm a good listener, you know, if you want to talk about it."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind... but tonight... I really just want to forget."

"That's the spirit! Now, wipe those tears and let's get out of here."

I nod, wiping the tears from my face and forcing a smile.

Alice gives me a sympathetic squeeze and links her arm with mine. "It's okay, gorgeous, I'm here now, and I'm going to make everything better. I promise."

**Edward**

I stare at my phone in shock.

Regret.

At myself.

And at her...

Isabella.

She didn't respond.

Didn't fight me.

Didn't call me a liar.

Or a coward.

Didn't say anything.

It's been over an hour.

Since I typed the lie.

And since she gave up.

And I feel...

Fuck...

It's indescribable what I feel.

This pain I've caused myself.

And her.

Who put it in my hands.

Let me decide.

Let me choose.

Trusted me.

One too many times.

And listened.

This time.

To the words I showed her.

Instead of the ones screaming beneath the surface.

_God, what have I done?_

__xx

**Ummm... before I go hide, I have another something you might not expect. I started a new story, For Better or For Worse, for those of you who don't know. It's gonna be angsty. Real fuckin angsty... Chapter One is up. So, go read it. And I'll just say this... ASSUME NOTHING. This is me we're talking about. That should say enough.**

**And, one more thing... welcome new readers. And thank you for reading, reviewing, and pimping my baby. xo**


	18. Chapter 18 : Dirty

**Disclaimer: Twilight still, and always will belong to SM. Come Closer is, and always will be MINE.**

**A/N: I know it's been a while. And yes, I started _another_ something new, but that wasn't why. This chapter kicked my ass for reasons most wouldn't understand. That being said, though not explained, this is what I have to share. **

**(ps... as always, the beta fairies don't touch this, so all fuck ups, annoying habits, and made up words are my own.)**

**Love it or hate it, here it is...**

**...**

**Chapter Eighteen: Dirty**

**Edward**

Isabella is haunting me.

Her face that I can't get out of my mind.

So beautiful...

And so battered by her tears and disappointment.

For me.

In me.

All because of me.

It's why I told her what I did...

To forget.

To live.

Because I can't bear to be the cause of her pain anymore.

I know I caused her more today...

When I told her to forget...

I know.

But I had no choice.

I did what I had to do.

For her.

Hurt her one last time...

So I wouldn't hurt her forever.

It's not what I wanted to do...

Not what I wanted to say...

_Fuck..._

I didn't _say _anything.

I hid behind the buttons of my phone.

Because I knew if I saw her face...

Heard her voice...

I'd cave.

_I'd _forget.

Because it haunts me...

The feel of her.

The taste of her.

Always here.

Surrounding me.

Trying to show me something.

Remind me of how perfect it was.

How perfect it could be...

My future...

My life...

Her.

It's her.

The one I want.

The _life _I want.

The one she wants to give me.

The one Sam said we've always been destined for...

I _see _it.

But then I see her beautiful, tear-battered face.

The one I've seen too much of lately.

The one I was afraid was all I'd ever see if I hadn't have told her to forget.

I had no choice...

I did it for her.

Used her trust against her...

_Tell me what to do, Edward. Please. What do you want me to do?_

So I never would again.

Never...

An eternity of misery.

For me.

So she can have more.

Something else.

Something better.

I think.

I hope...

That I'm not wrong.

**Isabella**

"I don't know, Alice... "

"You don't know? You don't know what? If looking that hot is legal? Well, it probably shouldn't be, but there are no laws against being gorgeous, Bella."

"It's short."

"Not too short."

"You're just saying that because you want me to wear it."

"I'm saying it because it's true. You're just not used to wearing something that sexy, but I promise you it's not too short. You look incredible, so let's go. We have a town to paint gold!"

"Don't you mean red?"

"No, my bright little star, I mean _gold_."

I fight my urge to run from her exuberant grasp and go change, and let her drag me from the house and to her beloved Porsche in the driveway. I can't believe I have to get in and out of that thing in this dress...

I can't believe I'm in this dress at all. Jasper would have a stroke...

And as if on cue, and for the twentieth time since I left work, my phone rings in my little black bag. And like the other nineteen times, I don't answer it. Because I'm still mad at him for what he did last night.

And what it cost me.

I'll never forgive him...

And while I'll have to go home eventually, right now I don't.

Let him be mad.

Let him worry.

Let him know, without a doubt, how mad _I _am at him.

And let him think about why while I try not to.

**Jasper**

"Rose, is Isabella with you?"

"No."

"Have you seen her?"

"No."

"Have you talked to her today?"

"I was hurt by her today, so yeah, I've talked to her."

"When?"

"Around lunchtime."

"Did she say anything about going somewhere tonight?"

"No."

"Did she say anything at all?"

"Nothing that bears repeating."

"Do you have any idea where she might be?"

"NO. What's wrong, did she break her leash and get away?"

"I'm not in the mood for your shit, Rose. I haven't seen or talked to her all day, and it's almost nine and she still hasn't come home."

"Well, at least I'm not the only one she won't talk to. But I have no idea where she is. Maybe she has a date."

**…**

"Sam, have you seen or talked to Isabella?"

"Not since this afternoon."

"She called you?"

"No, I called her. Why, what's going on?"

"She didn't come home from work."

"I'm sure she's fine, Jasper, and just upset with you about last night. Give her a little space. She'll probably walk in the door any minute."

"And if she's not fine?"

"I'll call her. I'll call you back."

**…**

"Where is she?"

"She didn't answer, but I left her a message to call me, and you, and let us know she's okay."

"Give me Riley Biers's phone number."

"No, Jasper."

"What do you mean, _no_?"

"I mean _no_. If she's with Riley Biers, then she's safe."

"If she's with Riley Biers, then he's _dead_. Give me the damn number, Sam."

"I think you're confused about who you're talking to, Jasper. And about the fact that Isabella is 22 years old and it's a Friday night. _And _that she's the most responsible 22 year old woman you could hope for her to be. Let her live like one for a night."

**…**

"Is Riley Biers on duty tonight?"

"Nope, his shift was up an hour ago."

"You got a number for him?"

"Yep."

"Can I have it?"

"Nope."

"It's important."

"You can leave a message. I'll see that he gets it."

"It's personal. I need to speak with him myself. Now."

"I know who you are, dude, and I know exactly why you want to 'speak with him', but you see... Biers is a friend of mine, and the best you're going to get from me is the chance to leave a message for him. Take it or leave it."

**Isabella**

Ladies night has been fun so far... dinner, the Martini Tour of the century... but when Alice turns into the parking lot of Eclipse, I get a sudden feeling of nausea in the pit of my stomach.

"Can't we go somewhere else?"

"Don't you like it here?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

_I'd rather not say... _"I'm not really a _club _kind of girl."

"Well, that's a _club _kind of dress, and it wants to dance."

"_You_ want to dance."

"Yes I do, and you're going to dance with me."

Before I can get another word of protest out, she's out of the car and opening my door, and pulling me out to join her.

As she shuts my car door with me trapped outside of it, the image of what I saw the last time I stood in this parking lot suddenly floods my brain and knocks the air from my lungs. I don't want to be in this place...

But then I remember my reaction...

How I ran away...

And what happened before it...

Not out here...

Inside those doors a few feet away...

Inside those doors is where Edward first showed me something.

It doesn't matter what he showed me after...

What sent me running...

_That _meant nothing to him.

And I'm not going to let it send me running again.

He told me to forget...

And as I look down at myself, I can't help but wonder if he'd have been able to say those words to my face if I'd been standing before him in this dress. Because in this dress, I don't look like the sweet little Isabella he thinks he needs to protect from himself.

And it may just be a dress, but I've decided I'm going to embrace whatever power it can give me - a suit of armor of sorts - and show Edward Masen that forgetting isn't so easy.

He shouldn't have told me to.

He should know that I can't.

That I won't.

And that I won't be so easily dismissed.

This time.

Won't go running home to cry.

This time.

And I want him to see.

See me stay.

See me live.

See me...

In this dress.

Of course, that means I have to figure out a way to get him here...

But the night is young...

And so am I, and it's time I started acting like it. "Okay," I say, grabbing Alice's hand, "Let's dance."

**...**

My new-found determination falters a bit when we get inside the crowded club and are instantly met with leering stares. It's not the first time I've felt anyone's eyes on me tonight, but these stares are different than the ones I saw and felt in the nice restaurant we had dinner in and the classy martini bar we just left. These stares are...

Well... must they be so blatantly _creepy _about it?

Alice, sensing my immediate discomfort, squeezes my hand and smiles at me. "Let them look, sweetie, they'd be corpses if they didn't. And don't let my bubbly personality fool you, if any one of them tries to lay a hand on you, they'll leave here less a limb, and groping the deep recesses of their innards when I shove their dismembered limbs up their asses."

"You have quite a way with words, Alice," I laugh, as she pulls me through the crowd and in the direction of the bar.

"Just wait until I've had a few more drinks," she snickers, "I'll be positively poetic."

The smile falls from my lips as we reach the bar, and standing behind it grinning at me is the same bartender from the last time I was here. The same bartender that...

"Well, look who came to see me. I didn't think I'd ever see you back here. And certainly not looking like _that_."

"Looking like _what_?" I snarl.

"_Sinful_. And you know, if you'd looked like that on _that _night, your friend - which you desperately want to be more - would probably have ended up on his knees at your feet instead of in his truck with me. Not that he's the on-his-knees kind of guy... but he was 'different' with you than he was with me, so maybe you're special."

"I _am_. Two Stoli martinis please. Dirty."

"Dirty with a _ please_. How sweet. That's your problem. You know that, right? That sweet can only take you so far with a man like him. _Dirty _is what he wants. I'm guessing that dress means maybe you do know that... but it _doesn't _mean that you know how to use it. So... is he here? Or expected? My evening with him got cut short last time... well, you remember... "

"How about you do a lot less talking and a lot more _pouring_," Alice glares from beside me, tossing a twenty down on the bar.

She does, with a smirk, and we take our drinks and go in search of a table. "So, what was that about?" Alice asks as we select a pair of the many high stools that circle the edge of the dance floor.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Bella... something."

"It's not important," I sigh, and try to push the bartender slut from my mind.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure I don't want it to be."

"Then we won't waste any time on it." She smiles and clinks her glass against mine. "To not wasting time!"

**Edward**

Even my guitar can't give me peace.

Because every strum of my fingers brings with it her face.

Her pleading eyes.

Pleading with me to give her something.

Like she used to...

Isabella would sit and listen to me play for hours...

And beg me to sing to her.

Her big brown eyes would soften me...

Her sweet pout...

Get me to give in.

Eventually.

Because I was powerless to resist it.

Powerless to resist her.

But that was before...

When my feelings for her were innocent.

When she was just a young girl and what she wanted wouldn't hurt her.

I always joked that it would...

That my voice would hurt her ears...

But she'd shake her head and say that my voice was her favorite sound and it could never hurt her.

I know that's not true now.

I've hurt her with it...

Not the sound, but the words it delivered.

Spoken words.

Unspoken...

And she can't hear me now, but they're for her.

The voice she loves so much sings for her.

Pained, broken lyrics...

Accompanied by chords of regret...

Haunting me.

But my fingers not releasing me.

Not releasing her.

I can't let her go...

The ghost of a girl...

The one that sat for hours...

Waiting patiently for me to give in.

The ghost of a woman...

That waits no more.

Because I didn't give in this time.

Couldn't...

And that decision...

Will haunt me for the rest of my life.

_She _will haunt me.

**…**

The pain is violent.

Like the pounding on my front door.

An angry, relentless fist...

On me...

And the heavy wood.

Who the fuck is here? I don't want to see anyone. Just her...

But I know she's not who waits on the other side.

The pounding isn't gentle enough.

Isn't soft enough.

And the reality of that hits me like a brick wall as soon as I open the door and see Jasper on the other side of it.

"Where the fuck is she?"

"Where the fuck is who?"

"Don't fuck with me, Edward. You know damn well who. Where is she?"

"There's no one here. Certainly not any _she_, so I don't know-"

He flies past me and into the house and I know who _she _is now. But not why he thinks she's _here_... "Did something happen?"

He ignores my question, and storms from room to room, obviously not believing me that she isn't here. I lean the still-in-my-hands guitar against a chair and follow him in his erratic search, and it's when his search nears my open bedroom door that his answer finally comes. "You better fucking hope it didn't."

The implication in his words infuriates me - because regardless of what kind of man he thinks I am, he should know better than to think for a second that Isabella would let me get away with such behavior with her. No matter how he thinks she feels about me, and how much he doesn't trust me now, he should still _know _who _she _is.

"Even if she were here, Jasper, which she _isn't_, my bedroom is the _last _place you'd find her. And I don't care that you think I'm capable of trying to lure her here, though you're wrong if you do, but I won't stand here and let you insinuate that she'd let me."

"Yeah, because you're so fucking noble. God only knows what you would have tried if Emmett hadn't have walked in and caught you that day. And I'm not insinuating shit about her, I know _you_. The only thing you want any woman for is to get your dick wet, and on your fucking life, my sister isn't going to wet it!"

"Be careful what you say, Jasper. She isn't here, and without her as a reason not to, don't think I won't hand you your ass."

"You expect me to believe that's why you didn't fight me last night? Because of Isabella? You don't give a fuck about her! You just decided the whores weren't enough of a challenge anymore, and you knew she'd be easy prey for you!"

_Easy... _ The word flowed from his mouth with the ease of which he spoke...

But as it reached my ears...

Settled into my consciousness...

The fire with which he spit it at me ignited something...

"_Easy_?... " I take a step towards him, my hands trembling with rage. "Don't talk about her like that, Jasper... "

"Don't you fucking twist it, Edward! She's in love with you and you know it!"

"_That_ doesn't change who she is."

"_That_ changes everything."

"You're _wrong_."

"I _wish _I was."

"You should think long and hard about what you're saying, Jasper. Before you go too far."

"The only person who's gone too far here is _you_."

_Maybe I have... but not the way he thinks. Maybe I've just gone too far away from _her_. _"You really don't know where she is?"

"No, I don't, but she's not in your bed, so-"

I take another step, stunned and angered by his continued implications. "You really think she'd just give herself to me like that?"

"It's what you were counting on."

"If that were true... if you're so sure of it... then why didn't I?"

"I don't know that you didn't!"

And those words...

What lies behind them...

That I could...

To her...

That she would...

For me...

It's too much.

Too far.

And I snap.

Hit him so hard it echoes through the room.

Knocks him off of his feet.

And my regret crashing to the floor with him.

I lean over both with the realization of how wrong _I _was. "You don't know? I'll tell you what you don't know, Jasper...

"You don't know _her_. Because you're wrong. You're dead fucking wrong. She wouldn't give it to me. Not the me that _you _think I am. But you don't know me, either... not like you think you do. And you don't have a fucking clue how I feel about her, because I wouldn't ask. I'd _never _ask her for something so valuable to her... something that she would never give me, no matter how much she loves me... unless - no... _until _- I was ready to cherish it, and her for the rest of my life. _That's _who she is."

And who I know I'm capable of being. Sam was right. _She _was right...

There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. Couldn't do...

He jumps to his feet, hatred and desperation in his eyes, fueled, no doubt, by what he sees now in mine. "You'll never have her, Edward. _Never_. Not while I live and breathe... You've done all the damage you're going to do! You're done being a part of her life! It's over!"

_Won't_ do.

"You know what, Jasper? You're wrong again. Dead fucking wrong... because I haven't even begun."

**Isabella**

"Take one step closer, Incredible Hulk, and you'll learn how hard a big man falls."

I'm about to spin around to see who Alice is threatening behind me, but I don't have to. I'd know Emmett's laugh anywhere.

"She's funny, Bella. Is she new?"

"Emmett, Alice. Alice, Emmett."

"Ooooh... one of the Odd Squad. Well, it's nice to meet you, Emmett, and yes, I am funny, and Bella's _not _leaving."

"_Odd_ Squad?" He looks at me for an explanation, but I just shrug and take a sip of my martini. I know what it means, but it's Alice's name for them and I'll let her explain it.

And she does so with a proud grin. "Yes, _Odd _Squad: Overprotective Domineering Dimwits."

And he laughs. "That's Jasper."

"From what I've heard, it's all of you, he's just the dimwit leader."

"Speaking of King Dimwit... " He looks at me, the humor falling from his face. "Bella, does he know you're here? And that half of your dress is not?"

"Do you _think _he knows I'm here?" I ask, draining my glass and biting an olive off of the little stick.

"No," he sighs, taking the stick from me and eating the other two.

"And I'm wearing a _whole _dress, thank you very much."

"For Barbie, maybe."

"You don't like my new dress?" I ask, spinning around.

"I'm sure it's wrong in a hundred different ways for me to answer that, so I'm not going to. And stop moving before I have to start killing people."

"That means it's hot. Thanks, Emmett."

"It means I'm taking you home," he says, grabbing my arm.

"No you're not," Alice and I say at once as she grabs my other arm.

"Well, I'm not leaving you here looking like that, and I don't think you'd enjoy me crashing your girls' night, so home is your only other option."

"You can crash it if you buy drinks and dance with us," I smile.

"Or I could do neither and call your brother."

"I'm not speaking to him."

He gives me an understanding nod, but doesn't relent. "Come on, Bella, don't give me a hard time. You know you don't belong in a place like this. Or in Barbie's dress."

"What I know is that you can't throw me over your shoulder and take me out of here in this dress, so go buy me a drink and then go enjoy yourself. I'll call you if I need you."

"So, you want me to let you be independent and play like a big girl, but you want me to buy your drinks?"

I pull a twenty out of my purse and hold it out to him. "I'll pay for it, and one for Alice, and even one for you, I just want you to _get _them."

He looks confused, so I nod towards the bar. He looks over angrily, undoubtedly assuming that a bartender there must have been bothering me, but the only one that we can see from this vantage point is the one I'm trying to avoid. And it's a _she_...

And after a moment, he realizes why. "Oh. Keep your money. _One _drink, and then I take you home."

"I'm not going home, Emmett."

"Bella... "

He doesn't get a chance to deliver whatever _Listen here, young lady _scold was coming because a song Alice apparently loves comes on and she's dragging me to the dance floor. I call out "Dirty!" and point to our empty glasses, and leave a distressed looking Emmett holding the phone. Literally... as he pulls his out of his pocket and hits a button.

And I say a silent prayer...

_Please let him be calling Edward..._

**Edward**

"No."

"No, what?"

"I'm not meeting you at any damn club."

"Oh, yeah you are."

"I'm not in the mood, Emmett. Have you talked to Isabella today?"

"Yep."

"How recently? And go outside or some shit, I can't hear with that damn music blaring in the phone."

"I can't. Because I was talking to her about twenty seconds ago. And now she's out on the dance floor shaking her ass in a dress the size of a band aid."

"She's _what_?"

"I swear to God, dude. And that's why I'm calling you. She won't listen to me... Shit! I gotta go kill a motherfucker, get down here!"

I know _here _is Eclipse, because unless there's a game on, that's where Emmett tends to spend his Friday nights. But Isabella...

It's the last place I'd expect to find her. And shaking her ass in a dress the size of a band aid? Though that's a sight I'm only human enough to want to see, the fact that someone else might...

Sends me out the door so fast I nearly rip it off of its hinges.

**Isabella**

The DJ has been staring at me since we got here, so I took advantage of his attentiveness and made a request. He was only too happy to oblige me, but I told him to wait for my signal. And now I'm just waiting for the right moment. And watching the door while I wait. While he's watching me. And Emmett's standing like a rabid dog next to me, watching everyone else. He really is kind of scary...

And Edward is really kind of beautiful - really fucking beautiful - busted up face and all. And _here_. Thank you, Emmett.

I give the entranced DJ my signal and grab Alice's hand. In honor of our martinis, Christina Aguilera's 'Dirty' was my request, and is now pounding hard through the club. And having escaped Emmett's too-late grasp to try to stop me, Alice and I are now on the dance floor pounding hard right along with it.

Rose and I spent many an hour blaring this song and dancing along to it, and though I never would have imagined myself doing so outside of the privacy of my bedroom, the night of martinis and my shimmering little suit of armor seem to have provided me a little courage. Or a lot of courage...

And that courage, coupled with my no-one-would-have-ever-guessed-it moves are just what I need to get Edward's attention. And make him regret telling me to forget.

And now...

When our eyes meet...

_After _his trail up and down every barely-covered inch of me...

Repeatedly...

I know my mission is accomplished. Thank you, Alice.

**Edward**

Where the fuck is she?

And why can't Emmett handle her?

Why...

I know why...

Because when it comes down to it, if Isabella is determined not to _be _handled, then she can't be...

By anyone but me.

It's why he called me.

And because he said she was wearing a dress the size of a band aid, which would have eliminated his caveman option of throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her out of here kicking and screaming.

I try to block the image of the last time I saw him do that to her - and why - from my mind as I look for them. I spot Emmett across the club, his eyes fixed on something and his mouth open. What the fuck is he doing gawking at women when he should be keeping his eyes on her?

His eyes whose stupefied trail I follow as make my way to where he stands.

And see...

Fuck. Me.

Isabella...

My sweet Isabella...

Looking anything but sweet.

My juicy little rabbit...

Taunting me...

Tempting...

Long, slender legs...

That I see too much of...

But that I can't take my eyes from...

But that I do...

Because she turns...

Moves...

_Fuck, does she move..._

Shows me something else...

Her ass draped in shimmering gold...

Calling to me...

Hypnotizing me...

Until I see a flash of creamy white...

Her back...

Bare...

Her hair the only thing covering it...

But barely...

And then it's gone...

Taken away...

Shown to someone else...

So she can show me _something else_...

Her eyes... _You shouldn't have told me to forget... Take it back... _

She doesn't know it's what I planned to do.

She doesn't know how much I regretted those words.

She just wanted me to.

I thought she'd given up...

I was wrong.

I was wrong about it all.

And it's time to show her.

She turns her back to me just as I reach her.

I pull her against me...

To shield the temptation of it...

But it backfires.

Because she's still moving.

Against me.

_Fucking hell..._

But I fight it with everything I have...

Hold her tighter.

"Isabella, please... "

"Please what? Stop showing you what you tried to throw away?"

"I'm sorry."

"You should be."

"I am. Let me take you out of here. I want to talk to you."

"I want to dance. And I want you to dance with me."

"I want you out of this place and out of that dress."

"I'm sure you do, but if you think your _I'm sorry _has earned you that, you're out of your beautiful, fucked up mind. You may have my heart, but you'll have to give me yours to get the rest. And a big fucking diamond and two little words."

_That's my girl..._ "That's _not _what I meant. And I know the rules, Isabella. I know they won't change for me."

"And you're _still _sorry?"

"Yes."

She tries to break free from my hold, and I let her, because I know it's only because she wants to see my face.

She turns to face me, and looks into my eyes, searching for the words I haven't given her yet. My heart breaks as I look into hers and see the damage I've done. She doesn't trust me anymore.

"And tomorrow?" she asks.

"I'll still be sorry."

"I'm not a toy, Edward."

"I know that."

"This isn't a game."

"I _know_, sweetheart. I'm not playing one. Please, let me take you somewhere."

She shakes her head, her eyes never leaving mine, and her body slowly starts to move. We'd been standing motionless among the chaos, but the song pulsing around us now seems to do something to her. Her mouth curves into a wicked smile, her deep brown eyes flickering with mischief.

"Listen," she says, taking a step back from me, moving with innocent seduction, nodding to the lyrics...

'_Telling me that she wants to own me. To control me. Come closer... Come closer...'_

I step closer to her, unable to deny that she does any longer, and unable to stay away. She tries to move back further, but I don't let her this time, and she smirks devilishly as I pull her into my arms.

"I don't think you've earned that," she says, smacking my arms with narrowed eyes.

"I will," I tell her, tightening them around her, "I swear I will."

Her eyes travel over my face, the cocky smirk falling from hers, as she trails her fingertips lightly over the damage I let be done. Her brows crease as she finds new damage, having no idea what happened tonight. Jasper has damage of his own, a lot of it, and I'm not sure how she'll feel about that when she sees it.

"Did you...?" she starts to ask, but doesn't finish.

"I should have fought for you a long time ago, Isabella."

"Is he... ?"

"He still wants to kill me.

"But you're here anyway?"

"I'll earn your trust back, too... but yes, I'm here anyway. I'm here no matter what. I promise you."

"I want to believe you... "

"I know you do."

She pushes herself against me, _sweetly_, nothing more. "Does it feel right?"

There's so much depth in her question...

The one she finished.

The one thats words she knew.

The one thats answer she needs.

The one thats answer I don't have to think about...

"Nothing has ever felt more right, Isabella."

The answer that makes her smile.

"Nothing? Are you sure? Nothing ever?"

_There's my sweet, innocent girl again..._

The one that bites her lip...

Because she wants something...

But she doesn't want to ask for it.

Doesn't want to have to.

Because she wants to trust me.

And wants me to give her back what I took from her.

"No... I was wrong. Definitely _not _nothing... " Her breath catches as I pull her lip free. "Don't do that... it breaks my heart." Her lip that trembles as I brush my thumb across it. "And I want it to be whole for you." The tremble that stills as I cup her beautiful face in my hands and lower my mouth to hers.

_Definitely not nothing..._

**Jasper**

"She's at Eclipse."

"What?"

"You were looking for Bella... she's at Eclipse."

"God damn you, Rose!"

"Not with me. I just got here. She was already here. And Jasper... you better hurry... because Edward is here, too. And our worst nightmare is coming true."

**xx**

**That DIRTY bitch! But Edward...**

**...**

**And the dress... if you want a visual... it's what Kristen wore to the 2011 People's Choice Awards. And of course it's bigger than a band aid... Emmett's still an idiot _sometimes_. Or a dimwit... whatever.**

**And a special thank you to Christina Aguilera and Ne-Yo for your inspiration. Especially Ne-Yo... after all, I named this story after those lyrics. I kid you not.**

**And finally, for anyone interested, I'm writing a little drabble type thing. It's called When You Close Your Eyes, and the first two chapters are up. Have tissues nearby, I needed them. Till next time...**


	19. Chapter 19 : Nice and Not

**SM still owns Twilight. I still own this. That being said...**

**I have something to say, so listen up, because I don't ever want to have to repeat myself. THIS IS NOT, HAS NEVER BEEN, AND NEVER WILL BE a story about incest. If you think it is, SEEK THERAPY. And stop reading. I don't ever want to see that fucking word in a review here again. EVER. I've had enough with that shit. **

**For the rest of you, thank you for all of your kind words and love for this story. I wish those words were the only ones I ever saw. As for this chapter, it's shorter than I thought it would be, but it is what it is. A bridge of sorts. Again. But maybe this time you won't want to throw me off? I'll let you decide...**

**...**

** Chapter Nineteen: Nice and Not**

**Isabella**

Ow.

Oh God, _ow_.

Pain...

My head...

My hand...

My face...

My face?

Why does...

Oh.

Oh God...

Last night.

The best night of my life.

And one of the worst.

My night of_ dirty _bliss turned just plain wrong.

By a list worth of reasons...

**1) Rosalie Cullen is a bitch.**

**2) My brother is sitting in a jail cell. Because Rosalie Cullen is a bitch.**

**3) I have a black eye - which hurts like hell, by the way. Courtesy of my brother. An accident, of course.**

**4) I have a not-broken-but-also-hurts-like-hell hand, because Rose has a black eye, too. Courtesy of me, and my hurts-like-hell hand. **_**Not **_**an accident.**

**5) Rosalie Cullen is a bitch. It bears repeating. SHE'S A BITCH. And no longer my best friend. Courtesy of her big bitch mouth, which I may have also busted with my hurts-like-hell hand. Also **_**not **_**an accident.**

**6) My older brother is... umm... well... my older brother. Courtesy of me being a girl, I guess. And born after him. That was an accident, too, I know - my being born - though I'm sure my mother would call it something else. She's a bitch, too.**

**7) Rosalie Cullen is a bitch.**

**8) Everything hurts. Because Rosalie Cullen is a bitch. No point in listing 9 and 10, just see 1, 2, 5, 7, and 8.**

Did I say everything hurts?

That's not quite right...

Everything _but _the loving fingers softly stroking my hair.

And the arms around me.

Edward's arms.

Edward...

Who fought for me.

And who's _still _here with his arms around me.

Here...

Only I can't remember exactly where _here _is?

I slowly open my eyes and take in my surroundings.

A bed.

_We're _in a bed.

Together.

I'm under the blankets.

He's on top.

Still in his clothes from last night.

A compromise...

There's early morning light filtering in through lilac-colored curtains.

Curtains I recognize.

Curtains that were hung just for me.

I know where I am now.

I know where _we _are.

It's all starting to come back.

The details of last night.

The ones that didn't hurt.

The ones that soothed, like his touch.

The ones that told me I wasn't wrong to hope.

Wasn't wrong to want.

Wasn't wrong to try...

Keep trying...

To be in the place I know I belong.

Edward's arms.

Which I shift within...

Slowly...

So he knows I don't want to leave them.

I just want to see his face.

His beautiful, battered face that contorts with pain as I look up at him, my chin rested on his chest where my cheek just was.

"Good morning," I whisper.

"Good morning, sweetheart," he sighs.

"Is it that bad?" I ask, as his fingertips gently brush across the tender skin under my eye.

There's a soft knock on the slightly open door before he can answer, and Sam's expression when it opens fully and he sees me tells me all I need to know.

But he forces a smile. "Good morning, kids. Emily sent me to see if you two were awake. She made breakfast, but Emmett is already up, so... "

"Ow!" we hear Emmett yell just then, "Geez, Emily, you're even meaner than Bella. I only had two. Sam! Your wife is beating me over muffins!"

"Emmett stayed?" I ask, attempting to sit up, and instantly regretting using my hand to try to help me do so. "Ow!"

Edward gently sets me upright and puts his lips to my hand, and Sam comes to sit on the edge of the bed.

His smile both shocks and warms me. "Yeah, honey, everyone stayed. You're pretty loved, you know."

I smile, and his eyes flit to my hand. "Edward... they were _sure _her hand isn't broken?"

"Yeah," he sighs, cradling it sweetly in his, "I saw the X-ray. Nothing broken."

"Nothing but that bitch's lip," I say with a laugh, and instantly regret that, too. "Ow. Damn Martini Tour... "

"Okay, my sassy little slugger, time to get you some aspirin." Edward gets up from the bed and pulls back the blankets, helping me to my feet.

"I'm going to go keep Emily from killing Emmett in the kitchen," Sam chuckles, "And by the way, Emily and Alice went out first thing this morning. There's toothbrushes in the bathroom for both of you and some girly stuff I don't know about. I'm guessing it's for Isabella, but Edward, you're pretty enough that you probably know what it all is. And use it regularly."

"He doesn't need anything, Sam. He's already perfect," I sigh.

Because no matter how much everything hurts...

And no matter how much _he's _hurt me in recent months...

Last night _was _the best night of my life.

And there's no list of reasons for why.

There's only one.

Edward Masen is finally ready to make me _his_.

The only one he'll ever need.

**…**

**Edward**

I like Isabella's new friend Alice.

I didn't like that she had her in that dress last night... _Fuck, that dress..._

And I didn't like that she had her in Eclipse...

But I like her.

She seems to genuinely adore her.

That's not a surprise, of course, but it's nice to see.

A friend with no hidden agenda.

No jealousy.

No spiteful intentions.

No tally sheet.

No desire to hurt her in any way.

A true friend.

That only wants her to live her life.

There's something a little bossy about her...

But Isabella won't hurt from it.

It's encouraging.

Supportive.

Protective.

Just another member of our army of people that wants to see her happy.

And will fight for her if anyone tries to ruin that.

She proved that last night.

Let Jasper have it...

And Rose...

Who pushed Isabella too far when she took a swing at me.

My sweet, plump, juicy little rabbit turned into a tiger.

Vicious.

Protective.

Fierce.

I had to pull her off.

Then Jasper tried to pull me off of her.

I didn't let him.

To show her I wouldn't.

And to show him.

But it still went wrong.

Horribly, painfully wrong...

His rage blinded him again.

And he took a swing...

But I wasn't fast enough this time.

Wasn't fast enough to push my tiger out of the way.

And she felt his rage.

She feels it still.

Wears it.

On her beautiful face that I can't take my eyes off of.

I ache for the pain she must feel.

And the smile she wears in spite of it...

_Because _I can't take my eyes off of her beautiful face.

"How do I look?" she asks.

Alice has just finished trying to cover up the evidence of Jasper's rage. But all of the makeup in the world won't take that image from my mind. It's burned into my memory. Seared on all I see.

And for a moment...

Less than a moment...

I want to tell her she looks like she's been somewhere she doesn't belong...

But it passes.

In _seconds _it passes.

Because she's already given me back her trust.

She put it in my hands.

Herself...

Literally.

She let me hold her before I'd said the words she deserved to hear.

She let me kiss her...

Take another taste...

With no fear that I'd devour her.

Not an ounce of it when she asked me to stay with her.

Not here... I had no intentions of leaving her.

But from where her eyes met mine from across the room as her head nestled into the pillow beneath it.

I sat in the chair in the room she'll always have in Sam's house, unable and unwilling to take my eyes from her.

"_Please?" _she asked.

"_I'll be right here," _I told her. _"I won't leave."_

"_It's too far away," _she insisted sweetly, and lifted the blanket beside her. _"Come closer."_

"_I'm as close as I dare to be, Isabella," _I declared, shaking my head at her pout. _"If ever I've wanted you to trust a word I've said to you, it's now. Please, sweetheart."_

But she didn't. _"You're going to have to learn restraint, you might as well start now."_

"_Or how about _not _on the night I saw you in your new dress? I'm not leaving this chair."_

"_We don't do things your way anymore, Edward. So, fall in line, and get over here."_

It was so adorable, I couldn't help but laugh.

And so sexy that I didn't move a slave-to-her muscle. I had no control over the fact that he moved on his own...

"_Besides... " _she pressed further, fire in her eyes, _"you don't want the first time I wrap my hand around it to be to rip it off and slap you with it. So... Move. Your. Ass."_

And I relented. Helplessly... _"Please don't torture me."_

"_No. I promise," _she said so innocently my heart melted.

She just wanted to be held. Wanted to be important enough. Wanted to be more important than any temptation I felt for her. Wanted me to hold her without the weight of it between us. The weight of anything...

And so that's what I gave her, with one compromise.

"_Is your juicy little rabbit that irresistible?" _she giggled as I tucked the blanket around her and laid down on the top of it.

"_Yes. She is. And I'm only human, sweetheart."_

"_Okay," _she smiled and kissed my cheek. _"You're admitting to being human instead of reptile, so we'll do this _one _thing your way."_

"_Thank you," _I whispered into her hair as she snuggled into my neck and sighed. A sigh that followed a _whimper_... I'm going to have to ask her about that...

"_No, Edward... thank _you_, for finally understanding where I've always known I belonged."_

I'm pulled from my thoughts of last night by a hard smack to the back of the head from Emmett. "Dude, I know this 'I want to be a good guy' stuff is new for you, but when a woman asks you how she looks, you're supposed to tell her she's beautiful. Even I know that."

"Don't hit him!" Isabella yells, jumping up from her chair, and I grab her just before her hand connects with something that would surely break it... Emmett.

"I'm going to have to pull rank one more time, slugger, and insist that we do one more thing _my _way. No more fighting for me. Comprende?"

She lifts her cheek to me, a sweet insistence of a kiss before she answers, and I oblige her, touching my lips softly to her delicate skin, and add a gentler plea. "Please, Isabella? It breaks my heart to see you hurt."

"Okay," she smiles, "The last thing I would ever do is anything to break your heart. I want it whole for me, too."

"That's very sweet, Edward... you're already learning," Emmett says, putting an arm around each of us, "Now tell me what else you insisted she do _your _way, and then we'll see whether or not _I _break your NECK."

A gasp and one look at Isabella's gaze as it moves instantly to my neck and then viciously to Emmett and I know...

_Those _are fighting words.

And her promise is broken as quickly as it's made.

"Owwwwwww!"

And this time I'm really afraid...

So is her hand.

Shit!

**Jasper**

"What the hell are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?"

"Have _I _done enough? I'm about to bail your ass out of jail, you idiot! Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? And if I hadn't have come, your friends were fully prepared to let you sit here!"

"If you're my only option at freedom, I'll gladly stay!"

"Don't for a second think that my being here means that that thought doesn't appeal to me, but as much as your sister is upset with you right now, the thought of you in a jail cell upsets her _more_. _That _is why I'm here."

_Fuck... of course it does. Oh my god, what have I done? And on top of what I already did..._

"Is Isabella alright?"

"She's fine. She's with people that love her."

"If you're implying that-"

"I'm _not_. I know you love her. You just do it wrong. But she's with people right now that do it right, so-"

_People... _

_I swear, if... _"_What _people?"

"That Greek god whose face you messed up. You know... the one who messed up yours. I think I heard you used to be best friends? Well... she's with _him_. At the hospital."

_That son of a bitch!_

_Wait..._ _what did she..._ "Hospital? What the hell happened?"

"Yes. Hospital. She may have broken her hand."

"Last night?"

"No. It wasn't broken after putting Bitch Barbie in her place. But The Incredible Hulk is a little 'harder', so... "

"She hit Emmett?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"About an hour ago."

"_Why_?"

"He threatened the Greek god. She's a little overprotective about him, which is something _you _should understand. And exactly the reason you were put in _here _in the first place, you psycho."

"Get me out of here and take me to the hospital."

"No." It's Sam's voice who I turn to now.

"What do you mean, _no_? Isabella's hurt, and I'm going."

"She's in good hands. And until I'm convinced yours won't do anything to hurt her further, you're not going anywhere near her."

"_Good hands_, Sam? She's with _him_!"

"Yes, she is. And Emily and Emmett are with them. And you can deny it all you want, Jasper, but we _all _know that Edward is the last person on earth that would ever hurt her."

"I didn't mean to hurt her! I would never-"

"We all know that, too, Jasper... but you _did_. That's why I threw you in that cell last night. I know I took a risk of upsetting her to do it, but you're out of control about this and even hurting her - as unintentional as I know that was - didn't wake you up. You gave me no choice. And until you can get your shit together, Isabella is going to be staying with Emily and I."

"You're out of your mind, Sam. She's _not _leaving my house."

"_Your_ house? Yes, Jasper, she _is_. Because she deserves to live in a home that she can call _hers_. A _home_, not a prison. A place where she is loved, and welcomed, and free to live her life. _Her _life, Jasper. The one _she _wants, not the one you tell her she can live and who she can live it with. Or _can't_."

"She's not living it with him!"

"She already has! Her entire life! Edward has _always _been there! Because of you! Because you knew he was good enough to be around her! You knew you could trust him! You knew she'd be safe with him! You think that's changed, Jasper, just because he wants to hold and protect her in a new way?

"Open your eyes! The only thing that's changed is Edward. Changed for the better. Someone that has loved her all of her life is finally ready to be a good man _for her_. _To _her. The one person she wants to. The one person she's _always _wanted to. She's loved him forever. We _all _know that. But you're the only one that refuses to see that it's right that he realized that he loves her back. The same way she loves him. The way she's dreamed about all of her life. I won't let you stand in the way of that."

"She's _my _sister. _I'll _decide how she lives her life, and with who. And it won't be with him. I'll kill him first. On _her _life, I'll kill him."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Jasper. And until you feel differently... you can get comfortable in there. Come on Alice, he's not going anywhere now."

"Sam! You son of a bitch! Let me out of here! Sam! Do you hear me? Sam!"

But it's no use. He's already gone.

And that bitch Alice left with him.

And my sweet little sister is in the hands of the devil.

And there's not a god damn thing I can do about it.

_Dear God, what the fuck have I done?_

**Isabella**

"You know, if you'd stop hitting people, Bella, you wouldn't spend so much time in ERs. Are you trying to start an X-ray collection?"

"Shut up, Emmett."

"I never realized how violent you Hales were... "

"Emmett... _Don't_."

Edward's expression is hard steel, matching his voice, and Emmett gives me an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, I was just... I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean... I... "

"Emmett, I know."

He gives me a sad smile and changes tack. "But unlike Rose, _I _didn't deserve to be hit."

"I thought you and Rose were special _friends_?" I say with a roll of my eyes, grateful for the return to 'unimportant'.

"No... you know you were right about that, Bella. I was just-"

"Emmett... "

"You know, Edward, just because you have to wear chastity panties now, doesn't mean I do. And I was talking to _Bella_. So, _Bella_... your friend Alice is cute. And spunky. I-"

"NO. Stay away. I have plans for her, and they don't include you."

"Plans for _who_?"

"Jasper."

"I'm pretty sure that was hate at first sight, sweetheart," Edward chuckles, "But Emmett should definitely stay away, regardless."

"What the hell, Bella? You have a plan for Jasper, and you _clearly _have a plan for Edward... eew... now what about me?"

"Stop with the eew. You want me to find a nice girl for you?"

"Yes. One that cooks like you. But doesn't hit and make me spend my Saturday afternoons in emergency rooms."

"No one said you had to."

"I know. I wanted to. I love you, you know... besides I still don't have the answer to my question. So now I'll ask it again... What did Edward say you had to do _his _way?"

"Oh, for God's sake, Emmett... sleep with blankets between us, not that it's any of your business. And I know you came into the room twenty times last night to spy on us. You're not exactly light-footed."

"You're damn right I did. And yeah, I saw the blankets. That's all?"

"YES."

"Good. Now we can get back to me. I want to be a plan."

"You _really _want a nice girl?"

"Yes. If Edward can have one, I want one, too."

"Well, I'm one of a kind. But I suppose I could try to think of someone. Do you know how to be a gentleman?"

"Do I have to be?"

"Yes. If you want me to find you a girl. And you have to promise not to eat her."

"I'm not really into that, so-"

"Emmett!"

I laugh as Edward and Emily both reach out and smack him, and get up from my chair. I wish they'd hurry up with my X-rays... "I'm going to go find the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute."

I don't protest as Edward gets up and grabs my good hand, apparently to escort me. He hasn't let me out of his sight since last night at the club.

And I _like _it.

We still haven't really gotten a chance to talk, but I know there's time for that. I can see it in his beautiful green eyes...

He's finally stepping up to the line.

And he knows _I'm _the game-winning shot.

**…**

Edward is talking to someone when I come out of the ladies room. I can't see who it is from this angle, and I don't realize who it is until I walk up quietly beside him and take his hand.

And now I feel like complete shit.

"Hello, Bella."

Edward's grip on my hand tightens possessively and my response is barely audible, "Riley... "

"I heard - and can _see _- that you had quite a night last night." He looks from my still visible, despite Alice's efforts, black eye to our joined hands and then back to me sadly. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Are you? What are you doing at the hospital?"

"Yeah, I'm just visiting one of the guys that got injured on a call last night."

"Oh... that's awful. I'm sorry. Is he okay?"

"He'll be alright."

"That's good."

"What about you? Are you sure _you're _alright?"

"Just getting an X-ray on my hand. I punched Emmett... not smart, really. He's kind of _hard_."

"Yeah... you should definitely be more careful."

His eyes move pointedly to Edward with his words, who's watching our exchange intently. This is really awkward...

And I feel like I owe him an apology.

"Could we maybe talk for a second, Riley?"

"Absolutely not," Edward says icily before he can answer.

"I believe she was asking _me_," Riley returns just as icily, before softening his tone as he turns his attention back to me. "And yes, of course we can."

"I said _no_," Edward says as if it's the final say on the matter and starts to pull me away.

"Edward... "

"_No_, Isabella. You have me where you want me, now don't think for a second that I'm going to _share_."

I lower my voice so that hopefully only he can hear me. "Edward, please... I would never ask you to do that. I don't want you to share... I'm yours... I've always been yours.

"But a few days ago, you wanted me to believe that was never going to happen... and I started something. And he's a _nice _guy. Let me at least finish it. Because _I _don't look so nice right now, and I don't like that. We had a date tonight... at least let me explain it to him. Please, Edward? For me?"

I chew my bottom lip, silently pleading with him to understand that as happy as I am, I feel bad about leading Riley on.

He expels a long breath and pulls my lip free with his thumb. "Okay. For _you_. But do it _quickly_."

He kisses me before I even realize it's happening and I'm left temporarily dazed when he pulls away, which I have no doubt is what he intended. And to make a statement. Which he's going to hear about later.

"That was mean," I say for now, and fix him with an angry glare as I walk back to where Riley is waiting, leaning against the wall a few feet away.

I shake my head when I reach him, not sure what to say. "I, uh... I'm sorry about that. And-"

"You didn't really look very sorry for a minute there. And I'm pretty sure this is the brush-off speech, so... "

"I didn't mean to-"

"I'm a nice guy, Bella, but I'm not stupid. Edward Masen was what you wanted all along. Once I told you what had happened after the game that night, you saw a golden opportunity and you jumped on it. I knew something was not quite what it seemed the other night on the phone... he wasn't just acting like a protective older brother type. The mere existence of me - and your meticulously expressed _interest _in me in his presence - made him jealous, like you hoped it would."

"I didn't-"

"You didn't think it would be so _easy_. Men are territorial creatures, Bella. You of all people should know that, considering the huddle you live in the middle of."

"Riley, please, I-"

"It's okay, Bella. I'm not angry. I'm disappointed. I'm all for fighting for what you want... and I was willing to for you, but this fight is already won. He's what you want, and I'm guessing maybe you've waited a long time to get it. And if I didn't believe it _was _what you wanted, I swear I'd stick around and show you another choice - a damn good one, if I may - but I know that would be pointless. Edward Masen wins. Again. And this time, I'm pretty sure he was playing for keeps."

"I'm not a bad person, Riley... I wasn't... "

"I know that. But you're not _harmless_, Bella Hale. You're _far _from harmless."

I feel Edward's hand on my back and I know I'm out of time, and he's out of patience, though I've barely said a word.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "Whether you believe me or not, I _am _sorry."

"Me, too, beautiful. More than you know."

"Watch it, Biers. I'm only a nice guy as it applies to _her_, you're a different ballgame, and you don't want to play with me."

"Edward, stop... "

"It's okay, Bella. Like I said, he already won. And he knows that, but sometimes even winners are unsportsmanlike. But I imagine you know what you've chosen. So, I wish you luck and happiness with that choice. But just know that with me, you wouldn't have needed the first."

And suddenly I don't feel so bad anymore, but step in front of Edward just in case it's not clear to either of them. "I don't need luck. Because you were right that first day... I _am _worth it. And _he _knows it better than anyone. And just so _you _know, Riley... there was never a choice to make. It's always been _him_."

He gives a small nod, and a backwards wave as he walks away, and Edward immediately spins me to face him. The slight smirk he wears as he pulls me against him - and the effect it has on my knees - solidifies everything I've ever known, though I'm anything but _solid_...

"Are you still worried about how _nice _you look, sweetheart?"

"Not so much, it seems."

"That's good," he says with a chuckle, tilting my chin up and lowering his head until our lips nearly touch, "And Isabella... he was right about something else... something I knew _long _before he did... You're far, far, _far _from harmless."

"Are you scared?" I ask with as devious a smile as I can muster.

His lips meet mine for a brief second before he gives me his answer...

"Terrified."

But the kiss he gives me after...

Is what's far, far, _far _from harmless.

But, unlike this man I've waited for all of my life...

I'm not terrified of a damn thing.

And I couldn't care less about _nice _now.


	20. Chapter 20: Once Upon a Time

**Twilight still belongs to SM. What I did with her characters is mine. And as for the angst, that I'm often told this should have been labeled as, and that doesn't rule this chapter, don't think you've seen the last of it. Unless Jasper's been moved from a jail cell to a pot farm...**

**Chapter Twenty: Once Upon a Time**

**Edward**

Thankfully, Isabella's hand wasn't broken this time, either.

But she _is _in pain, and we're doing the packing for her as she figures out what she'll need and directs us to it.

She didn't argue about the decision Sam made for her to spend some time with him and Emily...

But it doesn't mean it's easy for her.

She loves her brother. None of us doesn't know that.

Or what he's done for her... what he's tried to do.

And she still loves him in spite of what he _did_.

And what he didn't mean to do.

What went so wrong.

And I understand his reaction... to an extent.

I didn't expect him to accept it easily...

That her feelings for me were returned.

I knew he'd be angry.

But I didn't think he'd go as far as he's gone.

Let it blind him to everything he knows.

_Should _know.

That I've always loved her.

Always stood at his side to protect her.

With the best of intentions.

We've all had our moments of crazy...

Had our moments of extreme when it comes to her.

I've had many.

He knows that.

But he should also know that the love that those moments stemmed from still lies inside of me. That it couldn't just dissolve, any more than his could. That it couldn't turn into something that was meant to hurt her. That I never could.

He should know.

That the person that's stood by his side all of her life...

By hers...

Could never do anything but love her with the best of intentions.

It doesn't matter who I've been...

I've never been that with her. Around her.

I protected her from it. Shielded her. I tried to...

And I was mortified when I failed and it reached her.

When it hurt her.

When I hurt her.

He knows that, too. I know he does.

And it should mean something.

Should register somewhere amidst all of the shock and anger.

And the pain.

I know he's hurt by my betrayal.

At what he perceives as betrayal.

She isn't the only one we love.

Guys don't talk about those things...

The unspoken bonds between friends.

The love.

But it doesn't mean it's not there.

And it doesn't mean it can't hurt you if it's broken.

If it's compromised for someone else.

Whether to hold or defend.

Like Isabella's hand.

It's not broken, but she risked it to stand up for someone she loved.

The best of intentions...

With the worst of results.

That hurt everyone.

And still hurt as I help her with the last of her things.

To take her away from her home.

And the person that loves her so much he can't see straight.

The person I know will be devastated when he comes home and she isn't here.

The person it's hurting her to leave.

The hurt clear on her face when she leaves her bedroom and comes back with one of his shirts.

Her hurt that threatens to break me as she lays it on top of Ethan's in the bag I just packed.

"It's just for a little while, sweetheart. Until he can calm down a little. Until he can think clearly."

She bites her lip and nods her head, but doesn't look at me. And I wonder for a moment if it's too much for her. Too big of a price to pay.

"Unless you're not sure? If it's not worth-"

Her eyes stop me before her words can. "No. I _am _sure, Edward. _I've _always been sure. And this doesn't change that. It hurts, but I'm not going to give up everything I've ever wanted because he refuses to see. He has to bend this time. I know he's made sacrifices for me, but I've made them, too. I never fought about the way he practically kept me prisoner in this house. I never threw a fit or put up a fuss about the things he wouldn't let me do. Because I knew he meant well. I knew he was just trying to protect me. And none of those things was very important. I wasn't missing anything. But this...

"This is different. _You're _different. You're _important_. And I won't sacrifice you for him just because he doesn't like it. You finally let me in, I won't let him tell me I can't be there. And I'm sorry that you lost something because you opened that door, Edward. That breaks my heart... for both of you, but not enough to give up the only thing that can make it whole. I've already had too much taken from me, too much I couldn't hold on to. But I can hold on this time, and I'm not letting go. _You _should know that, too."

I smile at her last statement, and the determination in her eyes, and zip the bag closed. We need to spend some time alone, so I can try to erase any doubts that have crept up on her - doubts about my resolve, perhaps - but until that time, I want her to know that they have no place here.

I smooth her hair away from her face and cup her determined chin in my hands. "I don't want you to let go. I promise this isn't for nothing, Isabella. And I don't want you to hurt, but no matter what happens, I swear to you that _I _won't ask you to let go. And I'll never tell you that you can't be here, never again. And I won't let go when he tries to drag you away, which I know he'll do when he has the chance. If _I'm _really everything you've ever wanted, then _you _should know that it's yours for the keeping. I'll never take it away from you, or let anyone else."

She smiles sweetly at me, and places her hands on the top of mine. The gentle softness of her sends a chill up my spine and brings with it a touch of fear.

Fear I won't hide from her. "The only thing I'm worried about... afraid of - besides _you _- is that after wanting it for so long... waiting for so long... now that you have it... _me_... maybe I'll disappoint you, and you'll realize it wasn't what you thought it was, what you dreamed it to be, and you won't want it anymore."

"Nice try, Mr. Masen, but Never. Gonna. Happen. You can't get rid of me now."

"That is _not _what I was trying to do... "

"I know you're not really perfect, Edward. And you probably don't really deserve to be on that pedestal I've always kept you on, but now that I do have you, there's only one thing _you _could do to make me not want you. Only one way you could truly disappoint me."

"I know what that is, sweetheart, you don't have to say it."

"I've been fattening up your juicy little rabbit for years. And once you earn it, I promise you'll never need anything else."

"And I promise you I know that."

"Good," she says, playfully twitching her nose.

"God help me," I laugh, and kiss her twitching nose as she giggles and pats my back with sympathy that I know she doesn't feel a sincere ounce of. "Now, are you ready, you wicked little creature?"

"Yeah," she laughs, making bunny ears on the top of her head, or maybe they're _horns_... "I just have one last thing to... "

I reach back and grab the monkey off of her bed before she can move around me to get it. She takes it from me with an adoring smile and a soft sigh.

"See? You'll never disappoint me, Edward. I know you won't. You've always known what was important. No matter how big or how small. And you've always made everything right and good for me. Better. I know you'll never be anything else in my life. Anything less than perfect to _me_. _For _me. With all of my heart, I know that. The only thing I want from you, other than who you already are, is for you to know it, too."

I pick up her bags with a nod of my head and follow her out of her room and to the next phase of her life.

Her life that I know she wants to spend with me.

And that I'll do everything in my power to make as perfect as I can for her.

"Can we just stop at the store on the way?" she asks, as we step through the front door and head to my truck.

"I already sent Emmett to go get you about a hundred jars of peanut butter when he left. Is there something else you want?"

She shakes her head, a _That's what I mean _look in her eyes and a smile on her face.

And I sigh...

If only making her happy would always be as simple as _peanut butter_...

**Isabella**

My day of _attention _has turned into a night of one. Everyone is staying for dinner. Dinner that no one will let me lift a finger to help with.

"You guys have to let me do something. I feel worthless just sitting here."

"That is not a word that could ever describe you. And I don't ever want to hear it come out of your mouth again. Understood?"

Edward has been getting bossier by the hour...

_Don't do this, Don't do that, Don't kiss me like that... _

Okay, that one I shouldn't have done, but really...

Now he's telling me what I can't say? I didn't mean it literally. I know I'm not worthless. There's only one person who thinks that. But...

"I just want to help with dinner. I'm used to doing everything, except when you help."

"Well, then it's about time you had a break, don't you think? As I recall, Snow White knew how to delegate."

"Yes, but she didn't just sit with her feet up and watch the dwarfs work."

"Which dwarf am I, Bella?" Emmett asks, from his not-helping perch beside me.

Everyone laughs and I shake my head. "Really, Emmett? You're going to make it that easy?"

"Nevermind. I don't want to be a dwarf. Or any silly Prince Charming, either. I'll be somebody cool, like Hercules or someone."

"Do you know the story of Hercules, Emmett?" Edward asks him.

"I know he was a badass."

"And before that?"

"I don't know."

"You could be the beast from Beauty and the Beast," Emily suggests with a laugh.

"That's Edward," he laughs back. "Because the beast was only badass when he was the beast. Then he turned into a sappy prince."

"I was thinking Gaston was most fitting," Sam adds to the conversation.

"Why do you guys know so much about Disney characters?" Alice asks.

"Bella," everyone answers at once, except for Edward, who simply kisses my cheek.

"I like fairy tales," I declare with my arms crossed. "And I have them all with me, if you guys want to watch one. Because you all like them, too, even if you won't admit it."

"We could watch The Little Mermaid. She's hot," Emmett says with wiggling brows.

"You're perving on a cartoon character?" I ask him, "I'm so not finding you a nice girl."

"We could watch The Lion King," Edward suggests. "Emmett could bond with the hyenas, since he's one of them."

Emmett flips him off as everyone laughs again, except for Emily, who smacks him with a wooden spoon. "No obscene gestures in my kitchen. And I think we should watch Lady and the Tramp. It seems fitting, considering recent _developments_. And we _are _having spaghetti and meatballs... "

"I'm in," Sam says, kissing Emily's cheek, and giving me a wink. "It's definitely fitting."

"I'll watch it, too," Emmett adds, rubbing his arm, "That little dog is cute. And not in a pervy way. In a Bella way. But if _they _share a plate," he says, pointing to Edward and I, "I'm going to hurl."

He makes a face as a chuckling Edward puts a slice of cucumber to my mouth and after I take a bite, pops the rest into his own.

A face that turns to a smile as he sees how happy I am.

Because even Emmett is willing to see.

And willing to accept it.

There's only one person that won't.

Only one that matters to me.

And I still have hope...

That someday I'll see him smile at me.

And my fairy-tale-coming-true life that he'll realize was always meant to be.

**Edward**

I kiss the top of Isabella's head, where it rests against my shoulder, and shift slightly. "Well, beautiful... "

"You're leaving?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"It's late. And you're tired."

"Not tired of you."

"I'm glad, but-"

"So don't leave."

"Isabella... "

"Please?"

"You don't have to say that to me anymore. And I don't want you to. Okay?"

"Will you stay if I don't?"

"No, sweetheart, one has nothing to do with the other. I'm still going home."

"What if I whimper? Like Lady? She-"

"No."

"Okay."

_Okay..._

One word.

Simple.

Agreeable.

Accepting.

But so much more...

Hurt.

Vulnerable.

Fragile.

And afraid.

Because except for the few minutes I left her to shower and change, and the few minutes she took to do the same, I haven't been out of her sight since I arrived at the club last night, nor she out of mine.

She hasn't had to let go.

I haven't had to ask her to.

And see the look she wears on her face now.

"Thank you for spending the day with me. And last night... "

"You don't have to thank me for that. Or be afraid of anything changing just because I leave."

"Okay."

Again...

And again I know it's not.

And follow her as she picks up our glasses from the coffee table and walks to the kitchen.

The house is quiet, and we're the last two here, or up. Emmett and Alice left, and Sam and Emily went to bed about an hour ago. Our small window of time alone was spent mostly in peaceful silence, no words needing to be said as she snuggled up beside me. But they need to be said now. Said and repeated as many times as I have to until she believes them.

I reach around her and take the glasses from her hands as she reaches the sink, sitting them on the counter and spinning her around to face me.

"I spent the day with you because I wanted to. Just like last night. Because it's where I wanted to be. Where I couldn't bear _not _to be. And I'm not leaving now because I want to leave you. I'm leaving because it's late, and you've had a difficult couple of days, and I want you to sleep. And tomorrow, I'll be right back here. And the next day, and the next, and the one after that - or nights, at least, since we both have responsibilities - but, Isabella, I _will _be back. For _you_. And because I want to. I'm not going to disappear on you. I'm not going to change my mind just because your beautiful eyes aren't looking at me, or just because I can't hear your sweet or sassy voice. The only thing that's going to be different tomorrow is that I won't wake up with you in my arms."

"You could."

"No, Isabella, I _can't_. That's not something that's going to repeat itself."

"Why not?"

"It's dangerous."

"For who? I trust you. You wouldn't-"

"No, I wouldn't, but it's still not going to happen again."

"You're wrong."

And the look on her face is exactly why I'm not. Can't be. And can't help but be a little wicked...

"I'm _not_, actually... because the next time... " I pull her against me, grasp her head in my hands, and lean down and whisper in her ear, "I won't be waking up with you in my arms. Because the next time we share a bed... I won't sleep for a single second, and neither will you."

I chuckle at her shocked gasp, and lean back to look at her face, brushing my fingertips across her flushed cheeks. I probably shouldn't tease her, but that innocent flush is exactly why I did. I wanted to see it. Needed to. Because seeing it can only serve to keep my head where it needs to be, and just maybe...

Keep my juicy little rabbit from flaunting her fluffy little tail in front of me.

"Goodnight, Isabella. See you in the morning."

And this time her "Okay" comes with confidence.

And a bashful smile that melts my heart.

A bashful smile that I hope I never, ever, take away from her.

Or myself.

**Isabella**

Edward's voice is the first thing I hear when I wake up.

His beautiful, velvet voice with its carefree laugh that puts a smile on my face before I've even opened my eyes.

And if I couldn't wake up in his arms, waking up with his voice wrapped around me is the next best thing.

The same way I fell asleep.

Wrapped in Edward's voice.

Replaying words he had spoken before he left me.

Some sweet...

And some that made my cheeks flush even long after he'd gone.

But no matter the words...

Edward's voice is my favorite sound.

And the sound of a promise kept.

His promise.

He's here.

Just like he said he would be.

He came back, before I was even awake.

For me.

And because he wanted to.

So, why the hell am I still laying in this bed, when I could be seeing my favorite face instead of just listening to my favorite sound coming out of it?

My demoted status from queen of a house to pampered princess - which Emily informed me of last night as she kicked me out of her kitchen before I could touch a dinner dish - is apparently already making me lazy.

_Move your ass, princess! Your Prince Charming is waiting!_

But waiting isn't exactly what I find him doing when I come out of the bathroom a few minutes later and follow the sound of his heavenly humming and the delicious scent coming from in front of him at the stove.

But he_ is_ the only thing I find.

The laughter I heard mixed with his has left.

We're alone.

"I would have made you breakfast if you'd have woken me."

"I would never wake you to cook for me. And I'm making _you _breakfast. And good morning."

He holds his left hand out to me, a spatula in his right, and pulls me to him for a quick kiss before letting go and turning his attention back to the pan in front of him.

"Good morning. You are?"

"Yes, I am."

"That's very sweet. No one's ever made me breakfast before. Well... not since I was little."

"Then I'm glad I'm the first."

"You're going to be the first to do a lot of things... And um... me too. It smells wonderful. Are those supposed to be pancakes?"

He clears his throat, a slight curve to the corners of his mouth, as he tries to shake off my declaration and answer my question. "Yes, they are. Peanut butter banana pancakes, actually. And they were supposed to look like hearts... "

_Edward Masen a romantic? _"They're perfect."

"You know, Isabella, it's always impressed me how you can lie so convincingly, and with such a sweet face... "

"I don't lie," I defend, "Sometimes I just see truths that other people don't. And they _are _perfect. To me. Hearts can travel perilous journeys before they land where they belong, and to the naked eye they might look imperfect, but it's what's inside that counts. And what's inside of the one that gave it to you."

He puts the last pancake on the plate with a sigh, taking my hand and leading me to the table. He sets the plate down and pulls out my chair, kissing the top of my head before sitting down beside me.

"I can't wait to dig in," I smile.

"I know you can't," he says softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, "and, to be honest, your expectations scare the hell out of me."

I know he's not talking about the pancakes - which I take a bite of and nearly cry at how good they are - and his becoming-frequent mentions of being afraid are breaking my heart a little. I know there's a softness inside of Edward that very few people have ever seen, and I know I've seen more of it than anyone, my mouthful of peanut butter pancakes just another example, but I also know that he's strong. He's confident and sure of himself, and even ridiculously arrogant at times. Hearing him admit fear, though... through any means but lighthearted humor, is shocking, even to me. And knowing I'm the cause of it...

"What are you afraid of, Edward? What expectations do you think I have? Of you?"

"The fairy tale."

"I know life isn't a fairy tale. Mine certainly hasn't been... none of ours has."

"But it's what you want. And what you deserve. More than anyone, Isabella... you deserve it."

"I want _you_. And yes, I want the happily ever after, but it's not an expectation, Edward. It's a hope. It's a little girl's dream that kept the nightmares away. And it still does, but now that you're here, really _here_... I just want a start. A beginning. I want the Once upon a time, with you, no matter what comes after or how it ends. And you're already giving me that."

"And so far?" he asks, a smirk forming on his mouth when I stuff mine with a big bite of his made-with-sweetness pancakes.

I point to my shamelessly overfilled mouth and moan my answer, gathering another large bite on the fork and putting it to his lips.

And afraid or not, he opens for me. Because he may not believe in fairy tales...

But he's here.

And he's ready to begin our _Once upon a time_.

**xx**

**Short? Yes. Sappy? Maybe. But Edward is right... Isabella deserves it. And I won't take it away from her. Or let anyone else. Or try to. Now that Edward is ready. Not in this chapter.**

**And I don't know if it was deserved or not, but Come Closer won two Red Rose Awards last month... Best Drama Story and Best Sexy Story. I was surprised to say the least, and want to thank anyone who may have cast a vote. And thanks to LD, most of all, for thinking CC was worthy of a nomination. Kisses, sweetie.**

**And one last thing, I know some of you were hoping for an outtake of 'Dirty', but to be honest, that's probably not going to happen. I'll let you know if I change my mind.**

**Till next time...**


	21. Chapter 21: Firsts

**I think I deleted this chapter five times and started over. My brain is fried. And I was seconds away from doing it a sixth time. This is me _not_. And that fried brain I mentioned? Comma train wreck follows. I think. I don't know. Like I don't already have issues with those? They hate me. Ugh...**

**Chapter Twenty One: Firsts**

**Isabella**

Everyone agreed that seeing my brother behind bars was not something I should experience. The circumstances weren't all that serious, it was mostly just Sam trying to keep him - and his anger - in check, but still, no one in my growing huddle would let me go to see him.

So, I pleaded with Sam over breakfast this morning to let him out. And as I pull up to Sam and Emily's house after work - my temporary new home - I know that my pleading request was granted.

Jasper's car is here. And he's inside... without a doubt waiting for me. But before I can even reach the walkway up to the house, he's not. Because he's out now, and rushing towards me.

I glance to Sam and Emily, out now as well, and on the porch... watching closely, as he stops in front of me. His expression is pained, and his eyes tired and full of regret as he looks at me, reaches out to me, and then drops his arms at his sides dejectedly.

And I'm still angry with him... but it's not _all _I feel for my brother. My brother that has spent his life trying to take care of me. To make up for everything I never had. And everything I lost. And everything he never wants to be taken from me.

Everything I know he thinks Edward _will _take.

Everything.

Me.

That he thinks he already has.

But he's wrong about that.

And I won't make a choice.

Not that one.

Or one that makes me choose between them.

The two men that I love most in the world.

And want in my life...

Together.

I _won't _choose between them.

And haven't.

The only choice I've made is _me_.

"You're so dumb sometimes," I say, like once so long ago, and wrap my arms around him.

"I know," he says, squeezing me so tight I can barely breathe. "I'm so sorry, Isabella. So, so, so, so sorry... "

And I know he is...

But I also know that it only goes so far.

His sorrow.

Only covers so much.

Like the tediously covered bruise beneath my eye that he looks at now as he holds my face and searches for damage.

Damage that he inflicted, and damage he thinks someone else may have.

Damage that he won't find.

His own is all he'll see.

Because it's all there is.

"I'm okay," I say. "I'm fine. Better... I'm _happy_."

His jaw clenches at the last part.

So I add to it. "And even happier _now_. I missed you. I was worried about you. And about you worrying about me. Needlessly, I might add."

"My worries have never been needless, Isabella. And they sure as hell-"

"_Are_ this time."

"No... they're _not_. You just think they are. Because you had what you wanted. And-"

"_Had_?"

"Yes, _had_. Your little fairy tale dream you thought had come true is over."

I step back and fold my arms across my chest. "No, it's not. You can't make that decision for me, Jasper. Only Edward can, and he _won't_."

"_Edward_ doesn't get to make decisions for you."

The way he spits his name is painful.

The hatred it carried with it.

"He won't hurt me."

"No, he won't. Because I won't let him. At least not any more than he's already been allowed to."

He shoots an angry glare towards Sam and then yanks my car keys from my hand and my bags off of my shoulder, shoving the keys in his pocket and my bags into his car. Then he grabs my arm. "Get in the car. I'll get your things later."

"No." I try to pull free, but he only tightens his grip at my effort.

I see Sam and Emily come running from their watchful place on the porch in my peripheral vision, and hear tires on the gravel drive behind me, but my focus is still on my brother.

"Jasper, let go. I'm not going anywhere right now."

His grip tightens even more and he yanks me towards the open passenger door. "You're going _home_, where you belong."

"No, I'm _not_. Stop this. And please let go, you're hurting me!"

And as soon as the words are out of my mouth, I'm out of his grasp and into Edward's with Sam between us.

The us that is Jasper and me.

The us that is different...

And will maybe never be the same again.

"Are you okay?" Edward asks softly in my ear from behind me as his hand rubs gently up and down my arm.

"No," I answer honestly. Because I'm not. I hate this...

But I'm not sure he heard me over Jasper's yelling for him to get the hell away from me.

And whether he did or he didn't, "Go in the house," he tells me now, kissing the top of my head, "And _not _to the window."

My protest remains silent as I watch Emily reach into a Sam-contained Jasper's pocket for my keys, and then into his car for my bags before approaching us with her hand outstretched. "Come on, sweetie, it's only going to get worse before it gets better. Let's go crack open a bottle of wine and let them work out their issues."

Their issues...

Which just means _me_.

And a gentle push from Edward makes _me _comply and take her hand, but doesn't stop me from turning around to look at him.

"One of these days you're going to get tired of looking at my face," he says with a small smirk.

"Not today," I say, hoping he understands.

"Good. Because you'll see it soon. I promise. Now, scoot."

And I do, because I believe he does. "Okay. Since you promise."

I turn from his smile at my acquiescence, and avoid Jasper's hurt and angry glare as Emily leads me past him and into the house, closing the door behind us.

The door that doesn't block out the anger beyond it.

The door that I chose, even though initially it was chosen for me. But that I wonder if my being behind is a bother. _Should _I go home with Jasper? "You don't have to do this, Emily."

"Do what?" she asks, setting my bags in a chair and continuing to the kitchen.

"Let all of this... mess... _me_... into your peaceful life. I mean... I know Sam probably made the decision without really giving you much choice... but-"

"Sam didn't have to give me a choice. He knew what I'd say. You've always had a place here Isabella, and you always will, whether out of need or out of want... but _wanted _you will always be. Don't ever question that."

"Thank you. But even so... "

"Is this where you _should _be?" she asks, pouring two glasses of wine and handing me one.

"Yes."

"Yes. Right now I think it is."

"I don't want him to think I'm turning my back on him. Or choosing Edward over him. It's not what I'm doing. I'm just-"

"Putting _you _first for the first time in your life. There's nothing wrong with that, honey. And he doesn't have to make it hard for you. Or himself. I understand that it's a shock to his system... "

She pulls a chair away from the table for me and then one for herself, keeping me here instead of where I could better hear whatever is going on outside, before she continues.

"But he should know Edward well enough to know that he'd be different with you. The way he always has been. That fighting for you is fighting for better. And that he wouldn't if he didn't believe he could be. Edward wouldn't risk you like that. None of us doesn't know that. None of us but your brother. Who should know most of all. And who would see it if he would just open his eyes."

"What if he never does, Emily? What if-"

"Never is a long time. And stubborn or not, your brother loves you too much to spend very long without you. I don't think I have to tell you that Edward isn't going anywhere. Jasper is going to have to accept it eventually. And when he does, he'll see."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Don't worry... he will. He'll be watching Edward like a hawk... and no one could look at Edward for a split second in the vicinity of you and not see it."

"See what, exactly?"

"_That_," she says, gesturing to something behind me.

_Someone_...

My favorite someone...

Edward.

Who's holding something.

A bouquet of white patience roses and purple sweethearts.

"He's going to need a little more time," he says with a sigh as he kisses my cheek and puts the flowers in my hands. "And I'm sorry you had to wait for these."

"Thank you for trying," I say, seeing exactly what Emily meant as he sits down beside me, "And for these. They're beautiful."

They are...

So beautiful...

But my eyes aren't on them as I inhale their sweet scent.

Because they're on something else.

That I couldn't not see.

Because Emily is right...

You can't look at Edward for a split second in the vicinity of me and not.

**…**

Edward said Jasper was going to need a little more time.

That first day.

And then the next.

And the one after that.

The next four days that he came here and tried to drag me out.

I refused to go.

Refused to be taken.

Not that anyone would have let him...

And I think maybe he gave up.

Now.

But what I hope is that he's just taking that 'little more time' he needed to accept it.

Come to terms...

With Edward and me.

Because he hasn't been here in three days.

Hasn't called.

And, as much as I wanted to, I haven't called him.

Because everyone said to give him time.

That maybe this was him trying.

And needing to work through it on his own.

For me.

So, I wait.

And hope they're right.

**Edward**

We've been telling Isabella that Jasper's sudden silence is a good sign.

That she shouldn't worry.

Do we think that's the truth?

Not necessarily.

Emmett has tried to reach out.

Get a feel for the situation.

But all that's really brought us is a dozen different _Fuck off_s.

And a fed up with him Emmett.

And Sam, who reached his limit of _Fuck off_s days ago.

The question is...

When will Jasper reach his?

**Jasper**

"Fuck! Offfff! Emmett!"

The knock sounds a second time and I realize it's much too soft to be Emmett.

And much too not-annoying to be Rose, who was already here and wore out her annoying fist a couple of hours ago.

Would Isabella knock?

I can't see why she would...

But it's my hope as I run to the door.

Or stumble, rather, as the liquid amber diet I've lived on for the last few days gives me a swift kick in the ass.

Or something.

But Isabella is not who stands on the other side of our front door.

I don't know who the fuck this girl is. At least I don't think I do.

Unfortunately for me, she seems to know exactly who I am.

"Um... Hi, Jasper. Is Bella home?"

"No. She's definitelllllly nnnot home."

"Oh. Okay... um... Are you okay?"

"No."

"Yeah... You don't look like you are. Is there anything that I could do? Or get you? Or-"

"Who arrrre you?"

"You don't remember me? We met a few times... I'm Angela. I used to work with Bella at Scene... "

Shit.

"Sorrrrry. Yeah. I rememmmber now."

"That's okay. It looks like you're having a rough day. Um... maybe we could call her? Bella?"

"She doessssn't care."

"The Bella I know would definitely care."

"Nnnot annnnymore."

**Isabella**

"Angela?"

"Hi, Bella."

"Are you back?"

"Yeah... I got back yesterday. Um-"

"How was your trip home?"

"It was good, hon. Just what I needed. I'll talk to you about all that later, and what's been going on with you... but, um... "

"Is something wrong?"

"I think so. I... I was near your neighborhood... and uh... stopped by your house... to see you... so that we could maybe catch up, but... "

"Yeah, sorry, I'm not there. But what's wrong?"

"Your brother... he's um... well... "

"He's _what_?"

"I don't know how to... Honey, he's in bad shape."

"What do you mean? What kind of bad shape?"

"Well... "

"Is he hurt?"

"No, he's not hurt. It's more... well... the house is a mess. There's empty bottles everywhere... furniture tipped over... things broken... and he looks like he hasn't changed his clothes in three days. Or slept. Or anything... but drank."

"What? Jasper? But he... "

"Yeah... I um... I made a pot of coffee, but... I don't know what to do, Bella. I feel bad just leaving him like this. And I don't know what's going on with you guys, but he just keeps saying that you don't care. I'm sure that's not true... "

"Of course it isn't... "

"What do you want me to do?"

"You don't have to do anything. You can go. I'll be right there. Thank you for letting me know. And for trying to help... I'll talk to you soon."

I ignore the questioning stares of my audience and throw my phone back in my bag and run for the door. "I have to go home."

But everyone jumps up, and Edward is right behind me, and then in front of me before I can open it. "Isabella, what's going on?"

"It's Jasper... I have to go, Edward. Please let me go."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Edward, please... "

"Tell me."

"I don't know! He's drunk. He trashed the house. Angela said he looks like he hasn't slept for days. Or anything...

"He told her I don't care, Edward. He thinks I don't care! And this whole time I thought he was just... but he _wasn't _and I can't just... please... I _have _to go."

"No."

"What do you mean, no?"

"I mean no. I'll go."

"You can't tell me no. I'm going."

"I _can_, and I am. And you're going to listen to me. I know you're upset, but you going running over there while he's in that state is not going to happen."

"He's my brother. He loves me. What happened to my eye was an accident. He wasn't trying to-"

"And outside the other day?"

"He was just upset. He _won't _hurt me. He would never-"

"Not intentionally, sweetheart. But he's clearly not in his right mind right now. And he's not sober. And you are _not _going over there until he is."

"He's like that because of me! He needs me!"

"He needs to get his head straight."

"Well, thinking that I don't care isn't going to help him do that."

"He knows better than that. You know he does."

"He should, but-"

"He does. I promise you that, sweetheart. You didn't do this. He did it to himself."

"But you know this isn't him. The way he's been acting... what Angela said he did to the house... to himself...

"He's all alone, Edward. He thinks he lost his family. The only family he had left. And his best friend. It's too much. For a person to lose everything. Or to think he has. Please! Whether he should know better or not... please let me go show him that he hasn't."

He rips his hands through his hair in frustration.

And closes his eyes and lets out a long breath.

And when he opens them...

And looks down at my pleading face...

I know he will give in.

"Okay. But we go _together_, Isabella."

"But that-"

"Or I go alone, but you don't go without me."

"Or you could both stay here, and I'll go," Sam says, breaking his silence.

"I say we all go," Emily says, slipping on her shoes and joining us at the door.

Which we find Emmett outside of when we open.

"Where the hell is everybody going? I brought beer."

"Party at the Hales'," Sam sighs, "Want to join us?"

"Hell yeah. I've been itching to kick that fucker's ass for days. But from the sound of him earlier, Bella shouldn't go."

"Bella's going!" I yell, and shove past him, sick and tired of everyone thinking they can boss me around.

Sick and tired and afraid.

Of what I'll find when we get there.

Because I didn't let them.

And because I did.

**Edward**

There's a car in the driveway when we get to the house. Isabella's friend Angela must have stuck around. And I'm not sure what to make of that.

Did she stay because he's not that bad?

Or did she stay because he is?

Isabella's gasp as we enter the house tells me the answer without having to see a thing.

But no one could miss the destruction that is Jasper.

Or their house.

That's never had a thing out of place.

But where nothing is in its place now.

The only piece of furniture not overturned is an ottoman where Angela sits.

Looking terrified.

As far across the room from Jasper as she could get it.

Jasper, who leans against the overturned couch with a bottle in his left hand.

A bottle with about two swallows left in it.

And about a dozen empty ones scattered around him with none.

In his right hand is a coffee mug...

The previous contents of which sits soaked into the rug beside him.

Angela's effort to help.

Denied.

I watch him pour the remaining whiskey into it with a laugh.

"Neverrrr drink from a bottttttle in frrrront of a laddddy."

Isabella is just staring at him.

Shock and hurt on her face.

Her face that he hasn't seemed to register yet.

He'd never want her to see him like this.

And he'll be mortified when he realizes she has.

I didn't want her to, either...

But his mortification is the reason I decided to let her.

I'm hoping it will snap him out of his mania.

Hoping that I'm not letting her be hurt for nothing.

"Are you alright?" Sam asks Angela.

She nods and looks sympathetically at Isabella.

Who is looking around helplessly at the remnants of her once perfect home.

And the brother that she knew wasn't, but never could have imagined was capable of this.

"Jasper?" she asks, crouching down and picking up a shattered picture frame from beside him. A photograph of the three of us, at Sam and Emily's wedding reception, where I was cutting in on their dance. An innocent gesture, but one that someone thought was funny and snapped a photo of. Because Jasper was pretending to choke me and Isabella was laughing. Laughing and holding on to me...

"Why did you do this? What happened? And why did you tell Angela that I don't care? You know that's not true. I'm here now... because-"

He finally registers her presence when she speaks to him.

But doesn't react the way I'd hoped.

He rips the picture from her hand and throws it across the room.

"Yyyyou came baaack. But yyyyou brought _himmm_. Yyyyoy carrre about _him_. Soooo... go. Aaaway."

"_He_. Brought. Me," she answers, "For _you_. Because I was worried about you! Because I love you! You asshole!"

He laughs.

And lifts his mug to that, as if in a toast to her never before spoken address to him. But before he can bring it to his mouth, she knocks the mug from his hand.

And then slaps him hard across the face.

So hard that I think we all feel its sting.

But that is unmistakable in her as I pull her back.

And as the words fly from her mouth...

"You're selfish! A selfish, egotistical son of a bitch that would rather turn our lives to shambles than let me have one moment of happiness that you didn't choose! You want me to go away, Jasper? Fine. Consider me gone. But remember that it's what _you _wanted! Remember it! That _you _said the words to me. Just like _her_. But that unlike her... when _you _said them... I wasn't so helpless that I had to stay so that you could ever repeat them!"

And never more clear as I let go.

Because I won't hold her here.

In this place where she's been hurt again.

By someone who loves her and their careless words.

Careless words that I see the realization of on his face before I follow her.

Saw the horror of before I turned my back.

On his face and everyone else's.

And see on hers...

As I find her next to my truck looking lost and alone.

Afraid to let herself in.

Afraid to believe that she's wanted.

By anyone who she hasn't already been forced to let go of.

Because everything she knew was just taken away from her.

With a few careless words.

Spoken from a careless, drunken mouth.

Spoken but not meant.

Could never be.

And should never have been...

To her.

That I lift and put into my truck.

Her that felt weightless in my arms.

But not on my heart.

Because I know she heard words that hers will never forget.

Won't let her forget as she unseeingly watches the source of her pain stumble through the front door...

Stumble and fall from the place she always believed she was wanted.

The very last person she ever dreamed would tell her to go away.

But that did.

And that screams her name in shocking sobered agony as she does.

**…**

It's been a week since she heard the words.

Seven days since Jasper felt the greatest moment of regret of his life.

Seven days since I broke my 'It's not going to happen again' rule and spent the night holding her.

Trying to undo the damage he did.

_Six _days since he called and begged for my help.

To undo the damage of his careless words.

The one person he said could make her stop hearing them.

He's talking to me again.

Because she won't let him talk to her.

And he's hoping I can change that.

That I will.

He even came back to work.

And asked if he still had a place.

I didn't tell him yes...

But didn't tell him no, either.

And didn't throw him out when he jumped right back into his job.

The job I kept open for him.

It doesn't mean things are okay.

Back to normal...

I'm not sure that's possible.

But he's trying.

For her.

And I won't deny her his effort.

Even if she denies him...

On the phone she hangs up every time he calls her.

And the door she slams in his face every time he tries to see her.

And now...

When she walks right past him like he isn't there and into my office with lunch.

"Don't give up," I tell him, and close the door.

And I know he won't.

And that he can't stand that she's in here with me.

That hasn't changed, either.

He hasn't accepted a damn thing.

I know his blood is boiling right now.

And he wants to rip my head off.

But he's keeping his anger inside.

Until he can get her back.

His her.

And mine.

That smiles at me much too sweetly and climbs into my lap the second I sit down.

"Are you having a good day?"

"I am now."

"Good answer."

"I'm glad you think so. Now, why don't you be a good girl and sit in your own chair?"

"Am I heavy?" she asks with an innocent smirk.

"Yeah, that's why," I sigh.

"A risk I take, I suppose... fattening up your juicy little rabbit and all... "

Her teasing words trail off and disappear into my mouth with a very juicy, but anything-but-little kiss...

And so will my resolve if I don't get her off of me.

_Dear God, does she have any idea?_

I think she does.

I _know _she does.

She knows full well what she's doing.

My innocent little master manipulator...

That pouts when I put her back in her chair.

And then laughs at my struggle to compose myself.

An ongoing new game of hers.

That I can't say I don't secretly love, but that I wish she understood the danger of.

Maybe I can distract her. I hope. "So... I was thinking... "

"Then I was doing it wrong." Her pout is less playful this time.

"Hardly, Isabella. But moving on to less dangerous topics... I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask me what?"

"If you'd like to have dinner with me?"

"I have dinner with you every night."

"Yes, but I meant _just _with me."

"Edward Masen, are you asking me out on a _date_?"

"Yes." I frown at her laugh at this. "But I guess I'm doing it wrong since you're laughing at me."

"You're not doing anything wrong. You're just cute."

"Cute?"

"Yes. Absolutely adorable, in fact. And I would love to have dinner with you. _Just _you."

"Good."

"Can I ask _you _something?"

"Of course."

"Have you ever actually been on a _date_? In the _traditional _sense, I mean?"

"No. Not in the traditional sense."

"I get to be the first of something for you?"

"Isabella, you're the first of a lot of things for me."

"I am?"

"Yes."

"Like what?"

"You're the first girl I ever married."

"And I'll be the second. And the _last_. And I'm being serious. I want to know."

"We haven't even gone on our first date and you're already telling me I'm going to marry you?"

"Yes, you lucky bastard. Now answer the question."

I laugh and look at the food she's spread out before me. "You're the first woman I've ever had lunch with in my office."

"I guess I believe that, since all of the others probably just had _you _for lunch."

"You shouldn't be thinking about those things, Isabella."

"Do you? Think about them?"

"No."

"Ever?"

"No. Never. I think about you. Which is another first."

"You never thought about me before?"

_Talk about a dangerous topic... _

"No... you know I have. But you're the only woman I've ever thought about. When you weren't with me. Or at all, really.

"And you're certainly the first woman I ever fought for, though you were that when you were just a girl...

"And you're the first woman whose hand I ever held. And cheek I ever kissed. And nose. And forehead. And any other perfect part of you that I may have. Then or now. And that I hope to get to. _Later_...

"And you're the first woman that I ever spent the night next to. And held. And watched sleep. And made breakfast for. And brought flowers to, except for my mom.

"If I've done it with you, sweetheart, or for you, then it's the first. For me. And the only. Because nothing else I've ever experienced in my life is like _you_."

"You can be really sweet sometimes," she whispers softly, a slight tremble in her lips.

"That's only for you, too. The first and last woman that will ever know I'm capable of that."

"I already knew I was _that_ first. And I've always known that you were."

"Thank you for not giving up when I wasn't."

"Giving up on you just wasn't a choice my heart could make, Edward."

"I'm sorry I told you to."

"I knew you didn't mean it. You'd already shown me what you did."

And maybe now she'll let me show her something else.

For someone else.

And for her.

"You mean like Jasper did every day of your life? Showed you something else? The million somethings he _did _mean?

"We all make mistakes sometimes, Isabella. And sometimes we say things we don't mean. I've done it more than once with you... and your heart told you to forgive me... because you knew I didn't mean it. Just like I knew you didn't mean it when you told me you hated me, even though it hurt like hell to hear you say it.

"He didn't mean it, sweetheart. I know in your heart that you know that. Under the hurt. The same hurt he felt that caused him to put it there.

"Think about what you could see. What was right in front of your eyes. Remember what you know. What you've always known. And let your heart forgive. And forget."

"Like he won't for you?"

"That's my fault, Isabella. I showed him too many other things. It's going to take time for him to see something else."

"But he refuses to look... "

"Then teach him how. Like you did for me."


	22. Chapter 22: The Little Things

**I know... it's been a while. You name it, it's been kicking my ass. But I'm here now. That makes up for it a little bit, doesn't it? Or maybe not... I know you're not really here for me. So, here's THEM. Actually... before I give them to you... I'm going to be me and say something first. Or two somethings. Some of you are new here, so, since I am completely fail at replies these days... Welcome! I'd love to hear from you. Now... to some of you who aren't new - or silent - and have been beating on Isabella from day one... KNOCK IT OFF. I'm not interested in hearing how much you think she can do no right, no matter what she does. If she is so unbearable for you to read, then just stop reading. It's that simple.**

**Chapter Twenty Two: The Little Things**

**Jasper**

"_Hey, little brother, what's up?"_

"_Are you coming home this weekend?"_

"_I wanted to, but it's looking like I might have to stick around here and shoot for next weekend instead. Why? Miss me?"_

"_Yeah, but... Isabella _really _does."_

"_I miss her, too. Where is the little monkey? Can you put her on?"_

"_No, she's at Edward's."_

"_Secret piano lesson?"_

"_Yeah. Mom doesn't know."_

"_Good. So, really, what's up? You don't call me very often unless she puts the phone in your hand. Is everything okay?"_

"_I don't know, Ethan... Are you sure you can't come home this weekend?"_

"_What's going on, Jasper?"_

"_Isabella's been having nightmares."_

"_What kind of nightmares? Did she see something scary on tv?"_

"_No, nothing. I'm careful about that. And she won't tell me exactly. Or doesn't remember very much... I don't know. But she wakes up screaming. And her night light is always off when I get to her room - even though I turn it on every night before she climbs into bed. And two nights ago she told me there was a man in her room. And-"_

"_Stop! A man in her room?"_

"_Yeah... there was no one there, of course, but that's what she said. She said it once last week, too... I don't-"_

"_Jasper! Has Mom had anyone in the house?"_

"_Her new boyfriend is practically living here now. But he likes Isabella. He's really sweet to her... he's... he... oh god... Ethan... I-"_

"_I trusted you to take care of her! You promised me!"_

"_I am... I- "_

"_I'm coming home. Do not let that little girl out of your sight until I get there! Don't you take your eyes off of her for a single fucking second! Do you hear me, Jasper? Not a second!"_

"_I won't... I won't ever again... "_

I cried the words.

Words he didn't hear because he'd already hung up.

Left me with the guilt and fear of the horror I might have let fall upon her.

My innocent baby sister.

The little girl we loved so much.

Who he trusted me to take care of.

Trusted me to watch over.

And protect.

While he was gone trying to secure a better life for her.

Ethan had always dreamed of playing college ball at Duke.

And they wanted him...

Even more than he wanted it.

He had a lot of scholarship offers...

Full rides...

He could have gone anywhere...

They _all _wanted him.

He only had to choose.

And it should have been easy...

But it wasn't.

Because Duke was far away.

And he didn't want to leave Isabella...

With our mother that never acted like one to her.

And didn't love her like one.

He was going to stay.

Give up his dream.

For the little girl that he loved more.

It was an easy choice for him.

An easy sacrifice.

A little thing, he said, compared to her.

But even that little girl knew that was the wrong decision.

She knew what his dream was.

She'd sat in his lap or curled up beside him while he watched game after game after game.

She'd done it for years.

Talked excitedly so many times about how someday she'd get to watch her brother play basketball on tv.

Asked him time after time after time if he was going soon.

And when that time came she told him to go.

Told him he had to.

Even as the tears poured down her sweet little face because she'd miss him so much.

She knew it was far away.

Knew that she wouldn't get to see him everyday.

Knew that he wouldn't be the one who tucked her in every night anymore if he went.

But still she told him to go.

Like I did.

Promised him he could.

And that we'd be okay.

That _she'd _be okay.

That I'd take good care of her.

The best.

Like he'd done for so long.

It was time for me to step up.

Let him live his dream.

And make us proud.

I think that's one of the reasons he did it.

He wanted to see that pride in her face.

In those big brown eyes that owned him.

That wanted to watch him on tv.

Where others would also see...

And other offers would come because they did.

Bigger ones.

Bigger dreams.

Ethan would have gone pro.

He was that good.

Better than that good.

And that kind of good would have made a better life for us.

For that little girl he did everything for.

Loved so much.

Loved enough to leave.

So eventually he could come back and take her.

Give her more.

Give her everything...

But he came back too soon.

Because I let him down.

Because I didn't take good enough care of her.

Because I didn't watch her close enough.

Didn't see things that were right in front of me.

In the home I promised him I'd protect her in.

Because I was looking in the wrong place.

I was watching my mother.

I thought she was the greatest threat.

The biggest danger.

I was wrong.

Then.

She was, but she wasn't all.

And that mistake cost my brother his dream.

Cost him his future.

And the better one he wanted to give her.

And eventually cost him his life.

After the rest were already crushed.

Because I didn't pay attention.

To the little things.

That weren't little at all.

And there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my brother.

What my mistake cost him.

And Isabella.

Who he trusted me to protect.

And who I didn't.

_Again_.

She's in the hands of another monster.

Now.

The one I never saw as a danger to her.

The one I wasn't watching.

The one I trusted.

Because he'd _always _been sweet to her.

Never anything but.

And I put her right into his hands.

So many times.

Never thinking twice about it.

Never thinking for a second that his hands would ever want to hold her differently.

Edward was never supposed to want her.

Surrender to her little girl fairy tale.

I wonder what Ethan would say to me now...

If I could hear him.

What he would do...

If he were here.

If he had another chance.

To not do the wrong thing.

The monster hadn't hurt her...

Then.

He stopped it before it could.

He overreacted.

Went too far.

And lost everything.

It hurt her so much...

He told me to never make that same mistake.

And put his trust in me again.

Because he had to.

He'd taken the choice away.

And himself.

Like I have.

She won't even talk to me.

"Ethan, what do I do?"

**Isabella**

"I liked it better when those legs were climbing trees."

I turn to see Sam standing in the doorway of my for-now bedroom. "Don't you start. You're the sensible one, remember?"

"It was easy to be sensible when your dresses were that of fairy tale princesses. And touched the _floor_."

"Don't worry, you'll see me in another one of those. Eventually."

"I'd settle for seeing you in one below the knees. Now."

"I like my new dress. And I think Edward will like it, too."

"Edward likes you even when you're wearing sweats. You should put some on."

"Ignore him, Isabella," Emily says, shoving playfully past her husband and into the room. "You look incredible. Edward's going to drop to his knees."

"Someday... " I sigh wistfully, "But for tonight, I'll settle for his gorgeous green eyes bulging out of his gorgeous face."

"Well, I think you've cemented that that will happen. A little black dress never fails. Nor does a sassy little peep-toe. Right, Sam?"

"Keep talking, babe, and I'll handcuff her to me, and Edward will be buying dinner for _three_."

Emily gives me a wink, and her husband something else to think about, "You brought your cuffs home? Behave yourself and I'll let you use them... on me."

"Knock knock!" I hear Edward call just then from the front door that Sam probably left open when he came home from work.

"Thank God," I say, grabbing my bag, and running past them both, because as much as I appreciate Emily's 'help', I want away from this conversation before it goes any further.

And when I reach the living room, I get exactly the reaction from Edward that I hoped for. Gorgeous bulging green eyes.

And exactly the one Sam feared. Sam, who's right behind me now. "Remember that I carry a gun, Edward."

And Emily, who even though she said I always had a place here, I think is really glad that I'm about to leave it for a while. "_I_ remember."

"Please take me out of here!" I squeal, grabbing a chuckling Edward's hand and dragging him towards the door. "And you freaks hang the holster on the door or something when you're done playing cops and robbers, so I know it's safe to come back in!"

"Have fun!" Emily calls as she closes the door behind us with a laugh.

Edward opens my door when we get to his truck and I look up at him before climbing in. Well...

I look up at him _eventually_, after my eyes have travelled over every inch of him on the way. He's dressed head to toe in black, and looks like he just stepped out of a magazine - a magazine titled _Sin_.

Like the smirk I pass on my way to his eyes, which honestly takes a minute or two to get to, because seriously... that damn neck of his may as well have a spotlight on it, or an engraved invitation... **Lick here, Isabella **... but I do get there eventually, and the vibrant green - the only splash of color he wears - tells me my appreciation is returned.

_Score one, little black dress!_

"You look beautiful," he says quietly, though he didn't need to, as the fingertips of his left hand trail gently down my arm to mine.

"Thank you," I whisper through the shivers left by his touch, "You look like sin. Lucky for me I'm used to it, and a good girl in spite of it. Though I don't guess that's very lucky for you."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Isabella... it will keep me alive."

"True. And give you something to live for. You know... that day when I'm not a good girl anymore. Just for you."

He swallows hard at my words, and my eyes fall back to his framed-in-black neck and that damn will-be-my-undoing adams apple of his. _He better propose quick... _

"Up and in, sweetheart, or Sam's going to come out here with his gun."

"Suburbans and little black dresses are not the most compatible of loves. No peeking," I say, and climb in as gracefully as I can with his help and my hand still in his.

"Would you like me to get something smaller for you?" he asks, his eyes closed.

"No. Don't worry about me, I can handle what you have."

His eyes flash open and I smile sweetly at him, and I'm pretty sure I hear him mutter _Please, God... _under his breath as he closes my door.

I really didn't mean it that way...

The way he took it.

I was honestly referring to his truck...

But he should know that I'm not worried. About it or anything else.

_Score two, mouth!_

**…**

I watch him as we drive to the restaurant... his left-handed grip on the wheel, the flexing and unflexing of his jaw, the way his eyes keep darting to my face - and sometimes my legs - and our joined hands between us. There's a slight tremble in his that makes my insides melt.

"Edward... are you _nervous_?"

"Does it make me less of a man if I say yes?"

"No. It makes you more of one."

"Then, yes. I am."

"Why? Because this is your first traditional date?"

"No, because it's my first date with _you_."

"You don't have to be nervous about that."

"You don't think so?"

"No. But will you tell me why you are?"

"Isabella... I don't mean this in any way to be cocky or arrogant, but I know that you've waited a very long time for this."

"Yes, I have."

"There's a certain amount of pressure in that for me."

"You can't do it wrong."

"I could do a lot of things wrong."

"The simple fact that you're doing it means you couldn't."

"Don't settle for that, sweetheart. I want better for you than that."

"You _are _my better. I was just waiting for you to know it. And now you do. I don't have expectations about the little things. You're already doing the big."

"But you _should _have expectations. I know you want to give me your life...

"You should expect that I'll make it a happy one. And not just by taking it."

"I don't have to expect that you will, I _know_."

"That's pressure."

"I don't mean for it to be."

"But it is, all the same."

"You know, Edward... I'm just as confident that I'll make your life happy as I am that you'll make mine."

"I believe you made that very clear already, Isabella," he snickers, "on a night that I had the audacity to show up late for your dinner."

"Good. I'm glad you remember, though I'd really like to forget about what led me to have to drown myself in wine to tell you."

"I definitely want you to forget that part."

"I will as long as you never do it again. And appreciate that there will always be a warm apple pie waiting just for you."

"You have a very naughty mouth, young lady."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say with a flutter of my lashes, "My mouth is completely innocent. You'll have to earn it being anything else. See? I guess I do have expectations, after all. And you'll have to fulfill them before I ever fulfill yours."

He mumbles something under his breath again and clears his throat, just as we pull up to the restaurant and the waiting valet. "You know you've destined me to hell, don't you?"

"I promise you're wrong about that." I smile wickedly at his low groan and giggle as the waiting attendant opens my door and extends his hand to assist me from my seat.

"Touch her and die." Edward gathers himself quickly and is out of his own faster than should be humanly possible.

"Forgive him," I say to the attendant as he takes a step back, his arms raised in surrender. "He's only just recently exited his cave."

The gentleman smiles politely at me, and steps further away as Edward glares at him and helps me down from the truck, his body hovering over me as he does, ensuring no one gets a peek at anything - including himself.

"Possessive much?" I ask him as he guides me into the dimly lit restaurant, his hand warm and strong on the small of my back.

"Yes, I am, and if you also have expectations that that will change, I'll tell you right now that it _won't_."

_As if I'd want him any other way? _"No... I have no expectations of that."

"Good, because you'd certainly be disappointed if you did."

"I want you just the way you are, Edward," I say, once we've been seated at our candlelit, out of the way table. "I just want to be the only one who has you. I'll be no less possessive than you are. I promise you that."

"I'll never ask you to be. My caveman tendencies will be fair, I promise you _that_."

_Fair?_ "I don't know about that, you're increasingly bossy by the day."

"I can't deny that, I suppose, but I can't apologize for it, either. And if I'm being honest, there's not much hope of it changing."

"I know you're _older _than I am, but you do realize that I'm not a child, right?"

"I am fully and completely aware of that, I assure you." The recognition of it is clear in his smoldering gaze. "But I'll offer _guidance_, and protect you - even from yourself - just like I always have. And you'll accept it because it's what's best for you."

"If I'd have let you _guide _me, and accepted what you thought was best for me, Edward, we wouldn't be together right now. I'd probably be at home making some list of all of the ways you'd broken my heart, and you'd probably be out... well, doing something else. Proof that I shouldn't always listen to you, because as beautiful, intelligent, and near-perfect as you are, and as much as I positively adore you, sometimes you're incredibly dense."

"Yet, you _do _positively adore me."

"Yes, I do, and if you didn't already know that-"

"I knew. And I prefer to bask in that adoration, if it's alright with you, for the duration of our first date."

"I suppose I could let you have a turn, as long as _your _adoration returns to focus on me again tomorrow."

"Isabella, you've had my adoration since the day you were born."

"That's because I was adorable. And that's not really the kind of adoration I want from you now."

"Well, that's going to be tough, because you're still adorable."

"Adorable wasn't really what I was going for when I put this dress on."

"I know it wasn't. But your essence of _adorable _makes that dress sexier than every other part of you it has the privilege of covering. And not."

"How is that?"

"Because I know you. I've known you all of your life. And even though I think you know exactly how irresistible you look, I know that there's a part of you that's uncomfortable. I know that you wore it for me, because you thought I'd like it-"

"You don't?"

"Of course I do, you may very well give me a stroke before the night is over, but there's more to it than how you _look_. There's an element of sweet little Isabella playing dress up that's... well... _that _is what has destined me to Hell."

"I don't want you to see me like that."

"Don't misunderstand, sweetheart. I know you're not a little girl anymore. We wouldn't be here if you were, or if I saw you as one. But I'll never forget that I _did_. That I watched you grow up. Grow from that adorable baby, to an even more adorable little girl, to who sits before me... the achingly beautiful woman that you are now. I saw it all. And I'll never forget that. Never forget that I had the honor of being there through every step of your life.

"_That's _why we're here. Because I know you. I know how special you are. And because I couldn't bear not to be here through the rest. So, don't ever worry about how I see you. How I see you is why I couldn't stay away from you anymore. And why I had to make sure that everyone else would. Always."

"Always?"

"_Always_."

"And sweet and adorable got you here? And to always?"

"Yes. And sassy. And innocently devious."

"Devious? Me?"

I smirk at his deep chuckle, and the words that follow. "Like no other."

"I _am _one of a kind."

"Yes, you are. And all mine."

_That's all I've ever wanted to be... _

"I am. Always."

**…**

"Dessert?"

_If dessert is adams apple pie... _"No, I'm stuffed. That lobster tail was huge. But if you want something, I'll gladly sit and watch you eat it."

"You're going to tell me about that."

"Tell you about what?"

"Your fixation with watching me swallow."

"Well, it's not for the reason you probably have the same fixation."

"I should turn you over my knee for that remark, little girl."

"Maybe someday," I smile sweetly. _God, he's delicious when he's flustered. And swallowing... _"But not on the first date. So... "

As much as I'm enjoying watching him squirm, I can't help but notice the pair of blondes headed towards our table, beelining straight for him.

"Well, look at that... Edward Masen does know how to wine and dine a girl."

"Take a closer look, Tanya. It's just the little Hale girl playing dress up. He's not wining and dining, he's _babysitting_."

_Bitch._

"Oh god, it is. That's so cute! And to think I was almost jealous, silly me. Good eye. Now, Edward... why don't you get your charge her dish of ice cream and then go put her to bed? Charlotte and I are celebrating her promotion, and that celebration would be a lot more interesting if you joined us. At her place. You remember where that is, right? From our last celebration?"

"No, I can't say that I do," he replies, his eyes only on me. "But she was right. Your friend, whatever her name is. I do know how. Or am trying to learn, anyway, for the only _woman _that has ever been, and will _ever _be worth it."

_Thank you, Edward._

"A sense of humor, now? That's definitely new, though not in the least bit a believable attempt on your part. So, getting back to dead serious, you should stop by. We'll alter the celebration and let you be the guest of honor, of course. Because unlike she ever could, we know how you like things."

I want to slap her. More than slap her...

But I can't seem to move.

Or say a word.

And bite my lip in silent defeat.

Because as confident as I was a few minutes ago...

I know what she's offering him is exactly how Edward spent his nights before he spent them with me.

And as much as I do believe he adores me, I know that what I'll make him wait for won't be easy for him.

Because he's never had to.

And I'd be stupid and naive to think he's not tempted not to now.

Or, at least I think I would be...

Thought...

But, then again, maybe I'm wrong.

Because he still hasn't given either of them so much as a glance.

I know, because my eyes haven't left his face.

His beautiful face with his beautiful eyes that haven't left mine.

"Don't do that," he says, leaning forward and freeing my lip with his thumb.

I nod and he stands, after throwing a wad of bills on the table, his back to their shocked gasps, and comes around to pull out my chair. I take his extended hand, my eyes still only on him, until I can't see his face anymore because his cheek is against mine, his voice in my ear.

"I'm all yours, too, Isabella. Always and _only_. And I don't ever want to see anything but that knowledge on your beautiful face. And that possessive you promised me."

_Well, if it's what he wants..._

I pull back just enough to see his eyes - to make sure I'm not wrong - and I know that I'm not. And know it even more when he lets me cup his face and pull his smiling mouth to mine. Because he _is_.

Mine.

Only.

And he's telling that sweet little girl he adores to tell the ones he doesn't.

The ones that aren't.

The mice.

That he doesn't want and maybe never did.

The little things.

That he could never do wrong...

Because he just turned his back on them.

For me.

**Edward**

I told Isabella to never worry about the way I see her.

The her that I'll always see.

The one that kept me from giving her what she wanted.

What we both wanted.

The her I finally realized I couldn't let anyone else have.

Because no one would ever see her like I do.

See the all of her that makes her who she is.

The beautiful woman that takes my breath away.

And the little girl inside of her...

Who will always be there.

The one who can't not be sweet, no matter how sassy she tries to be.

Not that she has to try...

It's a natural part of who she is.

But only someone who truly knows her could know what lies beneath it.

Sometimes.

Or beneath the things she does.

When it's not there.

She's nearly brought me to my knees a hundred times tonight.

A hundred different ways.

The first time was when I saw her in that dress.

The contrast of her pale, delicate skin against the daring, dramatic black.

It's a stunning sight.

And Sam didn't have to remind me that he had a gun...

At that moment.

Because I was ready to offer myself as a target...

To make sure I wouldn't make her mine.

I knew she wore it for me.

And wanted a reaction from me.

But I also knew that she trusted me to recover from it.

Just like every time her mouth brought another.

And the time it did the most damage.

When it didn't.

When she let those whores take her sass away.

I wanted to kill them...

Rip them both to shreds with my bare hands.

But my eyes were riveted to Isabella...

The woman who let her sweet take over again.

Her innocent.

And her afraid.

Her fear that I didn't see her the way she wanted me to.

And that the way I did might not be enough.

For me.

I told her not to do it...

That thing that, more than anything, nearly brought me to my knees.

But didn't let as I told her to do something else.

Because as much as I love that little girl inside of her...

I don't want anyone to see her but me.

Because I'm the only person who will cherish her, not hurt her.

And do anything to make her happy.

"So, here's the moment where I prove how much I really need to learn for you... I didn't actually have this date planned past dinner. Is there anything special you'd like to do?"

"Yes," she smiles, "I was hoping for a chance to tell you."

"Good. Name it. Anything you want."

"I want to go to your house."

"Correction. Anything but that."

"Why?"

"A million reasons."

"Give me one."

"Okay... your dress. Second request?"

"My second is the same as my first. And if my dress is a problem, then I'll just take it off. And then it won't be."

"Are you _trying _to kill me, sweetheart?"

"No, I'm _not_. And I didn't mean that. You could give me something of yours to wear. And I'll change, and we can just spend some quiet time together. Alone. That's what I want to do."

"Isabella-"

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Of course not, but-"

"Then let's go. Take me to your house."

"There has to be something else you'd like to do besides-"

"Nope. That's it."

"How about-"

"Edward! Take. Me. To. Your. House. NOW."

"As I recall, you weren't willing to climb inside of Aro's terrarium, so-"

"Don't even start that shit again. It's not the same, and you know it. You've proven it every day for weeks. And I trust you. You won't do anything that I don't want you to. And even if you're tempted to... and even if that temptation took over and you tried to... I know how to say no. And I will. And you'd never push yourself on me if I did, so there's nothing to worry about."

"Can I request my sweet little Isabella make an appearance?"

"No. Besides, it wouldn't make any difference; she trusts you, too. Implicitly. Now, stop wasting time, and give me the rest of my dream date. I've waited long enough."

"I'm fairly certain that this has _not _been your dream date so far. But I would really like to change that, if you'll just let me. I-"

"I don't blame you for what happened in there, Edward. It's not your fault. And I refuse to let them ruin this night for me. Just like you didn't before you took me out of there. You did that for me, to prove something to me... and now I'm asking you to do one more thing. For me.

"Let me have you the way I want you. Just you. Because just you is enough for me. And what I want more than anything right now, is to know that just me is enough for you, too."

There she is.

She was here all along.

The beautiful woman with the sweet and adorable little girl inside who finally wore me down.

The one who brought me here.

The here that she waited so long for.

And the now.

When she wants me to take her home.

Just be with her.

A little thing...

That's anything but little to her.

"Okay, Isabella. I'll take you home with me."

**xx**

**Yep... I'm leaving it right there. You're not mad, are you?**


	23. Chapter 23: Pain and Suffering

**It was delete and start over or post. I chose post. I guess you'll tell me what you think of that decision when you're done with this. Now... I believe we were headed to Edward's apartment when I left you last? Perhaps they've arrived by now?**

**Chapter Twenty Three: Pain and Suffering**

**Edward**

"I haven't been here in a while," Isabella says as I lead her into my house and close the door behind us.

"Not since the day you brought me chicken soup when I was sick," I answer, making her smile. "And other than the fact that I'm not sick now, I don't think anything has changed since then. In the house, I mean."

"It smells different."

"Smells different?"

"Yeah... your house always smelled like bleach before. It doesn't now."

"Aaah... " _And never will again, sweet girl..._ "That's good, I hope?"

"It's much better than good. Now it just smells like _you_."

"Like me, huh? And what do I smell like?"

She tosses her purse on the couch and smiles, inching closer to me until her body is just shy of touching mine. She puts her hands behind her back and leans forward just enough to run the tip of her nose slowly up my neck, and then looks me right in the eyes, "Heaven."

I take a step back from her, and take a deep, painful breath, because _fuck_... we've been here all of a minute, and she barely touched me and my cock is trying to reach out and grab her.

"Thank you," I manage, ripping my hand through my hair, "Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure. Wine?"

I mentally try to calculate how many glasses she had at dinner, not wanting her to get courageous on me, but I can't seem to remember anything but the way her mouth looked eating her dripping-with-butter lobster. I'm so fucked...

"I think I have some," I sigh, turning and heading for the kitchen.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asks, following me.

"No, sweetheart."

"Then why do you look like I did?"

"Is that how I look? I'm sorry, you didn't, I'm just... "

"_Just_?"

"Just... This is a little difficult, that's all."

"What is?"

"Being here. With you."

"Why is _here_ any different than anywhere else?"

"For the same reason it's where you wanted to be."

She studies my face for a long moment, her big brown eyes searching. Her voice is too quiet when she finally speaks, "Are you not ready for this, Edward?"

"No..."

She looks like I slapped her the second the word is out of my mouth. The word I didn't mean to say.

"Isabella... sweetheart, that's not what I meant. Not _no_... shit, please don't look at me like that, it isn't what I meant at all."

"Then what did you mean?"

I pull her into my arms, the tension that brought us here forgotten, and pepper her face with kisses - and words I hope will drown out the one I said. "I _am _ready. You're all I want. All I've wanted for a very long time, even long before you knew you were. I just... I need to learn how not to be so hopelessly tempted by every single thing you do or say. That's what's difficult, nothing else, I promise."

"_Every_ single thing I do or say?"

_God, she's adorable... _"Yes, _every _single thing. I'm shamefully weak. I'm sorry."

"You're not weak, your juicy little rabbit is just mercilessly irresistible."

"Yes, she is," I sigh, brushing the tip of her nose with my own, before releasing her and grabbing the bottle of white wine from the refrigerator. "And thank you for letting me off the hook on weak, but I'm still sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"For not having a better grip on things for you."

"I'm not upset that you're tempted by me, Edward."

"You're not?" I ask, pulling the cork from the bottle, and instantly regretting asking it when I see the sparkle in her eyes.

"Of course not, I know you want me. I'd be upset if you _didn't_. And since you do... if you need to um... go get a grip on _something_, so you can have a better grip on other things, go ahead. I can entertain myself for a few minutes. Or however long that takes you... "

She smiles sweetly at my shocked expression, and taps her finger on the still-empty glasses on the counter, requesting they be filled. "I'm a virgin, Edward, not an idiot. I know you have certain _needs _that aren't being addressed the way you'd like, so you have to address them yourself... "

"Isabella, please... " I beg, "You're killing me here... "

"Sorry," she says, though I know damn well she's not. "But I just want to add that how _long _you suffer is completely on _you_."

I laugh, and shake my head, and decide to turn the tables on her, knowing just how to get her off of this dangerous and painful topic. "Well, in that case, sweetheart, we could be in Vegas in less than two hours."

Her hands fly instantly to her hips, and if looks could kill, I'd be dead a hundred times over. "If you think you're going to get off that easy, literally or otherwise, Edward Masen, you're out of your beautiful damn mind."

I chuckle and fill her glass. "Don't ever say I didn't offer."

"Likewise, because your window of pressure-relieving opportunity has just been closed. Prepare to suffer, _sweetheart_."

Shit.

**…**

Isabella Hale is the most beautiful, sexy, and wicked creature alive. She told me to prepare to suffer and she meant it. Her little black dress lasted about twenty minutes once she pulled me to my couch, where she wasted no time in tormenting me with accidentally intentional glimpses of what I couldn't have...

Carefully calculated movements that made her dress inch up ever so slightly on her delectable thighs... the thin strap of it fall off of her shoulder... her tongue slip out to sweep an invisible drop of wine from her lips because she knew I was trying to concentrate my gaze on her face.

Her face that tried to conceal her wicked with innocent expressions.

I should have taken her home.

Begged Sam to shoot me.

Or delivered her right to her brother...

But neither of those things is what I did.

I pulled her to her feet and drug her to my bedroom instead.

Shook my head when she quirked an eyebrow at me and said _"You wish"._

And opened drawers to find clothes for her to change into, thinking of how sweet and innocent she looked every time she wore Ethan's.

It seemed like a good idea...

Then.

But now I know I was wrong.

Because she just came back into the living room.

And the sight of her in my clothes _hurts_.

I ache with jealousy of the soft cotton fabric that gets to wrap itself around her.

Soft cotton that's touched my skin and now touches hers in places I long to.

My t-shirt that lays loose over her small, firm breasts that I know stand free beneath it. Her dress wouldn't have allowed any barriers.

Barriers, like she now wears below. Her legs are covered up in a pair of my sweats, but what covers them from my eyes is also between them - something of mine enveloping somethings of hers I dream of being enveloped in. Somethings I know have never enveloped anyone else.

Because she never wanted them to.

And never wanted other things to envelop her.

Things that didn't belong to me.

Words she once spoke come back to me as I look at her. I think she must have been about seventeen at the time... and at a football game with a date. A date that Jasper, Emmett and I were watching closely from a few rows above her in the stands.

It was early in the season, but the night was growing cold fast. She wasn't dressed warm enough for the sudden drop in temperature, and she must have shivered or something, because the boy suddenly stood and pulled his jacket off and put it around her. A gesture that made her mad. She stood and pulled it from her shoulders and thrust it at him, then put her hands on her hips.

We were out of our seats instantly. He had to have done something none of us had seen.

Jasper had the kid by the throat before I could even finish asking her what had happened, while I wrapped my own jacket around her now-visibly shivering form without a thought.

And I can hear her answer as if she's speaking it now...

"_When a girl wears the clothes of a man, or _boy_, it means she belongs to him."_

And see her movements...

The way she pulled my jacket tighter around her as she spoke.

"_And I don't belong to _him_."_

I knew she had a crush of sorts on me, but even knowing that, it hadn't occurred to me then that her actions or words meant anything where I was concerned. Or that mine meant anything to her more than that I didn't want her to be cold.

I know better now.

It all meant something to her.

And still does.

"Are you comfortable?" I ask her, though the answer is clear on her face.

"Very. Thank you. Are you? More? With me like this?"

"You want to know the truth?"

"Yes."

"I'm jealous of my clothes."

"Is that another first?" she asks, her smile genuinely sweet this time, her eyes filled with hopeful innocence.

I smile back at her and hold my hand out to her, beckoning her to me. She's before me instantly, and I pull her to straddle my lap, knowing it's a dangerous place to put her, but unable to resist having her there.

"It absolutely is. No one has ever belonged in them before. Or made me jealous of anything. Or anyone. Only you."

"You're really sexy when you're jealous."

"Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Well, thank you, but I'd prefer you think I'm sexy when I'm not. And that you never try to make me. _Again_."

"I won't. I don't have to now."

"No, you don't."

"I have no intention of torturing you, Edward."

"No? What happened to making me suffer?"

She shrugs and reaches up to trail her fingers softly through my hair. "You deserved it for a few minutes, but you don't anymore. I'm done now."

_Why does that feel so damn good? _"Done _trying_, maybe."

"Every single thing?"

"Every single thing," I sigh.

"I'm sorry it's so hard for you," she whispers, "I don't want it to be."

"Not even a little?" I ask, grazing my fingers up and down the curve of her tiny waist over the thin cotton.

She shivers, the skin of her arms beading with the evidence of what my simple touch does to her, as she shakes her head and pulls her lip between her teeth.

My breaking point.

Her hands fall from my hair to the back of my neck as I sit up from my laid back position on the couch, gripping her legs and pulling her closer to me. And closer to danger.

Her expression is one of surprise, not fear, but I still wait for any sign that she's uncomfortable.

I see none.

But I do see her innocence.

And it's so irresistible that I can't help myself. "Have you ever let anyone hold you this way before?"

She shakes her head adamantly, as if a yes would enrage me. "No. Never."

I know I have no right to question her, but they keep coming, desperate for all of her answers to be the same as the first.

"Touch you here?" I ask, sliding my fingers under the edge of my t-shirt until my hands are around her waist and my thumbs are moving over her stomach.

"No," she whispers again, gripping my neck tighter.

"Kissed you here?" I ask, my lips finding the delicate skin at the base of her throat.

Her "No" comes above my head this time, and a little breathless, as her own falls back slightly.

I can feel her trembling in my hands, and the rise and fall of her breasts just inches away from my mouth.

"Are you sure?" I ask her, moving my lips just an inch lower, resisting the urge to do more, or go any further, as my grip on her waist tightens of its own possessive will.

"Yes," she cries softly, the single word a sweet plea for my belief - belief that she needs me to have. "I've never let anyone do anything."

_She's never let..._

_Anything?_

Her words slam into me like a freight train. Her innocence was never a question in my mind, but the level of it that she just declared to me surpasses anything I had imagined.

She's completely untouched.

With the exception of her lips - which even I've seen her share with a small few undeserving punks.

And I know I may be the most undeserving of all, but I also know that I'm the man she saved it all for. The only man she's ever wanted to belong to. And the only one she's ever trusted like this.

Trust that doesn't waver, even though I know she felt me harden beneath her as the words came out of her mouth.

Hard that she pushes her softness down on as she asks a question of her own. "You liked hearing that?"

She's taken the ability of speech from me for the moment, and I can only nod my head slightly as I watch her face, while my hands firmly and greedily hold her in place. Her mouth falls open, but her eyes don't leave mine as I fall back again and raise myself under her.

Her discovery of sensations fascinates me, and I ache to give and see more. I've tried so hard to be careful with her until now, and I won't let this go too far, but maybe I should let her decide what that is.

I've never felt more pain than I do now, with her sweetness pressed against me, but she hasn't made a single movement to pull herself away, and I'm powerless to deny how tempting that is.

So much that my lost ability of speech returns to me. "I liked hearing that very much. But I want to hear something else... What would you let me do?"

My question takes her by surprise, and she bites her lip innocently again, but I still don't see fear. Or feel it as her hands move to clutch my arms. Or hear it in her voice when she finally speaks, "I don't know... I think I'd only know if it was too much. And that it's not yet."

I'm confident that I know the answer to the question I'm about to ask her next, but I need to hear it from her. "And you'd tell me?"

She doesn't hesitate for a second. "Yes. I'll tell you."

I'll...

Not I'd.

She wants more than I've been giving her.

More than I've dared to ask her to give me.

Other than kisses that I had to pull myself back from, or push her safely away from, nothing has tested the boundaries between us until now. Her boundaries. And I think that's another reason she wanted me to bring her here. She wants to be enough for me...

But she wants me to let her make that decision _with _me. The what, and the how much she's willing for that enough to be.

"Come here," I tell her, and the smile that breaks over her face is priceless.

It reminds me of the smile she gave me when she found me waiting for her after school one day during her junior year. She'd had her driver's permit for over three months, and Jasper was yet to let her get behind the wheel. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't beg him, but every day he denied her. I couldn't take the disappointment in her face anymore...

So, I took it away. One of us always picked her up, so she didn't think much of it when she saw me, and got into the car without question. Until I headed in a direction away from their house.

_"Do you have a few stops to make?" _she asked me.

_"No, but you do. And turns, and various other elements of driving. If you don't mind me as your instructor?"_

Her whole face lit up with the most beautiful smile...

Much like it is now. Sort of. Of course, I wasn't rock-hard beneath her then...

Or getting impatient. "I said _come here_."

She lowers herself to me quickly, my order a clear-to-her demand for her mouth.

She gives it to me so sweetly, so willingly, her body so trusting in my hands as they move over her bare skin beneath my shirt, that I nearly come apart at the seams under her. The taste of her makes my head spin, and my mouth water for more. More that I take with no resistance as her lips part for me, inviting me to have my fill of her.

I know full will never come, and certainly not on this night, but I try anyway to satiate myself as much as she'll allow me to. I could kiss her for hours and still ache for her sweet mouth, but right now what I want is to taste sweetness that's never been tasted before.

Her lips abandoned, I move mine to her neck, my left hand moving all the way up her bare back and through the neck of my shirt to twist her hair into my fist. I pull gently, just enough to expose her tender skin to my building hunger. She whimpers and clutches the back of my shirt as my right hand moves from her fiery skin and down over my sweats to cup her perfect ass, grinding her hard against my painfully harder cock.

"Tell me to stop," I plead, my trust in myself teetering dangerously on the edge.

"No," she breathes, "I don't want you to. Not yet."

It takes all of my will to remove my mouth from her, but I do it. I have to see her eyes. And she doesn't hide them from me as I grasp her face in both of my hands. Or what's in them...

_Want_.

Not trepidation. Not fear. Not caution.

Just pure, raw, _want_.

"Please, Edward? Not yet?"

Her name breaks into pieces as it tries to leave my mouth, because hers is still pleading with me. Sweet, gentle nips at my lips. Resolve-shattering sweeps of her tongue. And eyes that are far too hungry and trusting.

"What do you want, sweetheart?" Maybe if she tells me - defines her want - I won't put her at any more risk with my own.

"I'm sorry I don't have the words, Edward. Not until you give them to me...

"I just know that I want more. I want to feel more. I want to feel _you_. Your hands... and your mouth... and how it makes _you _feel when they're on me... knowing yours are the only ones that have ever been... "

_Fucking hell... _

I know her words were pure, and not meant to torture me, but she couldn't have tortured me more if she stripped bare and laid herself open and ready before me.

And she sees that, and frowns as she dejectedly starts to climb from my lap. "I'm sorry... "

My hands move before I can think, telling me not to hurt this beautiful, newly discovered part of her, and before I can stop myself, she's flat on her back on my couch with me hovering above her. Her mouth is trembling, but her deep brown eyes show me nothing but anticipation, adoration, and awe. Things I don't deserve to see, and certainly not now, as I loom over her like a predator about to devour its helpless prey.

But knowing that doesn't stop my mouth from descending upon her.

Doesn't stop my fingers from tracing the lines of her...

The delicate slope of her neck.

The soft curve of her shoulders.

The contours of her slender arms as they lie limp and trusting at her sides.

Her eyes are the only parts of her that move, following my paths over her, and then darting to mine and back again. A smooth rhythm of movement, like the rise and fall of her breasts, just below where my mouth now hovers, waiting...

The nod of her head is so slight that I might have missed it if I wasn't so completely enraptured by every breath and sigh and quiet moan that flowed from her lips. Perfect pink lips that whisper a quivering "Please" that I answer with featherlight sweeps of my own over her nipples.

"Again," she cries, "Please, again... "

I want to rip my shirt from her body and show her how much better it would feel to have my mouth on her hardened, peaked flesh...

But when my hands grip the edge of it, her eyes show me the first sign of panic.

It's too far.

More than she's ready for.

And she doesn't have to tell me no for me to know it.

"Okay, sweetheart." I smile and plant a tender kiss on each, not denying her what she asked for before she silently asked me to stop.

"I'm sorry," she whispers softly, '"I... I didn't mean to t-"

"Shhh... " I silence her with a gentle kiss, and pull her up and into my arms. "Don't be sorry."

"You're not mad?" she asks, achingly vulnerable.

"Mad? No. What on earth would I be mad for?"

"Because I... I... "

"I'd be mad if you let me do something you didn't want. Did you do that?"

"No."

"Then don't worry your pretty head."

"Are you taking me home now?" she asks, apparently not convinced.

"Do you _want _to go home now?" I counter.

"No."

"Then no."

"Are you in pain?"

I see no point in lying to her... "Yes."

"Is it my fault?"

Again... "Yes."

"Not even going to sugarcoat it for me, huh?"

"Nope."

She pouts at my smirk and I can't help but chuckle.

"Do you still adore me anyway?"

"Completely," I sigh, stroking her hair.

She smiles and then her eyes grow serious. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For bringing me here. And for not treating me like a child."

"You're not a child, Isabella. I assure you I am painfully aware of that."

She gives me a sad smile this time and then reaches for our abandoned glasses of wine on the coffee table. Her mouth twitches deviously before she takes a drink and I watch her closely over the top of my glass as she drains hers.

"Finished?" she asks brightly as I pull mine from my mouth.

I nod warily and she takes it from my hand, putting it back on the table, before resuming her earlier position straddled across my lap.

"Good," she murmurs, her eyes trained on the slow path the tips of her fingers have begun to trail down my neck. "Because it's my turn."

_Oh, fuck..._

**xx**

**Pray for him. I'm actually afraid my sweet girl is going to kill him.**

**And one last note... I never thought I'd see 1k reviews on anything my muddled brain churned out. Thank you for that. And we have some newcomers, so welcome!**

**Now... Bye!**


	24. Chapter 24: Revelations

**I'm doing my best with the opportunities I'm given. If you don't know what that means, please go read the E/N of Ch 7 of FBoFW. I don't want to explain it again. It's depressing and exhausting. **

**x**

**Chapter Twenty Four: Revelations**

**Edward**

I've always known Isabella was a loving person...

Sweet...

Caring...

Attentive...

Affectionate...

And I've always known she was meticulous...

But I've never known either like I do now.

There isn't an inch of my face that her lips haven't touched.

My face, or my _neck_.

That I think she's spent the last hour adoring with a thoroughness I couldn't have imagined.

Her eyes...

Her fingers...

Her mouth...

Her arsenal of tormentors... that will be my undoing.

And that are...

At least her fingers on the buttons of my shirt.

_Undoing_.

"Isabella... "

"Sorry... I think I got a little distracted up there... "

"I thoroughly enjoyed _distracted _up here."

"I'm glad you did, because it will probably happen again. A lot."

"I look forward to it," I tell her, and she gives me a shy smile and moves down to the next button of my shirt.

"What are you doing, sweetheart?"

"Moving on," she says simply, popping the button through the hole. But her fingers still as she gets to the next and she looks up at me, biting her lip.

I pull it free and tilt her chin up. "Because you want to? Or because you think _I_ want you to?"

"Well, I'm sure it's both, but... because _I_ want to. Unless you... Can I?"

I know I should tell her no...

And that she'd listen if I did...

Go back to her just-left place of worship...

But I can't bring myself to say the word.

"You can do anything you want to do."

She smiles and pops the button under her fingers, but then stops again, not meeting my eyes this time. "Do you wish I would tell you that?"

I tilt her chin up again, forcing her to look at me. "You should _never_ tell me that." I don't mean it, of course, but maybe I'll burn one less moment in Hell for saying it.

"I'm not afraid of you," she says, her eyes blazing daring daggers into mine. "And I _will_ tell you. Someday. And _let_ you."

I harden involuntarily beneath her, for the thousandth time tonight, and she smirks devilishly at me. "But not tonight," and resumes her unbuttoning of my shirt.

She's quiet as she gets to the last, and gentle as she pushes it open, trailing her fingertips down my chest once she does, her eyes following her movement.

I watch her, my hands resting loosely on her hips, wishing they could be elsewhere, and that I could know her thoughts. But then she pulls my left hand from her, and unbuttons the cuff at my wrist, placing a soft kiss to the skin beneath it before repeating the action to my right.

"Sit up, please," she says sweetly, and I know she wants it off.

And once again, I know I should tell her no, but my mouth refuses to utter the sound of it, and I do exactly as she asks. She smiles again, so sweetly that my aching cock tries to reach up and kiss her innocent mouth - because he wants to make it _not _- and said innocent mouth twitches in amusement.

She pushes the shirt slowly off of my shoulders and down my arms, her hands molding themselves to my body along the way, until it's completely off and laid neatly to the side. I smile at that and she shrugs, pushing me gently back against the couch.

Isabella has seen me with my shirt off many times...

Emmett and I have spent many a lazy summer weekend day at their pool, but I know this is different. And no matter how many times I've caught her stealing glances, she doesn't have to now. She doesn't have to hide anything, or be embarrassed when she's caught. And she does neither as her eyes slowly take me in and then meet mine.

"You really are painfully beautiful," she whispers.

"Painfully?" I ask her, understanding but selfishly wanting her to tell me why.

She chews her lip for a few seconds and a blush touches her cheeks. "It makes me want to do things. To you. That I can't."

"So, you understand my struggle."

She nods and runs her fingers down the side of my face, her eyes apologetic...

And that tells me this has gone far enough.

And I want her to know that that's okay. That the pain is worth enduring.

So I pull her against me and stretch out on the couch with her in my arms.

Kiss the top of her head as she rests it on my chest over my heart.

And pray that she knows its slowing beat is for her...

No matter how long I have to wait for her to feel it _pound_ for her.

**…**

The longer I lay here, the more I want to. Hold her and never let go. With her scent wrapped around me, and my arms wrapped around her.

We haven't moved an inch. Or spoken a word. And I don't want to now...

But I have to.

Or I swear I never will.

"I need to get you home."

"I've been dreading hearing you say those words."

"I've been dreading having to say them."

"That makes hearing them a little easier. But not much."

"Hmmm... Well... What about... I promise you won't always have to hear them."

She raises her head from my chest and beams at me. "You make the best promises."

"I'm glad you like them."

"I do. A lot. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. At least not until I keep them. I'll let you then. I might even beg you to."

"Well then, let me promise _you_ something... You won't have to. Beg me. For anything."

"I _really_ need to get you home."

"Whatever you want."

"Didn't I tell you that you should never tell me that?"

"Did you? Oh well... too late."

"Never tell me _again_, then."

"Well, maybe I shouldn't... but I will. And I'm looking very forward to that day when I can."

"Isabella... "

"I know, I know... You _really_, _really_ need to get me home. Okay. I'm getting up."

She plants a sweet kiss on my neck, her tongue slipping between her lips for the briefest second, making me laugh, and then climbs off of me, shrugging helplessly. "It has a mind of its own. It's not my fault."

"It's okay. I like the way it thinks. And _feels_." _And the glimpse into the heavenly future it gave me..._

_She's going to kill me with her adoration someday. And that sweet tongue... but what a sweet death it would be..._

An innocent blush appears on her cheeks, as if she can read my mind, and she reaches down for my unfinished glass of wine and drains it. "Give me a minute, and I'll go put my dress back on and then we can go."

"You don't have to change," I tell her, standing and buttoning my shirt. "Unless you want to?"

She smiles and shakes her head, and then picks up the other glass from the table and heads for my kitchen.

"What are you doing?" I ask, following behind her.

"Cleaning up. It will just take a second."

"You don't have to do that."

"I'm not leaving dishes for you to wash, Edward."

"It's two wine glasses... "

"Yes, that I won't let you take me home until are washed and put away where they belong."

I watch her quietly as she does - because I'm unable to protest any further - and unable to take my eyes from her, or the other glimpse into my future she's giving me.

It's only a couple of glasses...

And I know it's just who she is...

But the sight of her doing it is powerful.

I want it.

To see it.

And more.

Want it so much it hurts.

The lifetime she wants to spend doing things for me.

Taking care of me.

Spoiling me.

In the smallest and simplest of ways.

And ways I know won't be small or simple at all.

But that she'll embrace with all of the adoration and love inside of her generous heart.

For me.

I know that she loves me.

And wants to show me that love in every way.

And will.

If I just let her.

Like she wants me to.

And like I know in this moment...

I want just as much.

"Okay, I'm ready now."

_Me, too, Isabella._

**…**

"Wait!" she squeals as I turn her key in the lock.

I turn my head to the side, because she's on my back, her shoes in my other hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. But I want a front porch goodnight kiss."

"You're adorable," I laugh, "but I'm not leaving you out here."

"Well, of course not. You can take me in... _after_."

"Is that some kind of first date rule I don't know about? A front porch goodnight kiss?"

"No. I just want you to give me one."

"Well, then who am I to say no?"

I start to lower her to her feet, after scanning the porch as well as I can in the dark to make sure there's nothing there that will hurt them, but she grips her legs tighter around me, and manages to spin herself until she's wrapped around the front of me, instead of my back.

"You really are a monkey," I laugh, and then narrow my eyes at her adorable smirk. "And you better not have ever done that before."

"I absolutely have _not_," she declares, tightening her body's grip on me. "Now, kiss me."

I cup my free hand around the back of her head, my other arm securely beneath her, even though she's locked on tight, and force her mouth to mine. I don't know what kind of front porch goodnight kiss she wanted, but my mouth has made the decision that it wants to devour her, and every single part of her is telling me that that's okay with her.

More than okay. Perfect, even, I think, because even though the strength of her hold is fierce, her surrender to me is even stronger. She _wants_ to be devoured.

And I've never wanted to more than I do now, consume every part of her...

But even though I do, I'm more than grateful for the sudden light that surrounds us, and the hard, sharp clearing of a throat in the now-open doorway.

"Hi, Sam," Isabella says against my mouth, and then giggles. "Now, please go to bed."

"Do you want Edward to live to see tomorrow?" he asks her, apparently not amused by her request.

"Yes. Definitely," she answers, burying her face in my neck and holding on tighter.

"Then get in here."

I pretend not to notice his scowl, and train my gaze instead on Emily's smiling face as she takes Isabella's shoes from my hand, and I carry her inside and try to set her on her feet - which she tries with all of her might not to let me do. _My god, the thighs on my girl..._

"He won't shoot you if you're holding me," she says. "He loves me too much."

"So do I," I say, "Far too much to use you as a shield, so, on your feet, sweetheart."

I said the words without thought, but the look on her face as she drops to her feet nearly knocks me off of mine.

Did I just tell her I loved her?

And did she really not already know?

Did none of them?

I think I see tears in Emily's eyes, and Sam's are no longer murderous. But Isabella's...

What I see in them is something I'll never, ever forget.

And something I never want to.

**Isabella**

I'm constantly teasing Edward about having patience...

About the things I know he wants.

And showing very little of my own...

About the things I want that will give them to him.

But tonight showed me how truly cruel that is, even though I never meant it to be.

Edward made me feel things tonight that I've never felt before. And made me want to feel more.

Made me _ache _to...

I want to feel _everything_.

By his hands...

And his mouth...

And the look in his eyes...

That told me what he felt. Even though I already knew...

Could feel it hard and throbbing beneath me...

Him...

The part of him that aches for me.

And his heart...

That I also felt beneath me...

After...

That also aches for me...

But in a different way. And a deeper way, I believe.

Edward made me feel a lot of things tonight...

But more than anything...

He made me feel _loved_.

And no matter how patient I'll have to be...

How long I may have to wait to hear him say the words...

The words he said but didn't...

He'd already told me. And showed me. And made me feel them.

Before he said a word.

Tonight.

On our first date.

That's over, but that I hope to dream of when I close my eyes.

With his clothes and the scent of him still wrapped around me.

I want to relive every moment.

Re-experience them.

Feel them.

And hear them.

Him...

In every vivid detail.

Every moment of every day and night...

Until he gives me our next.

**…**

Sam is sitting at the table cleaning his gun when I come into the kitchen - after the most wonderful night of dreams I've ever had - and I'd be a little worried about why he is, but I'm pretty sure I'd have heard it if he'd fired it...

At Edward, who said he would come and have breakfast with me before he went to work today. It's Saturday, and Edward doesn't usually work on weekends - and neither does Emmett - but there's a few things Emmett is worried about on the current building project that he wants Edward to see, and hopefully help him solve.

No matter how light hearted and easy going their friendship is, Emmett takes the responsibilities and faith Edward places in him very seriously. He'd cut off his own arm before he'd do a bad job for him, or anything less than the perfection Edward trusts him and his crews to deliver.

"Don't worry, I'll have this cleaned up in a few minutes, after you sit down and talk to me - after which I'll decide if I need to use it. And good morning. And no, he isn't here yet."

I look at Emily, who just rolls her eyes as she hands me a cup of coffee, and then sit down. "Good morning. And use it for _what_, exactly?"

"Why did you leave here in a dress last night, but come home - extremely late, I might add - in Edward's clothes?"

"That's funny, you don't _look_ like Jasper."

He glares at Emily, who has come to sit beside me - laughing - and who is clearly on my side. "Isabella... answer the question."

"You said yourself that Edward liked me even if I was wearing sweats and that I should change into some."

"And?"

"He agreed with you."

"And before that?"

"I may have been intentionally tormenting him just a little with my also _little_ dress."

"Don't make me ground you, little girl."

"_Ground_ me? Really, Sam?"

"Well, what am I supposed to do? I'm on your side, here... but if you insist on shoving your arm inside a hungry tiger's mouth... "

I hold out my arms, as if for inspection. "Not a single bite mark. See? The tiger was completely sweet and docile."

"What I saw on my own porch last night is proof that you're lying."

"Why does everyone think I lie?" I ask, feigning shock.

It's Sam who rolls his eyes this time, and I can only laugh, because I do, I suppose...

But only to the people I love.

And _for_.

_Speaking of... Is that the front door? _"I'll get it!"

**Jasper**

I wish it wasn't Saturday.

At least not a my-baby-sister-doesn't-talk-to-me-anymore Saturday.

I might enjoy it if it weren't...

But it is.

And I'm not.

The day is dragging by. Every hour seems like years. It's barely 9 am, but it feels like midnight. A decade from now.

I miss her.

And the home that feels like nothing more than an empty box without her in it.

Because I told her to leave it.

I'll never forgive myself for that.

Or what I let her see before what she heard.

I wish I could take it back...

Every stupid word I said but didn't mean...

Everything I carelessly destroyed...

I'd give anything to have another chance.

To undo the wrongs and somehow make them right again...

Make everything right...

For her.

My baby sister that I love so god damn much...

And that everything is so wrong without.

For me.

**…**

I've mopped the kitchen floor three times, but it still doesn't look right. It doesn't shine like it did when Isabella did it. Nothing does. And nothing smells the same.

I never paid enough attention to the things that she did... to take care of us - me - and our home. I just let her do them. Maybe even expected her to...

Not out of selfishness... at least not intentionally, but because she always had.

And I didn't realize just how much she had until she wasn't here to do them anymore.

My favorite foods don't just appear magically on the table, or in the refrigerator, or in the cupboards.

If I use a glass, it stays wherever I leave it. It doesn't pick itself up and wash itself and put itself away where it belongs.

My clothes don't appear clean and folded in my drawers, or hung in my closet, perfect and ready to wear.

She used to smile at me, and tell me I was lucky she loved me so much, and spoiled me so much, because I'd be hopelessly lost without her...

And she was right. I am lost.

And it's not that I didn't know it then, how true her words were, but I never imagined the day would come when I'd have to live them.

No relationship I'd ever had had made me for a second consider leaving her alone. I never cared about anyone that much. And I certainly wasn't going to allow anyone to get close enough to _her_ to take her away. She was just too young... and too special.

And I knew that the only person she dreamed of taking her never would.

Something else I did wrong...

Saw wrong...

Or didn't see at all.

Took the innocence of for granted...

Like I did her...

And the love she gave with every single thing that she did for me...

For all of us...

And the love she wanted to...

For only one.

The one who didn't take her for granted.

The one who helped, instead of expected.

The one who always saw her more clearly than I did...

Saw what she wanted him to...

Saw the woman she'd become instead of the little girl I wanted her to stay, safe and protected under my roof.

The one who took her out from under it...

The one who has her now...

And who's never going to give her back.

**Isabella**

I told Edward what I was planning to do today. Because I don't want to hide anything from him. And because I was a little nervous and I knew he would calm me. And he did...

But he's not here with me now.

I'm here alone.

And I know I shouldn't be nervous about seeing my brother...

But I am.

I've been sitting in the driveway of our house for the last twenty minutes. Unable to get out of my car. Or move at all. Because the last time I was here...

I close my eyes and try to breathe - force the pain away with every outward gush of air from my lungs.

Edward told me to try not to think about that night. To focus on today, and the future I want. The future with him... and my brother by my side. By _ours_.

The place I don't know if he's willing to be. Still. Or ever.

Jasper has never stood beside me. He's always believed his place was in front of me.

To keep me from seeing things he didn't want me to see.

And to keep me hidden from anyone who might see me... and want to pull me out from behind him.

Or catch me if I ran out...

And straight into their arms.

Arms that he used to stand beside. That kept me hidden, too... but that sometimes lifted me up and told me to fly.

And that stayed right there, ready to catch me again, just in case I fell.

I wish he could see that. Remember it. And stand beside them again.

Trust them again...

And my need to have them around me.

Understand what that means.

That Edward's arms don't just want to hold me.

They _still_ want to protect me.

And keep me safe.

And lift me up.

Support me.

Encourage me.

Guide me.

And even pull me back - if what I reach for is wrong, or if he thinks it is.

I just want Jasper to understand...

That the Edward he trusted with my life hasn't left.

He's still here, doing his best to take care of me, the way he always has been.

The only things that have changed...

Is that he's letting me fly while he does it.

And that he's doing it without his closest friend by his side.

The one thing that Jasper never had to do...

And the everything that he wouldn't let me.

**xx**

**I miss you guys. I just wanted you to know that. And that I'll see you when I can.**

** xo  
><strong>


	25. Chapter 25: Value

**I don't know what to say anymore. It's never understood anyway. And chances are this won't be either. **

**Chapter Twenty Five: Value  
><strong>

**Isabella**

I've gone over my list a hundred times...

The one in my head. Of all the things I want to say to my brother. And all of the things I want him to hear.

Saying them will be the easy part. Getting him to _hear_ me is the part I'm worried about. The part that still hasn't let me get out of this car. The part that's made my fingers curl repeatedly around the key still in the ignition.

The key that he buried in ten thousand sheets of tissue paper in a box almost big enough for me to fit inside on my last birthday. Because he heard me telling Rose I wanted a little white Mini.

Proof that he listens. And hears. Sometimes.

And that he wants to make me happy.

I wish this was as simple as that. What I want him to hear now. And what I want him to give me.

But it's not. Not for him.

Like seeing me hide inside of it.

I don't know how long he's been there, but when I look up, I see Jasper standing in the open doorway of our house. Watching me. And looking hurt.

But a little less when I pull the key from the ignition and open my door and get out. And less still when I shut it and walk up the drive.

He's smiling by the time I reach the porch steps. Beaming by the time I'm at the top of them. And then wincing as I slap his arm.

"What did you do to my flowers?"

His eyes scan the porch and all of my once-beautiful-and-flourishing pots and he frowns. "Is it too late to save them?" he asks, looking back up at me, sorrow in his eyes.

"I don't know," I say, "I guess that depends on how badly you want to. _Will_ is a powerful thing."

"So is _love_," he says.

"You're right," I agree easily, "It _is_."

**…**

Twenty minutes later, after all of my sad little blooms have been watered, Jasper's back to looking hurt.

"Are we still out here because you're afraid to come inside?"

"Should I be?" I ask, looking up at him.

"I don't want you to be."

"What's it like in there?"

"It's empty. And dark. And sad."

"I didn't make it that way."

"I know."

"And I never wanted our home to be that."

"I didn't ei- _Our_?" he asks, shock on his face.

"Is it not? _Ours_? Anymore? Or mine?"

"Of course it is. Always... I just didn't think you wanted it to be... "

"It wasn't my choice to leave, Jasper. Or to be _told_ to."

"You'll never know how much I regret those words, Isabella. What I'd give for the chance to go back and not say them. What-"

"We _can't_ go back. You _know_ that. We suffer the pain of knowing that every day of our lives...

"But I don't want to anymore, Jasper. I'm tired of suffering. Can you understand that? Can you try? Please? There are things that we've lost that we'll never get back... things we loved... _people_...

"But what about the ones that are still here? The ones that always have been? The _one_? Haven't we lost enough? Haven't we suffered enough? Don't you want to be happy?"

"Of course I do."

"Don't you want _me_ to be?"

"How can you even ask me that?"

"You say how can I... but the only answer I have to that... is how can I _not_?"

"I've spent my life trying to-"

"Keep me from having my own."

"That's not true. I just didn't ever want you to get hurt. You-"

"Then _stop_ hurting me yourself."

"You think I don't hate myself for that?" He screams the words so loud and so fast that I jump.

But I'm not afraid. And not going to waste the opportunity he's given me.

I reach up and pull his hands down from his face, where he was angrily and regretfully rubbing them. "It's okay. And I don't want you to hate yourself, no matter what you've said, or done...

"I never want that. But Jasper... _please..._ hear me... I don't want you to hate _him_, either. For things he hasn't. And never would. To _either_ of us."

"Why can't you see him clearly, Isabella? And why don't you care about anything _but_ him anymore?"

"I _do_. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. And that applies to _both_ of the stupid questions you asked."

"I wish you did... more than anything, sweetheart. But you don't. And I honestly don't know what to do about that."

"You don't need to do anything but open your eyes. Because you're the only one that can't see clearly. Because you refuse to look."

"What do you want me to see? You get your heart ripped to shreds? Edward destroy you?"

"No. I want you to be willing to see that he isn't doing either. And that he wouldn't. That he _won't_. That _I_ could be worth something to someone that isn't you. That I could be worth enough... have enough to offer... be valued enough... _be_ enough... to him. So much that he was willing to risk your friendship - that you know means something to him. Probably more than anything else in his life. I want you to see that he wouldn't do that for nothing. Wouldn't do it for something he didn't care about. Wouldn't do it for anything... unless he did. Unless he wanted _more_. And was ready to give. And be. _More_. For me. And unless he truly believed... trusted... that _you_ - the person who knows him better than anyone, or that should - would see... that he would _never_ risk destroying me... the person you _both_ love the most."

"You think he _loves_ you?"

The way he asks the question is like a slap in the face. It stings. And part of me wants to turn and walk away - or run - but then this will have been for nothing. And I promised myself I'd stand my ground for as long as I could.

"Is it really so hard to believe that he could?" I ask him, making no effort to conceal my hurt.

"I didn't mean it that way. I-"

"Then how did you mean it?"

"Please come inside the house."

"Please answer the question."

"Anyone could love you... if they were capable of-"

"He is."

"The only woman Edward has ever cared about is his mother. He-"

"That's not true. He's always cared about me. You know that, and you never would have doubted it before."

"Like a little _sister, _Isabella. It's not the same thing. Not at all."

"You're right. It's _not_. Not anymore."

His teeth clench and his nostrils flare with anger at my words, but I can see the effort he's making not to explode, so maybe I can make a little more. "Got anything to drink in there?" I ask, nodding toward the front door.

A hopeful smile instantly forms on his face. "Everything you like."

"Do you even know what I like?"

"Of course I do," he says, pain in his expression.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I didn't come here to... " I sigh, not sure what the right words are. "I think we should just stop hurting each other."

"You owe me. I know that."

"There's no scorecard, Jasper."

"I know that, too. If there's anything, it's a list. And I don't imagine I fare well on it."

"It could be worse... you could be Rose."

He gives me an understanding nod and opens the door, holding it open for me. "She misses you, too."

"Well, she should have thought of that before she... " I don't finish my sentence, because I know, for once, he's glad she did what she did.

But he doesn't say anything about that, and stands quietly watching me for a moment as I look around our living room, the memory of the last time I was in it flooding my mind.

"I really am sorry, Isabella. More than you'll ever know. I never wanted to hurt you. I'd give anything if I could just-"

"I know."

"I didn't mean it. Please tell me you know that. I love you so much. I could never-"

"Jasper, _I_ _know_. And I came here today because I don't want to think about that night anymore. I want us to get past it. I want things to be like they used to be, but better. I want everyone to stop being angry, and to stop hurting, and to just be happy."

"I don't know how to do that. Not as long as you're not here."

"I'm here now. I'm trying. But I can't do it by myself. You have to try with me. Are you willing to do that?"

"You mean give you your way?"

I turn and head for the kitchen, pleading with my brain - and mouth - to give a response that won't turn this into a fight.

"I've always given you yours," I say, grabbing two glasses from the cabinet and filling them with ice. I look up at him as I pull a Coke from the refrigerator, and then back to our glasses as I split it between us. "Can't I have mine just this once?"

"I've tried to give you everything I could... "

"I know you have. But I want more, Jasper. I _need_ more."

"Why does what you want and what you think you need have to be him?"

"It's _always_ been him. You know that. You just never thought it would be _me_."

"You're right. I didn't. He's not supposed to want you. He was never supposed to."

"I know that's difficult for you. I _do_. And I understand it. And why... but what I don't understand... can't understand... is why you won't at least look. Why you aren't willing to at least try to understand _why_ it's me?"

"Because it's wrong. I trusted him... "

"And you still can."

"Isabella-"

"Wait. Just listen, please? I'm not asking you to just accept it. I'm only asking you to look. Forget what you think and look at what's really there. Not what I tell you is. What you can see with your own eyes. Is that so unfair? Is it really too much to ask for? It doesn't matter what I tell you. Or what anyone else does. I want _you_ to see for yourself. That's all, Jasper. It's all I'm asking you for. Please? Will you do that for me?"

"Even if I could... and did... you can't honestly believe I'll see what you want me to?"

"Yes... I _do_... and I think maybe it's why you don't want to. Because you're afraid _you _will, too."

"Never gonna happen, darlin."

"I don't believe in never. Not anymore."

"Should I pass along that message to Rose?"

"Since when are you Team Rose?"

"I'm not. But if you talked to her, then she might stop calling or showing up here every other day to talk to me."

"Okay. I'll talk to her."

"Just like that?"

"Yes, because you want me to. Now it's your turn."

"I want you to come home."

It wouldn't be a bad idea... _if_ he was willing to try. It would give him opportunity to see what I want him to. And me opportunity to show him. And Edward...

"It's your turn to budge a little, Jasper, not ask me for something else. But I'll give it to you... I'll come home... if I can have the people I want near here with me."

"People? Don't you mean _person_?"

"I mean Edward and you know it. And I'll come home if the door is open for him."

"Well, it's not."

"Then no."

"So, you choose him."

"No, Jasper. I choose _me_."

"Seems like the same choice to me."

"Only because you're making it. I _want_ to come home, Jasper. I love Sam and Emily, and they've been wonderful, but I don't belong there... disrupting their quiet life. I belong here. With you. Disrupting yours."

I smile, hoping he'll do the same, but he only shakes his head, so I continue. "And I _miss_ you. I know I haven't acted like it... but I do. And I worry about you... Trying to figure out how to take care of yourself... and the house... "

I shudder, hoping, again, that it brings a smile to his face, but he only sighs this time, and swirls the ice in his glass.

"What about you? Who's taking care of you, Isabella?"

"The same person that always has. The one you always trusted to. With you. The only difference now is... you're making him do it without you. Something he _never_ made you do."

I see the anger building, and fighting with the hurt, but I don't stop. Because I'm desperate for him to hear me.

"And he's doing a really good job. You'd be proud... if you could see. You'd know you didn't have to worry. Or be afraid. For me. You'd see how safe I am. And how happy. But like he did... I think you'd also see that there was something missing. Something I needed that I didn't have.

"He _wants_ me to be happy. To have everything I want. And he knows his role in that. How important it is to me. How important he is. But he also knows how important you are, and that without you, I can't have everything. There will always be something missing.

"I need you, Jasper. I need _both_ of you. Please?"

**…**

He never gave me an answer. Never said another word, after all of the ones I said.

And after a while, I got tired of waiting.

I dumped out the ice and washed my glass. Put it away while he watched me. Silently.

And then walked from the room.

I ran upstairs to my bedroom to grab some more of my clothes... but promptly ran right back out - as fast as my legs would carry me - because his stupid snake was perched above my bed waiting for me. God, I hate that thing!

"_He_ isn't supposed to want me!" I yelled as Jasper met me on the stairs. "But you've never given a damn about that, or how afraid _I_ am of _him_. He's the only thing you ever brought into my life that could hurt me. And if you haven't heard anything else I've said today... at least hear that."

And then I left.

Stormed out the door and got into my car.

And drove straight to Rose's apartment.

Where a shirtless Riley Biers answered the door.

And told me that I was trying too hard.

Without saying a word.

Not that he could speak...

Or Rose, who came up behind him wearing nothing but a short robe and wide eyes and an open mouth.

I turned and walked away with a laugh and a shake of my head.

And pulled my buzzing phone from my purse.

And instantly knew my world was right again.

Just like that.

Because the buzzing was a text from Edward.

_How's everything going, sweetheart?_

That was about five minutes ago.

And I think that the fact that I haven't answered him yet is worrying him, because now I get a second.

_Isabella, if you don't answer me in the next two minutes, I'm coming over there._

He probably thinks Jasper has me locked up somewhere. And while we had all discussed the probability of that happening before he left me this morning and decided the risk was small, I don't want him to think he was wrong for a single second.

He answers on the first ring. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, I'm fine. I was going to call you in a few minutes. I just wanted to get away from where I was when I got your message."

"Get away from there? What happened? Did he do something?"

"No. He didn't do anything. Or _say_ anything. Nothing I hoped for, anyway. And I had already left there... "

"Where were you?"

"I went to Rose's. Because Jasper asked me to. I thought maybe if he saw me making an effort... but that was a pointless waste of time. So, how is your day going? Are you and Emmett getting things figured out?"

"What did she do?"

"Who?"

"Rose. What did she do to upset you?"

"Nothing. We didn't even talk."

"Why not?"

"She had company."

"Did _that_ upset you?"

"No. Just surprised me."

"Doesn't seem so surprising to me. That she would have company."

"It wasn't the fact that she did... it was the _who_. But it's not important. You're important, and I want to know how your day is going."

"Who was it?"

"No one. It doesn't matter."

"Tell me who, Isabella."

"Edward-"

"Tell. Me."

I sigh and lean my head back on the seat. "It was Riley."

He's quiet for a moment, and his voice is strange when he finally speaks, "And that upset you?"

"No. I said it _surprised_ me, not upset me."

"Where are you?"

"At Pioneer Place."

"Shopping."

"Well, not yet, but momentarily, yes."

"Because shopping is what women do when they're upset."

"Some, perhaps, but not me. You know what I do. And there are no bottles of wine within my reach."

"Then why are you shopping?"

"Because when I went up to my bedroom to get some more of my clothes, that stupid reptile of his was up there waiting to eat me. It made me mad and I left. With nothing."

"Would you like me to go get some things for you?"

"No, that's okay. I deserve new things anyway. But thank you for offering to do it for me."

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Isabella. And nothing you have to thank me for."

"In that case, feel free to show up at Sam and Emily's later to carry my bags into the house for me."

"You'll have to fill some first. And to do that, you'll have to get out of your car."

My car door opens - and scares the shit out of me, making me scream - just as the line disconnects and Edward appears beside me.

"I'm sorry I scared you," he says, pulling me from the car, "But why the hell were you sitting here alone with your doors unlocked?"

"Because you were on the phone distracting me with your inquisition."

"Hmmm... so it's my fault?" he asks, raising a brow.

"Yes."

"I see," he says, closing my door and pulling me against him.

He starts to walk me backwards, and seconds later we're stopped and he has me pinned up against his Suburban that was parked a few spaces behind my car.

"I still carry pepper spray, you know," I tell him, but he doesn't even crack a smile as he lifts my chin in his right hand and looks at me with serious eyes.

"Tell me again that you're not upset."

"Upset about wh- Edward! You can't seriously be asking me that?"

"Do I not _look_ serious?" he asks, gripping my chin a little tighter.

"Yes. You do. And I think it's ridiculous. To say the least."

"Yet, you've said nothing else."

"I'm NOT upset. Except with you for even considering that I would be."

"You said you wanted to get away from there."

"Yes, I did. Because it was _weird_. And because I never even wanted to go there and talk to her in the first place. And because you were waiting and I _did_ want to talk to you, but not there."

"And?"

"And nothing. That's it."

"You're sure?"

"Edward? Really?"

He doesn't answer, only brushes his thumb across my lips and continues to stare at me.

And I truly don't understand where his questions are coming from, but I won't leave him with them. Or any others.

"_Yes_. Of course I'm sure. And sure that _you_ should know that without asking me - you know... the girl who's been hopelessly in love with you all of her life."

"You mean the one I'm about kiss breathless against the side of my truck?"

"Definitely that one."

I'm breathless before his lips even touch mine. But when they do, I know he meant what he said. And I know that, for a few moments, he truly was jealous. Of what he thought I may have felt.

His body is hard with it as he crushes it against me. His kiss fierce and possessive. Telling me he's all I want. And that he likes to be. And needs to be.

Things I knew.

And things I'm learning.

Because he's not hiding them from me.

Or holding anything back.

Or himself.

Any part...

"Screw shopping," I breathe when he breaks away. "Lets go to your house."

He moans painfully and rests his forehead against mine. "That would be a really bad idea right now."

"I don't think so."

"I _know_ so."

"I trust you."

"I _don't_. So, come on." He takes my hand and pulls me from the hard metal at my back.

"Where are we going?"

"Shopping, silly girl. Did you forget where we are?"

"You're going to shop with me?"

"Yes. Is that not alright?"

"Yeah, it's... God, you really are perfect."

"Only to you, sweetheart."

"Does anyone else matter?"

"No."

"Good."

"But you knew that already."

"So did _you_."

**…**

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Buying you presents. Does it not count because you picked most of them?"

"I know this is another first for you, but going shopping with me doesn't mean you have to pay."

"I know. But I want to. So, you're going to let me."

The salesgirl at kate spade NEW YORK has been looking between our credit cards with amusement, but snatches Edward's now with a smile. "He's a keeper."

I know that's not what she was thinking for the last hour, because she's barely taken her eyes off of him since we walked into the store. And now she has his information in her sleazy hands...

"That's really very sweet, Edward, and thank you, but I think you should be saving your money... for a very large - yet delicate - _future_ purchase."

He laughs and tucks the now-swiped card back into his wallet, and kisses me on the cheek. "Don't worry your pretty head about _that_, I've been saving my money all of my life. The only person I've ever spent any on is you. And I promise you, that hasn't put a dent in anything."

I know that that's true, with the exception of his mother, of course. All of the years he spent not valuing women have probably made his rather substantial.

Like his gifts to me have always been.

"I don't know... you give the best presents. It had to put some kind of dent, even if just a small one."

"Trust me, it didn't. And I _did _give the best presents. Or try to... but I'm pretty sure Jasper one-upped me with your car last year."

I laugh, remembering the smug smile and "Top that" he gave Edward when I ran past them with the key in my hand.

I miss moments like those.

"I'd gladly give it back if he'd give me something else," I say softly as we exit the shop.

"I know you would," he sighs, pulling me into his side, "But I'm going to figure out a way for you to have everything you want, without having to give anything up."

"He just won't listen, Edward... he refuses to budge an inch. I tried. I tried so hard... to ask him in a way that would let him have control... make his own decision, instead of the one I want him to make. Let him see for himself that they could be the same...

"And he just stood there... staring at me like he didn't know me, or... "

"Maybe that's because he realized he doesn't."

**…**

"Emily? Would it be alright with you if I threw a little makeshift party tomorrow? A barbecue or something? You wouldn't have to do anything, I'll-"

"Isabella, you can do anything you want. This is your house, too."

"Thank you. And I'll ask Sam, just to be sure."

"Ask me what?" Sam asks, just as he and Edward come in from outside.

"She wants to have a party tomorrow, and I already said yes."

"Am I invited?" he asks with narrowed, trying-to-look-intimidating eyes.

"Yes," I laugh, "As are your peacemaking skills."

"Aah... and just when Edward was back to his pretty self again... Well, it's his brain and hands that I need, so, sure. Whatever you want, sweetheart."

"What do you need his brain and his hands for?" I ask, grabbing the latter. "Because I pretty much have dibs on all of him."

"Dibs better be _all_ you have."

I roll my eyes at Sam and look at Emily. "You know, I always thought Sam was the sensible, laid back one of the bunch, but God help you if you ever have a daughter."

"Well, we'll see if I need that help in about 7 1 /2 months."

Both of their suddenly beaming faces answer my question before I can ask it. "You're pregnant?"

"Found out this morning."

I knew they'd tried for about a year, and were heartbroken when month after month it didn't happen. This is such wonderful news for them...

"I'm so happy for you!" I squeal, running to hug them both. "And I promise I will be out of your hair long before the baby is born."

"Hey! I don't want to hear that!" Emily scolds. "You're not in our hair. And we actually believe that you were our little good luck charm. We were just having that conversation before you and Edward got here. And that we wanted to talk to him about adding on to the house. Which is why we need you to share a couple parts of him."

She smiles as Edward kisses her cheek and gives her a congratulatory hug. "I think she'll share."

"I will not!" I yell, putting my hands on my hips. "You do not have to add on to this house. I'll go pack right now to prove it."

"You'll do no such thing!" Sam declares, successfully achieving intimidating this time, before softening his tone. "Isabella... this is something we've always planned to do, when the time came. And I realize that you didn't know that, but Edward did, long before I brought you here to stay with us. I promise you it's not the first he's heard of it."

I look to Edward, who nods in confirmation of Sam's words. And I know he wouldn't lie to me, but it does very little to ease my feelings of being in the way.

"We love this house," Emily says, as if she's reading my thoughts, and before I can say another word. "And we never want to leave it, or for you to, until it's the right thing - which it _isn't_ ... but the house the way it is has never been ideal for the family we hope to have. It's just time now for Edward to help us make it, which he promised us a long time ago he would do when we were ready. So, whatever you're thinking, please _stop_, and let's plan your party, because you may not have known that there was when you asked if you could have it, but we definitely have something to celebrate."

**...**

I've been nervous and excited all day. And probably driving everyone crazy. But I can't help it.

Everything I hoped for yesterday could happen today.

Because when I called Jasper last night and invited him to come and spend some time with us today, he said yes. After he told me he was sorry about what happened yesterday at our house.

He said he'd try.

That he'd do it for me.

That he loved me too much not to.

And that's all I wanted.

Just for him to try.

To show me that he loved me enough to.

I'm not worried about the rest.

Even if it takes time, I know it will happen.

He'll see.

And we'll be a family again.

All of us.

Together.

But better.

Stronger than before.

Unbreakable.

Because we were.

And we did.

And we know how much it hurt to.

Today is the day everything will change...

Because we love each other enough to.

**Edward**

I watch as Isabella puts her phone down for the fifth time.

The fifth time that her call went unanswered.

And that I watched her face fall a little more.

She was so excited last night...

After Jasper told her he would come.

And today...

So filled with hope...

That he's crushing.

Because an hour after everyone else got here, he still hasn't shown up.

Or answered any of her calls to see if he's alright, because she's sure he wouldn't just ignore her and that something must be wrong.

I don't think she's right about that.

But I'm furious that I have the chance to believe she's wrong.

I can't believe he'd hurt her like this.

And that I didn't protect her from it.

Again.

**...**

"Someone needs to go on an ice run," Emily says, coming out onto the back deck and glaring at Emmett, who forgot his promise to bring it.

"I'm going!" he laughs, his arms raised in surrender.

"No!" Isabella yells, her attention suddenly and gratefully fully on him. "Not you."

I shake my head, because I know why she doesn't want him to leave.

"Why not me?" he asks, because he doesn't.

"Because I said so."

"I'll go," Angela offers next, laughing at Emmett's childish mimicking that's probably going to get him smacked in about two seconds.

And the "No! Not you, either!" that Isabella yells now as she does makes me chug my beer to keep from laughing.

She gives me an evil eye and I blow her a kiss. "Would you like me to go, sweetheart?"

"We all know her answer to that," Alice says before she can respond. "And it's a big, fat _hell_ _no_. So, I'm going. I have a stop I want to make anyway. How many bags should I get?"

"Well, you can probably only fit one in your car, so it seems kind of pointless to ask... " Emmett snickers.

"You do have a point." She smiles sweetly at him and then winks at me, because I know exactly the stop she wants to make, and because I see her pick up the keys to his Jeep and dash into the house.

Emmett is completely clueless to both, for about ten seconds, because that's precisely how much time passes until you hear the start of an engine that is definitively _not_ a Porsche.

"What the fuck kind of cop are you?" he yells at Sam, as Alice peels out, because he's laughing just as hard as everyone else. "That crazy woman just stole my truck from right in front of your house!"

"An off duty one," he laughs, and raises his beer in the air, "To Alice!"

I raise my own and clink it against his, just as Isabella picks up her phone again...

Hopefully, and with a little help from Alice...

For the _last_ time.


	26. Chapter 26: Closer

**What's this? An update? Yeah, I don't know how... if you knew the HELL I went through to bring it to you... well... you probably wouldn't give a shit. So, I won't bother with the details. As for this chapter... it's what it is. I guess you'll tell me after if you hate it. It's not like anyone's shy around here when they hate something. Or someone. Grrr... **

**Now, I will mention that one of those someones so many of you love to hate... DID NOT GET EATEN BY HIS SNAKE. It's not why he didn't show yet. You wish. But whether the proposed possibility of that was brought to my attention by someones who love him or hate him, it made me laugh. So, since I am completely fail at replies these days, thanks for that. It really did crack my wicked ass up. And thanks to anyone still here. Or just joining us. I'm glad someone loves them, even if not all of. And now I'll shut up so you can get to them. My babies that I love all of.**

**Chapter Twenty Six: Closer**

**Isabella**

"Her keys aren't here, Emmett. And I wouldn't let you take her car even if they were, so stop looking for them."

"She took my truck, Bella. It's only fair that I get to take her Porsche for a spin."

"You wouldn't even fit in her Porsche."

"You might be right... " he sighs, but then flexes his pecs and winks at me. "But only because I'm too much _man_."

"Sam was right," I say, rolling my eyes, "You are Gaston to a tee. But I love you anyway. So... Does the 'too much man' that you are still want a nice girl?"

"Yeah, but you didn't find me one like you said you would, so I don't think you really love me."

"Actually, I _did_. You just haven't been paying any attention to her."

"You did? Who?"

I nod towards Angela, where she's having a conversation with Emily across the deck, and Emmett's jaw drops. "The skinny girl?"

"Yes, the skinny girl. Who happens to also be very pretty. And very sweet. And whose name is _Angela_."

"I know her name, Bella."

"So...?"

"So, she's _really _skinny."

"That's all you have to say?"

"I'd probably break her... then you'd be mad at me for breaking your friend, and you wouldn't love me anymore. It's just not a risk I'm willing to take."

"Nevermind, I should have known you weren't serious."

"I was, Bella, but... "

"But what?"

"She's not really my type."

"That's the whole point, Emmett. She's different. She's a _nice _girl."

"I know, but... Well, first of all, I think she's a little _young _for me."

I ignore the look he shoots at Edward, and throw out a gentle reminder of his recent disregard for age. "She's older than Rose."

"She is?" he asks, looking a little less smug than a second ago.

"Yes. By two years. She's 24. _And _her birthday is just a few months away, so she's practically 25. Not that age matters."

"Said the baby lamb that crawled into the lion's den."

"If you're really just not at all interested, then say so, but I don't see any reason to call me a baby while you make excuses."

"I was just teasing, Bella. I saw you in Barbie's dress, remember? I know you're not a baby. You-"

"Emmett." It's Edward that shoots a look now. A _not-another-word-about-her_ warning.

And to be honest, it, and his sudden rapt interest in our conversation...

And his hand now at my back...

Where his fingers slip beneath the edge of my shirt and graze my skin as he pulls me closer...

Are making my toes tingle.

And maybe something else..._ Is it getting hot in here?_

Yes. Except we're _out_ here. And Emmett would never look at me _that _way, or in any way that should make Edward jealous. But his mere observation - and apparent memory of it - of me in that dress that night at Eclipse has brought his possessive nature front and center.

And I like it. Possessive Edward is... well... Thank you, Emmett.

But this is not the time for tingling.

I'd like at least one of my plans to go my way today. "So, Angela...?" I try to redirect us back to the matter at hand, and lay mine on Edward's leg, where my fingers mimic his, and graze the skin under the edge of his blue cargo shorts. But that only further derails this plan, because Emmett reaches over and grabs my hand and lays it back on the table.

I'm about to smack him with it, when Emily - who, along with Angela, joins us at the table - beats me to it, whacking him on the back of the head. "Leave them alone."

"Yeah, Emily, cuz _that's _what Jasper needs to see the second he gets here. Not to mention where _his _hand is."

She smacks him again as he reaches for Edward's, not that he would have let him move it. "Well, it's up to _Bella _where either of their hands are, not you, and not Jasper, so knock it off."

"I don't think he's coming anyway," I sigh, and find myself being pulled sweetly into Edward's lap. "So, do we have enough ice left that I can wrap mine around another margarita?"

Because, with the exception of being in Edward's arms, nothing about this day is turning out how I hoped it would.

Nothing at all.

**Jasper**

I promised Isabella I'd go to her party today.

That I'd try...

And I should have left over an hour ago...

But I haven't been able to move since I came downstairs to feed Aro and watched him devour his helpless and innocent meal.

The one that _I _gave him.

Dangled right in front of him.

Just like I did with my sister.

I dangled her right in front of Edward for so long...

Trusting that he'd be blind to the changes you'd have to be not to see.

I was careless.

Stupid.

I knew he saw them...

And that she wanted him to...

Was determined to make him...

So, why did I think he'd be able to resist them?

Resist her?

I wouldn't expect Aro to do it.

Resist that dangled treat I offered.

So, why did I expect him to?

When - unlike what I dangled before Aro - she was asking to be taken? Pleading? Squirming... not to get away, but to make herself even more irresistable to him?

When he never resisted anything that appealed to him?

I knew she was better...

So far above all of the rest...

And that he knew it.

So, why did I think he wouldn't someday reach up and grab her?

Surrender to his nature?

Devour the ultimate feast so trustingly offered to him?

It's my fault.

Not his.

And certainly not hers.

I can't blame anyone but myself for the danger she's in now.

Again.

**…**

I'm still rooted in place in front of the terrarium when I hear the front door slam.

And don't move as I yell "Get out!" to the uninvited guest, because I'm sure it's Emmett.

But then I panic as I hear too-delicate-to-be-Emmett feet running down the stairs.

If it's Isabella and I just told her to...

But then my panic turns to irritation, because it's definitely not my sister.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?"

"I could ask the same of you."

"_I_ live here."

"_Alone_. Which I thought was a painful existence for you."

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know that you've been acting like a real asshole, even though you're not."

"Oh, now I'm not?"

"I never called you an asshole. Not to your face. I called you an idiot. And a psycho. Because you were acting like both. But _now _you're just acting like an asshole. With a cool as shit snake."

"Cool as shit?"

"Yeah, _cool as shit_."

"Isabella hates him."

"But she loves you. So, why are you doing this to her? You know she's waiting for you."

"I doubt she even notices I'm not there."

"Because _he _is?"

"Yeah, because _he _is."

"Well, I'm sure she'd be more upset if he wasn't, but even though he is, she's still upset that _you_ aren't."

"I can't."

"You told her you would. Why did you lie to her if you knew you couldn't?"

"I didn't lie to- Why are you in my house, Alice?"

"Because you are. And she wants you there, where you told her you'd be, instead of here, where I'm going to see that you leave."

"And this concerns you because?"

"Because _she _concerns me. I adore your sister. That shouldn't be hard for you to believe or understand."

"It's not."

"So, why aren't you willing to with him?"

"You have no idea-"

"I know what I've seen. He _adores _her, Jasper. Pure, sweet, make-your-heart-melt-to-see-it adoration. And she knows it. And knows that you'll know it, too, if you just let yourself look. She wants you to look. Wants you to see it. Wants you to know it. And wants you to be happy for her."

"Happy? I-"

"I get that you didn't want this... but you should want that for her. For her to be so adored. So cherished."

"Edward has never-"

"Maybe not, but he _does_."

"You don't know him. You have no idea what kind of-"

"I know that we're all human, and that we all make mistakes, and do stupid things sometimes..."

"Sometimes? The man-"

"BUT I also think that we all grow up eventually. People _can _change, Jasper. And it seems to me - from what I do know, and from what you're obviously thinking and trying to point out, though I won't give you the chance to - that there was really only _one _change that he needed to make to be a good man for her, or you'd probably have never let him be such a monumental part of her life."

"He's going to destroy her life. He'll destroy _her_. _That's_ what's monumental. And I won't be a part of it. I can't-"

"I think you're wrong. Dead wrong, actually... but if you really believe that, then why would you stay away? Why would you just leave her to him?

"I know you tried before... and she wouldn't let you get close, but she's not fighting you anymore. Or pushing you away. She's trying now. And she _wants _you close. Her big brother, who I know enough about to know has always been there for her, until she made a decision without you. One that you don't agree with. One that you think will hurt her. Destroy her, even...

"You're so convinced of that... but you're willing to _let _it? Let him? While you _choose_ to leave her unprotected? _Choose_ to leave her alone to wait for it to happen without you? The one person she should be able to count on most in the world? I don't get that? I don't get it at all."

"I'd never just leave her alone for someone to hurt. That's not-"

"Not what you're doing?"

"No."

"Hmmm... It sure looks like it to me."

"It's _not!_"

"No? Well, it seems to me that the only way it wouldn't be... could even be possible not to be... is if... just maybe... or absolutely, though you don't want to admit it... because, deep down in your heart, you know he wouldn't?"

"That is not-"

"Isn't it?"

"Would you let me get a fucking sentence out!?"

"Sure, if you say something that I think is worth listening to."

"You are the most infuriating person I have ever met! And the most forward and intrusive!"

"Honey, if you looked up infuriating in the dictionary, you'd find a five page spread of _yourself_. As for forward and intrusive... maybe I am, but I just want Bella to be happy. And I hoped that you did, too. So, I came over here. In hopes that someone could get through to you without any bloodshed. Though I did have every intention of coming over here and kicking your ass. Until I saw you with your cool as shit python. Then I softened my approach a little... in hopes that maybe someday you'd let me hold it. Or something."

"You want to hold my python? _Or something_?"

"The one behind the glass. Pervert. And yes. I do."

"What? I was _not_ implying-"

"Sure you weren't. Now, can we get back to Bella before the other pervert reports his truck stolen?"

"I am _not _a pervert. You're the one whose mind went there. And what are you talking about? What truck?"

"Because _yours _led it. And I'm talking about Emmett's truck. He made fun of my car, which I know he just secretly wants to drive, so I took his Jeep. Without asking. And unless Bella's matchmaking scheme is working and distracting him, he's probably getting pretty pissed off that I'm not back with it yet. And I supposedly only left to get ice, which the big oof forgot. Or so I said, so I could come here and get you. So, stop being a stubborn ass and cooperate."

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm _not_."

"_Yes_, you are. You're going to Sam and Emily's. Because Bella wants you there. And you told her you'd be there. And you're not. Because you're here being an asshole. Not to mention the asshole you were the half dozen times you didn't answer her calls to ask you why you weren't there."

"I didn't know what to tell her... "

"So you said nothing and made her worry about you. Because she refuses to believe you'd be that much of an asshole... which makes you even more of one, because that's exactly what you did... "

"I get it! I'm an asshole."

"No... just acting like one. But, like Edward, you can change, because she's worth it, and stop acting like one, like he stopped... well... whatever it is he was doing before he wrapped himself around her pretty little finger."

"You expect me to believe that's where he is?"

"Yes. It's where everyone is. And where you were before you were here acting like an ass. And I imagine... for you... that hearing - and seeing, if you _move _your ass - that he's wrapped around her little finger would be a lot better than standing here worrying that he's wrapped around some other part of her."

"Have you _seen _him wrapped around some other part of her?"

"What I've _seen_, is enough of your man cave, and not enough of the sun. Or your beautiful sister's beautiful smile. So, let's go, Hale. Move your ass. Then you can see what part of her he's wrapped around for yourself."

"I'm not-"

"Going to break her heart for another second! Now, _go_!"

"I'm not trying to-"

"But you are! Do you understand? You. Are. Hurting. Her! You! Not him! You! You, you, you!"

Fuck.

I don't know where the hell this annoying creature came from...

But I know that she's right.

At least about me.

And that's more than I can take.

Because I don't want to hurt Isabella.

I never wanted to.

And it's time I stopped.

"Okay. I'll go."_ Crazy bitch. Too bad I already fed my cool as shit snake..._

**Edward**

"Where the hell is that crazy woman with my Jeep?"

It's about the twentieth time Emmett has asked this question. And I think Isabella is determined to drink just as many margaritas before the day is over. She just drained one, her fourth, I think, and already holds her next in her other hand. Which I consider taking away from her, because she's now propelling ice cubes across the table - via her mouth, and from her perch in my lap - at Emmett from the one she just finished.

But I don't, because frankly, it's funny as hell. Her aim is impeccable. And so is the way she squeals - and wiggles - with delight every time one bounces off of his head.

Not to mention the way her cheeks hollow every time she...

_What can I say... I'm a fucking masochist._

And as long as she's wiggling and squealing, she's _not _looking heartbroken, so I'll gladly endure my suffering. I just hope she doesn't suffer too much tomorrow morning when she wakes up.

"Bella!"

Emmett's cry is met only with another chunk of ice - which we now have plenty of, thanks to a buddy of Sam's, whose wife had margarita plans of her own. But unfortunately for Emmett, Isabella likes hers on the rocks, rather than frozen, like the rest of the girls - with the exception of Emily - are drinking.

"I swear I never thought I'd say this, but Edward, would you please do something to occupy her mouth so she stops spitting her damn ice at me?"

This suggestion elicits another squeal - and the most vigorous wiggle yet - from her, and then her margarita is all but forgotten as she spins herself around in my lap and grabs my face.

"Do you have something for me, Mr. Masen? That could occupy my mouth? Emmett doesn't appreciate what I can do with it."

_God help me..._

I've never prayed so much in my life. And it's all I can do now, because her words, and playful pout that follows...

And the wicked giggle that follows that...

That's followed by a wicked kiss...

That...

_What was I saying?_

I can't say that I remember...

Or that she remembers that we're not alone...

But maybe that's because it's gotten eerily quiet.

And I know why it has when I feel a kick to my chair.

Before I hear Emmett's booming - and moving - voice... "It's about time you got back! If there is one dent... "

And Angela's whisper... "Jasper's with her."

Which, thankfully, Isabella hears, too. And is still clear-headed enough to not ignore.

But determined enough not to let scare her, either.

"You're late!" she scolds, jumping off of my lap. "But you're here, and that's all that matters."

She wraps her arms around him in a hug, and he does the same, dropping the four bags of ice he was holding on the deck with a loud crunch.

I'm already on my feet and moving toward them, gauging the possibilities of his murderous stare at me, and immediate possessive grip on her.

But when she pulls back, he lets her, and smiles at her when she speaks again. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," he answers, stroking her hair.

Alice reaches down and grabs two of the bags of ice at their feet, and clears her throat loudly. He shoots her an annoyed and exasperated glance, but seems to agree with whatever point she's trying to make. "But I am sorry I'm late. And that I didn't answer my phone... I-"

"It's okay. You came, I don't care about anything else."

He gives her a look like that's the biggest lie she ever told, but she only smiles sweetly at him. "Now, you two gorgeous boys go sit down and guard my drink - I don't trust Emmett not to spit in it - while I go get you a couple of beers. And play nice. I'll be _right _back."

His eyes follow her as she grabs the last two bags of ice and rushes into the house, but flash to me as soon as she's out of earshot. "Why are you playing this game with her?"

"I'm not playing any game, Jasper," I say, heading back to the table.

"Bullshit," he spits at my back.

"I think I'll go see if Bella needs help with anything." Angela jumps nervously from her chair as soon as we reach the table and rushes past a now-on-full-alert Sam into the house.

"Whatever you think I am-" I start, but don't get very far.

"I _know _what you are."

"You know what I _was_."

"She thinks you care about her!"

Isabella is already coming back with our beers, but she stops a few feet away, watching us, her friends in support on either side of her. I lean back in my chair, my eyes never leaving her as I respond. "No, Jasper... you're wrong about that. She _knows _I care about her. And she knows it so absolutely... trusts it so implicitly... that she wanted to show you. Wanted you close enough to see it for yourself, no matter the risk. And no matter how hard she knew you'd try not to."

He turns to look at her, and I tear my eyes away from her to look at his face. I need to see how deep the anger is. Do or say whatever I can to stop it from bursting out of him. At least here and now. Because I won't risk her, no matter how willing she is to risk herself for me.

But I don't see any anger now. And don't hear a trace of it when he speaks again, still looking at her. "Don't do this to her, Edward. I'm begging you... please don't do this. Don't break her."

I'm shocked by the desperation in his plea. And the surrender of everything but how much he loves her.

But I'm angry, too. Because his desperation is just as unreasonable as his rage was. And just as fucking wrong.

"Don't you know me better than that? Don't you know me well enough to know that I would never do that? That she's the last person on this earth that I would ever hurt?

"You say you know what I am... but is that really _all _you think I am? Is that all you can remember about me? After twenty five years of friendship? The stupid, meaningless bullshit I've done with stupid, worthless whores? Is that really all?

"What about the rest, Jasper? The lifetime of something else? _Her _lifetime? Does the twenty two years I spent loving her count for nothing? Do you honestly think all of that time could ever mean_ nothing_ to me? Do you honestly believe that _she _could?

"You stopped being angry long enough to beg me not to break her... Stop long enough to remember! Stop long enough see that you never had to!"

**Isabella**

I rushed back with the beers as quickly as I could...

Afraid of what would happen if I didn't.

Not that it can't happen anyway...

Or still...

Edward's eyes were on me as soon as I was through the door.

And then Jasper's.

And I watched the anger fall away as he looked at me.

Turn to sadness and fear.

For me.

I know the anger is still there...

That he won't let go of it that easily...

But it's not his greatest emotion.

Not his strongest.

Not his only.

Anymore.

He's afraid for me.

Truly and deeply afraid.

I knew that, I suppose...

But not the depth of it.

And not the vulnerability it made him feel.

The helplessness...

That I see clearly on his face.

The scene in front of me has changed drastically in a matter of seconds.

It's Edward who's fighting now.

I can't hear what he's saying, but Jasper can. And is.

He's listening.

And desperately wanting to believe in it.

For me.

And maybe for himself.

I hope.

Because as much as I believe Edward and I were meant to share our lives...

We're not the only ones that are.

They're meant to, too.

And I never wanted to come between that.

I wanted to be in the middle...

But not in a way that would divide them.

Or break them.

I only wanted to bring them closer.

Tie them stronger.

Tighter.

The three of us.

Forever.

I still haven't moved from this spot.

To the one I want to settle in between them.

And Jasper's eyes still haven't left me.

The ones full of love and fear for me.

But then they do...

Because Edward gets up from his chair and walks towards me.

And Jasper watches him.

Really looks.

And I think maybe sees...

Something, at least...

As he takes the beers from my hand.

And reaches up with his other to free my battered lip from my teeth. "Don't do that."

And kisses the top of my head.

Before taking my hand in his.

And leading me back to my fight.

The one he fought for me.

After Alice did.

And for himself.

That the closer we get to...

I see that we've won.

Well...

This round, anyway.

**xx**

**Ding. Ding.**


	27. Chapter 27: Right and Wrong

**Disclaimer: SM still owns Twilight. I still own this. Remember that.**

**And I guess I really only have one other thing to say, besides THANK YOU to anyone still here, _if_ anyone is... Life doesn't always go as smoothly as we want it to. It's not always kind. And mine's not right now. At all. So, bear with me if it's worth it to you. I really am doing my best.**

** And I guess I'm a liar, because there's one more thing I want to say... I _love_ her. Remember that, too. Even though I know most of you don't love her at all. Which I find really _wrong_...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Seven: Right and Wrong<strong>

**Isabella**

"Nobody wants any more brownies, right? I can finish them?"

"Emmett, there's like ten left."

"Your point, Bella?" he asks, stuffing one into his mouth.

I shake my head and Alice reaches up and grabs one from the plate he's about to devour. He looks at her like she just stole his puppy.

"Does he _ever _get full?" she asks, and is answered with an immediate in-stereo "NO".

He smiles a chocolate smile and sits down, protecting the plate with his life. And his large arms. "They're the best brownies I've ever had. Bella is a goddess. My stomach worships her."

"Well, thank you, Emmett. And I know it does, but I didn't make those. _Angela _did."

His eyes perk up at that, and move to her with unabashed admiration. And that's where they stay. _Jackpot!_

"I'm glad you like them," she says, and blushes under his unmoving-from-her gaze.

"God, what have you done?" Edward whispers in my ear with a chuckle.

I look at my brother, who hasn't taken _his _eyes off of _us _all day, and then to Alice and smile. "Nothing... _yet_."

* * *

><p>"Isn't it wonderful, Jasper?"<p>

"Isn't _what _wonderful?" he asks, looking like nothing ever will be again.

_He's so wrong... _"That you're going to be an uncle."

"That I'm going to be a WHAT?!"

His chair clatters to the deck as he jumps to his feet, followed by every other person at the table, two of whom are Sam and Emmett, who grab him as he lunges at Edward, who is also on his feet, and who now has a very confused me tucked protectively behind him. _What did I say?_

"An uncle. Sam and Emily... the bab-" _Oh... Wow._ "Really, Jasper?"

Edward shakes his head and lets out an irritated breath, reaching back and squeezing my hand.

"You're back to idiot, in case you wondered," Alice snarls at my brother, and rights his chair, which Sam and Emmett give him a helpful shove back into.

"Yes, Isabella. No, I mean... " He stops and scrubs his face angrily with his hands. "I mean yes, that's great."

"Don't you know me at all?" I ask him, because no matter how I inadvertently made it sound, I'm still hurt by his assumption. And that he could make it so easily.

"It's not _you_, sweetheart... "

"Yes, it _is_. It's both of us. Two people. With feelings. And yes, _wants_... but _two _people with a voice. Two, Jasper. Stop assuming that mine isn't heard. And know - not that it's any of your damn business, and not that I should have to say it to you - that I haven't had to use it. Mine. Because _he _does know me."

"Even if I believed that... " he starts, looking at Edward like he absolutely doesn't, "How long do you think that's going to last? How long is _knowing _you going to be enough for him? Before _his _voice is the only one you can hear? And you forget that you have one? Or how to use it. How long, Isabella? And it _is _my business."

"Actually, Jasper, it's not." Edward's tone is calm, but the anger in it is unmistakable. "It's _hers_. And mine."

"She's not yours, Edward!"

"You don't get to decide that. She does."

"And I have," I say, though I want to scream it. "And I am. I'll never be anyone else's, Jasper. His is all I've ever wanted to be. You know that. You-"

"What I know is that he's taking advantage of that. And of you. Because _he _definitely knows it."

"No, that's what you _think_. But you're wrong. He wouldn't-"

"You're so naive, Isabella... So damn innocent... "

"You mean exactly the way you wanted me?"

"I didn't... "

"Yes you did. You can't deny that, Jasper. Or that it's what you still want."

"Is that so wrong?" he cries, his eyes pleading with me for understanding. "Is it so terrible of me to want you to stay untarnished by life?"

"No... " I say with a sigh, because I know that's all he believes he's doing. "But it _is_ wrong to not see how unreasonable it is. For me. How unfair. To expect me to live my life like that... locked away... naive and 'so damn innocent'... experiencing nothing. _All _of my life... if you had your way."

"I don't expect that."

"No?"

"No, of course not."

"Then how long?"

"Isabella, you're still a-"

"Don't call me a little girl."

"I wasn't going to."

"Yes you were."

"Well, even if I was, I know you're not. I just... "

"Want me to be."

"I _want _you to listen to me. You used to listen to me, Isabella... You used to do what I told you to do... or not if I told you not to... . You used to trust me to know what was best for you... or what wasn't good at all... I want _that_. For you. Instead of-"

"You weren't the only person I listened to, Jasper. And you weren't the only one who _you _expected me to listen to. You weren't the only person whose orders I followed. You weren't the only one I trusted enough to take them from. Who _you _wanted me to trust enough. Completely. Without question or argument. You _weren't _the only one."

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Yes. I just want you to know that you weren't wrong when you told me to."

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

What the hell am I doing sitting here? Like I approve of...

God, I can't even think it.

I know she was trying to make a point with her little speech earlier, but declaring her trust and willingness to take orders from Edward certainly wasn't the way to get me to see her viewpoint.

Further proof of how damn innocent she really is.

That, by some miracle, and after this day, I believe she _still _is in every way.

For now.

I guess I've answered my own question. _That's _why I'm sitting here.

And listening to every word between them.

For any that could make her not.

"What's that?" Isabella crinkles her nose at the cup Edward puts in her hand.

"You said you needed something to drink," he tells her, sitting a beer in front of me and himself down beside her again - too fucking close...

"It's the wrong color drink. And the one I wanted wouldn't fizz."

"But the one _I _wanted you to have does."

"Well, _I'd _like one that doesn't."

"I'd be happy to go back and get you a bottle of water?"

"I don't want water."

"I didn't think you would... it's why I brought you a Coke."

"I. Want. A. Margarita."

"Sorry, beautiful, the margarita bar is closed."

"It is not!" she yells, teetering as she stands and attempts to stomp her foot.

"It is for you," he laughs and guides her back into her chair. With his hands... that I want to rip from his arms. That I want to rip from...

Yeah, I still want the traitor in pieces. His eyes among them.

He hasn't taken them off of her all day.

And doesn't now as he puts the Coke to her pouting mouth.

And as much as I don't like that - _really _don't like it, because I know what that fucker's thinking as he looks at her mouth - his careful watch over her at this moment is appreciated. For one reason. By me, if not her.

"Okay, some of his orders _are _bad for me," she says, turning to me. "So, since you don't want me to listen to him anymore anyway... Would you get me a margarita, please?"

_That _reason. She's had more than enough to drink. "You wanted me to see, Isabella. And I do. So... _no_."

She rolls her eyes at my suddenly-unwanted cooperation and scans the deck, undoubtedly looking for Emmett, who probably would stupidly oblige her.

Luckily - though not for Angela - he's engrossed in a conversation that she's too happy about to interrupt. God, what is she thinking? I thought she _liked _her?

"Sam?" she calls, sweet as sugar, pulling my attention back to her quickly. "Would you be the doll that you are, and that I adore THE MOST, and make me a margarita?"

Everyone laughs at her manipulation-laced request, but the look she shoots at Edward, and his deep chuckle that follows, sends my blood lust - for his - to near-boiling.

I know damn well who she adores the most, and it's the man now whispering something in her ear that turns her face seven shades of scarlet.

The man who I'm three seconds away from _draining _the color and life from. _What the fuck is he saying to her?_

"Unclench your fists," an annoying voice snarls from behind me, as equally annoying fingers pinch my ear.

_Who does she think she is? And why won't she leave me the hell alone?_

I'm just about to swat the annoying, pinching fly away as Sam answers Isabella's request. "Bella, you're the cutest little drunken liar I've ever seen... and sure, I'll make you one, _if _you can walk a straight line to me."

"You should only play cop games with your wife, Sam, no one thinks they're fun but her."

"Cop's house, cop's games, kiddo. Drink your soda like a good little girl if you don't want to play."

She rolls her eyes at him, too, but stays in her chair, because if she could get up and walk a straight line, she'd walk it into the kitchen and make her own margarita.

"Emmett?" she calls next, apparently deciding her margarita thirst is more important than traumatizing Angela.

"No, Bella!" he bellows, before she even gets the words out.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask you!"

"_Okay_." He laughs, shaking his head at her _Everyone is mean to me _pout. "Ask."

"Can I move in with you?" she asks him, making me choke on my beer. _Where the fuck did that come from?_

"No!" everyone yells at once, except for Emmett, but including the annoying voice who I think just blew my eardrum.

"She was asking _me_," he says with a smug grin. "In your face, Edward! She asked me, not you. And my answer is _yes_, Bella. If you cook everyday. Whenever I'm hungry. Which is sometimes in the middle of the night, or often, actually... so you can't wear Barbie's pajamas to bed. Well... never do that anyway... "

"Emmett!" Edward yells, looking like I felt a few minutes ago, before I was distracted by the current lunacy.

"_And_... " he adds, meeting Edward's glare with one of his own, "you can't have sleepovers with Edward in your room. I'm not Sam."

_He's not Sam... sleepovers in... _"WHAT!?"

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

I'm going to kill Emmett.

As if his recurring mentions of Isabella in Barbie's wardrobe weren't enough reason to, his announcement about my spending the night with Isabella...

Fucking idiot.

Jasper was calm. Psychotically overattentive...

But _calm_.

Now he's just psychotic.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAS BEEN GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE, Sam? And get off of me!"

The "get off of me!" is to Alice, who jumped on Jasper's back the second the stupid words were out of Emmett's mouth and he jumped to his feet.

And it's exactly the reason Isabella is smiling instead of looking worried about what this scene could turn into. Well... that and all of the margaritas she drank before I cut her off.

"I'm taking you inside," I tell her as I pull her up from her chair. "And you're going to stay there until I come back in and get you."

"No," she says, trying to pull away from me.

"_Yes_. It's not safe for you out here."

"Yes it is. Emmett's stupid, but I'll tell Jasper how you slept on top of the blankets and-"

"It won't matter, sweetheart. And you're not going to tell him anything. I want you inside. Now."

"No, Edward... "

I pick her up, because she's still trying to pull herself free, and carry her and her protests through the kitchen door, redirecting Jasper's screaming match with Sam to the true source of his anger.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER, EDWARD! Damn you, woman, get off!"

I can feel him behind me, despite Alice's best efforts to stop him - which are now making Isabella giggle as she watches them over my shoulder.

Hers isn't the only laughter I hear, Emmett is clearly entertained by the scene he created, but I don't share their amusement. I've reached my limit with Jasper's lack of focus.

"Jasper... if you come at me while I have her, there won't be any going back. _Everything _will change."

Isabella goes immediately stiff in my arms, and silence settles over the room. The meaning of my threat is clear to everyone, and even Jasper stands motionless, apart from his eyes that follow me as I drop her gently onto the couch.

"No," she says again, this time clinging to me, and trying to climb back into my arms.

"No, Isabella!" I repeat her plea back to her, sterner than I've ever spoken to her, and firmly push her back into place where I put her.

She flinches at my harsh tone, going completely still, and making me feel like a heinous monster in the process.

"I'm sorry," I lean down and whisper to her, stroking her hair. "I didn't mean to yell at you... I just don't want you to get hurt. Can you understand that, please? And listen to me?"

She nods her head, the slightest of movements, but doesn't look up at me.

"No one's going to get hurt." Sam comes into the living room, guiding Alice - who has now removed herself from Jasper - into a chair, before sitting down on the couch next to Isabella. "I've had enough of this shit. This is the end of it."

"After what you've let go on in this house? It's not the end, Sam! It's-"

"Don't question what goes on in my house, Jasper. It's not your concern. And _not _your place."

"The hell it's not! And you get away from her, too. You're no better than he is!"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that... while you calm down."

"Calm down? CALM DOWN? You let him sleep here with her! And do God knows what to her! Right under your nose! How can you even sit there next to her knowing what you've done? What you let him do? Knowing that the only thing you're pretending to do is give a fuck about her!

"You lied, Sam! You lied when you told Ethan you'd be there for her! For us! You've done nothing for her! Or for _him_! But betray him! But let the innocent person you swore to protect... the person he loved most in the world... the person he gave his _life _for... be destroyed! In _your _house! He trusted you! And you handed her right over! You served her up to everything he never wanted to touch her! _You _let it all be for nothing! Get! Away from her!"

Jasper's said and done a lot of things in the last few weeks that have shocked me...

But I'm not sure anything could shock me more than the things he just said. I've never seen Sam look so angry. He's on his feet. His eyes are murderous. His whole body is shaking. Trembling with rage.

Because he went too far.

Not that it's the first time he has...

But this...

To say what he said...

What he's so wrong about...

To him...

I know Isabella is upset.

Hurt and angry and shocked at how far he went...

And when she runs from the room, I want to run after her. Everything in me tells me I should...

But I'm afraid to.

Afraid of how upset she'll be if I do.

How much worse it will be for her.

How much more hurt she could be...

And the sheer terror in Emily's eyes tells me I'm right.

That I should stay instead of go.

Stay and try to fix this before I go to her.

Have something better than what she left to go to her with.

I hear the slam of her bedroom door...

The one that my being behind with her brought here. To this...

And that slam is the last sound I hear from her.

And the one I think Sam waited for...

Before he let go of his composure...

And proved to her brother how wrong he was.

* * *

><p>"Stop! Please stop!"<p>

Angela's shrill, panicked cry registers in my ears, but does little to halt the chaos I'm trying so hard to control. Sam is possessed, and Emmett and I together are struggling to contain him as Jasper continues to taunt him with his reprehensible attack.

"Please!" Her scream is even louder this time, willing itself to be heard. "You have to stop! Bella's _gone_!"

The room goes suddenly and deadly silent, no one missing her second effort to get our attention.

"What do you mean _gone_?" I yell, her desperation gripping my chest as I let go of Sam and run towards Isabella's room.

"I was worried... I went to check on her... she wouldn't answer me... I tried the door... it isn't locked, but it only opened a couple of inches... she put something in front of it... I went outside to see if I could see her through the window... it's open. And her car is gone... "

The door hits the dresser as her final words hit me, and I know there's no point in trying to get in.

She's gone.

I made the wrong choice again.

I made her wait too long...

Trying to protect her...

From the wrong thing.

I grab my keys from the kitchen and run from the house. Emmett's Jeep is blocking me in. I scream his name, but he's already running past me with his keys in his hand. Everyone is outside, scrambling into cars...

Emily into Sam's, his lights and siren already on. Angela into Emmett's, and Alice - and Jasper - into mine.

"I don't have my car," he spits as I pull out.

"Just shut up!" Alice yells from the back seat. "He didn't even say anything!"

"Where would she go?" he asks me, ignoring her. "Please tell me you know."

I've been asking myself that question since the second I knew she was gone. _Where would she go?_

The very same question I asked myself that day so many years ago that she ran away from the park.

The day she ran away...

From a fight that was too much for her to take.

A fight that scared her.

Hurt her.

The innocent little girl with the innocent and broken heart that just couldn't take any more.

_Where...? Where did you go, sweetheart? Tell me, Isabella, please... Where are you?_

My mind begs her, but I realize it doesn't have to. Because she already told me.

I know where she is.

Or where she's on her way to.

Where she told me she was trying to get to that day...

When she got lost because she didn't know the way.

A place where there's no fighting.

Because all of the fights have already been lost.

"I think she went to the cemetery."

* * *

><p>"How many did she have?"<p>

"Don't."

"How many, Edward? Before you cut her off?"

"I said _don't_!"

"She could barely stand without teetering... and now she's behind the wheel of a car... upset... "

"Shut! Up!" Alice screams before I can.

But I do anyway.

Scream...

Because I was right.

She _was_ headed to the cemetery.

But for the second time...

She didn't get there.

Because she's here...

In her upside down car on the road in front of us.


	28. Chapter 28: A Beautiful Life

**Chapter Twenty Eight: A Beautiful Life**

**Edward**

"We're going to get you out, sweetheart. I promise."

"I w-want _you _t-to g-get out n-now, Edw-ward. P-please."

"_No_."

"P-p-p-please... "

"Shhh... Don't cry. Everything's going to be okay."

"You kn-know it's n-not. P-please... d-don't d-do this t-to m-m-me. P-please."

"I'm not leaving you, Isabella. And nothing you say is going to change that. So, save that sweet breath for me, okay?"

Her hysterical tears take over again, and it takes everything I have in me to keep my own from joining them.

She doesn't seem to have any severe injuries - nothing life threatening, nothing that we can see, anyway - but we haven't been able to get her out of the car. Her car, that she knows could ignite at any moment. With both of us inside.

She's trapped. Her left leg is bent awkwardly, pinned between the driver's door and the steering wheel. The rest of her I can see every inch of, feel every inch of, and hold in my hands above me, ready for the second the door is cut free, freeing her leg so I can pull her out through the other side.

The side I climbed into as soon as we determined that righting the car would do more harm than good, and after the EMTs assured us that she was okay.

And the side that I won't climb back out of unless I climb out of it with her in my arms.

That I should have let her climb back into.

It's why she's crying. Not because I didn't let her then...

But because I won't let her _not _now.

She thinks she's going to die in this car. And she knows that if that happens, she won't do it alone. _That's _why she's hysterical. The biggest reason, anyway.

She _knows _I won't leave her. And though it's what she's always wanted, at this moment it's unbearable to her that I won't.

She wanted the Once upon a time...

And I finally manned up and gave it to her.

And no matter how ours ends, it will end _together_. I'll give her no less than that.

But so much more than this...

_Please, God, if you can hear me... hear her... my precious angel's cries... let me give her more than this._

"How's it coming out there, Biers?" I call out, desperate for an answer I can hear.

Yes...

_Riley Biers_ holds our future in his hands. "It's coming."

And I have faith in him. I have to.

Everyone here... men who know him, men who have worked side by side with him - their lives at risk every day - put _our _lives in his hands.

Because they trust him.

So, so will I.

Believe that he's good at his job.

And that he cares, maybe just a little more than usual about this one.

I saw the shock on his face when he arrived on the scene.

And I saw that shock turn to determination and dedication when he immediately took charge of it.

Determination and dedication that hasn't faltered in spite of her cries, that I know he can hear.

And that still doesn't falter as we hear others. Because of something else...

Behind us...

Something that, even though I now can, thankfully Isabella can't see.

Flames.

"Biers? Is it still coming?"

"Sure the hell is! Why don't you come out of there, Masen, and have a look? Stretch your legs for a second. You know... so they're _ready_."

"My legs are fine, Biers. Just free hers and I'll show you."

Isabella's crying suddenly stops, and she pulls her hand from mine...

And starts to shove. Not at the door or the wheel that holds her in this Hell...

But at me. She's trying to push me away from her. As hard as she's ever held me to her. Harder...

"Get out, Edward. Get out of my car."

"We'll be out soon, sweetheart."

"I want _you _out _now_. Get out of the damn car!"

"Isabella... "

"Now!" she screams, pounding hard on my chest. "Get out!" And then the tears come back in a torrent. "P-p-p-p-pleeease... you h-have t-to... "

"No... I don't. And I won't. Not without you. You can't make me break my promises."

"I w-want you to b-break them! I n-need you t-to. P-please... p-please leave m-me... "

"Never."

"Edw-ward... p-pl-ease... "

"Hey, harmless?" Riley calls out, trying to distract her, I think. "Can you hear me in there?"

"T-tell him to g-get out, Riley. T-tell him y-you c-can't d-do it, a-and-"

"Can't do it? You know, Bella, I like Edward's faith in me a lot better than yours. Can't do it... I'll show you, you beautiful, faithless girl... "

I shoot him a look through the window, and even though he doesn't take his eyes from his task to look back at me, his smile is proof that he knows what he did. And hopefully proof of something else...

That he's still confident about how this will end.

And still wants to make her believe it.

"Well, Bella... faith in me or not, I wanted to ask you something. I'm kind of a sucker for happily ever afters... even if they're not mine... I love to see people get everything they want. See their hopes and dreams come true. And I was wondering... you know, since I'm out here busting my ass to make sure yours do... if maybe I could get an invite to the wedding?"

Maybe Sam was right about him...

Like he was about me...

And Isabella...

Who I know heard every word he said...

And though her tears haven't stopped falling because of them, her hand _has_. She's not pushing me anymore. Not shoving. She's trying to hope...

Even though the heat is becoming stifling.

She wants to believe him. In him. And in me.

She doesn't just want the Once upon a time...

She wants the happily ever after.

The beautiful life she believes I can give her.

The beautiful life she's dreamed of for all of hers...

The beautiful life that I'll spend every day of mine trying to surpass her dreams of.

So, I answer his question. For both of us. Even though I haven't asked her one yet. "You make sure hers have a chance to, Riley, and you'll have a front row seat."

"I'm going to hold you to that, Edward... _Now_!"

The door is suddenly ripped away, by him... allowing me to do the same...

Rip her from the car and away...

As far and as fast as my legs will carry us...

As it explodes at my back...

And she does the same in my arms.

That tuck her under me as we fall to the ground...

Together.

Something we'll never not be.

Something her hysterical cries tell me she knows as she holds on tighter than she ever has.

"Edward... y-you d-didn't l-leave me."

"No, sweetheart, I could never do that."

"Y-you didn't l-let me p-push you a-w-way."

"Of course I didn't. You taught me not to."

"She's good at that... " Jasper's tortured voice flows into the space above us. And then beside us, as he pulls me away from her...

Not in anger...

And not _away_...

Not like he wanted to before...

Just away enough so that he can get closer to her.

"Showing stupid, stubborn people who think they know everything... what's right and what's not... that they _don't_... "

"She is," I say, looking from his tear-stained face to hers.

"And she's not the only one."

The words weren't easy for him to say...

Maybe even the most difficult he's ever said...

But he said them. And I know what they mean.

"I'll never hurt her, Jasper. I'm still on your side. Surrendering myself to hers didn't move me from it. We still want the same thing."

"Not quite," he says, cringing with the pain of it, that no doubt intensifies as he looks at the beaming smile on her face.

The beaming smile that now makes him cringe with a different pain.

Pain he caused, that this time, could truly have destroyed her.

Destroyed all of us.

Pain that I see morph into resolve as the EMTs make their way between us and the girl that we both love more than life itself...

Because life without her wouldn't be at all.

Life he's lived too much of lately.

Life I don't think he'll live another day of after tonight.

After he tells her...

That he loves her...

And that he's sorry...

And that he's done fighting...

Her...

Me...

Everyone...

And everything...

But himself.

For ever fighting at all.

Against the thing she wanted most in the world.

Us...

Her and I...

And him...

The three of us...

Together.

Like it always was.

But not quite.

And like I can see in his eyes...

And hear in his voice, that's now for me...

"You didn't leave her."

It is again.

"Never."

* * *

><p>"You're a good man, Edward."<p>

I don't turn to look at Alice beside me, my eyes glued to the ambulance in front of us.

The ambulance that holds my life. And his. The man who I let climb into it with her, instead of me.

"He had things he wanted to say to her. I couldn't make her wait to hear them."

"For that reason, too."

"For her, Alice. Only for her... "

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

I had hopes for today.

That the people that I love would see things. Things that I saw...

And things that I saw slipping away. Heard...

Things that sent me running...

To what already had.

_Who_...

Faces I could no longer see.

And voices I could no longer hear...

But that I never heard raised, or angry when I could.

Not once.

My father never yelled.

Or Ethan.

At least not when my ears could hear.

And I used to be able to say the same about Jasper.

Mostly.

The times I'd heard him hadn't been for me. Or at, at least...

Maybe if he'd had more time with them...

Ethan...

And my father...

Even though he had so much more than I did...

It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. For either of us.

And that's why I went. Because it wasn't for me at all.

Why I climbed out of that window and got into my car.

Because I needed them. I needed to be near them. Surrounded by them...

And their silence, that I wished wasn't.

Wish it every day of my life.

Wishes that will never come true. Hope that was long ago given up. Because I had no choice. It was taken away from me.

But it wasn't today.

I knew no one would hear me leave. Over the screaming. The fighting.

And I knew that I shouldn't.

But I had to.

I couldn't take any more of the present that my wishes had created.

The hope I'd never give up...

But that I almost gave away.

I risked everything today. When I ran away. From and to.

I risked so much...

Too much.

Because I didn't listen. To Edward.

And because I couldn't bear to anymore. To my brother. The one I could still hear. The one whose words were too loud. Too angry. And too cruel.

The things he said to Sam...

They broke my heart.

He went too far. Much, much too far.

And then I did.

Even though I didn't get where I was going. Where I needed to be. Where I _thought _I did...

To the past, because the present hurt too much. I thought...

Until I made it hurt more.

Because Edward wouldn't leave me.

He fought Jasper to get to me. And because he won that fight, he almost lost.

I thought he would. Lose everything. His life...

Because he wouldn't leave mine.

Those moments were the worst of it. My life. Because another person I loved - the person my greatest hope is for now, the person who will make all of my wishes come true now - could have lost his. For me.

And this time...

It truly would have been my fault.

All because I didn't listen.

To the one person who I'll never not listen to again.

Never...

Because he didn't listen to me...

When I told him to leave me. Begged him...

He refused to go.

The loudest sound I've ever heard.

From a voice as gentle as the ones I'll never hear again.

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

I was angry when Edward climbed into Isabella's car.

Angry that he beat me to it. And to her.

And angry that he knew where to find her and I didn't.

Not that he knew we'd find her where we did...

But that he knew the path to take to.

The path that _I _sent her to.

I was angry...

At myself.

For so many things...

I did it all wrong. Again.

I heard Edward's tortured cry before I saw her car.

Because I was already looking at him, searching for answers.

And his tortured cry gave me the first.

Gave me all of them.

That he knew where to find her. That she'd had too much before he'd made her stop. And that she had again because I'd gone too far.

And that it would destroy him. If she was. Gone.

Not just me...

_Him_.

I knew that he loved her...

Before he even climbed into that car.

That everything she'd tried to tell me...

And Sam...

And Emmett...

Alice...

And him...

Was true.

My lifelong best friend and ally was in love with my baby sister.

I had accused Sam of letting things happen right under his nose...

But they'd happened under mine first.

I was right there...

Seeing it all... but not.

Even when I thought I'd seen something, I'd told myself I hadn't.

But there was no denying what I saw today. And tonight...

And there isn't now...

As she sleeps in her hospital bed with him on one side of her and me on the other.

He hasn't taken his eyes off of her for a second.

Or his hands...

That hold one of hers, because I hold the other.

But I don't want to rip them off of him anymore. Or her from them...

And that doesn't mean that it's easy...

It's still hard to see...

Excruciatingly hard...

But not as hard as it would have been not to.

If she weren't here.

In both of our hands.

Because of me.

Because I refused to still see something that I always had. That he loved her. And that he could never anything but.

Something he proved to me when he climbed into her car. Fought me to do...

And her not to make him not.

I heard her cries. Her pleading.

They killed me. They killed everyone who could hear.

The love and desperation in them.

The same love and desperation that kept him where she begged him to leave.

He knew what was going to happen, like she did. Like we all did. That it was only a matter of time...

And still he stayed in that car. Half in, half out, waiting...

_Still _waiting even when the flames started to curl around their space... that I waited helplessly outside of.

He stayed.

He didn't leave her.

Couldn't any more than I could have if I'd been in his place. If he'd have let me.

The one close to her. Closer than I was, and would ever be again.

He _didn't _leave her.

And I know what that meant. What it means...

To him. And to her. And to me.

To all of us.

"I got it," Alice whispers quietly as she slips through the door.

"Thank you," Edward whispers back to her, taking the stuffed monkey from her hand and tucking it under Isabella's arm.

Because he _does _know her. What she needs. What's important to her. How her mind works...

And her heart...

Without her asking, or telling him. Or having to.

He knows...

Better than I do.

Like he always has.

And like I've accepted...

Stopped fighting the truth of...

Like he did...

Like he couldn't help not anymore...

That he always will.

"I'm sorry, Edward... "

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

Jasper and I talked for hours...

While our girl slept like an angel between us.

Talked like I don't think we ever have before.

About her.

And us.

The us she fought for.

We _talked_. Quietly. Calmly.

A conversation he started with an apology, to me, that I didn't doubt that he meant wholeheartedly. A conversation I let continue with forgiveness, because I wanted to move forward.

For her.

_With _her.

With his hard fought, and harder realized support.

Something that she saw the moment she opened her eyes.

The big brown eyes that own us both.

The ones that filled with tears before either of us could say a word.

Tears he watched me sweep away with tender kisses to her cheeks. Kisses that made him sigh, but not jump from his chair to take from her.

He doesn't want to take anything from her. Because he knows he almost took too much. And that I won't.

He understands that now. That even though I want parts of her he never wanted me to want...

The part of her I want most is her heart. And that I'll protect it... shield it... cherish it... and her...

With my life. That I'll give to her, and for her, but never take from her. Or let anyone else.

He understands...

That I'll never leave her. And that the only way I could ever hurt her - ever again - is if I did.

Something he told me not an hour ago that he'd kill me if I ever even considered. Because he's still Jasper...

The Jasper that I've known for twenty five years.

The Jasper I didn't recognize for a while...

_We _didn't...

The Jasper who's here now.

Back where he belongs...

But in a better place than before he left.

He's by her side...

Instead of in front of her, blocking her way.

And mine.

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

My eyes filled with tears the moment I opened them.

Not because I was afraid... or in pain, even though I am...

And not because I saw or heard anything that hurt me...

But because I think I never will again. Not the _same _things, anyway, that did.

The two people I love most in the world are here. Together. With me between them, the way I hoped for.

Their faces are the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. Not because they are... which is true...

But because they're calm. And perfect. Free of anger, or the evidence it leaves. The bruises...

The damage.

There's no new. I'm the only one of us that wears any. This time. The _last_, I think.

And think even more surely when Edward leans up to kiss my tears away and Jasper doesn't move.

Except to tighten his grip on my hand as he sighs.

A surrender...

And a promise.

Like the ones he made me last night in the ambulance as he cried.

That he'd stop fighting.

Stop hurting me.

And try his best to let the things that _wouldn't _stop hurting him.

He meant it.

All of it.

Every tearful word he spoke to me.

Like how much he loved me.

Something that I never doubted in my life until recently.

Something that he said I should never have for a second, no matter how stupid or crazed he acted. No matter what he said that he'd never forgive himself for.

The thing that he begged _me _to forgive him for, even though I already had.

And the other things he said to other people we both love...

And the things he did...

To me...

And our house...

That he swore he'd never do again.

Or to Edward... _unless _he ever hurt me.

Something that turned my joyful tears to laughter.

Because that's the brother I remembered. And missed. And finally got back.

The one who's still here. Keeping his promises. And not trying to stop Edward from keeping his.

They're on the same side again. And on either side of mine. At the same time.

And my tears are proof of how happy that makes me. But maybe just a little bit of something else. _Because _they're on the same side...

"How much trouble am I in?" I ask, pulling my hands from each of theirs and clutching my monkey to my chest. My monkey that I know is here because of Edward, who narrows his beautiful green eyes at me.

"Deep shit, sweetheart," Jasper answers for both of them, his brown eyes just as narrow.

I bite my lip and look to Sam, who sits in the corner. He smiles at me, but I think it's just a moment of kindness before he delivers the harsh truth.

"Really deep?" I ask him, and hold my breath.

"Are you asking the cop or the person who loves you who you scared the hell out of?" he asks, getting up and walking to the foot of my bed.

"The cop," I answer. "I'm pretty sure the other one has grounded me. Unless I'm just a _homeless _little girl... "

"_Now_ you're a little girl?" they all three ask at once, a chorus of soft chuckles filling the silence left by my scared little girl nod.

"Well, I'm not sure what the little girl is asking the cop exactly, Bella, but accidents are just that: _accidents_. And sweet, innocent little girls don't get in trouble for them. And certainly not in 'deep shit'."

"But I-"

"Let it go, sweetheart."

"But it wasn't just you. All of those other people... the officers, the firemen, the-"

"Are _all _friends of mine."

"_No_ trouble? None at all?" I ask, looking from his face, to Jasper's, then from his to Edward's, seeing the same answer in each: NO.

"Only with us," he answers anyway.

Well, I knew _that_...

And as I look again at their faces, now that I know the other answer, I think I'm actually really afraid of what that one means.

"Is Emmett here somewhere?" I ask, since this is ultimately all his fault.

"I believe he's terrorizing the cafeteria," Jasper informs me, "But don't expect an ally when he returns."

"Or a new roommate," Edward adds, tucking my hair behind my ear affectionately, "The ridiculous request for which, despite his more ridiculous response, is _denied_."

"Whatever you say," I offer sweetly, knowing that, in trouble or not, as long as Edward is a member of my 'deep shit' jury, I won't suffer the only punishment that would be unbearable to me. Being without him... "I only didn't ask _you _because I knew you would say no."

"Not _no_, sweetheart... " he whispers, his lips soft and sweet on my cheek, and then again at my ear, "... just _not yet_."

_Not yet..._

He said_ not yet_...

And _that_...

Is deeper than any amount of trouble I'm in.

Or could ever be...

For the rest of my beautiful life.

**xx**

**So... a few things... **

**First... Some of the details didn't matter, so I didn't bother with them. As for the ones I did throw in at the beginning, don't slam me if they're too unrealistic. It's fiction, and I'm not a firefighter, or a police officer, or a paramedic... nor have I ever been in an accident of this sort, or a witness to one.**

**Second... Of course she has a few injuries, but her heart is still in one piece, and that was what I thought was important. **

**Third... Things aren't any better for me, and are only about to get worse. I have to be moved out of my apartment in two weeks. I should have spent today (my only day off for another six) packing... this update means I didn't. It also means I made For Better or For Worse and Clear and Bright wait while this got an extra turn. Anyone waiting for those, and for the next chapter of this, forgive me, because it's going to be a while. But the way I left this the last time seemed cruel, and contrary to what most think, I'm really not. Says me. **

**Fourth... Say Goodbye readers... that little fic got nominated for an Emerging Swan Award. The category is Best Adventure/Mystery/Crime/Western/Historical and the voting is open until September 21. I'd love your support, it doesn't get much. Which I don't really get, but...**

**Fifth... Twilight still belongs to SM. And Come Closer, and all of the other above mentioned stories belong to me. Always and only. **

**And last but not least... He said _not yet_! Gaaaaaaaaaaah!**


	29. Chapter 29: Trouble

**Chapter Twenty Nine: Trouble**

**Isabella**

"So, you made Emmett go to work, but the two of you... "

"I'm the boss," Edward says with a sexy, arrogant smirk, then resumes fussing with my blankets, "I do what I want. Are you warm enough?"

"Yes, _Sir_," I answer with a giggle, and maybe slightly flushed cheeks, "It was just my feet that were cold. And you?" I reluctantly turn to ask Jasper, who's adjusting my pillows for the hundredth time this morning.

"I'm friends with the boss, so, so do I."

_Yes you are... again... finally. _"You win for best answer."

"Well, if it's a competition-" Edward starts.

"I'd lose," Jasper finishes for him. "We all know this. Can you let me have my moment?"

"I suppose letting you have _one_ wouldn't kill me."

"You're both completely adorable." I smile at their exchange - and because the true winner here is _me _- and reach out to still them both. "And _attentive_."

"I have a lot of lost time to make up for," Jasper declares with a sweet, helpless smile, that then falls. "And answers that weren't the best. And moments that were even worse."

"So do I," Edward declares the same, but tops his helpless smile off with a sexy wink at me that could melt any living, breathing being on earth. Unless you're the living, breathing being that is my brother...

"She's only twenty two. No, you _don't_."

There's a knock at the door just then - thank God - and I yell an exuberant "Come in!" to whoever it is, and Riley appears in the doorway - bearing gifts, the unwrapped of which makes Edward's jaw twitch.

I squeeze his hand and reach for the teddy bear fireman with the other. "I'm pretty sure I should be thanking you, Riley, not accepting gifts."

"Well, you've already done the first, and the second is just-"

"Very cute. Thank you. And again for-"

"You're welcome," he says before I can say anything else. "So, how is our damsel today? Being well taken care of?"

"Exceptionally well," I smile, "The huddle is most attentive and focused."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. And to see you smiling and looking so well."

"I have a lot to smile about."

"_That_ I knew without asking."

It's Edward who squeezes my hand this time, before planting a tender kiss on it and settling himself into the chair beside my bed.

After a moment, I tear my eyes from him and focus my attention back on my visitor. "So, are you visiting more than one indebted damsel today?" I ask, nodding toward the large gift bag still in his hand. "I imagine your dedication to your job leaves you a string of them."

"I love my job, and no one should ever feel indebted to me for doing it. As for damsels, no, just you. And since I was, I was asked to deliver this."

He sets the bag on the bed, and even if I couldn't see a shoe box peeking out from between the tissue, I'd have known exactly who it was from.

"Why didn't she bring it herself?"

"She didn't think you'd accept it from her. Or a visit."

"But she thinks I'll accept it from you?"

"I think it was more of a hope, really."

"Well-"

"She loves you, Bella. And she misses you. And she's mortified by what happened last night. And what could have. And before... and she would tell you all of that, and probably a thousand other things, if you'd give her a chance to."

"But she sent you."

"I only walked a couple of feet on my messenger mission. She came the rest of the way."

"What?"

"She's right outside. In case."

"She is?"

"Yes. Wishing more than anything that she could be _in_."

"She can't accept what _in _means. And I can't-"

"She wasn't _only _mortified by what happened last night, Bella. I gave her a pretty detailed account of the events... she might surprise you, if, like I said, you gave her a chance to. _Too_."

I chew my lip, and look around the room. At each of their faces...

Faces of the men who are each responsible in some way for my being here. Alive and happy, and with a chance at that beautiful life that I know awaits me.

Because they all forgot about what they thought they knew... or felt... about each other.

And let themselves trust...

And be surprised. By something else. Something different. Something stronger. Something better.

What they all wanted to give me.

Something undeniable.

Because they denied me nothing, while giving each other a chance to give me everything.

I know that. And that Rose didn't deny me anything, either.

Not that she didn't want to...

Or try to...

Keep my dreams from coming true...

But she didn't. Because Edward didn't let her.

She didn't come between us. Because he didn't give her room to.

And even though she tried to push Jasper where she couldn't get, he was already trying to get there on his own.

_Was_.

Not is.

Not anymore.

And I've forgiven him for that. When he was. I've let it go, because I don't need to hold on to it.

I have everything I wanted in my grasp. Literally.

Edward is right here.

And letting Rose in... letting her give me something - whether it's a surprise or something I'd expect - can't take him from me. "She can come in. But it will be up to her whether or not she stays."

"We'll see about that second part," Edward says, gripping my hand a little tighter.

"And _him_," I add with a helpless shrug.

"I'll go let her know."

It's only seconds after Riley leaves the room that Rose rushes in - empty handed, except for Riley, because her sorrow is already here. Not just in the bag that sits in front of me... but in the space she leaves between us as she stops a few feet away from me.

"Thank you. I was so worried about you, I-"

"I'm okay. Better than, really."

"I see that. And I'm so glad."

"Are you?"

"Of course I am. I love you. No matter how you feel about me."

"You-"

"I never wanted to hurt you, Bella. It was not wanting someone else to that-"

"I can't really say the same thing." _Well, maybe I haven't _completely _forgiven her._

"I know. But I understand why you wanted to. And why you did. And why you might still... " She looks at Riley and takes a deep breath, and then back at me. "But I swear I didn't-"

"Your life is _yours_, Rose. And who you want in it... I'd never want to hurt you for that. Well, unless-"

"I want _you _in it. More than anyone else. Just like they do." I watch her as she looks at Jasper, and then settles her eyes on Edward at my side, a small smile forming on her lips. Just before she crinkles her nose. "And _unless _would never happen, not if my life depended on it. That hasn't changed...

"But _I'm _trying to. I know you only always wanted better for me. For me to make better choices. Whether you meant it literally or not, to be more like _you_... "

"I didn't, Rose. I-"

"Wait. Let me say this, please." She takes a few steps closer, stopping just at the foot of my bed this time. "You _are _better, Bella. I know you're not perfect... and sometimes you're a downright unbearable little snot, but you're also unbearably lovable. You're a _good _person. Sweet - _most _of the time - and loving, and caring, and the most loyal person I've ever known.

"You know that the people you love are one big train wreck of imperfect. But you love them anyway. With your whole heart. The biggest, and most generous and beautiful heart a person could have.

"I want to be one of those people again, Bella. One of those people you think are worthy of you.

"I did what I did because I didn't think someone else was. And, I'll admit, because I was jealous... of how much you loved him anyway... which wasn't completely unlike you always had with me... and that's...

"I'm _sorry_. Sorry for myself that I didn't listen to you a long time ago, and give myself a chance at a better life. One with you in it. And sorry to you... _both _of you, because I refused to see or accept the one you saw for yourself. The only one you ever saw. That I-"

"_Both_ of us?"

"Yes. _Both _of you. I was wrong. He's... _Edward _is a better man than I ever could have... well... he just is. And I should never have doubted that he or any man could be capable of being better when your heart was the prize. Only an idiot would pass that up. Or throw it away."

"Well, Alice isn't here to argue this, so... There are no idiots in my army, Rose."

"Does that mean I can't re-enlist?"

"No. It means you're forgiven."

"Oh, Bella! I swear I'll never-"

"Let's not make any promises right now, okay?"

"Okay. But I mean it."

"Well, I'm kind of all about actions these days... so let's just-" I stop short as she steps around the bed and stops just in front of Edward, who hasn't moved from his post at my side.

"Truce?" she asks him, her hand extended.

"You don't have to actually touch me, Rose. You know, since there are no ten foot poles around."

She smirks and then clears her throat before she responds. "Well, it's this or a hug. You know... since I heard about what you did. And didn't do."

He looks at me, and I let go of his hand with a smile. "I guess you need this. You know... considering the alternative."

"I wasn't considering it," he declares, and stands, his expression hardening as he turns to Rose. "I'll agree to a truce as long as it's in Isabella's best interest, but if you-"

"I won't."

"You better not." He gives her a warning glare, but shakes her hand, though I don't think he trusts her for a second. And she knows it. And grips his hand harder just as he starts to pull it away.

"I said I won't. And just so _you _know, Edward... if you ever hurt her... I'll rip your newly discovered heart right out of your chest and feed it to Jasper's stupid snake."

"Rose... " I start to warn, but Edward pulls free of her and is back by my side instantly, silencing me with a sweet kiss to my cheek.

"It's okay, sweetheart. She should feel that way. But I'll quite enjoy knowing that Aro's only sustenance will come from _mice_. Though I must admit I feel a little sorry for him... because that's a miserable and unfulfilled existence."

"Poor, stupid snake," I muse, unable to keep the smile from my lips.

Jasper's sudden groan is the only indicator that he was still here, having been silent since Rose arrived. "Where's Alice when I actually want her?"

"You want her?" I ask, my smile growing even wider.

"What? No... just her support. She likes my snake."

"She does?"

"Said he was _cool as shit_."

"Interesting." _Very, very interesting..._

"Or weird," Rose says, pulling my attention back to her. "Bella, don't you want to open your present?"

"You didn't have to get me a present, Rose. You could have come with nothing."

"I didn't buy it today. Well, I exchanged it today, but that's just because the one I'd bought before was wrong. And bitchy."

"Before? And bitchy?"

"Yeah. Before you were here. It wasn't a 'get well' present... I was mad, and hurt, and wanted to... well, I'd bought you this really awful pair of boots. They were kind of like combat boots, but really hideous ones, not cool like soldiers', or designer or anything. They were waterproof... with steel toes... the color of muck... the ugliest things I'd ever seen. And that was why I bought them.

"I was going to give them to you with a wish for a happy life, fully believing you wouldn't have one. That you couldn't possibly with him... They were supposed to represent what you would have... something ugly, and hard, and what you'd need to survive it - which I also didn't think you would. And they were big. Much too big for you. Men's boots... that a little girl had no business trying to-"

"I get it, Rose."

"I just wanted to be honest with you. Now, I mean. About what I did, or wanted to do before. It was bitchy and stupid and childish... and I'm sorry I ever did it. I took them back... this morning, and got you something else. Something for you. Something perfect. And for the right reasons. Because I want you to have something beautiful. Like your future."

Edward and Jasper are both shaking their heads. Because of the first part...

But I'm me, and am more interested in what came after it. And what she wants me to have. Since I'm being forgiving and all...

So I pull the shoe box out of the bag. "These better be good, bitch." And crumple up the tissue paper and throw it at her.

"I promise they are," she laughs, and then waits with held breath while I pull the lid off of the box.

And squeal.

Because they _are _perfect. And beautiful. And I love them!

With their high, sexy heels, black flowered lace, and sweet, sassy bows...

"Thank you. I love them."

"Good. I knew they were you the moment I saw them. And all you really needed to get through that life you have waiting... because they'd never let you trudge through any muck, which I know because they never let me drag you through any with me."

The they is Jasper and Edward...

Who Rose has always known were on the same side. And who I know as she glances at them both before looking back at me with a smile, that she knows they are again.

The same one I gave her one more chance to be on.

* * *

><p>I tried to model my new shoes from my bed. My excitement making me forget about the pain in my leg. And then reminding me.<p>

And my huddle that it was time for my pain meds.

I didn't want them. I knew they'd knock me out. And they did...

But maybe I don't mind so much, because when I open my eyes, Edward is the only one in my room.

"Where is everyone?" I ask him, not really caring about the answer.

"It's just you and me," he tells me, with a wink and a smile that tell me I do.

And that he remembers mine. The same one. Before everything turned to muck. That we all trudged through - though separately at times, some of us anyway - but that we made it through together.

Stronger than we were when we started. Even though I had to be carried out in the end. In his arms. The only ones I've ever wanted to be in.

"Talk about perfect... "

"It will be. As much as I can make it for you. I promise you, Isabella."

"You already have."

"Back on that pedestal, am I?"

"You have been for a long time, you know that."

"I suppose I do. And there was a time not so long ago that I would have been content just to be there, but now... I want to _earn _my place."

"You _have_."

"No, sweetheart. You wouldn't be here if I had."

"That's not true. I'm here because-"

"I didn't keep you safe in yours."

"My place is with you, Edward. And you didn't not keep me in it, or safe in it. You just didn't know I'd run away from it while you were trying to. You're all acting like this was just an accident... because you want to protect me from the consequences I'd face for what else it was, but I know what I did. And so do you. And I'm not going to let you blame yourself for it.

"I'm here because of _me_. Because, like Rose said, sometimes I'm a - though I don't think unbearable - little snot, who doesn't always - or ever - consider the consequences of my actions when I want my way. Because there have never been any. For me, at least. Because none of you have ever let there be."

"You've faced enough in your life, Isabella. Enough pain. Enough hurt. And more than enough loss. None of us wants you to face any more, and I sure as hell won't let you."

"Then be content to be on that pedestal. And know that you could never be anywhere else with me."

"_With_ you?"

"Of course _with _me. I've been on one since the day I was born... and you were right there all of my life keeping me on it. I _had _to pull you up with me. I got lonely up there all by myself. And sad... because it was unbearable having to watch you trudge through the muck down below."

"You're not a little snot."

"No? You don't think so?"

"No... I _don't _think so."

His smile tells me what he does think...

And his eyes...

That look into mine and show me the consequences of getting my way.

Consequences I'll never let anyone stop me from facing.

Because, little snot or not...

I earned them.

"God help you, Isabella... "

"God help _you_, Edward Masen."

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

Other than our few minutes alone when she woke up, Isabella's room has been like Grand Central Station.

And I'd never deny her the love and attention everyone's been giving her, or the presents, but I couldn't help but feel a little jealous that _I_ hadn't given her any.

Presents.

That damn fireman bear kept taunting me. Not that she was paying it any special attention... she wasn't, but its mere presence was enough.

I'll be indebted to Riley Biers for the rest of my life...

For letting me keep her in it.

But I want to give _her _something to show her how glad I am that she is. Little snot or not.

It's why I left her with her army.

To go get something for her.

Not flowers, or pretty shoes - that are going to kill me when she wears, along with whatever dress Alice said would go perfectly with them when she saw them - or cute, cuddly or heroic stuffed animals...

I know what Isabella would like more than any of those things. From _me_.

And it's something I don't have to buy.

But something that makes her face light up when she sees. Me and what's in my hand.

"You really like being up there, don't you?" she asks with a beaming smile.

"I do. Especially now that I know I'm not up there alone."

"You're going to be. Because if you're going to do what I think you're going to do, I'm going to fall off."

"I _am_. And I'd never let it happen."

"You're going to _make _it happen."

"Well then maybe I shouldn't-"

"Yes you should! I'll hold on tight, I swear! Please?"

"What a masochist my girl is... "

"I am not. Maybe that's just what you're hoping."

"If it is, he's a dead man."

Jasper's sudden involvement in our conversation is neither wanted or appreciated. By Isabella.

"Mind your own business, _brother dear_, or you'll be eating python stew for a month."

"I am, _BABY sister dear_, and no I won't, because you'd never get close enough to him to kill him."

"Likewise."

"No one's going to kill anyone. Or any _thing_," Alice interjects, giving Jasper a light shove back into the chair he'd just stood up from. "I haven't even gotten to pet it yet."

"That's disgusting, Alice," Isabella says, scrunching her nose. Innocently. Because she hates that snake. Which is all Alice meant...

But then I see the wheels start turning - which I blame on Emmett's mind-in-the-gutter chuckling - and she smiles. Because now she's not thinking about the snake. Or that it's at all what Alice meant.

Until they perhaps turn a little too far, and that smile falls from her face with a horrified shudder.

"Just think about our first date," I lean down and whisper in her ear, bringing her smile back faster than it left. And a hint of pink to her cheeks.

Is it evil that I love being able to do that to her with just a few words? Granted, it was what the words referred to... what I did to her with just a few simple touches... that brought the beautiful flush, but...

Yes... I'm evil. And I know she wouldn't change me. As long as I devote all of my evil to her. "Better?"

"Perfect."

There's that word again. The one she gives me much too easily. "Well, I'm glad it worked. That was absolutely my intention, but I must say I think you're being far too generous. You should make me work for it."

"Harder than you worked last night?"

"That wasn't work, sweetheart."

"And _that _is why you've earned it. But I'll still let you work for it if it's what you really want...

"Everyone shut up! Edward's going to sing me a song."

"Yes, sing _you _a song. _Later_."

"No, _now_."

"Isabella... no one but you wants to hear me sing. I'll-"

"I do!" Alice yells, followed by a couple of exuberant "Me toos" from Emily and Angela.

"I assure all of you that you _don't_," I inform them, having no intention of putting on a live show for anyone but her. "Isabella has, like her heart, very generous ears. And trust me, I do you a tremendous favor when I say there will be no singing until after you've wished my one and only fan a goodnight."

"Don't listen to him," Isabella says, thwarting my efforts at escape, "He sounds as good as he looks. Need I say more?"

Even if I weren't an arrogant asshole - about how I look, not sound - I'd know I was doomed by her words.

"You better start strummin, pretty boy," Sam chuckles, "Because you're sure as hell not getting out of it now. Jesus, even my pregnant wife has anticipatory drool on her chin."

"About what I said earlier... " I start, glaring at Isabella, "I lied. You _are_."

"I can live with that," she declares with a giggle. "Now melt me."

That's exactly what I was hoping to do...

Though I could probably sing a page of the phone book to her and accomplish that...

I just didn't plan to do it in front of an audience.

And I really don't want to. Really, _really _don't...

But I heard what she told Rose this afternoon about actions. And I did tell her she should make me work for it.

And there's something else I want to tell her...

And I will say it to her privately...

Melt her with it...

But I also want her to know that I'm not afraid to say it in front of the world. Hers.

Or sing it.

May God have mercy on their ears... … ...

And the beautiful woman who I _do _melt...

The second I start.

And every second after.

And until...

Because she knows what's coming...

Knew it from the first...

When she smiled...

Laughed...

And then her eyes filled with tears...

While she waited to hear the words:

_**I said I love her**_

_**Yes, I love her**_

_**I said I love her**_

_**I said I lo-o-o-o...**_

xx

**Hi! Long time no see! Yeah, I'm sure you all want to slap me, or worse, so on to other things...**

**I'm not one of those authors that has some musical inspiration for every chapter they write. In fact, I pretty much almost never do. And I didn't really this time. I waited patiently for that moment to arrive. And now was just the right time for it. That song that is just too perfectly them not to use. Not that I used very much of it... I could have, but it wasn't the way I wanted to do it. Of course he sang it to her from the beginning... but I didn't need to write that all out. The most important part is there. And I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that you all know what this perfect-for-them song is/was. *coughchaptertitlecough* Because it will crush me if you don't. You know... that song that I've dreamed for ages of hearing Rob sing... though that dream is a little crushed now... for obvious reasons. I don't need to say what they are. Or _it_ is. And actually, I don't dream of hearing him sing it anymore. Not now. It's all you, Edward. And her. Mine.**

**So... thank you to anyone who's trudged through the muck with us. And who's still here trudging through the sap. And thanks to SM, because they were yours first, though not _this_ they. And thanks to Ray. Obviously. **

**_He said he loved her..._  
><strong>

**Bye!**


	30. Chapter 30: Different

**Chapter Thirty: Different**

**Isabella**

"Ready, Trouble? Your chariot awaits."

Edward's been calling me Trouble since the night he sang it to me. For the same adorable reason he sang _that _song.

Well... _one _of the reasons.

Because I know he also sang it because I asked him to once. Or dozens of times. Hundreds even, maybe. Ever since the first time I heard it.

Not because of the words...

Not that I didn't dream of hearing them from him... but those dreams were just that. Dreams.

Then. When I didn't have hope yet that they'd come true.

Because he hadn't shown me anything yet. _Then_.

Anything but love in a different way. A brotherly way. Or something like.

I'd wanted to hear him sing that song because of his voice. The tone of it. The soul...

And I was right to want him to.

But my ears heard more than I'd ever dreamed they would when he did.

And so did my heart.

Because I heard what _he _wanted me to hear.

The other reason he chose to let me.

Not that I didn't know already...

Because he'd let it slip once... sort of...

And because he's been patient.

Waited right by my side. Or with me in his arms.

Waited for _me_.

For me to give him things he's dying for.

And because he was still willing to, even if I never could.

Edward wouldn't wait for just any girl.

But he'll wait for me.

With patience and love.

Just like he did on his couch.

And in my car.

Where he told me he loved me without saying or singing a word. Or three.

The three I'm dying to hear again.

But will wait for.

Until he's ready. _Again_.

"Yes, I'm ready. But I'm also wondering _where _my chariot will take me?"

"It's taking you home, sweetheart. Well, it and _me_."

"Yes, but I'm not sure where that is? Home?"

I look at my brother as I say the words. The questions that aren't entirely. And I see the hope in his eyes...

But he doesn't say anything. So I look at Sam and Emily, who do.

"It's wherever you choose, honey," Emily says.

"As long as it's not Edward's," Sam adds. "Or Emmett's, in case we haven't already made that decision clear."

"It's not Edward's _yet_,".I correct, "And I have no desire to be woken up in the middle of the night to serve anyone anything, so I don't want to live with Emmett."

Edward leans down and kisses the top of my head, liking both of my answers, I think, and then his mouth is at my ear. "You just broke my heart," he whispers, "Because I've been thinking a lot about _yet_, when _I _could wake you up in the middle of the night... to serve me _you_. Often. Maybe even every night... but now my dreams are crushed... "

_Holy shit._

"You're evil," I whisper back to him, my heart pounding and my face warm. My face and everything else... "But nothing should be broken or crushed because you of all people know how well I can lie with a straight face. And _you _could wake this lying girl up whenever you wanted to. For _anything _you wanted."

"You keep saying that thing I told you to never say to me," he whispers again.

"That's because that thing you told me to never say to you is what you most want to hear."

"Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble... "

I giggle at the soulful, _Right you are_ whispered lyrics this time and kiss him sweetly on the cheek.

And then on the neck... which he promptly pulls away from me...

And his pained groan when he does makes me smile. _Checkmate, Mr. Masen._

And then his sexy chuckle makes me shiver, though Jasper's icy glare might have something to do with that part, too...

But I know how to melt that. "Well, I'm not entirely confident about my ability to make good choices these days... or on one recent night, anyway... so, I'd like my brother to make the decision for me. Because I trust him to make the best one."

_Bye bye, icy glare..._

"Isabella, you know what I'll choose. And where."

"Do I? I mean, I might... but I don't want to assume."

"You should."

"And _you _should tell Edward where you choose. So he knows where to take me. Because my chariot _is _waiting, and him. And I don't want him to anymore."

"Be careful what you say, baby sister... or your chariot's _wheels _will get broken before it can move an inch."

I roll my eyes at my brother, and then laugh as Alice covers his mouth with her hand, which he tries to swat away. Unsuccessfully. "You talk too much, Hale. Seriously... your mouth needs a different hobby."

_Oh, I'm glad you think so, Alice... I couldn't agree more. _

But Jasper couldn't agree less - at _this _moment - so... "I'd like to go home now, please."

* * *

><p>I did know what Jasper's choice would be...<p>

And so did everyone else.

The same one I would have made.

It's why Sam and Emily had all of my things packed and ready for me to take back home, where I am now, _un_packing them, with my army 'commanders' helping me.

"You took this with you?" Jasper asks as he pulls his shirt out of one of my bags.

I smile, because of the look on his face, and because his 'helping' really just means pulling things out of my bags and laying them on my bed.

"Of course I did," I tell him. "I had to have some part of you with me, if I couldn't have the whole."

"You wanted me with you?"

"I always want you with me, Jasper."

He smiles this time, but it falls away quickly. "Not as much as you want someone else."

My brother has a really beautiful smile, and I realize now how much I've missed seeing it. And want to put it back on his face. "No, it's as much as, just... _different_."

"_Different_ makes my head hurt," he sighs, instead of giving me what I hoped for, and then snatches a pair of my panties out of Edward's hand. Because Edward _is _one of the commanders of my army, and _is_ also in here helping me unpack... or _was_, until he got distracted...

And I laugh as he tugs his now-empty hand through his hair as I use mine to snatch the source of his beautiful frustration out of my brother's. "I'll unpack the rest of that bag myself."

"I need a Tylenol," Jasper announces painfully, "Or five... " and leaves the room.

But he's back in less than two seconds. Glaring at Edward. Who's in my bedroom... with me... alone...

"I'll be downstairs, sweetheart," Edward laughs and kisses my cheek before he follows him out, refusing Jasper's gesture for him to go first.

Because he'll never be the first one to leave me.

And I laugh again...

Because that makes me happy.

And because I'm back _home_.

With my ridiculously overprotective brother with the beautiful smile I'm going to find a way to bring back.

And his equally overprotective, though far from ridiculous - usually - best friend with the beautiful smile I don't have to.

His best friend who loves me.

And who I'll always want with me.

Here. And everywhere.

In every way that's different.

Yeah... coming _home _was the right choice.

And it should be fun... I giggle to myself as I toss my panties into their rightful_ not yet_ place in my dresser. Fun or...

_Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble..._

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

Isabella let me choose. She trusted me to do it.

Decide where she should be.

And she trusts me to _accept _that decision I made. The one she let me.

The one she knew I'd make, even if she pretended not to be sure.

She knows I want her here. As much as I know she wants him here with her. With _us_...

The other choice I made...

Because I really didn't have another.

She won't be separate from Edward. And though I've always known she didn't want to be, knowing now that _he _doesn't want her to be, would give up his life for her not to be, the choices I'd tried so hard to fight for... fight against... became _one_.

Her.

The one it's always been.

Because I love my sister more than life itself.

But I'm not the only one who does.

And I'll be damned if I'll be separate from that.

But, fuck...

Is it ever going to get easier not to be?

Or see the things she wanted me to?

Or the things she better not have...

Like seeing him in her bedroom with her underwear in his hand? With that look on his face?

Or the one on his face now? "Must you look at her like that?"

"Well, I'm not sure what _that _is, Jasper, but if I am, then I probably must."

"_That_ is HUNGRY."

"She's standing in front of the stove, dude," Emmett says, because he's an idiot. "And you just said you were starving... so, what are you busting Edward's chops for?"

"Why am I friends with you?"

"Because I'm awesome. And you secretly want to be me, who you know could do a much more thorough job than you could of kicking Edward's ass if he does anything more than _look _at her hungrily."

I've never thought of Edward as an idiot, but turning his back to me and the king of as he steps closer to my sister really isn't the smartest thing he's ever done. "You know, Isabella... we could still go _out _for dinner. Just the two of us."

"An offer I should have taken you up on the first time, Edward," she says, wiping her hands on a dishtowel, before wadding it up and throwing it at me. "Clearly."

"No way, sweethearts," Alice says, before I can say a word, "It smells too good in here for me to let you leave. We're all going to enjoy your delicious dinner together, and the Dimwit Duo is going to behave while we do, or else.".

"Or else what?" Emmett chuckles, standing and looming over the ever-annoying, ever-buzzing little fly.

"Or else _you _don't get any dessert," she threatens, knowing exactly how to shut him up.

"Pussy," I mutter under my breath as he cowers to his kryptonite.

"_You_ be quiet," she scolds, trying to sound fierce as she turns to me. "And for God's sake, get yourself some, because it's apparently been awhile since you have. _Grouch_."

Emmett roars at this, and suddenly he and the annoying fly are the best of friends. Which only makes me ask the question again. Why are we?

"I don't think that's funny. Nor do I appreciate-"

"Shut up and come and show me your snake," she orders, cutting me off and dragging me towards the basement steps with the force of a tank.

"Yeah, Jasper... go show her your _snake_," Emmett cackles from behind us, like the idiot he always will be.

But I let myself be pulled - by her and away from him - because it's well past time for this fly to be swat. By me... the grouch.

"Don't take your eyes off of them, Emmett."

**...**

"You can let go now. And kindly refrain from touching me in the future."

"You _wish _I'd touch you."

"No, actually, I _don't_, yet your hands - and other annoying parts of you - always seem to be on me anyway."

"How would you like my hands - or some other parts of me - around your annoying neck?"

"No thanks - to any and all. And keep _your _wishes in the bottle. Or lamp... or whatever you're hoping a genie comes out of to grant them. It's never going to happen."

"I take it back, you _are _an asshole."

"So, you'll be leaving now? To find an asshole-free zone to buzz around in?"

"Nope. I'm staying. To buzz around you. And don't think I don't know what that means, or any of your other stupid comments and gestures. Now get that gorgeous thing out and let me pet it."

"You should really talk to someone about your touchy feely issues... since God knows you also like to talk."

"_I_ like to talk? Please... no one likes the sound of their own voice more than you do. And if anyone needs therapy, it's _you_, you-"

"Asshole? Or are we back to idiot? Or is it psycho? Or what did you call me upstairs a few minutes ago? Grouch?"

"If the shoes fit... _Oscar_."

"How very original."

"Oh, just shut up. Can I pet the snake or not?"

"He's not a puppy, you know. Or a cuddly little kitt-"

"No _pussy_. I know. You haven't had one of those in a long time. Really, _really _long, apparently. Which I don't get, frankly, gorgeous as you are... other than for the fact that you're too obsessed with your also-gorgeous sister's love life to worry about your own. Which is your issue. And that's not meant as an insult. We all have them. Issues, I mean. Being that we're human."

"You do realize you gave me a compliment in that long-winded interruption?"

"Yes, I'm aware. And _you_ realize I dragged you down here for a reason, right? Other than to give your sister and the love of her life a break from your psycho spying?"

"It's not psycho. And yes. You dragged me down here because you want to pet my snake."

"Yes. And wipe that stupid smirk off of your face, because I only want to pet the big green one. Whether I think you're gorgeous or not."

"You know, Isabella could teach you how to do that better."

"Do what better?"

"_Lie_. Now, don't make any sudden movements," I tell her, pretending not to see her exaggerated eye roll. Or the truth that fueled her to do it.

Because even though I let her drag me down here with the intent to swat her, I really don't want Aro to do anything else to her.

And because, even though I don't, and even though she might be physically worthy of a compliment of her own...

I'm _not _going there with one of Isabella's friends.

NEVER. GONNA. HAPPEN.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

"I think someone should go down there. Emmett-"

"I think you just want to be _alone _up here. So, no, Bella."

"That's not why. What if he feeds her to that thing?"

"When what you really want him to do is feed her _his_?"

"Emmett!" I warn the fucking idiot.

"You're not getting any cake," she tells him.

"I don't even see cake."

"That's because it isn't here yet. Angela's bringing it. And it's chocolate, which she made because I told her it's your favorite, but which you won't get to have any of because you're a disgusting pig."

"Did you hear that, Edward? She thinks _it's _disgusting. Sucks to be you!"

"Isabella, turn off the stove and go upstairs." _Because I don't want you to see me _kill _the idiot._

"No. Just ignore him. And don't worry about _anything _he says."

_Fuck..._

"Hey!" Emmett stops his ridiculous guffawing when he sees her wicked smile at me. "Not cool, Bella."

"Not your business, Emmett."

"You want to be locked in a tower like Rapunzel, little fairy tale girl? Till you're 80?"

I think she's just about to smack him, and I grab her hand before she can, but the doorbell chimes through the house, distracting her enough not to give me a struggle.

"No, I want you to shut up and go answer the door. And be a gentleman instead of an _ogre _when you do it."

"I'll only do it because there's cake on the other side of it. And _I'm _getting some, unlike someone else."

He walks away, or _backs_, rather, not taking his eyes off of us. But I don't keep mine on his, because I feel Isabella's on me.

"Is it _yet _yet?" she asks, looking up at me helplessly.

"Not quite, beautiful," I tell her, though it's hard to. "But just like you told me... Don't worry about _anything _he says."

"Did you like hearing me tell you that?" she asks, biting her lip innocently. And, once again, causing me pain...

Of a _different _sort. "Very... _very_...much."

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

Being home hasn't been as _fun _as I'd hoped it would be...

But I suppose it's been what I expected.

Edward and I have barely had a moment alone. The reason for that is something else I'd hoped for, I know, but it's been different than what I'd imagined. Or dreamed, I guess...

The three of us together... Edward, Jasper, and me.

Edward has been very patient about it all...

Jasper's relentless watching of our every move. His comments. Or maybe _warnings _is a better way to describe them. Or threats, even...

My brother is going to give himself a stroke.

Alice even showed up with a blood pressure cuff the other night and slapped it on his arm while Emmett held him down.

It made everyone laugh. Even Edward, who really _has_ been patient. Amazingly so.

Not that Jasper's comments don't frustrate him... I know they do...

But he says he understands. And that he'll handle it, hoping in time that Jasper will trust him enough not to make them.

Trust him with me.

Something he's always done. Or did, until _different _happened.

The different that Edward is proving he wants every day.

Doing the work for.

Earning. In little ways and not so.

Ways that Jasper has seen, because he's never not watching. And ways that he's been shocked by, I think.

He knows he has no choice...

That we've made ours and won't let him make one for us...

A different one...

But with every day that passes, I think he sees that the one we made was right.

That it's the only one we could.

The one he knows I've always dreamed of.

I think he's finally understanding why I have. Seeing it for himself.

That Edward is capable of different. For me.

But still...

I can't help but feel smothered.

"Why don't the two of you get out of here for a few hours? Get some fresh, Jasper-less air?" Alice suggests, pulling me from my thoughts, because she knows what they are. Because tonight it's the _four _of us. Because I told her that _three _has been wearing on me. "I'll babysit the babysitter. Kick his ass at Scrabble or something."

"Or you could," Jasper returns, pretending to swat at an invisible fly. "Get out of here, I mean."

Things on that front haven't been exactly what I'd hoped for, either, but I do see progress. Or maybe sexual tension is a better way to describe it. Even though they pretend to hate each other. Jasper isn't the only one who's been watching...

But unlike him, I'd like to see other things. Or only one... "I like the way you think, Alice. The Scrabble game is downstairs, Jasper can show you where it is, or whatever else you might want to see down there... "

I grab Edward's outstretched hand - the one without his keys - because he's already on his feet, ready and willing to take me out of here, and we rush through the door without a glance back.

Or a response to Alice's "Have fun!" or Jasper's much less exuberant "I did not agree to this!"

"Why do I suddenly feel thirteen again?" Edward chuckles as I climb excitedly into the passenger seat of his truck.

"I don't know... " I answer sweetly, and then not so... "but take me to your house and you _won't_."

He mutters something I can't make out and shuts my door, tugging his hands through his hair as he walks around to his own.

"We're not going to my house," I unfortunately do make out - loud and clear - as he gets in beside me.

But just because he said it, and I heard it, it doesn't mean the matter is decided. "You know you want to."

"Isabella... "

"And so do I. Know you do. And want to. So-"

"No."

"Yes."

"What happened to you listening to me? I recall a promise that you would."

"I lied?"

"I don't think you did. Because I don't think you would... to _me_... ever again. Right?"

"I never really did... to _you_."

"Good, and I don't want you to start. So-"

"But you did. To me. And yourself about me. And it hurt. But if you take me to your house, I'll forgive that you ever did. And show you how sweet my forgiveness can be."

"Jesus... "

"Can't help you."

"I'm starting to think Emmett was onto something with that tower idea."

"Emmett is an idiot. And the only way you'd lock me in a tower is if you locked yourself in with me."

"Are you hungry?" he asks, trying to change the subject.

Nice try, Edward. "_No_."

"We could see a movie?"

Now you're talking! "Sure. You have a nice selection of movies at your house. Let's go pick one and get cozy on your couch. I really love your couch... "

"I meant in a _theater_, Isabella."

"Well, _I_ didn't. When I said sure. Or how much I love your couch."

"How about the batting cages? You used to love to go there when you were a-"

"I'm _not _a little girl anymore."

"I _know_. Which is exactly why I'm not taking you to my house tonight. Or, more specifically, my couch."

"Did you suggest the batting cages because you need to relieve frustration?"

"No, but it certainly won't hurt."

"Then, okay. We can go. Because I can be sweet and understanding, just like you." _Or something, anyway. Batter up!_

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

Sweet and understanding, my ass...

She's EVIL.

And her _ass_...

That's in shorts.

That I should have thought about it being before I brought her somewhere that I thought was safe.

It's not safe.

Because watching her smash the hell out of every ball that comes her way is different than it was when she was a little girl.

I was always proud of her when she did... stood behind her and watched, amazed by her ability to...

And I still am, but it's different. Very, very different.

She's _not _a little girl anymore.

And didn't used to wiggle her shorts-clad ass at me because she knew I was standing behind her watching and amazed.

"You know you're killing me back here... and it's very cruel."

"I would never do that, Edward. Kill you. Or be cruel."

"You're an evil, vicious liar, sweetheart."

"We could leave?" she suggests as _sweetly _as she can, after she laughs in a way that isn't at all, not looking at me as she does either, or as she wiggles her 'sweets' yet again before smashing the next ball. "Maybe you'd be more comfortable at your house? Or, more specifically, on your couch? That was the last ball, anyway."

"Good, come on."

"We're going? To your house? And your couch?"

"If I take you there - to my house - it will only be to have a private place to turn you over my knee - on my couch - which I promise won't be comfortable at all for _you_."

"Is that a fantasy of yours, Edward? Turning me over your knee? Because it's not the first time you've mentioned it."

"For the love of God, Isabella... "

"Is it?"

"No. It's not. And please behave so it doesn't become one."

"I am behaving. Maybe it's just that 'every little thing' that's tormenting you. Which, in all fairness, isn't my fault... "

I laugh as she she climbs into her seat - after one last ornery wiggle - and buckles her seatbelt with a teasing flutter of her lashes.

I close her door with a sigh, and walk around to my own. "Because you're completely innocent?" I ask her once I'm beside her again.

"Yes."

"Well, on that, sweetheart, we agree. And I am devoted to _keeping_ you that way, until _yet _comes, anyway. So, my house, for tonight, at least - a night on which you are relentlessly tormenting me with your 'every little - and luscious - thing' - has been taken off the map."

"I don't like that map. And I could write out a whole list of reasons why."

"That's good, then you'll have something to keep you busy after I lock you safely in your tower. And when your list is finished, you can drop it down to me when I come to look up at you through your window."

"Now you're being cruel."

"I'm trying to protect you. It's completely different than what you were doing to me."

"If you think I want to go to your house - and your couch - to be cruel to you, that's not at all why I want to. I promise it's not."

"I know that."

"And I'm _still_ devoted to the same things I always have been. That won't change for you."

"I know that, too. And I'd never want it to, which is why _I'm_ devoted."

"Then what do you think you need to protect me from?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes. You."

"But I just told you-"

"Your _mouth _told me... but the rest of you could care less what it says."

"What if the rest of me promises to behave? Then can we go?"

"And your mouth? Will it promise to behave, too?"

"Define behave."

"No need. I just got my answer. Which did nothing to change mine."

"Is it so wrong that I just want to be alone with you for a little while?"

"No, of course it's not. It's not at all."

"But you don't want to? Be alone with me?"

"Not wanting to and knowing when it's best not to are two different things, Isabella."

"But how am I supposed to know which one it is? And not be hurt by the one I'm afraid it is?"

"That's easy, sweetheart... just know that it could never, ever be the first."

"Never, ever?"

I could answer her...

But since we're alone...

As alone as I dare to let us be right now...

And she's obviously feeling a little frustrated with my patience at having not been...

And maybe even a little insecure... and hurt...

I show her instead. Lean over and kiss her in a way that I shouldn't. Reach down and pop her seatbelt. Tear my mouth from hers only long enough to free her from it and pull her across the console and into my lap. Let her feel what she does to me beneath her...

Not because I want to scare or torment her...

But because she needs to know that I want her.

And that my patience with the way things have been since that day I took her home from the hospital doesn't mean that I don't. Or that I don't long to be alone with her...

For just a little while, which is all she asked for...

Or forever...

Which is different...

And exactly what I'm doing the work for.

While I stand back watching and amazed.

Or sit, like I am now...

When she tears her mouth from mine only long enough to truly be sweet and understanding. "Thank you, Edward."

**xx**

**Twilight still belongs to SM. And this still belongs to me. Two different things, ya know?**

**And I'm too exhausted to let loose here, though there are things I want to say... really, really want to say...**

**So I'll just say goodbye instead. And that the update for _that_ will be up as soon as I'm able to get it to you. Not that most of you read it... or this anymore, for all I know... whatever.**


	31. Chapter 31: Things

**Chapter Thirty One: Things**

**Isabella**

"Would your feelings be hurt if I didn't get another Mini?" I ask, looking up from the laptop screen in front of me.

Jasper looks confused by my question, to say the least. "Why would my feelings be hurt?"

"Because you bought me the one I destroyed."

"I bought it for you because you wanted it, Isabella. And what happened to it wasn't your fault. And my feelings wouldn't be hurt at all. I'd prefer you _didn't _get another one. You should get something bigger. And safer."

"My thoughts exactly," Edward adds from beside me.

"Okay," I agree easily, since they're in agreement on something. "I'm open to suggestions."

"An armored tank," Edward says without a moment's thought. And in a manner that suggests the matter is decided.

I roll my eyes and try for a second opinion. "Jasper?"

"I'm with Edward on this one."

"Of course you are."

"You should be happy."

"I might be if you'd agree on something that wasn't ridiculous."

"There's nothing ridiculous about keeping you safe," Edward defends, "And we'll always agree on that, just like we always have."

Jasper shoots him a look that says _We have_ _NOT always_, and I get up from my research for a new car and head towards the kitchen. "I'm going to whip us up a snack. Perhaps my two favorite people in the whole world can come up with a safe, yet _reasonable _suggestion or two while I'm gone."

I turn around just before I get there, because Edward's beautiful laugh was something I wanted to see, not just hear, but the sight of Jasper jumping up from his chair to take my place next to Edward on the couch is a beautiful sight I couldn't have hoped to see.

"So, what does she have her eye on?" I hear him ask, as they bend their heads together towards the screen.

"My two favorite people in the world... " I whisper, loud enough that only I can hear, and tear mine away, so that they can decide _together _how to keep me safe.

* * *

><p>"Oh, you're here! Well, turn around and go back out, I want to see the new wheels!"<p>

"Sorry, Alice, I don't have any yet."

"You don't?"

"No, I still can't decide."

"I just assumed you had since Edward usually walks you in when he brings you."

"He and Jasper both had early meetings this morning, so he just rode with him. I have his truck today."

"Maybe you'll like driving it and decide to get an SUV?"

"Maybe. I've been considering it. A smaller one, though. Edward's is huge."

"You drove a Mini, sweetie. Everything is huge compared to that. Just be careful parking."

"Yeah, I took up two spaces when I pulled in. I will just die if I get so much as a scratch on his truck."

"Well, he's obviously not worried if he handed over his keys. And trust me... _that_ is huge. Men love their wheels as much as their dicks."

"I'll keep that in mind, Alice," I laugh, "and try to be gentle with it. I guess... "

"You do that... with the _truck_. And I'm sure Edward will tell you how he likes the other handled when that time comes."

"Alice!"

"Find me when it's time for lunch. _Scarlet_. And have a wonderful morning! Bye!"

* * *

><p>Alice couldn't get away when lunchtime rolled around, so it was just Angela and I.<p>

And we just finished, though not our conversation. "God, Angela, I'm so sorry... I will inflict pain on him as soon as I see him, I promise."

"I didn't mean to make such a big deal about it, Bella, it really wasn't. I was just caught a little off guard, that's all. I'm not used to someone so... well... _forward_ is perhaps the best word to describe him."

"I know Emmett, and I'm sure _forward_ is far too polite of a word for you to use. I really am sorry, honey. He promised me he would behave himself and be a gentleman with you, or I never would have... ugh! I'm just sorry, I don't know what else to say."

"No, he was until... um... well... until he wasn't. And please stop apologizing. I had a great time, actually. It's why I let him kiss me goodnight. And come in when he wanted to after. I guess it just sent the wrong message."

"No, he's just an idiot. Who's going to- Shit!"

I really wish we hadn't have left our crappy waitress a tip, because the service that I thought couldn't have been any worse just got. The lid on my to-go cup wasn't even all the way on, and because it wasn't, I just spilled some of its contents.

"Did you get it on you?"

"No, just Edward's formerly perfectly spotless interior!"

"At least it's clear. It could be worse, it could have been a Coke."

"Maybe there are some napkins or something in the glove compartment." I reach over and pop it open, but find nothing but his registration. "Or not. Damn it!"

"Hardly any even spilled, Bella. I'll run in and grab you some paper towels as soon as we get back. Just relax."

"But it's soaking into his carpet! Damn it, why don't I have a car yet?"

"Because you won't settle for anything less than what's perfect for you. Which is why you waited for Edward, who would not want you to freak out over a little spilled Sprite."

"Well, I am freaking out. Because I just ruined _his_ perfect. He's got to have something in here I can sop it up with... "

I open the center console, the only other place there could be, but I don't find what I hoped for. There's nothing inside that can help me.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

"Uh... nothing. He doesn't have anything."

_Nothing I wanted to see, anyway..._

* * *

><p>"What's wrong, sweetie?"<p>

"Nothing, Alice, I just have a headache."

"A headache that magically appeared after you went to lunch?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Did something happen while you were gone?"

"No."

"You can tell me, you know? Whatever it is. Because a headache it isn't."

"Thanks, Alice, but it's nothing. Really."

"Did you do something to Edward's truck? Because you know he'd never be mad at you. You could total it and he wouldn't care as long as you weren't hurt."

"No. Well, I did spill something, but I cleaned it up."

"And?"

"And nothing. That's it."

"So, you're upset because you spilled something in his truck? Something you already cleaned up and probably couldn't even see before you did?"

"No. I'm not upset about that."

"Then what are you upset about? Tell me. So I can tell you why you shouldn't be."

_But I want him to tell me. _"It really is nothing, Alice. I'll see you later, okay? I have to see the editor in a couple of minutes. I need to clear my head."

"Okay, sweetie. I'll leave you alone about it. For now."

I walk away and head to the editor's office before she can change her mind.

And before mine can run any farther away from me than it already has.

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

"What do you want?"

"I came to see Edward, but he's apparently in a meeting, so you get to entertain me until he's finished."

"Well, I'm too busy working to entertain you, Alice. But since you've already interrupted me by barging into my office, _why _do you want to see Edward?"

"Because I like to see your sister happy. And she's not right now."

"WHAT DID HE DO?"

"Nothing that I'm aware of."

"Then _why_ would you come to see him?"

"Because I want to know what's got her upset. She's looked like someone stole her puppy since she came back from lunch."

"She didn't see Edward at lunch. He was with me."

"I knew that already. I didn't say he saw her or she him. But she did leave happy and was _un _when she came back."

"Maybe she had lunch with Rose. She's overdue to do something stupid to upset her."

"Nope, wasn't her. She actually stopped by while she was gone."

"Maybe she scratched Edward's truck while she was out. He wouldn't bat an eye, but she'd be upset if she did anything to-"

"That's what I thought, but she said no when I asked her. And I looked at it in the parking lot before I left. It's perfect, not a scratch anywhere."

"Well, thanks for the heads up, Alice, but you don't need to stay and wait for Edward. He doesn't know any more than I do, since she was fine this morning when we both last saw her. And whatever happened after that, I'll take care of."

"Don't you know yet that you can't get rid of me that easily?"

"What I know is that whatever my sister is upset about, she didn't want to talk to you about it, or you would already know and not be here trying to find out."

"Maybe _you _did something to upset her?"

"I just said I haven't seen her since-"

"And she tells me sometimes when you're being an ass, but not always, because she wants me to like you. So fess up, what idiotic thing did you do that she doesn't want me to know?"

"I didn't _do _anything, but I'd like you to. And that's _leave_, so I can call my sister and see what's wrong."

"She's busy with our editor right now. She won't answer her phone."

"Busy doing what?"

"I don't know. Discussing an assignment or something."

"ALONE?"

"It wasn't a staff meeting, so yes, I would assume it's alone. And that you obviously don't know that our editor is a woman."

"A woman?"

"Yes. A _woman_. So relax. Because I really don't want you to have a heart attack or something while I'm the only one here that could give you mouth to mouth."

"If I have a heart attack, Alice, please, LET ME DIE."

"As tempting as that is, no can do. That would break your sister's heart forever. And I'll have no part in that."

"Precisely why I haven't killed him," Edward says, walking into my office. "And sorry to interrupt this love fest, kids, but I was told Alice wanted to see me?"

"Don't let her waste your time. She's just being nosy again."

"And you're just being a grouch. Do you have a minute, Edward?"

"Sure," he laughs, and gestures her towards the door.

And my day gets better instantly.

Until I think about why she came in the first place.

_Please answer your phone, Isabella..._

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

"Thank God you answered. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Why do you think something's the matter? Wait... did Alice call you?"

"No, she came to see Edward and showed up in my office when she couldn't. Tell me what's wrong, she said you were upset."

"I told her I wasn't."

"Well, she didn't believe you."

"So you don't?"

"I would if you sounded happier."

"I'm fine, Jasper. There's nothing for you to worry about. And do something for me, please? Don't let her see Edward."

"Too late, she just followed him out my door."

"Damn it. Why couldn't she leave it alone... "

"Did he do something?"

"No."

"Isabella, if he did something-"

"I said he didn't."

"Like you'd tell me the truth if he did?"

"I don't want to talk about this with anyone but Edward. Please just forget it, okay?"

"So, he did do something."

"That's not what I said."

"No, it's what you won't."

"No, Jasper, but it's what will break my heart if I have to. If he did. Or wants to. So, please... just let it go. Let me do things my way. Because if my heart gets broken today, I _will _come to you. Because, believe me, there's no one else in the world I'll want to see or talk to. No one."

"Okay, sweetheart. I didn't mean to upset you more. I swear I didn't."

"I'll see you at home, later, okay?"

"Okay. But call me if you need me before then."

"I will."

"I love you, Isabella."

"I love you too," I say, and disconnect the call before my brother makes me cry.

He thinks Edward did something. And it may even be my fault that he does. Because in trying to say nothing, I said too much. To the one person I shouldn't have said anything to.

But like I told him, if I get my heart broken today, he's the one person I'll want around me. Need...

Though I'm praying that I won't.

That Edward's explanation won't hurt me.

And that the worst pain I'll feel today is the pain I'm feeling now. Inflicting on myself while I wait for him to have the chance to take it away.

Something my heart believes he'll do, instead of bury me under it.

Because Edward _wouldn't _hurt me now. I know that, no matter what I saw. What I'm sure he didn't mean for me to, and what he doesn't know I did.

And what I wish I wouldn't have.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

"I'm really not trying to be nosy. I just don't like seeing her unhappy."

"I know that. Ignore Jasper."

"There's just something about that girl... "

"Yes there is."

"Well, of course _you _know that... and I have to ask... because, let's face it, I _am _nosy... How on earth did you resist her for so long?"

"It wasn't easy, Alice, believe me."

"It couldn't have been. I fell in love with her the moment I met her."

"So did I. I think she was an hour old."

"A lifetime of love... so you know how beautiful her smile is."

"Yes. And I'll do whatever I can to put it back on her face."

"Thank you. And for talking to me."

"Thank you for letting me know my girl is having a bad day."

"I figured if anyone could make it better it was you. So, now that I'm sure you will, I'll get out of your hair. I should get back to work anyway."

"Can I hitch a ride?"

"Of course. Anywhere you need to go."

"I'm just going where you're going."

"Then let's go. Because the sooner I see your girl smile, the better."

"I couldn't agree more, Alice."

* * *

><p>I've always taken a certain amount of pride in the fact that I understand the way Isabella thinks. Knew so many times what she needed when no one else did.<p>

Not that I never got it wrong... I did. But it wasn't the knowing I got wrong. It was the giving in to what I knew.

I got it wrong because I wouldn't.

Something I try everyday to make up for now.

Because what she needed most from me was for me to understand that what she needed was right. For both of us.

And I have. I've given in. In every way that I can let myself. And she's happy...

But I can't let knowing that make me careless. I can't stop paying attention to what else she might need.

I do understand her. I _know _how her mind works.

And where it can take her. If things don't look right. Look just plain wrong.

Like the day she saw my truck parked outside of Rose's apartment.

She knew better than to think I'd ever be there...

But what she saw took what she knew away from her.

And I know that's happened again today.

And that, once again, my truck had something to do with it.

My truck that she was driving because she still doesn't have a car.

We're going to have to do something about that. And I think when we finally pick one for her, I'll pick a new one for myself, too. Because mine has hurt her too much. Too many times. She's seen things she never should have seen in it. Thought things she shouldn't have thought because of what she did.

Things I want to take from her head as soon as I can. Once I make sure I'm right.

It's why I stopped in the parking lot when I got here with Alice to get in it. Because she mentioned that she thought Isabella might have done something to it. And that when she asked her if she did, Isabella told her she'd only spilled something in it...

A small thing. And one I couldn't have cared less about.

Until I couldn't stop thinking about it and couldn't have cared more.

Because I _knew_...

What she would have done. Looked for. And found.

Something I should have gotten rid of, but didn't because I just plain didn't think about it.

Because all I've thought about is her. And how I could keep that beautiful smile on her face. The beautiful smile I know my giving in has all but plastered there.

The beautiful smile that isn't in place now as I walk through the doors and see her.

Someone is talking to her, but I don't think she hears them. Because her mind is somewhere else. On what she saw.

What I left where she found it, even though I wanted to throw it away. Because what I want more is for _her _not to leave it there.

I need to know that she'll ask me.

Confront me.

Accuse me, even.

Take me off of that pedestal she keeps me on long enough to do any of those things.

I need to know that she'll stand up to me. And for herself. No matter how much she loves me.

I think she will...

But I need to know for sure.

Even though I haven't done anything. And never would.

I need to know that she wouldn't let me.

Something I do know when she looks up suddenly and finds me watching her.

Because she doesn't smile at me. Doesn't let herself.

And still doesn't as she watches me eliminate the space between us.

"How did you get here?" she asks me, because it's easier than the question she wants to.

"I came with Alice," I answer, because I'll wait until she asks for another.

"Oh. … Do you need your truck? I'm sure she'd be willing to take me home... or I could call Jasper to pick me up. Or-"

"No. I was planning to drive you home myself."

"I'm not off yet."

"I know. I'll wait."

"Is there a reason? That you're willing to?"

"Just you. And I don't need more reason than that. Ever."

She still doesn't smile, and that tells me how deep her hurt is. And makes me ache to take it away from her...

But still I wait. Because I need her to be the one to do it.

And to let me, even if she's afraid that I won't.

"Is it a problem that I'm here? And want to wait for you?"

"No," she says softly, and bites her lip. And it takes everything I have not to reach up and pull it free...

But I don't do it.

Don't tell her not to.

Because right now what she needs most...

Is to listen to herself.

And _not _to me.

* * *

><p>"You're still here?"<p>

"Of course I'm still here. I told you I would wait for you. Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah. What have you been doing all of this time?"

I take her bag from her shoulder and let her lead me to the door. "Looking around. Talking to people. I met your editor. Alice introduced me. She adores you like the rest of us. Not that that surprised me."

"She's really great."

"And I saw Angela, and talked to her for a few minutes. You didn't tell me she was working here now."

"I didn't? I thought I did. She just started a few days ago."

"That's what she said, and that she had you to thank. Right before Emmett called her."

"Yeah... Emmett's in trouble."

"Just Emmett?" I ask her, before I can stop myself.

"Should someone else be?" she asks instead of answers, and walks straight to the passenger side of my truck.

I open the door for her and think about how best to respond. But there is no best way. I'm mad at myself for starting the conversation I wanted her to. "Well, I would say no, speaking for myself, anyway, but something is bothering you, so I'm not sure."

She doesn't say anything right away, only looks at me and then out the windshield - away from me - so I close her door and walk around to my side and get in.

I start the truck, but my eyes are on her. And where hers have fallen tell me I'm exactly right about what she saw.

"Angela and I went to lunch today," she starts, her voice quiet, "and I drove... I took a drink with me when we left the restaurant... Thank God I was in the mood for a Sprite today instead of a Coke... because when I went to put it in the cupholder I bumped the edge and some of it spilled. The lid wasn't on all the way... I didn't notice it until then... " She stops and takes a deep breath and when she lets it out, finally looks right at me. "I was going to clean it up the right way as soon as we got back, but I wanted to at least soak up the liquid... so I checked to see if you had any napkins or anything in the glovebox... You didn't, so then I checked the center console... "

Her voice trails off and she bites her lip again, this time to still its tremble. And that, mixed with the tears that are pooling in her eyes, is more than I can take. I open the console and pull out the source of her pain with a regretful sigh, "And you saw these."

She nods at the box of condoms in my hand and the first tear falls to her cheek. And I won't make her ask me, because I don't want her to have to say the words.

"I forgot they were in here, Isabella. And I know that the fact that they ever were hurts you anyway, but I promise you that that's the only way it ever could. An old pain, not a new. A past, not a present. And one that I'd take away if I could... but on my life would never, ever subject you to again."

"I'm not accusing you of anything, Edward... I just... "

"Just what, sweetheart? You can say anything to me."

"When I saw them, I was just afraid that you weren't sure you could do it. That you kept them in case you... "

"Got tired of waiting?" I ask, so she doesn't have to.

"Yes. Or decided you just couldn't."

"You didn't do that with me."

"I would have waited forever for you."

"So would I, Isabella. If I had to. But I know that I don't. And won't. And I would never do anything to take that away from myself. Or you."

"You would if you did. You know that, don't you? That no matter how much I love you, I'd never let you do that to me?"

"I wanted to know that. To be right in thinking I did. That you wouldn't."

"Well, you are."

"Good. I like being right."

"I like you being right, too. And willing to wait. So, can we throw them away now? Since you just forgot to?"

"Would you be willing to wait a few minutes for that? And stop by my house first?"

"Your house? But you... oh. There are other things you forgot there?"

"Yes. And I'd like to get rid of everything I'll never need again all at once, for the only thing I ever will."

"Did you just call me a thing, Edward?"

"Yes I did, my beautiful _every_."

_Finally... there's that beautiful smile..._

* * *

><p>"You're despicable, you know that, right?"<p>

"Am? Or _was_?" I ask, tossing the despicably-full bag to the floor near my front door.

"_Were_," she says, turning her back to it. "Are you sure there's no more?"

"Positive."

"Good. Because any more would... nevermind. So, are we ready to go?"

"If you want."

"Don't you? Want to? You never want to bring me here... "

"I _always _want to bring you here, Isabella."

"No you don't."

"Wanting to bring you here and doing it are two entirely different things, sweetheart. And believe me... I do always _want _to."

"And now that I'm here, you're not in a hurry to get me out?"

"No, I'm not. But considering why I brought you here on this particular occasion, I understand if you don't want to stay."

"I didn't say I didn't want to stay," she says sweetly, dropping her purse on the floor and pushing me not-so-sweetly towards my couch. "You didn't hear me say that, did you?"

"No," I laugh, and let myself be pushed. "I didn't hear you say that."

"I mean, I wouldn't want to stay here _forever_... " she adds, giving me one final push that puts me _on _my couch, before settling herself very sweetly in my lap, "but now is okay."

"Not forever?" I ask, shocked, to say the least.

"No. Did you expect me to?"

"I don't think I understand, sweetheart."

"I don't want to _live_ here. Forever. With you. When yet comes."

"You mean here in _this _house?"

"Yes. I mean I don't want to live here in _this _house. Where despicable once lived."

"Aah."

"Do you understand now?"

"Yes. And of course I didn't expect you to."

"Good. Because it's a great house, but knowing that it was once infested with mice is-"

"Not something I want my sweet, plump, juicy little rabbit to worry her pretty head about ever again."

"Okay. As long as you know. And understand."

"I do. And that it's time to go."

"What? No, I don't want to. I-"

"_Up_, Isabella."

"But... Edward, I didn't mean to-"

"But you did. And you're exactly right, you don't belong here. Where despicable once lived. And you never did. I never should have brought you. Something I did more times than you'll ever know...

"Because _you _were what despicable wanted. And whether I am or was... I don't want to be ever again. Something I thought I was doing a fair job of until a few minutes ago, when I blew it to Hell by not taking you home as soon as I got what I brought you here for."

"You didn't blow anything. And you're _not_. I'm sorry. I-"

"Please listen to me, Isabella. If you really think I'm not, then please do as I say."

"Okay," she whispers, and slides herself off of my lap and to her feet, reaching for me once she has. I let her pull me this time, up and all the way to my front door, where she waits for me to grab what I brought her here for and take it out.

Something, like my every, that I'll never bring back into my house. Something else I should get rid of...

Because all I really want to do is take her _home_.

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

Emmett and Jasper are in our kitchen when we walk into it, with what's left of the plate of cookies I made last night between them. Because I haven't started dinner yet.

Because Edward and I stopped at his house before we came here. Because he had something to throw away.

A lot of somethings. Somethings he wanted me to see him get rid of so they could never hurt me again.

Something I asked him if we could do here.

And something he said yes to because he understood why I wanted to.

Which is a really big something to me.

Something he also understands as he tosses the bag ceremoniously into the trash can and immediately walks to the sink to wash his hands.

Something that makes me smile.

And Emmett forget about his empty stomach. Something not easy to do. "Dude, what the hell? That's like a thousand bucks worth of condoms you just threw away!"

"Thanks for that absurd observation, _asshole_," he tells him, with a look that makes me laugh instead of give any thought to Emmett's calculations. "Now shut up."

Emmett shoots me an _I'm sorry _smile, but then his attention moves quickly back to our trash. "I'm just sayin. It's a lot. And the good shit. And now that you won't be buying them anymore, the company will probably go out of business, and then I won't be able to-"

He finally stops talking, because he now has a mouthful of cookie, because I shoved one into his mouth to shut him up. And before Edward could silence him another way. A way that would shut him up forever...

"You're in enough trouble already," I tell him, and smack his hand away as he reaches for the bag. The small one inside of the big, that I now reach for. Because I want it out of here.

But I've never taken trash out. Not once in my life. And apparently won't start now, because the three pairs of hands that have never let me reach out to take it from me.

"I'll take it," Jasper says, grabbing it from my hands. "But come with me?"

"Sure," I say, because I know he wants to talk to me. He's been watching me since we came in and he saw what Edward did. "Don't kill him," I tell Edward before I follow my brother out to the garage. "I have plans for him."

"I called her today and told her I was sorry!" Emmett yells, but I only shake my head and close the door behind me.

"Is the her Angela?" Jasper asks me as we head towards the trash can in the back corner of the garage.

"Yes. They had a date last night and he was _not _a gentleman."

"Did you really believe he was capable of being one?"

"I had hopes. That for the right girl he could."

"He's not Edward, sweetheart."

"Well, no one is Edward... " I sigh wistfully, and then laugh at the face he makes. "And did you just say something nice about him?"

He shakes his head no, but smiles as he does it, and drops the bag into the can. "So, is what we just threw away what you were upset about this afternoon?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask how that came about?"

"I accidentally found them in his truck."

"He had all of those in his truck?"

"No. Just one box. The rest were at his house."

He nods, but then my words apparently register and his eyes that were wide a second ago are now narrow slits. "WHEN were you at his house?"

"Right before we came here."

"He left the office HOURS ago."

"Is that steam coming out of your ears?"

"Isabella... "

"And spent _hours_ at mine waiting for me. I didn't leave so much as a minute early. We were only at his house long enough for him to... _clean up_. And then we left and came straight here."

I roll my eyes as he carefully studies my appearance, but let him, because when he doesn't find anything, maybe he'll relax. And I really want him to relax...

He sighs and returns his eyes to mine, his voice soft and gentle when he speaks again, "Did you think he was still using them? When you found them?"

"No... not exactly... "

"He's with you every day, Isabella. Well... every night. He's where _I_ can see him every _day_. Doing nothing that would hurt you. I'd kill him if he did."

"I know."

"So, what did you think?"

"I didn't know what to think... I didn't- _don't_ believe he'd ever do that to me, but... "

"But what?"

"I just didn't understand why they were there. Why he kept them. And I guess I was afraid of why he could have."

"And now? Are you still afraid?"

"No... "

"That wasn't a very convincing no, sweetheart."

"He _is _a gentleman, Jasper. With me. Whether you think he's capable of it or not... "

"Didn't I already kind of admit that I did?"

"Yes, but then you-"

"Old habits die hard, Isabella. I promise I'm trying."

"So is he."

"I know that. It's _why _I'm trying."

"But you just said it... that old habits die hard. And Edward's... well, you saw... "

"I saw him throw them away."

"Would you be able to?"

"I don't-"

"I know you don't want me to know things like this about you... what you do when you're not here... but would you? Have you ever had to?"

"Be 'a gentleman'?"

"Yes. Beyond the way that you naturally are."

"No. I haven't."

"Could you? Or would you be willing to even if you could?"

"I know what you're asking me, sweetheart, but my answer doesn't matter. What matters is Edward's."

"I know that. And I know what his is. But what I don't know is how hard it really is for him to give it to me. When he's never had to give it to anyone else."

"You're _not _anyone else."

"Well, I know _that_... "

"And Edward? Do you think he's 'anyone else'?"

"You know I don't."

"Then, to answer the question you asked me, sort of... I don't think he is, either."

"Did you just-"

"Yes. And don't have a heart attack or anything. Because I really don't want to have to call him out here to give you mouth to mouth."

"_That_ would be worth having a heart attack for... " _It really, really would..._

"Isabella... "

"And, like me, worth waiting for."

"Well, sweetheart, I think _that's_ your answer. And if you don't mind, now that you have it, I'd like to go back inside so you can yell at Emmett for whatever despicable thing he did before it kills me."

"I don't mind at all... because Edward is in there. And he's waiting... "

Something I know. And something I should never, ever have doubted. No matter what I saw.

Like that meaningless thing that I forget the second I turn my back on it and walk back into the house...

And see my every waiting for me.

**xx**

**Okay... so, I have a little list for you...**

**First: There IS a point to this chapter. I know a few of you will probably tell me that you think there wasn't, blah blah blah... Save it. I'm not interested. Stop reading if you're not. **

**Second: It's all leading somewhere. Which, I guess, is just a repeat of the first. OKAY?**

**Third: I happen to love this Edward - who _I_ think has redeemed himself a hundred times over, and won't stop trying to, no matter how much he has. If you don't agree... Need I repeat myself a third time? I think not.**

**Fourth: My last E/N seemed to have caused a bit of trouble. WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. It's not what I meant by 'say goodbye'. It's the title of one of my fics. The one almost no one reads... and I was just trying to be clever... a failure, perhaps, but what it was. Thanks to anyone who got it. And to everyone who sent a supportive word even if you didn't. Those were much nicer than the mass frenzy of unfollows I saw after the last update. But hell, it's certainly not the first time _that_ has happened on this story. Then again, I also heard from a lot of people I didn't know were here after that last, so... SILVER LININGS.**

**Fifth: SM still owns Twilight. And I still own this. **

**That's it.**


	32. Chapter 32: All Work and No Play

**Chapter Thirty Two: All Work and No Play**

**Makes Edward Masen a... **

**Isabella**

"Welcome to the Jeep team, Bella! You're one of the cool kids now, like _me_. In your face, Edward! Jeeps rule and Chevys drool!"

"You're an idiot."

"Whatever, dude, she still picked what _I _showed her."

"Shut up, you overgrown octopus," Alice says to Emmett, smacking one of his overactive tentacles before climbing into the driver's seat of my new Compass. "She picked what she liked. And I think it's cute. I like it, too, Bella. And I love that you chose black."

"Thanks," I tell her, rolling my eyes at Emmett's mocking pantomime of her. "It's great not having to see the terror in anyone's eyes anymore when I ask to borrow their car."

"You never saw terror in mine," Edward says, planting a sweet kiss on my cheek.

"Yeah, well, yours are the only eyes I didn't see it in. Even though I'm a good driver and have only had _one _accident in my entire life... "

"Of course you're a good driver, you had a good instructor."

"I did."

"And will... " Alice says with a wink, climbing back out and handing me my keys. "In many _other_ things, I imagine."

I feel the blush settle on my cheeks at her implication, and at Edward's can't-help-himself smirk, but I know someone else isn't in the least bit amused by her remark.

"Must you say things like that to her?" Jasper asks her, his ever-present, and, I think, sometimes self-encouraged, irritation with her clear.

"She's a big girl, Jasper, you should accept it. And start getting yourself some things like _that_, because at the rate you're going, she will before you will, and God knows that will kill you, and then you'll have missed your chance to get _any_... "

"Only _you _could make me miss the days when Rosalie Cullen was the thorn in my side, Alice Brandon. And that's not something to be proud of."

"You like me, Jasper Hale. Which is something else you should accept. Everyone else knows it."

"If I liked you, I'd kill _myself_."

"I'm going to go start dinner," I say with a smile, because I can't control the one that's plastered on my face.

Because Alice is right...

And I definitely know it.

He likes her. And no matter how much he doesn't want to accept it...

We Hales have a lot to learn.

And as my 'instructor' opens the front door for me, I know I, for one, can't wait to start.

Knock. Knock.

Yeah, I know who's there...

Welcome back,_ Blush._

* * *

><p>I'm not the only one with new wheels around here. Edward got some, too. Black this time, just like mine. And for me. The new. Because he thought his old had hurt me too much.<p>

Just like his house that he put up for sale, and already sits empty, because he just moved into a condo. A newly furnished one. Furnished by him.

And I love that he did that for me, removed all of the touched-by-despicable from his life - though I was a little sad about the couch - but... "I love it. And thank you, but if you don't stop spending your money, _yet _is going to take forever."

He laughs and lifts my hand to his lips. My _left _hand. And plants a tender kiss on it, just where I want a big, pretty chunk of his money to be spent. "Don't worry, little girl, clearly I don't like to waste time. And I promise, I have more than ample means to make _yet _- and forever - everything you could ever want them to be. Trust me?"

I nod, and smile at the truth in his adoring green eyes. "I do."

"I hope so, beautiful. And that you know you always can."

* * *

><p>"Hi, Kate, is Edward not here? I didn't see his Suburban outside?"<p>

"No, sweetie, he left."

"Do you know if he's going to be long? He said he was working on something important and couldn't break away for lunch... I just assumed he meant here. It's why I brought him some."

"I honestly don't know, Bella. He's been gone since after he turned away a client this morning. He's been doing that a lot lately, actually...

"Anyway, that was a few hours ago."

"Oh. Okay... "

"Do you want me to call him? And-"

"No, don't bother him," I tell her, and hand her his lunch. "There's a roast beef sandwich in there, from his favorite deli, obviously... feel free to eat it if he doesn't come back soon. The mayonnaise shouldn't sit too long... "

"Bella, his favorite deli, like everything else that involves food, is your kitchen. And if he's not back soon, I'll put it in the fridge. I don't think he'd like it very much if someone took so much as a single bite of something that was meant for him."

She raises her brows playfully and I smile.

And turn a walk out of Edward's firm wondering where he is. And without stopping to see my brother. And wondering why he's turning away so many clients. Edward... And what he's working on that's important. And not here...

* * *

><p><strong>Edward <strong>

"What are you so happy about? Did you run into Isabella on your way back?"

"Isabella?"

"Yes, _Isabella_. She was here just a little while ago."

"She was?"

"Yes. She brought you lunch. Because you told her you were too busy working on something important to have it. It's on your desk, by the way."

"Thanks, Kate," I say, and head for my office.

"What are you up to, Edward Masen?" she calls out behind me.

But I don't stop to answer her.

Because my lunch is waiting for me.

And then I have something else important to work on. Because the first thing is done...

And I don't want to waste any time before starting on the next.

The things I'm so happy about. And wish I didn't have to keep from her.

* * *

><p>"Thank you for lunch. I'm sorry I missed you. And didn't get the chance to thank you properly for being so sweet."<p>

"You're welcome. And that's okay, you can make it up to me later."

"I'm going to make everything up to you. As soon as is humanly possible, if I dare call myself a human."

"I don't know, Edward... those kind of looks should be humanly _impossible_... but you're not perfect, so I guess you are."

"Was that supposed to be a compliment, sweetheart?"

"Yes," she laughs, "It definitely was. Just find a mirror and you won't have any doubts."

"I'd rather look at you."

"Well, I tried to let you do that, but you weren't there."

"I know. I was working outside of the office for a while."

"And now you're working in?"

"Yes. And will be for the rest of the day."

"Well, I was just getting ready to head out of mine... so, I'll talk to you later?"

"Of course you will. After you tell me where you're heading out of yours _to_."

"I'm a photographer, Edward. Almost all of my job is _outside_ of my office."

"You don't say?"

"I have pretty pictures to take, and I don't have time for any interrogations by my _prettier_ boyfriend before I do. So, trust me, and say goodbye."

"Okay. Goodbye, _prettiest_. Be safe. So I _can_ see you later."

"I will. And you will. Because I'll let you after that goodbye."

She blows me a kiss and then the line goes dead.

And I get started on later.

Because the sooner I do that, the sooner I can.

See her...

Every _prettiest _inch of.

That is going to be really hard not to get distracted by the thought of now...

* * *

><p>"You heading out soon?"<p>

I don't look up from what I'm doing to answer Jasper, who's standing in my office doorway. "Yeah, before too long. Tell Isabella not to hold dinner for me, though."

"You're going to have to deliver that news yourself. What are you working on? Did you reconsider the Campbell project?"

"No, I wasn't interested in that."

"Something new, then?"

"Yeah."

"That I don't know about?"

"That you don't know about _yet_."

"Well, what is it?"

"You'll know when I'm ready for you to know. But right now, you can return my door to the closed state you found it in, because at this moment - that I'm busy - I'm not."

"And _not_ leaving with me?"

"No."

"Fine... but _I'm _NOT telling my sister that, so you better call her."

"Pussy."

"It's called self-preservation, thank you very much."

"And I guess I can support that... " _Because she'd never want to walk down the aisle without you. _"As long as you do it elsewhere. Now."

"ALRIGHT. God knows I see enough of your face, and frankly, _this _Hale will enjoy the break."

_You do that, Jasper... while I ensure the other Hale doesn't ever have to again. _

The one who I know won't enjoy it at all. But who hopefully won't be too upset that I have to give her one to not.

* * *

><p>"Should I be worried that you're still not here?"<p>

"Shit!" When was the last time I glanced at the clock? "I'm so sorry, beautiful, I had no idea that it had gotten so late."

"So, you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay. I was working on something and completely lost track of the time."

"You're still at your office?"

"Yes, Isabella, I'm still here. Because if I wasn't, I'd certainly be there."

"Are you still coming? Here, I mean? Or should I just go to bed?"

"Do you want me to? Because I will if you do, but if you're tired, you can absolutely go to sleep. And I'll make it up to you tomorrow. Cross my heart."

Her silence answers my question before she does, and I tear myself away from what kept me away from her to tell her I don't need her to. "Scratch that. I'll make it up to you now, because I don't want to go to sleep without seeing my prettiest."

"I really didn't want to, either."

_I know, beautiful... I promise I know. It's why I'm here._

_And why _"I'm on my way right now."

* * *

><p>"You warmed up dinner for me? Even after I didn't show up for it?"<p>

"Of course I did," she says, pushing me onto their couch with one hand and setting my plate in front of me on the coffee table with her other. "I'll never let you go to bed hungry, Edward."

"Can I hold you to that?" I ask her with a hopeful - and devious - smile.

Which she returns, though far more shyly, before she dashes back into the kitchen to leave me with an _un_smiling Jasper, who didn't take nearly long enough in the bathroom.

"I can easily go back to wanting to kill you, you know."

"I'm sure you could," I say with a shrug, "if you had a reason to. And didn't have the _best _reason not to."

"Then don't _you _forget that she _is_."

_She _comes back into the living room without a single worry on her beautiful face and my answer becomes even clearer than it already was. "I won't. Until the day I die, Jasper - by God's hands, not yours - I won't."

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

"What happened? I know we haven't really talked about it, but when I saw you at the hospital, you guys seemed... well, I don't know, _happy_?"

"Nothing happened, really. We just weren't... compatible, I guess? Which I knew before we... it just wasn't meant to be. And so it isn't anymore. We aren't. Whatever."

"Whatever?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"You don't look like you think whatever."

"Well, I do."

_Liar._ "Are you upset?"

"Are you asking me that because you're assuming that Riley dumped me instead of the other way around?"

"I'm not assuming anything, Rose. I'm asking questions. Because I don't know. It's been awhile since we've really talked."

"That's because you're always with Edward."

"I'm not with Edward now." And barely have been in weeks.

"Yeah... why is that, by the way? I thought he was attached to your virginal little hip?"

"He's working late," I say to her first question, and ignore the dig she might have intended with her second. Because I really am trying not to assume anything these days. And because I really don't care, even if she did intend it that way.

"Since when does Edward Masen work at 9 pm? Is his secretary working _late_, too?"

"I knew you didn't mean it... what you said in my room... "

"I did mean it. Then. But he _is _Edward Masen... and maybe, no matter what else he's done, he hasn't stopped doing the other things he used to."

"He's _working_, Rose." Late. Again.

"Why? Because he told you he was?"

"Yes." And because I trust him.

"Don't be gullible, Bella."

"Don't be a bitch, Rose. Just because your relationship with Riley didn't work out-"

"That's _not _why."

"Then _what_?"

"I don't want to fight."

"Then get off of Edward's back." The last part of him I saw...

"Are you really not worried at all that he could be up against someone elses? As we speak?"

NO. "Go home, Rose."

"I'm really not trying to make you mad, Bella. I swear I'm not. I just don't want you to get hurt. And it's not even Edward... not in a personal way... it's men. In general. And the fact is, that most of them aren't capable of patience. The kind they'd need to have with you."

"Only most of them? Not _all_?"

"No. _Not _all. Not Riley Biers... you guys really would have been perfect for each other if Edward would have just stayed in his den of evil."

"Oh, please... he answered your door shirtless. With you right behind him wearing next to nothing. I'm a virgin, Rose, not an idiot. Don't-"

"It wasn't what it looked like, Bella. It wasn't at all. Not that I wasn't trying... "

"What?"

"He was shirtless because his got soaked. Doing something for me because he's a nice guy and I _am _an idiot. Something I wanted him not to be so much... a nice guy, I mean, which is why I was wearing next to nothing. Which is more than I'd had on just before that... when he rejected and humiliated me... "

"You hadn't just... "

"No. And when he opened the door, it was because he was leaving. So fast that he didn't even care about his shirt in the dryer. You just happened to have knocked just as he opened it. And he was _not _happy... because he knew exactly what you would think... and then he really wasn't so nice at all... to me, not that I benefited from it... "

"But you were together. Holding hands. And-"

"Later, yes. But not that day. That day he was just taking pity on me. Because I had- Look, it doesn't matter. The details aren't important now. Other than one. Riley is the kind of guy that would wait. Even if he didn't have to. Even if he had someone throwing it at him. Begging, for fucks sake... but are you really sure that Edward is? Even though you're, of course, not throwing anything?"

"Yes. I _am_. Sure, I mean."

"I hope so. And that he really is just working late."

"He is. I have no doubts at all. And you can't plant any in my head, so stop trying to."

"That's not what I'm trying to do. And maybe this really is about Riley... in an indirect sort of way... "

"So, you _are _upset."

"Yeah, I guess. But not in the devastated, heartbroken way my dad is... God, did he love him... "

"Then in what way?"

"In a slap in the face sort of way. The 'You were right' way. Because the man I really wanted... only wants a girl like you. Apparently. And as much as I tried to be... I'm just not."

"I never said that to you, Rose. I never said anything to you about Riley at all, but that-"

"Bella... you think the man I really wanted was the one that wouldn't give it up? Come on... I said the _two of you _would have been perfect for each other, not us."

"Are you saying you _never_...?"

"Not once."

"Then who... " _Oh, shit. _ "Rose, are you talking about Emmett? Is that who you-"

"I saw him with your friend. Granted, they both looked a little like fish out of water, but... well, I know what kind of girl she is. And isn't. So, you were obviously right."

"Rose, I didn't know that you actually had feelings for Emmett. I thought you were just-"

"Well, you were half right. _He _was just. And I was what I always am... used and discarded. And I'm usually pretty quick to get over that... but it turns out this time I'm not. Or wasn't, or whatever."

"I'm sorry, Rose."

"You don't have to say that."

"I already did. Because I am."

"I really thought you were wrong. Emmett's a nice guy in a lot of ways, and I understand why you think that's who he is, because unless it comes to protecting you, he doesn't let you see his other side... or Jasper and Edward don't let him show you...

"But he does have one. Another side. And I didn't think that side of him could be happy with 'sweet'. I thought I knew what that side of him wanted. And I thought it was me. Or someone like, anyway.

"We'd had a lot of fun. The kind I'm good at. The only time he was unhappy was _after_. When he'd want a sandwich - or a side of beef - and I'd tell him to order one. Instead of make it for him. So, then, instead of staying to have more fun, he'd leave.

"And it was starting to bother me... because I thought he would have stayed if that part of _me _was different. More like you. So, that day when you said it, it made me angry. Because even though I knew you were right in one way, I knew you were wrong in another. And I got defensive, and...

"Well, I had decided that I was going to prove you wrong. Be the whole package, so to speak. But I never got that chance. Because Emmett never came back after that day. Because of what I'd done to you. And seeing how much he cared about you... even though I already knew he did... I don't know... it just made me want him even more. The side of him that _you _knew. I was already crazy about the other.

"That's how Riley and I met. Well, since school, I mean. Emmett had already tossed me aside, but I thought maybe I could lure him back. Your way, not mine. I was trying to teach myself to cook. It wasn't going well... and one day I caught my kitchen on fire... "

"And Riley came to the rescue?"

"Yeah. You know how good he is at _that_."

"I definitely do. So, sparks flew? After the flames were put out?"

"No. I didn't see him again until after Emmett had rejected me again. The me that was trying to be like you. I ended up in a bar trying to drown my humiliation - and create more for myself - and Riley was there and stopped me. Yanked me away from the asshole I was about to drown and create it with, and took me home. Where he stayed with me. All night. Making sure - from my couch - that I didn't do either. Including with him.

"I guess we became friends after that. After he didn't make me feel like shit for it. And then we became more. Two people who couldn't have who they really wanted, taking a chance on who they didn't. It was nice... _he _was nice. And I tried to be. And to let nice be enough... but it just wasn't. I wasn't enough for him, and he was too much for me.

"And you were right... _again_... he was the one that ended it. Nicely. And told me never to let anyone treat me any other way... unless it was what I really _wanted_."

Her less-than-nice smile tells me what that meant. And what it means now. Still. "Like the way _Emmett _isn't."

"Yes. Like the way he isn't. Always. But that doesn't matter now... because he apparently decided he wanted 'nice' too. Only... "

"Don't assume, Rose."

"What do you mean?"

"I think he really just wanted to _try _nice. Maybe because Edward was... but _unlike _Edward, I don't think it's enough for him."

"But I saw them... "

"Like I saw you with Riley?"

"Are you saying you think I have a chance? To-"

"I can't say that, Rose. Only Emmett could tell you that."

"And if there was? A chance? And he did?"

"Then, I'd be happy for you. Because I understand now what it would mean to you."

She looks at me for a moment, a long moment, and I think she finally sees what I've always wished she would. The truth. About Edward. And herself.

"I'm sorry about what I said, Bella. About Edward... I'm sure he is just working late."

"I don't know if I believe you, Rose... that you believe that... but it's okay. Because _I _know he is. Because I know that _he _really does want nice."

And that he wouldn't be doing anything that wasn't, or away from his, unless it was important.

And I think, maybe, _for_.

And that, maybe after Rose leaves, I'll make a list of what that _for _could be.

Because I _do _trust him.

And because I do, I think that all work and no play can only make Edward Masen...

**xx**

**What, Isabella? Nice? Perfect? WHAT do you think? I know, of course... and what some of you were probably thinking earlier in this chapter... and let me take this opportunity to say... NEVER. GONNA. HAPPEN, DARLINS. Because that twisty road that brought us here? Is going to stay beautifully **_**un**_**twisted until we get to the end of it.**

**I really probably shouldn't have just told you that... **

**Just like I really probably shouldn't say this: Guest reviewer... You think this Edward is a pussy? Well... you can think whatever the hell you want, but keep it to yourself from now on. Your thoughts about him. And Isabella. I DIDN'T LIKE THEM.**

**Now, for most of the rest of you... I **_**love **_**hearing your thoughts. And I thank you for sharing them with me. I'm sorry my once-dependable replies have become so un. I won't make any excuses for that. It's just what it is.**

**Like this story... which is still mine, like Twilight is still SM's, and will be progressing **_**my **_**way, like it always has. Though it hasn't always (I KNOW, you don't need to tell me that, either. Or bitch at me for it.) in quite the way it will now. Even though this is a bit short. This chapter, I mean, clearly not this E/N.**

**Also, I wrote a fun little O/S titled Handled With Care. I think you might like it. And its Edward. They're on my profile if you want to check them out.**

**And just one more thing before I leave you to think about what I've said... and hinted at... and what this chapter may have... **

**For anyone reading Clear and Bright, it updated last week. I'm not sure anyone knows that if they aren't in my fb group. (Let me know if you want in it.) My blog doesn't alert, and apparently TWCS didn't this time. So, sorry for that. It, at least, wasn't my fault.**

**And I'm shutting up now. See?**


	33. Chapter 33:Like it Could Be Anyone Else?

**Chapter Thirty Three: Like it Could Be Anyone Else?**

**Jasper**

What's worse than looking at Edward's face all night every night? And watching my sister look at it?

"Bella, I don't feel good."

Looking at Emmett's instead. That's now in her lap. "Get off of her!"

"Shut up, Jasper. Go get laid or something. Someone might as well, since I'm too sick to."

"Aww, poor baby," Isabella croons, patting his head - that's still in her lap, and about to be removed from it. And his neck.

But she takes care of that before I can. Because she smacks it now. Hard. "Who is sick because you're being punished. For trying to."

"Ow, Bella, that's mean! You were never mean to Edward when he was sick! And he was doing a lot more than trying to!"

She smacks him again, harder, and apparently he's finally had enough, and removes himself from her lap - and the couch - and lays down on the floor in the fetal position, sulking like the child he becomes every time he gets sick.

And it's making me, and I'm actually grateful for the ring of the doorbell. And that Emmett is now in Isabella's kicking distance. "Ow!"

Until it occurs to me that Edward never rings it. _Please be Angela... or Emily... or a Jehovah's witness... or even Rose... anyone but... SHIT. _"What do you want and what's that?"

"I want world peace and for everyone to be dressed fabulously."

"If you think bringing my sister leather pants and a see through blouse is going to secure any kind of peace, Alice, you're INSANE."

"Lonely in INSANEtown, are you? And wanting my company?"

"NEVER."

"What is it with you Hales and your little white lies? Don't you know the truth can set you free?"

"What I know is that I don't have the energy for you tonight. And-"

"You won't have to do a thing. Just sit back and relax. I promise I'll be gentle."

"I'd rather wrestle ten hungry tigers while wearing Lady Gaga's meat dress."

"Is it coincidence that you used pussys in your_ I'd rather _LIE? You know, instead of bears or sharks or something?"

"Is it coincidence that my head started pounding the moment I saw you?"

"If you mean the one in your pants, NO," she smirks, and walks right past me. "I brought you something for tomorrow, Bella."

"I don't know what tomorrow is, YET, but she's sure as hell not wearing that. So, take it, and your delusional self right back where you came from."

"Do you smoke pot, Jasper?"

"What? Of course not! What the-"

"Well, you should. A taste of Mary Jane would do you some good. Amongst other things. Or-"

"DON'T say it. And stop dreaming it. And go away."

"Every girl dreams of serving up their goods, Jasper. And having them feasted on. Just like every guy does. So, get over yourself. I wasn't offering you the pleasure. Nor did I come here to see you. Or hear you. I came to bring Bella something to wear for her cool as shit assignment tomorrow."

"What cool as shit assignment?"

"Her shoot at that new tattoo place that's all the rage."

"New _WHAT_?" I ask, glaring at my sister, who's setting foot - or camera - in a tattoo parlor over my dead body.

But my sister has apparently joined Alice in the land of delusional, because she shrugs as if it's no big deal. "The magazine is doing a feature on the place. The guy's some kind of artistic genius... and my editor gave me the shoot. She said she wanted an 'unaffected by lust' take on things. Because all of our other photographers pretty much just want to be patrons and get inked by the guy."

"_All_ of them?" Emmett asks, because being sick does nothing to take away the idiot in him.

"NO," she tells him, giving him another kick, because, like I said, he's an idiot and is still where she can.

"Bella! Quit being mean! Don't make me embarrass you tomorrow while you're trying to work like a big girl."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks him with a wicked glare.

He rolls away before he answers, and proves he has _some _intelligence after all. "What it means is you may have a cool as shit shoot in a tattoo joint tomorrow, but the cool as shit man that is me, with my cool as shit fist, will be accompanying you. And you better start being sweet to me, or I won't be to you when you're trying to be all 'professional photographer Bella'."

"You are not going to work with me, Emmett!"

"Oh, yes, I am. Or you're not going at all."

"You don't get to tell me that," she tells him, and looks at me. "Tell him to stop being stupid. Not even you would interfere with my job."

"Interfere, no," I tell my sister, "but I'll be observing, and accompanying you, whether Emmett does or not. And I imagine, so will Edward, once I tell him what you clearly tried to keep a secret from all of us."

"My job is none of any of your business. And I will not be chaperoned by any of you while I do it."

"That's funny, sweetheart. And cute. And I'll be sure to mention that part to Edward, too. Right now, in fact."

Isabella has never looked unhappy to see me calling Edward, certainly not for her, but the look on her face now as I put my phone to my ear...

Is pricelessly so.

_Be careful what you wish for, baby sister..._

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

I'm going to kill Alice. For two weeks I managed to keep my shoot at Second Skin a secret from my Army of Irrational, and she blew the lid off of it in a second. And with an outfit that I am _not _wearing. I would have said no without their assistance. And _insistence_...

The third of which I just received. From Edward. Who's here now. Thanks to Alice. The only reason I _won't _actually kill her.

Because I missed his face. And his voice, even though I haven't gone a day without it while having to go many without the other. Because whatever he's been busy working on to surprise me has kept it from me.

Until Ihad something to work on that he didn't like the surprise of.

At. All. "Isabella, you are not walking into a tattoo parlor without me. For work or any other reason. Even if you're wearing a Habit and veil."

"You want me to wear a veil?" I ask with a smile, because he opened the door... after he walked through it like he owns what's inside... or _who_... which...

Yeah, we all know he does.

"You can wear anything you want, sweetheart, on _another _day. But tomorrow's wardrobe will have to be approved by me."

"Have I ever worn anything you didn't _approve _of?" I ask him, and in a way that has nothing to do with the way he means.

"No," he tells me, and closes the door on my fun, instead of joining me in it. "But I insist nonetheless."

"Okay," I concede. "Whatever will make you happy, Edward."

He gives me a _What did I say about that? _look with his beautiful green eyes, and I try to use it to my advantage. And to gain some. And some freedom. In the form of _wings_. "But once I have your approval, I would like _not _to have your escort. Or anyone elses. I know you all think I belong to you, but my job belongs to me, and it's not one a child would have, or a shoot one would be assigned, so please don't treat me like one by accompanying me to it. And keep in mind that I said _please_."

"What if it was just me?" he tries to compromise. "Not treating you like a child, but simply, and discreetly, I promise, ensuring the comfort and safety of my most valuable... "

"Possession?" I offer, since he seemed to be struggling for the right word. Or not to say the one that is. "Is that what you were going to say?"

"No, Isabella," he says, though the subtle movement of his mouth says _yes_, and makes the back of my neck warm... "I wasn't going to-"

"It's okay," I tell him, and clear my throat, "Whatever you were going to say. But what you did... what if I say no?"

"I'll be there anyway."

"So, you can't break away from your _work _to spend time with me, but you can to spy on me while I do mine?"

"I would never put work before you. It's not what I've been doing. And I won't be spying on you, I'll be spying on other people."

"Discreetly?"

"Yes. You'll forget I'm even there."

"I could never do that," I tell him, and he smiles.

And Edward Masen's smile could make a girl agree to anything... but... "You'll distract me. And I won't be able to focus. And then my pictures will probably end up out of... and-"

"Just think of how proud I'll be of you when they're not. When I get to see the result of your dedication and hard work. And how you let nothing distract you, no matter the temptation. Or how near."

"Is that what you do?" I ask him, hearing what I think he wanted me to.

"Everyday," he sighs...

Telling me what I already knew. And closing another door...

The one I no longer care to _fly_ through alone.

* * *

><p>"Just tell me if I get in your way at all. Or if anyone else does... " <em>Three <em>anyone elses, not just one._ Ugh!_

He glances around his shop and laughs. "Don't worry, I have a girlfriend. _And _a little sister. And I'm what some would call overly possessive - or maniacal - about both. And I knew who the _anyone elses_ were the moment each of them came through the door. And that they weren't here for ink."

"Well, I'm sorry anyway."

"Nothing to be sorry for. And besides, I think I may get business out of one of them."

My eyes follow him for a brief moment as he walks away, and right up to Emmett, who has become too entranced by the man's art to pay any non-discreet attention to me.

And since he is, and Edward and Jasper are conducting themselves as promised - well, as _Edward _promised - I try to forget they're here and do what I came here to do.

Capture art in another form. One I take pride in, just as my audience does in my ability to. Which makes me even prouder, whether they're biased or not.

And I find that I'm not distracted at all. Until their presence isn't the only one I see or feel.

A woman came into the shop about ten minutes ago. A really beautiful woman. With beautiful ink on every visible part of her body except for her beautiful face. Something I can't help but be distracted by. Or wonder if anyone else is.

_One _anyone else.

But when I finally look at Edward, to see if he's looking at her, I see that he's not distracted at all.

She may as well not even be here for the way he's looking at me. Which I know is all he's been doing when I see the way Jasper is looking at him. Because my brother came here to spy on me, but if Edward's around, he's never _only_. Which usually just makes me roll my eyes at him...

But not at the moment. Because even though Jasper doesn't love that Edward has eyes for me, he'd never let him get away with having them for anyone else.

And _that _makes me smile.

But not as big as Edward does as I look back at him. Because he's smiling at me. And telling me I should focus.

And that he'll never not.

No matter the temptation.

Which I think is just me now.

* * *

><p>"So, how did it go?"<p>

"Great, I'd say. Maybe even perfect. I think I got some really great shots."

"And the Three Domsketeers? Were they all present and accounted for?"

"You know they were, Alice. Thanks to _you_."

"Yeah, I know, I blew it... but did they at least behave?"

"Yes, they did, actually. Though there was no reason for them not to. He'd purposely scheduled the time for me to come when he had no appointments."

"So, no live action shots?"

"Oh, I got a few... Emmett ended up in the chair."

"Did he cry? Whine like a little girl? Did you get a shot of that?"

"No," I laugh, "He only does that when he's sick. Or deprived dessert. He took it like a man."

"Damn."

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding something else to torment him about."

"Oh, I'm sure I will, too. In no time at all." She fingers the black silk scarf she's been holding in her hands since I came into her little cove of pretty, and then hands it to me. "For you."

"Thanks. _This_ I'll wear."

"Good. And, uh... did anyone else end up in the chair?"

_Anyone else, Alice? _"If you mean Jasper, no. Tattoos aren't really his thing."

"They're not?"

"No, not at all."

_Why does she look so... oh. Maybe she has one._ "Well, not on himself, anyway. I think he likes them on other people. Women... girls, whatever. As long as I'm not one of them." _Does that make you feel better, Alice?_

"He does?" she asks, telling me it does. _Much _better.

"I think so. A few women he's dated have had a few. One girl especially I remember had several. And he was definitely into her."

"Recently?"

"No, it was a couple of years ago."

"And he was_ definitely into her_? Like, in love?"

"No, definitely not love. But it was the longest he was ever with anyone."

"And how long was that?"

"I don't remember exactly... maybe four or five months?"

"He's never been with anyone longer than four or five months?"

"Nope."

"That's not very long."

"No, I suppose it's not, but it's long enough to discover crazy."

"You mean jealous of you?"

"Yes, but not only that. I don't know what it is about my brother, but women go crazy over him. It happens every time. They get immediately attached. Become obsessed. Fall in love... or think they are, whether it's real or not. And whether it's been a day or a month. It's not normal."

"So, the tattoo girl... what happened with her? You said he was definitely into her... even if not in love... Did _you _not like her or something? So he cut her loose?"

"No, she cut herself loose. Well, sort of. She put the scissors in his hand."

"What do you mean?"

"She did something crazy."

"Details, Bella! I need details!"

"Calm down, _Crazy_!"

"I'm nosey, not crazy. Though I prefer to call it _curious_."

_I'm not complaining, Alice... I like your curiosity, _"Well, like I said, he was pretty into her. And she liked me, and I did actually sort of like her, so there was no issue there... "

"I thought you never liked any of them?"

"I didn't. She was the only one. Because she was the only one that ever seemed to make him happy. He always came home with a smile on his face after he was with her, instead of looking like he needed an aspirin, or ten."

"So, what changed?"

"One night he didn't."

"Because... ?"

"She got a new tattoo."

"You're killing me here... "

"It was his name. And that's all he told me. But then Emmett told me more... that it was in a _delicate _place..." I cringe as I say the words, and if Alice's eyebrows went any higher, they'd leave her face. "And doing that put her on the crazy train. With a one way ticket. End of story. And crazy tattoo girl."

"That is crazy."

"Yes. And he would kill me if he knew I told you about it, so don't-"

"I swear I'll never say a word." She crosses her finger over her crushing-on-my-brother heart, and makes me smile.

Because she is definitely crushing on him, even though he's been so obviously trying to garner a different kind of sentiment from her. And deny that his for her is the same as hers for him.

The one that _her _smile doesn't try to hide from me, not that I don't already know. "You like me, right?" she asks me, "And still, even though I got you busted by the GAP?"

"GAP?"I repeat, because I haven't heard her use that one before.

"Gorgeous annoying police."

"Aah. Yes," I laugh, "I do. And still, even though you did. And we should make a list of all of your nicknames for them. I can hardly keep track anymore."

"Deal. I'd be honored to be in any way Bella Hale list-worthy. And something else... if - and I really hope you do - you think I am."

"I do think you are, Alice. More than anyone else ever has been, or ever could be."

"And you wouldn't be at all upset if-"

"No."

"So, I should... "

"Keep buzzing around."

"I can do that."

"I know," I tell her with a smile, and grab my bag and head for the door. "And Alice?" I say when I get to it, turning back around, because I have an idea. "I don't know if you have plans tonight... but I do. Plans that just came up... and plans my brother doesn't know about."

"Do you need me to help you with something? Or cover?"

"No... I'm just letting you know that he'll go home to an empty house. And an empty table. And-"

"He'll be helpless and hungry?"

"Yes."

"And you don't like him to be. Or to eat dinner out of a box... "

"I really don't."

"Are you giving me permission to buzz around in your kitchen, Bella?"

I reach into my purse and grab my spare house key and toss it to her. "Call it an audition. Because even though I do like you-"

"You want your brother to be happy. In every way that he's used to, with or without any 'crazy' in his life."

"I really do."

"He'll be smiling when you come home, Bella. If it kills me. And he doesn't. Which I don't really think would make him, regardless of what he wants me to think."

"There's pork chops in the fridge. He's expecting them."

"Then he'll get them."

"Break a leg, Alice." _Or, more importantly, his will to resist yours..._

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

I know Isabella isn't really worried about what I've been doing on the nights I haven't spent with her...

And I'm fairly certain she knows what it is is _for _her...

But her comment last night about my not breaking away from my work to spend time with her has been bouncing around in my head since she made it, even though I know she was just trying to get her way about today.

And I decided that keeping my _work _a secret is perhaps not the best way to proceed with my plans.

So, I asked her to have dinner with me. A simple one. In a quiet place. That won't be soon if she likes it.

"Am I dressed okay?" she asks me as soon as she opens the door, both teasing me about my insisted approval on the last thing she wore, and because she wants to be sure now.

"You're perfect," I tell her, because she is, and is dressed.

"Then we're a perfect pair," she tells me, and locks the door behind her. "Now, let's go before Jasper gets home to try to make us a perfect threesome."

"He'll be a little while, I made sure of it before I left."

"Not too long?" she asks, suddenly looking a little worried.

"No, just long enough for me to whisk you away first. Is that okay? Did you leave the oven on or something?"

"No, I made a different dinner arrangement for him. And it's more than okay. It will probably help, actually."

"What are you up to, pretty girl?"

"Nothing you won't hear about later. And nothing you can't wait to, because I'm not sharing my alone time with you with anyone else."

"I wouldn't dream of asking you to. Now or ever."

"So, where is this quiet place you're taking me?" she asks me as I pull out of their driveway. "Does it have a couch?"

"You have a one track mind, sweetheart," I tell her, and laugh, and head to the place that doesn't. "And it's a surprise, and no, it doesn't have one yet, but it will someday. We'll have to rough it this time."

"Rough what?"

"Sitting. And whatever else you wanted to do with me on a couch."

"I get _whatever else_ with you tonight?"

She'd be in trouble if she didn't look so damn adorable... "You get _whatever else _with me forever, if I'm right to assume you still want that."

"I do. And you are."

"Good. Now we just have to see how you feel about _where _you get it."

"I don't know what that means."

"You will. Very soon."

She's quiet for the rest of the drive, but I can see the wheels turning in her head every time I look at her.

But when I pull the truck to a stop at our destination, they screech to a halt. "You know, Mr. HUNTSMAN... Snow White didn't exactly like that whole running through the forest part."

"Don't you trust me?" I ask her, and jump out of my truck and around to her side of it.

"Yes, but _why _are we at the edge of a forest?"

"Because I want to show you what I've been working on. The first part of it, anyway."

"Oh," she says, and then smiles as I grab blankets and a picnic basket from the backseat.

"I hope an ordered dinner is okay, this was kind of a last minute idea and I didn't have time to cook anything myself, what with my _spy _job today."

"You won't hear any complaints from me," she tells me, taking the blankets from me and entwining her fingers with my now empty ones.

And I have very little doubt that I will, but I still want to be sure that I haven't done something that will make her unhappy by choosing this out of the way place to make her everything but.

"So, what did you think of the drive out here?" I ask as we start walking. "It wasn't too bad, was it?"

"I was with you, how could it be bad?"

"Good answer, sweetheart... but what I meant was more... well, would you mind it if you had to make it often?"

"Often?"

"Yes. Or more precisely, everyday?"

My words sink in immediately and she stops walking and looks around. "Edward, is there a house hidden somewhere in all of these trees?"

I hadn't planned on revealing my plans yet, or quite this way, or in this spot where we now stand, but "Not until I finish designing the one of your dreams and have it built. If I haven't assumed too much by buying this piece of property to put it on."

"You bought this forest for me?"

I laugh at her continued use of the word forest and nod. "Yes. Of course, I'll pay the price for that... God's not going to be too happy with me for leveling a big chunk of it. But since I'm already going to Hell for wanting to level you... "

I don't know what's more beautiful... the blush on her cheeks, the smile on her face, or the tears in her eyes, which I know are happy ones.

"I would love to drive out here everyday," she whispers, "To be alone with you."

"Are you sure?" I ask her, not wanting her to settle for anything less than perfect. "Because if it's not what-"

"It is," she tells me, telling me exactly what I wanted before she says the words. "It's perfect."

She wipes a tear from her cheek with both of our hands, because she hasn't let go of mine, and because even though I don't think she had any doubts that I ever would, she definitely knows now that I'll never make her.

Because I haven't spent a lot of time with her in recent weeks in the present, but only because I've been planning for our future. The one she sees all around us, and feels beneath her feet.

Solid, and real. Actions, instead of just words. Not that _I've_ said enough of those... _yet_...

"I've missed you, Isabella. Trying to make sure I didn't miss other things... for you... I've missed _you_."

"I've missed you, too."

"Yet you didn't complain, or tell me I was doing things wrong."

"Because I knew you were doing something for me. Another first something. And I know you already worry about doing those wrong. Even though you can't."

"I can, sweetheart."

"You really can't, Edward. Not as long as... "

"I love you?"

"Is that a question?" she asks, her lip trembling, like her hand in mine.

"No, it's not. Just proof that I can, and do, do things wrong."

"Then I like wrong. It's my new favorite thing. And you should do it again."

"I love you, Isabella."

"I-"

"With a period. And an exclamation point. And a dot dot dot... everything but a question mark. You know, just in case you weren't sure."

"You wouldn't buy a forest for a girl you loved with a question mark."

"No, I wouldn't."

"Or level it."

"Absolutely not."

"You wouldn't do it for anyone else but me."

"Never."

"Or wait to level something else."

"Definitely not."

"So, you _can't_... do anything wrong... with-"

"The girl who loves me?"

She slams into me with her answer.

Levels me with it.

Literally...

And in every other way there is to.

Because she does love me...

In every way that's right.

Whether I do things wrong or not.

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

I stopped by Edward's office on my way out, but Kate told me he'd already left it. And wasn't coming back.

So now I'm flying home...

Where all I better find is him in my kitchen helping Isabella with dinner. Instead of helping himself to her.

But his Suburban isn't in our driveway when I pull into it. And Isabella's Compass _is _in our garage when I pull into that.

So I relax. And walk through the kitchen door with a smile on my face. Because I smelled the pork chops that I've been dreaming about for the last hour before I did.

But then my smile falls...

Because my sister isn't who's standing on the other side of it. "Where is Isabella and why is she letting you ruin our dinner?"

"Hello, dear, how was your day?"

"Fine until now. Where's my sister?"

"Otherwise occupied."

"Where?"

"Wherever Edward took her."

"She's really not here?"

"Does it look like she's here?"

"No, so why are you?"

"Because she knows you're helpless, and she loves you, and didn't want you to be hungry. Or order a pizza or anything to make your helpless self not."

"I'm not helpless."

"No? What do you call it?"

"Spoiled, maybe."

"Well, I can't argue with that... or blame you for it. Bella definitely created that monster."

"Breaking and entering is a crime, you know."

"As it should be."

"Punishable by-"

"You'll have to earn the freaky stuff. At least give me a kiss first."

"Have you been drinking? Or smoking something?"

"Nope, not a sip or a puff."

"Why are you in my kitchen? And HOW did you get into it?"

"Well, I came through the front door... and then I walked through the living room... "

"I'm not amused, Alice."

"That's because you're a grouch, which we established long ago. So, let that dead horse lie, and try out a new one. Like that smiley one you rode in here on. It was a good look for you."

"Well, unless you want to try on a striped look, you should answer my question."

"I think they only wear stripes in old movies... Do you like old movies?"

"ALICE... "

"I used Bella's spare key! Alright? And before you accuse me of stealing it from her, she gave it to me. So I could come in here and make your dinner, since she wouldn't be here to. And it's right over there on the counter, the key, I mean, so relax."

"It's official, my sister hates me."

"If that's what you think, then you are _officially _the craziest person on the planet. But even crazy people need to eat, so get cleaned up, or whatever it is you do before you sit down to be spoiled, because your dinner is almost ready."

"I'm not eating anything you cooked."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because you probably poisoned it."

"Paranoid much?"

"Is there a rabbit boiling in that pot?"

"NO. Rabbits are cute, and I don't hurt cute things. Or poison cute people. Or whatever it is that you are."

"She really wouldn't want you to, you know? Poison me, whatever I am."

"Of course she wouldn't. She loves you. And I love her. And the fact that she trusted me to take her place at your stove and do something for you. So, don't take that away from me, please. Because I know it's a big deal that she does. Or did, whatever."

"And where does _my_ trust fit into this?" I ask her, because she's crazy if she thinks I have any.

"All you have to do is sit down and eat food that's prepared for you. And maybe engage in a little conversation between bites of it. Does it really involve a huge amount of trust for you to do that?"

"With you? Ye-"

"I'm not so bad, you know. Yes, I'm kind of pushy, and maybe overly _curious _at times, and I might possibly have a tendency to interrupt people, and-"

"Might?"

"Yes, _might_. But I don't do any of it to be annoying. I guess it's just me wanting to be noticed. Seen. And heard. And part of something. In this case anyway."

"In _this _case?"

"Yeah... the case of this dysfunctional little family you guys have. I mean, it's a complete train wreck, but there's something beautiful about it. Something you can't look away from. And can't help but want to jump right in the middle of.

"Because there's an incredible amount of love in it. And devotion... and even when the train gets derailed... crashes and mangles... that love and devotion you all have for each other puts it all back together. Back on track... and you start moving again... trudging along... barreling... as if nothing was ever dented or bruised or broken... "

"And you want to be a part of that?"

"No, Jasper... I want to be _two _parts of it."

I knew that...

But...

Shit.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

"Have I told you that I love my forest?" Isabella asks - from on top of me, where she's been for... Like I could even begin to keep track of _that _time?

"Your mouth told me," I tell her, "Though not in those exact words. Or any at all, technically."

"Well, it had something else to say," she says sweetly, because her mouth couldn't do - or say - anything to me any other way.

"You don't have to tell me _that_, sweetheart. I assure you I know." And ache from knowing... and _not_ because she leveled me to the ground...

"I know you do. I feel it."

"Which means it's time to get up and feel something else. Like the ground beneath our feet."

"If it's hurting your back, we can roll over," she offers, and puts my focus back on right._ Painful, painful right..._

"Oh no we can't. Up, forest girl."

"I really do love it, Edward."

"I'm glad, sweetheart."

"And you. But I know you knew that already."

"Did I?"

"Yes, and you _do_."

"Well, in all fairness, Isabella, you haven't technically said-"

"I love you."

Talk about being leveled...

I did know... of course I did...

But hearing her say the words...

Declare them...

"I love you, too, you beautiful girl. And I really _need _you to get up."

"You liked hearing that." She doesn't ask this time. Because it couldn't be clearer...

"I loved hearing it. Every part of me, obviously. And I'm sure that's wrong... and I'm sor-"

"I'm not. I love that every part of you did. And it's not wrong, but I'll get up, because I don't want to torture you after you bought me a forest."

She climbs off of me and to her feet, and even though it's what I told her to do, and what I needed her to do, it causes me more pain than I was in before she did.

Because I really did miss her these last few weeks.

Seeing her smile instead of just hearing it in her voice. Holding her and kissing her - though the opportunities to do that are hard to come by with Jasper always around - instead of just wanting to, and knowing at the end of each day that I've _worked _through my chance.

It was never my intention not to see her each night. I always planned to wrap mine up before it got too late, and at least go say goodnight before she went to sleep...

But it didn't go that way on most. I'd get so wrapped up in what I was trying to do for her that I'd lose all track of time, and since she wasn't complaining or interrupting me in any way - because she trusted me - the time would slip away and it would get too late before I took any to look at it.

And every night I'd fall into my bed feeling both proud of what I'd accomplished and angry at what I hadn't. Because I'd failed, once again, at _right_.

Finding the balance of how to give it to her. The future of her dreams, and the present I'd already given her - but that I took away by trying to focus on what came next.

The yet she's waiting for.

Has waited all of her life for.

And would probably spend with me anywhere, as long as despicable hadn't been there first.

I know there are things she wants... parts of the fairy tale she expects me to make real for her... but only because she knows that I can.

They wouldn't matter to her if I couldn't.

If all I could do was pitch a tent in the middle of this forest and place a candy Ring pop on her finger, she'd accept it and love me for both.

But she knows she doesn't have to. That I can and will give her more than that. And that I want to, want her to have everything she's ever dreamed of, and for her to settle for nothing less than.

Because she's already settled all of her dreams on me.

Just like Ethan said to me on that day I made her first come true...

_Like it could ever be anyone else?_

**xx**

**You know it couldn't, Edward. We all know.**

**But for something you, the readers, new and old, may not... a couple of other dreams have already been made to come true. By me. When You Close Your Eyes and Cups Full of Wishes are both now complete. So, if anyone has been waiting patiently for that to happen so they could read them... **

**And they're both nominated for Top Ten Completed Fics of January 2013 at TwiFanfictionRecs dot com if you want to vote.**

**And that's all the 'progress' I have to offer today, so... **


	34. Chapter 34: From the Ground Up

**Chapter Thirty Four: From the Ground Up**

**Jasper**

"So, how is it? Honestly? I mean, I don't claim to be as good of a cook as your sister, but-"

"It's good, Alice. Thank you."

"And the conversation? I'm not annoying you, am I?"

"No, but-"

"I'm content with _no_. Would you like some more wine?"

"No, thank you, I'm good. But I think we should talk."

"Okay, what would you like to talk about? Most embarrassing moment? Favorite ice cream flavor? First kiss? Mine was awful... he-"

"Where's your car?"

"My car?"

"Yes, Alice, your car."

"I parked it down the street."

"Why?"

"You know why, Jasper. If I'd parked it in your driveway, you'd have come in without the smile you wore when you did. And, just like I thought it would be - though I'd never really seen it - your smile was beautiful."

"My smile-"

"Was for Bella, I know. But that just made it even more beautiful."

"And how is that?"

"Because it told me that you love your sister with all of your heart. The way, I imagine, it tells her everyday, even if you don't. Just like the way that she takes care of you tells you, and should still now, even though she isn't here doing it herself."

"And your willingness to take her place while she isn't... what should that tell me?"

"That I'm really not so bad."

"Even if I can see that, Alice-"

"More asparagus?"

"Sure," I sigh, and watch as she puts another few stalks on my plate with a satisfied smile on her face. One that I have to take off...

"I'm really glad that you like my dinner."

Now. "I'm not getting involved with one of Isabella's friends, Alice."

"It's what she wants, you know."

"What she wants isn't always-"

"Easy for you to admit is the right thing. _Initially_. But-"

"What happened to you thinking I was an asshole? And an idiot? And-"

"No one's perfect."

"Tell that to my sister. She doesn't know."

"Well, Edward's pretty close... and I can see how she might be unaware of that particular truth."

I roll my eyes and try to get us back on the topic at hand, because when she leaves this house tonight, I want her to understand exactly how she will - and won't be - welcomed in it. "Well, I can't. And am certainly not, by any means. Or someone you should be accepting that fact for, with any hope for-"

"Chances to cook you other dinners?"

"That's one way of putting it, yes."

"He's going to marry her, you know. Don't you think it's about time you think about that? And yourself?"

"I'd rather not, thanks. And that has nothing to do with-"

"It's time to put your life on the front burner, Jasper. Your wants... your needs... and stop denying that you have both."

"Why do you assume that I do?"

"Deny it? Well, isn't it? What you do?"

"No, I just have priorities."

"_Priority_. Singular."

"It's the same thing."

"No, it's not. And that's exactly my point. Your sister has always been your priority, and believe me, I commend you for that... it's sweet, and admirable - if a little on the psycho side at times - but what about _you_? Now, that Edward has made her his? And she doesn't need to be yours anymore?"

"Don't tell me what my sister needs, Alice. I-"

"I'm not trying to tell you what she needs. I'm trying to tell you what _you _do. And that it's okay to."

"Because you want it to be you."

"Yes, I do. I don't deny that. And I think it _is_. And I want you to stop denying it."

"I'm not denying anything. And I don't mean to be cruel, I just don't feel that way about you."

"Well, now you're just lying."

"I'm not lying. I-"

"Think it's wrong. Because I'm her friend. Like you thought it was wrong for Edward to be in love with her, because he was yours. And before you point it out... I know it's not exactly the same thing... we haven't been friends all of our lives... and I'm not in _love _with you... but it's not entirely different, either. And NOT wrong, just like you've accepted it isn't for them."

"I don't know if accepted is the word I'd use. I-"

"Use whatever word you want. The point is, you're not fighting them anymore. Because you know you can't win."

"I-"

"Can't win with me, either. Well... _against _me is more... no... that's not right, either... because you can definitely do _that_...

"What I'm trying to say is-"

"I know what you're trying to say, and-"

"And what?"

"Why do you interrupt people so much? Do you do that to everyone, or is it just me?"

"I don't know. Just you, mostly. Or probably. Because it drives me crazy waiting for you to get to the point of things."

"I'd get to the point of things if you ever gave me a chance to talk."

"Okay... TALK."

"Without interruption?"

"We'll see. It depends on what comes out of your mouth."

I shake my head and she immediately holds a finger up, telling me she's not done interrupting yet, even though this time I didn't get a single word out before she did.

"Are you done putting things in it? Your mouth, I mean?" she asks, eyeing my empty plate.

"Yes, I'm done," I sigh.

"Okay. Now go ahead. I'm all ears."

I try not to focus on how she's not as she smiles at me and takes my plate, and hers, to the sink.

If she wasn't Isabella's friend...

But she is. And she's a pain in the ass. And God knows that's reason enough to say what I'm about to say.

If I can figure out how to say it, that is. In a way that's nice. Not that I've ever concerned myself with that with her...

But that was her fault.

Her... the only woman - besides Rose, who doesn't count - to ever think I was, or call me an asshole.

Well, except for the one time my sister did...

But I don't want to think about that now. Or ever...

"Cat got your tongue?" she asks, freeing me from the painful memory, and bringing me back to the matter at hand.

"No... I was just... Look, Alice... you're an attractive woman. And you have your charm, I suppose... and could undoubtedly have your pick of-"

"Blah blah blah... "

"Men who like INSUFFERABLE, annoying, and impatient women, but I'm not one of them, so-"

"So, what kind of woman do you like? Besides, of course, the kind that cooks for you, and cleans for you, and basically does everything for you that you could ever dream of asking for, though you don't have to ask for any of it?"

"If that was a dig at-"

"It wasn't. We've already established that I adore your sister. And that she spoils you rotten. All of you, in fact, which is probably why you're all still single, because what woman is ever going to live up to that? Or even be willing to try to?

"Now, obviously, Edward - being no fool - won't have to give up a thing, and is probably the luckiest man on the planet for what awaits him in the spoiling department, but-"

"ARE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS?"

"Yes. I'm-"

"THEN GET THERE."

"Only one of you gets your perfect girl, and that's _him_. So, what do YOU want, Jasper Hale? Besides what you already have? That is only perfect until it's time to lay your head down on your perfectly fluffed pillow at night."

"If you're implying that Isabella makes my bed every morning-"

"Doesn't she?"

"No."

"Are you lying again?"

"She doesn't make it _every _morning. Only if I didn't do it before I got in the shower. And I don't-"

"Have to defend yourself. I'm not attacking you, or your life, or even the spoiled-rotten-and-want-to-stay-that-way way you choose to live it. I'm merely trying to tell you that I want to insert myself into it, just the way it is. And show you that I can, which I believe I've just done, quite well, and painlessly for you. And your kitchen, which I believe is now just as I found it. Wouldn't you agree? On that, at least?"

_This woman is making my brain hurt... _"_What_?"

"The kitchen, Jasper. It doesn't look any different, does it? Than before I came into it to take care of you?"

"No, but-"

"And you? Have I left you wanting for anything?"

"I'm not still hungry, if that's what you mean."

"Good. So, now what would you like to do?"

"Nothing. You can-"

"Do nothing with the best of them! After you." She gestures me into my own living room, and I go gladly, because we have to go through it to get to the front door, which I want nothing more than to see her go through.

I'll even escort her. "Now after you," I say, continuing to it and opening it with a smile.

But she's not behind me when I turn. Because she's sitting on my couch instead. "Close the door, Jasper. You'll let flies in or something."

"Actually, I'm trying to let one _out_."

"I'm sure it will leave when it's ready."

"You know, I'm trying to be nice here, but-"

"You don't have to, you know? Be nice to me... or anything else that doesn't come naturally to you. You should just be yourself. Always... and trust that the right person will stick around no matter what. Will want to. Fight to, even."

"Plenty of the wrong people have wanted to stick around. That-"

"Isn't why you're alone. I know that. You're alone because Bella didn't want them to stick around."

"That's not the only-"

"Reason. I know that, too. But it's the most important one. To you. And one that doesn't apply here, in case you forgot."

"I didn't forget," I huff, and slam the door closed. "And stop trying to make this about Isabella. It isn't going to help your case."

"I'm not trying to make it about her, I'm just pointing out that she isn't a reason not to give in to what you want. Because she wants it, too. For you."

"There's no _too_. I don't want-"

"Me?" she says, getting up and stalking towards me. "Yes, you do."

"No, I don't," I push, and sidestep her advance.

But like the annoying fly that she is, she keeps coming right at me._ Buzz... buzz... buzz... _Darting every way that I do, until I put my hand up, telling her to STOP, before I swat her.

Which she does, with a laugh and a shake of her head, and both of hers raised in surrender.

And thinking I've won - or finally gotten through to her, at least - I sit down in a chair, and point her to the couch. "If you want to do nothing for a few minutes, then go right ahead, but do it over there."

"I'm not going to attack you, or molest you against your will or anything, so relax. _Scaredy cat_."

"I am NOT afraid of you, Alice."

"Good. Because there's no need to be."

"You're right, there isn't."

"At all. So, like I said, RELAX."

"I'm plenty relaxed," I tell her, and eye her suspiciously over my shoulder, because now she's standing behind me. _What the hell is she doing back there?_

"Then why are you so stiff?" she asks, answering _my _question with her hands. That are now on my shoulders. And the back of my neck.

And feel...

_Shit_. "I'm not stiff."

"Well, maybe not _all _of you is... but your neck and shoulders are. Which means you're not relaxed at all. But I'm going to fix that. Right now."

"I don't want you to... " _Fuck, that feels good... _"...fix any-"

"Yes you do."

"Alice-"

"Shut up, Jasper."

"You-"

"Am making you feel good and you know it. So, stop fighting it and let me."

"I don't... "_ Jesus..._

_It's just a massage, right? _

_A harmless... _

_Innocent... _

_FUCKING HELL..._

_Massage..._

"Oka-aaaaaaaah... "

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

"Where are we?"

"We're in your forest, silly."

"No... I mean in our house. Where did we just have dinner? Are we in our dining room? Or our kitchen? Or picnicking on our living room floor? Or-"

"Will I get pushed off of my pedestal if I say I hadn't put that much thought into the placement of our picnic?"

"No. Definitely not. I just wondered."

"Is there anything else you're wondering?" I ask her, because I can see the wheels turning again.

"Do you know where our living room is?" she asks sweetly, but with a devilish gleam in her eyes.

One that makes me chuckle. "Our living room? Or our _couch_?"

"Our couch," she declares, with the most innocently adorable smile I think I've ever seen on her face.

"I'm not exactly sure... " I tell her, giving her hair a tender stroke, "but I could get up and figure it out if you'd like?"

"No... " she says, shaking her head and pushing the remnants of our picnic dinner aside and climbing into my lap. "I don't want you to get up. We can just pretend it's right here."

"You don't have to pretend anymore, Isabella," I tell her, and wrap my arms around her. "You'll never have to pretend anything ever again."

"And you'll never be pushed off of your pedestal," she says, "_because_ I don't have to. And because I'd never want you anywhere else. So, we should just put our couch up there so you'll always be comfortable."

"I have no doubts that I'll always be comfortable, sweetheart."

"I'm glad you don't, Edward... because I promise you always will be. And more. I'm going to make you so happy... "

The playfulness that ruled her eyes and her words a few minutes ago is gone now...

And the confident purity that has replaced it would put me on the ground if I wasn't already on it with her.

She didn't have to say those words to me... I have no doubts about my impending happiness... the lifetime of it she'll shower me with...

But she said them. And did it with so much conviction. And devotion... and pride...

"You know that I know that, don't you?" I ask her, pulling her tighter against me, and instantly knowing I shouldn't have.

"I think so," she whispers.

"You're not sure?"

"Well, I know that you know I want to."

"I do know that."

"In every way," she adds, and smiles when she feels my involuntary acknowledgement of her loaded declaration.

A smile that's much too sweet for it. "You should slap me, Isabella, not smile at me like that."

"Never," she says, shaking her head emphatically and trailing her delicate fingers up and down the back of my neck.

And then _cringing_... "Well, never _again_."

"Unless I deserve it again," I tell her, wanting her not to pretend that I didn't.

But, just as I expected, that's exactly what she does. "You didn't deserve it then. I was wrong, and-"

"No," I put my thumb to her lips to stop her. "You were just late to deliver the one I did. Or the many, rolled into one really good one."

Her lips pucker against my skin in an innocent kiss, and one that pleads with me - along with her beautiful brown eyes, just as innocent - not to excuse her behavior on that night of...

_Explosions_...

But I can't grant her that. Because that would be like faulting her heart for what it feels. And what it wasn't afraid to fight for or defend.

And what she isn't afraid to keep fighting for. In her sweet, pure, and purely vulnerable way.

Like she did moments ago...

When she told me she would make me happy. _So _happy... in _every _way...

Even though some of those ways are ways she's too sweet and pure to have any more than a thought or a wonder of...

She still declared it to me. The man she loves who she knows does.

Know.

Want and crave.

Ache for.

Even now.

When she's vulnerable and trusting in my arms...

That crush her even closer as my thumb moves from her mouth to sweep across her cheek.

Keeps moving until it reaches her silken hair and my fingers follow it into it...

Cup the back of her head and hold her still...

For me.

Where I want her. And her mouth...

Her sweet mouth with her sweet lips that part so willingly for me. And that tell me that they always will as I claim them.

Promise happiness with their complete surrender.

Their silent declaration...

Hers...

That screams at me...

Echoes...

Bounces loud yet soundless off of the trees that surround us...

Multiplies...

_I'll give you everything because you gave me you..._

_Anything because you didn't take it back..._

_All, because you'll wait for it..._

_Fight to..._

_No matter how hard I make it for you..._

Because she is...

Making it so hard...

Smashing herself into me...

Grinding herself desperately against...

_Fuck..._

With full knowledge of how hard I'm trying not to do the same...

Full trust that I'll endure it for her. The rumbling groan that erupts from my mouth into hers not breaking it...

Not cracking it in the least...

Even as I flip her and flatten her to the ground beneath me...

Crush her under my weight because being crushed under hers wasn't enough...

She still doesn't waver. Doesn't stiffen. Or tremble...

With anything but pride at being wanted so much.

And treasured enough that that want won't go too far. That I won't. And that she won't have to go anywhere. Do anything or say.

Until the day she'll do it all. That anything that I want. That will make me happy...

_So happy..._

Like she declared today, and many times before.

Before I'd given her a forest. Or a proper_ I love you_. Or this...

This thing that isn't proper at all.

My want. Harder than the ground it pins her to.

But softer than something else...

The reason we're on it.

And will start our life together the same.

"Actually, sweetheart... " My words are breathless with everything I feel. And everything I'll wait to. "I think we're in our bedroom. Though it's a little lower to the ground at the moment than-"

"The one I'll make you happy in?" she asks, looking up at me as confidently as she ever has. And as adoringly.

"_Sooooooooo_ happy... "

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

"Edward?" I ask, looking out the window of his Suburban as we drive back to my house.

"Yes, beautiful?"

"How long does it take to design and build a house?"

"_A_ house?" he asks, pulling my attention to his quirked brow, that I heard in his voice before I saw it on his impossibly gorgeous face. "Or _your _house?"

"_Our_ house," I tell him with a beaming smile. Not that the one my forest gave me - and my _huntsman_ in it- has left mine.

"I like that answer. But instead of giving you the one you asked for, can I ask you a question?"

"Hell yes!" I yell far too loudly for the space of his truck, though it's monstrous.

"_A_ question, sweetheart. Not _the_."

"Oh. Sure. Ask me anything."

"Not 'the' _yet,_" he adds.

But he didn't need to. "I know. And that my Prince Charming would never ask me to marry him while we were driving down the road."

"No, he wouldn't."

"Because he's far too sweet and romantic to do such a thing in such a way. And because he wouldn't want to get slapped... you know, if he did."

"Good girl."

"Oh, just you wait... " _Sooooooooooooooooo happy..._

I giggle at what I'm sure is an actual whimper - and quite possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen or heard him do - and then wait patiently while he collects himself. And repositions his...

"So, my _question_... "

"Yes?"

"How long does it take to plan a fairy tale wedding?"

"_A_ fairy tale wedding?"

"_Your_ fairy tale wedding. The one I'm honored to know I've always had a role in."

"_A_ role?"

"Well, _the_. The luckiest one."

_Good answer, Edward..._ "Well... I'm not exactly sure. While I did do it once before, it was a very long time ago, and it was a small, intimate affair. And somewhat of a nontraditional one."

"Nontraditional? How do you mean?"

"I mean that I just planned it and told my Prince Charming to attend."

"Aaah."

"And that was fine then, but this time... "

"You want traditional in _every_ way."

"Yes. So, you see, your question is somewhat difficult to answer."

"Because I haven't asked another. Or, rather, _the_."

"Precisely."

"So, I _am _doing things wrong."

"No, you're not. I already told you you can't."

"But isn't out of order wrong?"

"You mean because you bought me the forest before you asked me to live in it with you?"

"Yes," he laughs. "Because I did that."

"No. That's not wrong. It's customary - and traditional - to _buy _something before you ask a question. And _the_."

"So, buying the forest first... before buying something else... "

"Made me love you more than I already did."

"Then I'm definitely wrong about being wrong. Or doing this, at least."

"See?"

"Oh, I see, Isabella. I see... "

_Me too, Edward... everything I've ever wanted. _

_Wanting to _be_._

* * *

><p>There's no sign of Alice when Edward and I get to the house. And my brother isn't smiling...<p>

But one look at him tells me that she took good care of him.

He's asleep in the chair. Asleep and covered with a blanket.

He looks peaceful. Innocent, even. Like a little boy without a care in the world. Or the weight of it - or anything - on his shoulders.

I stare at him for a moment...

Just long enough to see the rise and fall of his chest... just in case...

And then take Edward's hand and lead him into the kitchen.

Because I've never doubted I could make him - or anyone - happy in there. And because I'm me, and I want to make sure Alice kept that in mind before she left it.

Something I know she did the second I flip on the light, because it's as perfect as it was before I handed it over to her.

Just like my still-sleeping-peacefully-in-the-other-room brother is.

"Are you hungry at all?" I ask Edward, and let go of his hand.

"No, sweetheart."

"Thirsty?"

"I could drink something."

"An alcoholic something or a non?"

"A non. I'm buzzed enough off of you."

I smile at his answer and grab us a couple of Cokes from the fridge, setting them on the counter while I fill two glasses with ice.

I can feel his eyes on me as I move around performing these most simple of tasks, but when I look up at him there's nothing simple at all about his gaze. It's proud, and possessive, and intense.

"What are you thinking?" I ask him, and pour Coke into his glass.

"That I hope it doesn't take too long," he answers, still watching my simple movements with intense interest.

And I don't have to ask him what he means... I know. Could never not with the way he's looking at me. But I still want to hear him say it. "It?"

"Yet."

_God, I love that word... _

And him_... _"Any particular reason?" I ask now, taking a drink of my Coke and feeling my cheeks warm.

He moves from where he was leaning against the counter and takes my glass from my hand, setting it down and sliding it away from me. And then he lifts me onto its smooth, hard top and grips my legs gently in his hands, inching them apart just enough for him to step between. "_Every_ reason."

"Well, I know what I want," I tell him. "I've known all of my life... and I'm pretty efficient when I'm inspired... "

"So, it's on me."

"It's why I asked you... that question you didn't answer... "

"How long it takes to build-"

"The place we'll both get _everything _we want in."

My heart is beating furiously under his gaze.

So furiously that I think he can hear it. And feel it. And _see _it...

Because he bends his head to rest against me, just where it pounds beneath my skin.

And whispers... "That place is right here. And I'm not responsible for creating it."

"No... " I whisper back, slipping my fingers into his hair and holding him to me, "but just like you want to do for me... with that other... I know it was created just for you. That _I_ was. And that you know it, too."

_So, hurry, Edward..._

_Please hurry..._

**xx**

**I hope you paid attention, but just in case you didn't... Jasper is NOT dead. I'll NEVER give those of you who want it _that_ HEA. Which wouldn't be at all to me.**

**But as for the one that would... to everyone, I hope... It's all coming, I promise. And please, I beg of you... stop bitching at me about what you don't have yet. You'll get it when she gives it to him. A _when_ that has never wavered, and won't now, or change, no matter how much you want it to or think it should. So, save your breath about that. Seriously. It won't make me give it to you any sooner. Or her to him.**

**And thank you, readers new and old, for being here. And for your *cough* _patience_. Some of you amaze me with it, even if I don't do the same for you.**

**Till next time...**


	35. Chapter 35: Imperfect Timing

**Chapter Thirty Five: Imperfect Timing**

**Edward**

I went for my run even earlier than usual this morning. Because I woke up even earlier than usual.

Because the dream I was having before I did kicked me out of my contented slumber. And my ass into gear.

I dreamt about my mother.

And the last words I heard her say...

_I love you, Edward. And I want it for you. Love..._

I'd shaken my head, because I didn't want it for myself back then, and because I didn't want her wasting her breath on it. Breath that I knew she was running out of...

But she'd squeezed my hand with all of the strength she could muster and said _Yes. _That I _would _have it. When I let myself. And stopped having everything else I only _thought _I wanted.

_I don't want you worrying about me_, I'd told her, _I'll be just fine._

And she'd smiled. And said _Oh, I'm not worried. I know you will... only you'll be much better than fine, my handsome, stubborn, and clueless son... when that beautiful–and beautifully stubborn–girl is ready to knock some sense into you._

_What beautiful and beautifully stubborn girl? _I'd asked, thinking she'd already left me and was on her way to that beautiful place I knew she was headed.

The one that was taking her from me... from all of us, because she'd been a mother to more than just the child she had...

And though I was right... and her grip was loosening... and her eyes were getting distant...

She answered me.

With a smile.

That seemed to land behind me.

With the last words I ever heard her say. _The one right under your nose._

I didn't turn around in the dream... I woke up before I could...

But I didn't need to to know who was there. I remember.

Because I turned around that day. Because I heard something.

Pain. And grief. The same that I was feeling.

Isabella had come into my mother's hospital room. Something she'd done every single day she'd been in it. Because she loved her. Just as much as I did.

More, maybe...

Because she certainly spent more time with her than I did.

And in that hospital room.

The day my mother spoke her last words to me wasn't the day she spoke her last.

My mother didn't die that night. She slipped into a coma. A coma that the doctors said she wouldn't come back out of before she slipped away completely.

And I didn't question that. Didn't doubt that they were right. She seemed already gone...

But the doctors were wrong. Because she did. She woke up. Only for a few moments, Isabella had told me...

But a few that were her last. And that I wasn't there for. Because I was somewhere else doing something despicable.

My mother was gone by the time I got to the hospital and to her room. Truly gone.

Something I knew before I got there. Something I drove the whole way there hating myself for.

Because Isabella had called me. And told me her last words had been to her.

The beautiful girl whose beautiful tear-drenched face I found right under my mother's nose.

And whose had been under mine all of her life.

I didn't think about it at the time... what my mother had said to me...or what she'd _meant_, rather...

Who...

But I know now.

And, though she may already know that I do, watch me become less clueless every day from that beautiful place she's in, I want to tell her.

But when I get to her grave, I think maybe I'm too late again.

Because someone is already there. Under her nose, and above it. Talking to her. Telling her things. And making sure everything is beautiful and perfect while she does.

I haven't visited my mother's grave as often as I should have...

But every time I have, I've found it beautiful. Perfect. And perfectly taken care of.

And known why. Because she was never left alone for very long. Certainly never for _too_.

By "Are you just going to stand back there and watch me?"

"I could. Watching you is a beautiful thing."

She smiles at me and holds out her hand. "Well, I'm glad you think so, but we want you closer, so come here."

My feet and legs move of their own accord, effortlessly, taking me where I'm beckoned, but my eyes are struggling. Because they're on her. And her outstretched hand, that–though is beautiful and perfect in every way because it's hers, and because she offers it to me, gives it to me and can't wait to, and because it's stained with dirt and grass for who gave me life–looks horribly and terribly wrong.

Despicably wrong.

Because it's empty. Bare. Left that way by me. For far too long.

But, though it has been, it hasn't been so long that it's too late. Or that I am, this time. I... me... who kneels down beside her and takes it and brings it to my lips. "I'm going to start doing things right, I swear I am."

"Well, I'd say good, if you weren't already. But you are... and you have been... until you kissed my dirty hand... so, I guess I'll just say STOP BEING SO HARD ON THE MAN I LOVE. I don't like it."

"I'm going to buy you some pom poms. A cheerleader of your caliber, and with your devotion, should definitely have some." _And something else..._

"Buy me whatever you wish," she tells me with a twinkle in her eyes.

That I definitely don't miss or get wrong.

But then I'm clueless again, because she pulls free of my grip and gets up and starts gathering the things she brought with her to put her perfect and beautiful stamp on everything.

"Where are you going?" I ask her.

"A little ways around the corner," she answers, which makes sense because of who and what is there, but...

"You don't have to, Isabella. Yet, I mean."

"You came to see your mom. And I know you don't do that very often... you should be alone with her."

"I don't need to be. You don't have to go. I just wanted to tell her something... something that you already know... "

"I might have already told her some things," she tells _me_, biting her lip. In a way that's adorable. And seems to make the ground soften under my feet.

"Good things, I hope?" I ask her, knowing unequivocally that they were as I reach up to free it.

"Very good things," she says, smiling up at me, "that I think she's quite proud of you for."

"And you, perhaps?"

"Of course I'm proud of you, Edward."

"Thank you, sweetheart, but I think you know that's not what I meant."

"Is she proud of _me_? Is that what you meant? What you were asking me?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I was asking you."

"Well, I don't know... but I hope she is."

"Will you tell me something?"

"What?"

"What was the last thing she said to you before she died?"

"I told you, that she loved you."

"I know that's what you told me, but what did she really say?"

"She _did _say it."

"Okay. But that's not all she said, is it?"

"No."

"Tell me, Isabella. I really want to know."

"She said that she loved me, too."

"She did. Very much. Anything else?"

"That she knew I did. Love _you_. And that she was grateful for it... and... "

"And?" I prod when she doesn't continue.

"That someday you would be, too. But that you might need a little push, or pull, to see things... me... in a way different than you did, so you could be. Fully."

"My mother was a smart woman. Though she was wrong about part of what she told you. I _saw _you without any 'help'."

"But you pretended not to. So, she was kind of right."

Maybe...

Or maybe she was completely right.

And, though I didn't realize it then...

Gave me the first push to see what was right under my nose.

Because it wasn't long after she was gone that I started to. _See _Isabella. Differently than I ever had.

And, though I doubt she'd be proud of some of the ways I wanted to see her once I did...

I did see what she wanted for me.

_Thank you, Mom._

* * *

><p>"You know, Edward... Jasper is the only Hale who could actually physically do you any harm... and you're not in the least bit afraid of him. And certainly never look."<p>

"I look afraid?"

"Yes. Or like something you ate for breakfast isn't agreeing with you."

"Well, I didn't eat breakfast yet, so... "

"So, relax. Because none of _us _Hales wants you to look like that."

"Like–"

"Like you've done something wrong, and are waiting to be punished for it. The first of which you haven't, and the second of which you won't _because _you haven't."

"I'm not sure that's how they'd feel, sweetheart, if they could tell you."

"I am."

"That's because that's what you want to believe."

"No... it's because, no matter where they are, and what they can tell me now or can't, they already told me they loved me, when they were here. In every way they could have. And you that they trusted you with that love.

"How many times did you take me home from your house? After my piano lessons? Whether Jasper was with you or not? Because you told my dad–or Ethan–that you would, and that they didn't have to come back to get me?

"Did either one of them ever tell you no? Or show up to drive me? For any reason other than it started raining?"

"Trusting me to walk you home isn't the same as–"

"I think it is. And long after my dad was gone, and Ethan was somewhere else, what did he tell you every time we went to that place to see him? Every time _your _mother took us, because ours wouldn't?"

"To stay close, but sweetheart–"

"He trusted you, Edward. They both did. They let you be around. Told you to stay. When they were close and after they weren't. And they know everything you've done for me, I know they do. And they're not sorry they trusted you.

"And they would have both told you that... that night I flipped my car trying to get to them, if things had turned out differently. Because we both would have seen them again... and been together when we did. Because you stayed close, just like you promised you always would. Whether to walk me home or–"

"I hear you, beautiful girl."

"Good."

"Beautiful, _stubborn _girl."

"I'm that because I spent my life surrounded by beautiful, stubborn boys. Some of it was bound to rub off. Just like my protective nature... though mine's a little more subtle than any of yours. And my caring one, that came from your beautiful mother... who is in that place right beside them, those Hales you're worried about, not worrying about either one of us, because they know we'll take care of each other. Better than anyone else ever could."

"I'm sooooooooo buying you pom poms... "

"You do that," she says, with that twinkle in her eyes again...

A twinkle that makes my heart soar...

Because it's keeping the tears away. Tears that I thought I'd take her from here with...

But that I don't. Because they don't come. Even when she bends down to kiss each of their stones...

Tell them both she loves them...

And will be back to see them soon...

And then puts her hand in mine. With absolute trust.

Just like she always has.

"You can buy me those pom poms you think I should have," she tells me once we're off sacred ground, "but make sure you buy me a little skirt to go with them... and I'll wear it for you after the BIG GAME. And cheer–if that's what you want–until my lungs, and legs, give out."

_Dear God... _"After, not _to_?"

"Do you want to be slapped?"

"No," I laugh, and spin her to face me and grab her other hand, so she can't. "And I was, of course, just kidding."

"So was I," she says, eyeing her hands in mine with a satisfied smile, "About slapping you. _Maybe_."

"Would maybe turn into completely if I told you that I'm most looking forward to seeing what you choose to wear _to _it? Even more that what you could wear after? Or not wear?"

"I think you're completely full of shit... "

"That's not your best cheer, Isabella. Not by far."

"You might not think so, Edward, but it was inspired by _you_, so... "

"So, work for a better one?"

"Well, the ball _is _in _your _court... "

_Not for long, sweetheart... _

_Not for long..._

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

"Where's Alice been? Haven't seen her in awhile. Is she sick or something?"

_Well, look at my brother trying to be subtle..._

_So cute... _"No, she's fine. Just been busy, I guess." _Trying to make you miss her..._

"Busy with work?"

"Well, she was out of town for a few days for work... but that was last week."

"And this week?"

"I'm not really sure, Jasper. Would you like me to call her and ask her?"

"Why would I want you to do that?"

"Oh, I don't know... Maybe you miss her?"

"I do _not _miss her, Isabella. That's ridiculous."

"I don't think it is." _I think it's sweet. _"And, you know, she might not have dinner plans. And God knows I cooked enough food for twenty people... "

"Or one Emmett, who I think I just heard pull in the driveway."

"Yeah, but he wouldn't mind sharing. He likes Alice. He even had his eye on her the night he met her... and asked me–"

"Don't you dare try to set them up!"

_Jealous Jasper? Now, that's just... cute, cute, cute! _"No, I squashed that right away. She isn't right for him. Nor he for her. Not right at all."

"I should say not."

_By all means, darling big brother... I love it when we agree... _"Right. Now, go let Emmett in before he breaks down our front door. I forgot to unlock it when I got home, and you know he loses all sense of courtesy when he can smell food."

My brother stares at me... for just a second... because I pick up my phone from the counter.

But then he leaves the kitchen without a word, even though he knows _why _I picked it up.

And I can't remember the last time making a phone call made me this happy...

Well...

If you don't count every one I've ever made to Edward since the night he put the ball in my court...

Before I put it back in his...

"Alice? Guess who's coming to dinner? YOU!"

* * *

><p>"Who else is coming to dinner, Bella?"<p>

"No one, Emmett."

"That's not fair."

"How isn't it fair?"

"Because. Who's going to pay attention to me?"

"Since when do you care if anyone's paying attention to you when there's food to eat?"

"I don't know. Since now, I guess. When there's no one to do it, and everyone else has someone."

"I'm sure Alice will pay attention to you. She likes giving you shit too much to ignore you."

"Yeah, but not the kind of shit she wants to give Jasper. I want that kind. And that kind of attention."

"Well, I can't help you with that."

"Give me one more chance, Bella. I'll–"

"NO."

"You know, Angela doesn't completely _hate _me... and–"

"That ship has sailed, Emmett. _Without _you. And away from you. And you know damn well why."

"But maybe it wants to sail back?"

"It doesn't. _Ever_. Trust me."

"Well, then there must be another boat out there that you could invite to dock here for the night, so–"

"I'm not calling anyone for you, Emmett. You're on your own from now on."

"Bella–"

"But I will offer you a bit of information...

"There may be _someone _out there who would love to give you attention. Another chance to, if you were willing to give it, and maybe even some food, that you were previously denied... "

"If someone denied me food, then I don't want to give them anything."

"You did before."

"Did what?"

"Want to give them something."

"What was the something? Wait, are you talking about Rose?"

"Yes."

"She's good at attention... "

"Then, there you go."

"But definitely NOT at food."

"That part may have changed a little. According to her, anyway. I don't know how much... You'd have to see for yourself, I guess."

"Well, food wasn't the only problem there, Bella. And, though certainly more than enough of a reason, not the only one that kept my boat out of her dock. Or SHIP, rather. My REALLY BIG SHIP."

"I don't want to know about your ship, Emmett!" I yell, covering my ears and walking away from him. _Seriously... Don't. Want. To know._

"Do I want to know what that means?" Edward asks, pulling my hands down and glaring at Emmett.

"No," I tell him, because he'd kill him if he did, and then Rose definitely wouldn't get another chance.

And, no matter what she's done to me, or tried to do, I still want her to be happy. And if Emmett is who she she believes will make her... "He's just being Emmett, which," I glance back to the big DINGHY as I speak, "_some_ people actually find endearing. Or something."

And he gets it, believe it or not, and gives me a reminder of why I'm sometimes one of those people. "You're my number one girl, Bella... and people who are mean to you don't get to give me attention."

And Edward, not being a dinghy, big or small, understands what he said. The gist of it anyway, even if not the why. "Moments like these are why we let you live, Emmett."

"And why it would be okay with me if you got yourself some of that attention you want," I add, "Because _mean _didn't break me. And may have even done the opposite... or sped it along, anyway. And I can't be mad about that."

"You can't?" he asks. He, as in Emmett.

And "No," I tell him, and shake my head. "Not even a little bit. But I love you for depriving yourself of attention for me. And to prove it, will let you have extra dessert after dinner."

"Your dessert is way better than any attention I've ever had," he says with a big cheesy grin.

And I smile, and tell him I want _him _to be happy, too. "Well, maybe the right girl... right for _you_... one who's not 'too nice'... can change that. Because I do love you... but, just like why I invited Alice and her 'attention' to dinner... I only need to be _one _person's number one girl."

And I think he got it again...

What I was trying to say...

Though he's too busy laughing at the attention–or more precisely, the smack to the behind that my brother just got from Alice–to tell me for sure.

But it's okay with me.

Because one person definitely did.

And makes sure I know it. "You're my number one _everything_."

* * *

><p>"What do we do about him?" Alice asks, gesturing to a hasn't-stopped-eating-or-moved-from-the-table-sinc e-we-sat-down Emmett.<p>

"I usually just clean around him," I tell her, "being careful not to get too close. He'll stop when there's nothing left, and then there's only his dishes left to deal with."

"Okay, then that's what we'll do."

"You don't have to help, Alice. You're a guest."

"Well, I don't want to be thought of as a guest. So, I'm helping. _Your brother_, who is going to show you how much he appreciates you and everything you do by cleaning up this kitchen. While you and your dream man go relax or make out or whatever you want in the other room."

"Maybe you don't have a clear understanding of my brother... "

"Oh, I know he's a pampered prince in this house... but you won't always be in it, so it's time for big brother to start learning how to be a big boy."

"Well, I don't want him to be helpless, but–"

"Bella... I promise you I will spoil him as best I can, but there's a whole other side of that that you, of course, don't have on your for-him plate. And I'm only human, so please understand that I need to clear a little off of yours before you hand it–and him–completely over to me."

"My plate's not that full... and there's even room for–"

"I'm not trying to compete with you, sweetie... and God knows no one's going to come out of this sitting prettier or more pampered than Edward... it's an impossibility... but your brother won't be unhappy. On all things pretty, he won't. Okay? Trust me? And let go just a little?"

"Okay... " I tell her, because I believe her. And because she's smiling at me. And because Edward is. Because he heard her, too.

And likes her plan.

That she relays at least some of to my brother as soon as we leave the room.

"I'm gonna WHAT? Isabella!"

_Sorry, Jasper... it's only because I love you._

* * *

><p>"He'll be okay, you know?" Edward says, squeezing my hand.<p>

And then laughs as we watch Alice try to tie an apron around an uncooperative Jasper's waist.

"I'm NOT wearing that, nor am I–" "You're doing both! Now hold still, you big baby!" "Damnit, Alice!"

"_Eventually_."

"I know," I agree, and nod my head. "And that letting go a little is just part of me getting everything I wanted... it just... "

"Would be easier to if you had it already? Part of it?"

"I have a lot of it," I tell him, turning my eyes to his, that are only on me now. "Thanks to you."

"But not everything you could. Not everything I could give you."

"Just because I don't want it to take too much, Edward, doesn't mean I don't know that _yet _will take time."

"You've already waited all of your life, Isabella... and I'm not very happy with myself for making you wait longer than you should have to now... I just... "

"You just what?"

"I'm afraid of doing it wrong."

"Doing what wrong?"

"The part you've waited too long for."

"Is it a pretty part?" I ask now, because his eyes have fallen to my hand in his. "That you're afraid of doing wrong? Because I've never not loved a single thing you've given me. You're the master of Isabella presents, remember? Even when Jasper bought me the car... your present was still my favorite one."

"It's not the pretty part I'm worried about... I actually am not doubting that part at all... it's everything that goes with it. Or should... "

"Should?"

"Yeah... everything you'd want to."

"All I want to go with it is _you_."

"You don't have to say that, sweetheart. Give up any of those things you've dreamed about... I'm just telling you that they're why you don't have it yet. The pretty part. Because–maybe for the first time ever with you–I'm struggling to figure out what you'd want."

"Are you also telling me that you have it already? The pretty part?"

"Yes."

"And _I _don't because you're afraid of giving it to me the wrong way?"

"Yes to that, too."

"I really should slap you right now."

"Please don't."

"Well, for God's sake, Edward... Have you met me? You CAN'T do it wrong. Not that. You doing it at all makes it perfect. And will. And will surpass any dream I could ever have or have already had...

"How can you not know that? And make me wait while you don't?"

"Okay... and if I _would _have asked you that day we were driving down the road? _While _we were?"

"I would have said yes."

"And wished for the rest of your life that I'd have done it a different way. And, somewhere inside, hated me for the way I did."

"I could never hate you. You know that."

"But–"

"Edward... do you want to know why driving down the road is bad plans? For giving me pretty? It's because it would be dangerous. We'd have a wreck. Probably a really bad one... because you'd lose control of the–"

"When you slapped me?"

"Try again, Mr. Masen."

"Isabella... you want sweet. And romantic. And–"

"I want _you_, Edward. And, though you've always been _sweet _to me, I did–and loved you–long before I knew you had a romantic bone in your body. You _can't _do it wrong. Please believe me."

"So, there's no list? Of wrong ways that could get me slapped? Or right ones that could do the same if I don't figure one of them out?"

"Nope. No lists."

"I find that really hard to believe."

"But it's true. There aren't. I have lists of other things... lots of them, actually... but not that. I want that to be all you."

"You really mean that?"

"Yes. Cross my heart."

"And, besides driving down the road, there's no wrong way?"

"No," I say after a few seconds. _He wouldn't..._

"You hesitated, sweetheart. There _is_."

"No, there isn't... because you'd never do it."

"Tell me what 'it' is, so I can't."

"I don't need to. You _won't_."

"Tell me, Isabella."

"No."

"Tell me now."

I shake my head and try to get up, but he holds me firmly in place.

Well... once he moves me to my favorite, on his lap. _If only we were on his couch instead of mine..._

"TELL. ME."

"Why is it so important to you that I do? I told you I don't need to."

"Because you are important to me. And I'd rather not chance it."

"Please trust me?"

"Please listen to me."

"You know, Edward... sometimes you say you want me to... listen to you... and sometimes you say you don't–which are lies, of course–so I really don't know at this moment what you truly want. Or what I'm supposed to _believe _that you want... "

"I want you to listen to me. At this moment and every."

I smile at him, and his admission–though I knew the truth of it before he made it–and give in. And him that thing I really wouldn't want him to give me. "Okay. There is a way that I wouldn't like, as hard as it may be to believe...

"I wouldn't want you to put the pretty part in a jar of peanut butter and wait for me to find it.".

He laughs and shakes his head, pulling me a little closer to him as he does. "I would NEVER do that."

"I know. I told you you wouldn't. And that I didn't need to tell you."

"Yes, you did. And you were right... but thank you for granting my request anyway."

"Request? Was that what all of those TELL MEs and LISTEN TO MEs were? Requests? Because they sure sounded like orders to me."

"Does it really matter, sweetheart? I mean, either way, you granted them to me."

_I think it does, Edward... because I can FEEL what I granted you... and how much you know I always will... and how much you... _"I suppose not," I say with a smile, instead of that thing I feel... any of the things... "in the grand scheme of things. But if it's okay that I throw out one of my own... I'd really like you to listen to me, too."

And he doesn't answer me...

With his mouth...

Not out loud, anyway...

But I hear him.

And...

"ISABELLA MARIE HALE! GET. UP!"

_Damn you, Jasper!_

**xx**

**At least he's consistent, unlike me. Sorry about that. The wait, I mean. The whys that made you won't really matter to you, I'm sure, so...**

**Maybe there will be something pretty for you–and her–in the next. The timing was too imperfect for this one. Says me. The girl who wishes she had her own Edward Masen. *sigh***

**See you next time.**

**P.S. ... ffn is being weird, so if some things _look_, it's probably not my fault. I keep fixing and it keeps not saving... grrr.**


	36. Chapter 36: Letting Go

**This is a beast. And so is the E/N, so read _it_, too. It's IMPORTANT.**

**Chapter Thirty Six: Letting Go**

**Isabella**

Emmett barrels through our front door just as I'm running up the stairs to shower and dress for my date with Edward.

My _dinner _date, which is apparently going to break Emmett's heart. Because his hands are full of grocery bags.

"I'm not cooking tonight, Emmett. So whatever you were craving so much that you took the time to do the shopping for, I'm sorry, but it–and your stomach–is going to have to wait a night."

"Wait a night? Bella, you don't know what I've been through!"

What he's been through? What could he possibly have... "Oh God, you're not actually going to cry, are you?"

"I don't cry," he says, and puffs out his chest. That his pouty lip is still bigger than. Which is no small feat...

"Okay." I sigh and come down the stairs I just went up. "What have you been through?"

"ROSE."

"Emmett! I do not have time for your perverted–"

"I'm not being a perv, Bella! And I'm not going to tell you about my really big ship! I don't have the energy to even if I wanted to, which I don't. Seriously, Bella... NO ENERGY. It's a miracle I can even stand, or walk, or talk... "

"_Why_ don't you have any energy? And make it good. And not the _Emmett _kind of good, I mean it."

"Because I'm starving!"

"So ORDER A PIZZA!"

I start to stomp back up the stairs, pissed that I even considered that something besides his overgrown appetite was wrong with him, but then the doorbell rings, bringing me right back down again. "What now?!"

When I fling the door open, I see that the _what _is Rose, and she looks just as pitiful as Emmett does. Emmett, who looks at her like she ate the last bite of food on the planet. And made him watch.

"AND?"

"And what?" she asks me, eyeing the bags in Emmett's hands with irritation. "If he came here with groceries and told you I didn't feed him, he's LYING."

"Lying?" he repeats, and then himself. With that energy he claimed not to have. "LYING?! You call that thing you gave me food?!"

"I call it a _sandwich_, which was what you asked for!"

_Seriously right now? I'm not getting ready for a date with Edward for THIS?_

"A SANDWICH? On what planet is that a–"

"SHUT! UUUUUUUUUP! Both of you!"

"Bella! She–"

"No, Emmett! I don't want to hear it!"

_I so don't want to hear it..._

But I can't not hear his rumbling stomach. And can't not care that someone I care _about _is in my house and hungry. _Damn bottomless pit! _

"Are you willing to eat a sandwich _now_?"

"Yes! If it's one _you _make. Or _two_."

"Alright," I say with a sigh and head for the kitchen, cursing myself for caring. And Jasper for the proof of the lie he told me, even though I'm happy about that.

And on the way to which I almost get run over by a suddenly full of energy Emmett, aka THE PROOF, who ends up in front of me and pulling me the rest of the way. "I even got everything to make them! And like five jars of peanut butter for my favorite sandwich making girl! Who happens to be the best one in the world!"

"I'm going to feed you, Emmett," I sigh again, "You can stop sucking up now."

"I'm not sucking up. I don't do that."

"He really doesn't," Rose mutters behind me. "Maybe if he did I'd have made him two sandwiches instead of one. Not that he really deserved the first, either, since I was able to _walk_ into my kitchen–or at all–to make it."

_Do I want to know what that means? Probably not... _

And, though I'm sure Emmett does know, his two-track mind is first and foremost a _one_. "IT WASN'T A SANDWICH!" he roars, glaring at her, and telling me that if I don't make him one quick–so he can stuff it in his big, LOUD mouth–I won't be doing anything tonight but lying down in a dark room with a cool cloth over my eyes.

And when the alternative to doing that is _Edward_... "Yell one more time and I make nothing."

"Sorry, Bella," he whispers this time, and pats me on the head like a puppy with one hand while shushing Rose with his other. She flips him off, of course, and starts to walk away.

_Oh, no you don't, sucky sandwich girl... _"Get back here, Blondie."

"He came to you, Bella, not me. Actually... he left me _to _come to you, so–"

"_Why_, Rose? I thought you said–"

"I don't know. I tried... I fed him... he just didn't like it."

"It. Wasn't. A. Sandwich," Emmett spits through clenched teeth.

And I've had enough. _More _than enough. "What did you feed him, Rose?"

"A sandwich! Haven't you been listening?"

Clearly, a sandwich to Rose and a sandwich to Emmett are two entirely different things... "Emmett? What did she give you that she _thinks _was a sandwich?"

"Two pieces of turkey on a cardboard pancake! With some fat free, FLAVOR FREE, yogurt shit instead of mayonnaise and mustard! And spinach leaves instead of lettuce! And _no _tomato! There wasn't even cheese, Bella! It was awful! And–" His eyes go wide and he slaps his hand over his mouth as soon as he realizes he's been yelling again. And then he whispers "Sorry" again through his fingers. And is _so _afraid I meant what I said that he even reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of bills and holds it out to me.

"Oh, for God's sake, put that away," I huff, and eye the unpacked groceries he brought that are now arranged on the counter.

If I'm going to sacrifice my precious time, then I'll be damned if something more than Emmett's satisfied stomach isn't going to come from it.

"I have a question for both of you, and I want an answer before I make anything."

"Then hurry up and ask it," Emmett says, gazing at the roast beef like he wants to put a ring on it.

And he probably does._.. _but he wanted _attention_, too, so... "Before Sandwichgate happened, was everything fine? Between the two of you? And simple yes or no answers will suffice, I don't need–or want–any gruesome details."

I know their answers as soon as they look at each other, but I still wait for them, and don't move a muscle–or a finger–until I hear them.

The first of which comes from Rose. "Everything was great. Well... other than that thing he doesn't do."

"Yeah," Emmett adds, or agrees, or something... "but everything I _do _do is GREAT, and will have her NOT WALKING the next time I do it, so–"

"That's more than enough," I tell him, before he can give me any more.

But apparently he doesn't hear me... "And she doesn't _not_ do anything, which is–"

I quickly grab a slice of the roast beef and dangle it in front of him, and lucky for me it works to distract his mouth. Or maybe not so... or too much... "_Fingers_, Emmett!"

"Sowrry, Bella."

That was close. WAY too close. Where would Edward put the pretty part if–oh, I can't even think it!

So I focus on the thing I was thinking before it. "I'm happy about that, and now I'm going to help make great better. So, Rose... pay attention, because this is Sandwich 101."

Emmett looks afraid suddenly, but Rose... the Rose that really wants something more than just great... well, whatever it is... comes to stand right beside me at the counter. "Okay. Teach me."

I smile at her and give her hand a _You can do this_ squeeze and then start. "Rule number one: Boys like bread. Thick, hearty bread. So, pitas, or flatbread, or whatever you gave him... save them for you. And no wheat. If it's 'good for you', it isn't good for him. And certainly not great."

"Okay, big white bread. Got it."

"And while we're on the subject of 'white'... Rule number two: Mayonnaise. It's a must. No mayonnaise on a sandwich would be in your world like a shoe with no heel."

"Oh, God, I'm sorry!" she squeals in horror, looking straight at Emmett. Who laughs but nods in agreement. Quietly. So that I can continue what I think he's grasping the importance of. And how he stands to gain from it. Because attention definitely _isn't_ all he wants.

"Rule number three: _Only_ 'white' is bad. He'll eat turkey, but if it isn't a Thanksgiving one–complete with wings and legs still attached, or un and in his hands–then it better be hanging out with a roast beef friend on that thick, hearty bread... "

And as I carry on with the lesson, that will clear a little more off of my plate that I never thought was too full...

I know that Alice was right. I _won't _always be in this house. To take care of everyone. Give them everything they want...

Very soon I won't.

And once I'm finished ensuring I won't have to... this thing, the next time, at least... and Rose is even cleaning it up–and _packing _it up, because I suggested she take it all with her, and Emmett thought that that was a GREAT idea–I head upstairs to do something for myself.

And get ready for the man who gave me a forest. And is putting a house in the middle of it.

A house I'll take care of him in.

And give _him _everything he wants in.

Always.

After he gives me the pretty part.

And then another...

On a pretty day...

On which I'll look as pretty as I can...

For him...

Like I'll try to do tonight...

And on that _yet_...

On which maybe I'll get a lesson...

A 101...

Or two...

Or...

Well, I don't know, really...

But I know it's going to be GREAT.

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

"You lied to your sister? Again?"

"I didn't lie, I–"

"You told her something that wasn't true. That's a lie, Jasper."

"I told her not to worry about me for dinner. How is that a lie?"

"You told her not to worry about you for dinner because you'd be going out for it. With _Emmett_."

"I doubt she even paid attention to that part. I told her when she was in her closet picking out something to wear on her date with Edward. And she had that dreamy look on her face she always has... and why are we talking about this if _that _is what you picked out to wear for ours?"

"Because I say we are. So, what if Emmett shows up at your house before she leaves it?"

"I'll take that drink now. A _strong _one."

And apparently her offer has expired, and I'll now get it for myself. Because she points to a cabinet, which when I open with a sigh, I find full of alcohol.

But then she opens one, with a shake of her head, and pulls a glass from it, holding it out to me with one hand and with her other on her hip. "Don't think I don't know why you want it now. And answer the question."

I'm so tempted not to even use the glass...

But I do. And take a large swallow before I say anything else. And then another. _Come on, buzz... _"He won't. I drove past Rose's place on my way here and his Jeep was parked outside."

"And when he gets hungry?"

_Like I am?_ "Then–"

"You'll be busted. For telling another lie you didn't have to. Because where you are right now is exactly where your sister wants you to be."

"She wants a happily ever after, Alice, and–"

"Yes she does, and Edward is going to give her one."

_Talk about a reason to drink... or CHUG..._ "She wants one for _everyone_."

"Again, yes she does. Which brings me back to my original question... you lied to her again?"

Yes. Because... "She's never wanted me to be with anyone before. Anyone specific, I mean. She–"

"Does now. She wants you to be with me. So, tell her that you are. Tell her that you stopped being a stubborn ass and surrendered to my irresistible charms."

"_Charms? _WITCHCRAFT is more like it. And no, because–"

"Tell her or I will."

"NO, you won't. No one's telling her. I don't want her to know."

"Why the hell not?"

Thank God it's a full bottle... "Because when it doesn't work out, she'll be–"

"WHY wouldn't it work out?"

Well, _was _a full bottle... "There are probably a dozen reasons–or more probably A HUNDRED–but if you need one right now... then _most _probably it will be because I don't like being interrupted every other sentence I _try _to speak."

"Then speak ones I want to hear, and I promise you I'll let you finish them."

_Why did I give in to this? This thing that has me eating aspirin like Isabella eats peanut butter? Or at this moment drinking another form of one?_

"Or better yet, don't speak at all–for a few minutes anyway–and kiss me. Which, just so you know, I would NEVER interrupt you doing."

_Well, that's _one _reason... _

Because that night I was attempting to interrupt Edward from swallowing my little sister whole on our couch, my interrupting got interrupted. By the Queen of.

She grabbed me by the hair–and that damn apron string–and yanked me back into the kitchen. And before I knew it, or could do anything to stop it, or her, she had me slammed up against the refrigerator with her mouth slammed up against mine.

Interrupting me.

And my ability to stop her.

Or my intent to stop Edward in my living room.

Which Emmett did for me.

After getting up from the table, and his finally empty plate, with a chuckle and a big thumbs up.

At Alice.

Who stood there smiling while I stood there paralyzed.

And dumbfounded.

With a buzzing in my ears.

And my fucking pants.

The second of which hasn't stopped.

And she sure as fuck hasn't interrupted.

Because she likes it.

A lot.

Likes to hear it, apparently.

And feel it.

Which is exactly what she does seconds after I answer her challenge and kiss her.

Which she lied about...

Because she does interrupt it...

And me doing it...

Because she likes to talk too much to not. "Thanks... very nicely done... but since you did something else very nicely the last time you were here... and I found out unequivocally why women get so irrationally crazy about you... you're going to have to do _that_, too. Again. If you really want to shut me up. Or not–"

She does shut up when I grip her hand around me.

And doesn't interrupt me when I reach my other hand under her apron–the only thing she's wearing–and grip her. So to speak... "And which something else would that be?"

"Did I say_ something else_?" she asks me, as another part of her answers my question before she does. "I meant EVERYTHING ELSE. Please?"

I suppose I should be proud...

That that everything I do is always appreciated...

"PLEASE?"

And begged for once I have...

But dammit if it doesn't always take me on a one way trip to CraZytown.

A place I know I'm in now.

Knew was before I let myself be dragged here.

Or LURED, if I'm being honest with myself.

Which I didn't have to let happen...

I didn't _have _to give in.

I wanted to.

And couldn't not anymore.

The first night I lied to my sister about where I was going and came here.

And can't on this one deny that I _am _a gentleman, still, no matter what else I am.

So, since I am...

And have been informed repeatedly that my 'royal' status exists only in my own house...

I guide her–with my hand still drenched in the part of her that disagrees with that–across her kitchen and push her gently up against _her_ refrigerator.

And then undrench it...

My gentlemanly hand...

And climb under that apron that is still the only thing she wears, and replace it with my gentlemanly mouth. And...

"Oh FUUUUUUCK! Jasper! You... "

_Shut her up, my ass..._

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

I stare at the ring for the thousandth time.

And also for the thousandth time, hear Isabella's words... _I want that to be all you._

That, that's this. And again between my fingers instead of on one of hers.

Because I don't know what all me is anymore.

In a good way.

A way that's for, and because of, and all about her.

Like this ring is.

The ring I _still _don't know how to give to her.

What way and with what words...

I still haven't figured it out.

What she'd really want.

But, even though I haven't, I still never don't have it with me. The pretty part. When I'm going to be with her.

Just in case that perfect moment arises.

Or inspiration hits me.

Slaps me across the face.

Which I really hope happens before she does.

I really, _really _do.

And should really, really get out of here...

Because I told her I'd pick her up twenty minutes ago.

And I don't want her freaking out about that... the fact that I'm late.

Don't want her getting the wrong idea.

Like the last time I was late and she did. Got slapped in the face with it...

Because I was... wrong... in every way possible.

I really don't think she would...

Jump to that wrong conclusion...

Now...

After everything I've done...

And shown her...

But I don't want to take any chances.

Because, just like with this ring burning a hole in my pocket again...

I don't want anything I do–or don't–to make her think for a single second that she isn't _all me_.

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper<strong>

"You... might... have to... cook... your own... dinner... you GOD."

We left Alice's kitchen a long time ago.

And her refrigerator against her back...

Because it kept pounding against the wall...

After I got up from my gentlemanly knees and started pounding into her.

A little less than gentlemanly.

Because she wanted EVERYTHING ELSE.

Nicely–the way I gave it to her the first time–and not so.

Like this time.

That I know has only made her more crAzy.

But that she doesn't know I might be okay with.

This time.

Unless I have to cook my own dinner.

Because I don't have a fucking clue how to do _that_.

Unlike _this_. "You're putting that apron back on, woman. I earned it."

"AMEN."

"And you WILL keep your mouth shut."

"Well, since you didn't keep yours... WHATEVER YOU SAY, MR. HALE."

I knew she heard something she liked this time...

Her own SCREAMING.

Like she hears again now.

And like I do.

And probably every other person living on this block...

Because I _do _know how to do some things.

Things that I don't think I realized just how much I missed doing.

Until now.

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

I hear Edward's beautifully familiar knock just as I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Hi," I say, opening the door with a smile.

"Jesus Christ... "

"Well, thank you, Mr. Masen."

"You're welcome... but I think I'm about to be in trouble, so you might not want to. Thank me, I mean."

"I already did."

"I know. And am I already?"

"Are you already what?"

"In trouble."

"No, why would you be?"

"Because I'm late."

"No, I'm actually glad you are, because I was late, too. Getting ready, I mean. And you being late means I didn't have to make you wait."

"I would have," he tells me.

But he didn't have to. "I know... you've more than proven _that_."

He smiles and looks me over again...

Slower than the first time he did...

And tells me without a word how hard the waiting has been...

Bless his heart. "And I am now if you are," I tell him. "Ready, I mean."

"Okay," he says, and sighs, taking my hand, and the key from it, and leading me out the door, locking it behind us.

And either that waiting has been really, _really _hard... _too_, maybe even... or there's something else wrong. Because he doesn't look happy now. And keeps looking at me–all of me–with that look that doesn't.

And then, once I'm buckled into my seat in his truck, and he's in his, he doesn't look at me at all, instead only looking out his window.

And it's making me nervous. And scaring me a little. "Edward, what's wrong?"

He looks back at me after a few seconds, at my eyes and my face, and then down and over the rest of me again, and shakes his head. Silently.

But I don't understand what that means, or is supposed to. So, I look down, too... at myself. And ask him. "Do you want me to change? Do you not like my dress? Or my shoes?" _These shoes... with the heels and the flowered lace and the sassy bows... that I've been dying to wear..._ "Or... well... anything?"

"As if I could not? As if that were even possible? Isabella... "

"Then, what? Because you keep looking at me... all of... and you don't look happy."

"I don't look happy because I'm not. But with _myself_, not you."

"Why aren't you happy with yourself?"

"Because the plans I made for us tonight are wrong. For that all of you that I keep looking at. And can't stop looking at."

"Edward, if I'm dressed wrong for your plans, I'll go change. All you told me was that we were having dinner... and you always take me somewhere nice when we do that... unless you tell me before that it's something else... and I just assumed that since you didn't...

"You know what... I'm going to. Go change. So, forget you ever saw this dress. Or me in it. Or these shoes. Because I really love them both and will wear them on some other night, and I want you to not be able to stop looking at all of me in them on that one, too."

I start to unbuckle my seat belt to get out and do just that... go change... but he grabs my hand. Firmly. Telling me without a word that I'll do no such thing.

And then with them. "I don't want you to change. And there's no way I could forget how you look right now, Isabella... there's no way at all... So, _I'll _change. Our plans. And improvise some different ones that are worthy of it. We'll just have to stop by my place first, for just a minute."

"Why?" I ask, not that I ever mind going there...

"Because that's where my plans were. And where I put our dinner in the oven, because the time it would take me to come and pick you up was nearly the perfect amount of time for it to cook. And I don't care about that, but I don't want Riley Biers to end up seeing you in that dress, so, since I don't, I'd like to go turn it off now. Before I take you somewhere else. Where other people unfortunately will, which is by no means a perfect plan, either, but–"

"Your plans were to make me dinner? At your place? And spend the evening _there_? Alone?"

"Yes, but–"

"Put it in drive, Edward. Well... reverse first, technically, but–"

"Trying to give me lessons now, are you?" he asks with a playful smile.

And I give him one back. And shake my head. And floor it. "No... The only lessons to be given at this stage in the game, Mr. Masen... are all you. And yours."

And thank God we weren't already moving...

Because I think we'd have crashed.

"And I'm ready. So, let's go."

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

What possessed me to think making Isabella dinner was a good idea?

And letting her know I did?

And then letting her tell me she'd settle for no other once she did know?

After what else she she told me...

_Jesus..._

I wonder if Riley Biers could put out the flames in Hell?

Before they burn me alive...

If that's even what I'll be when I get there...

Get dragged kicking and screaming away from my heaven when my time with her is up...

Her, who...

"Hey, I'm supposed to be doing this... " I tell her, as she takes the lasagna I made from my oven.

"You did do it. But it's ready now, and you're distracted, so I'm helping you."

"I'm sorry."

"What were you thinking about?"

"My eternity."

"_Your_ eternity? Does that mean I wasn't in it with you?"

_Not the way you think, sweetheart... _"No... it just means I was thinking about the one _after _the one you'll be in with me."

"I don't like it when you talk like that."

I give her an apologetic smile and then gesture to zip my lips, but she pulls my hand away mid-zip. "And that just means that I want to hear different things from you. And better. And for you to think both. Especially when I'm next to you, or in front of you."

"Well, in my defense, it was you next to me, telling me something, that made me think about it in the first place."

"Are you talking about those _lessons _I mentioned?"

"_Y_es, Isabella. And I'd like us to _not _talk about them now. Please."

"Is it because you're dreading them? And the fact that you'll have to give them?"

"Are you sure those pretty shoes fit, sweetheart? And aren't too tight? And may be possibly cutting off circulation... to your brain?"

"My pretty shoes fit perfectly, thank you very much. _Smartass_."

_God, I love my sassy girl..._

"And was that a no?" she asks now, with a little less sassy and a little more something else. That I also love.

"It absolutely was a no."

"Are you sure? Because if you are... dreading them... at all... I could at least try to do a little studying while we're both waiting. With books, I mean. Or videos, I guess... "

She cringes with her last words... and nearly gives me a stroke with all of the ones she said. "Don't you dare!"

"I just mean so I know things for you... and you won't have to tell me so much or–"

"Did you hear me? I said NO."

"Okay," she says, and bites her lip. But then frees it before I can even reach up to. "I guess I could ask Rose–"

_Ask Rose?_ "I _forbid _you to ask Rose anything."

"Okay... Alice? Because Jasper's been coming home with a smile on his face... a big one... and he thinks I don't know why... but I do. And it's because of her, so–"

"Isabella... I don't want you to talk to anyone. Or ask anyone questions. Anyone but _me_. And I don't want you to read books... and I sure as fuck don't want you to _watch _anything. Which, if it isn't already crystal clear, I also FORBID.

"And I don't want you to do anything else your pretty little head might come up with. Because I love what you don't know. And am dreading nothing. Or the honor it is that I can tell you what you don't. And show you...

"And I thought that was special to you. That I had that honor. Well, will have... ?"

"It is."

"Then why would you even think for a second that you should–"

"_I_ don't. I just thought that maybe you'd be happier if I did. Well... just until I figured it all out and made you on my own. Which I _will _do, but which you must know, just like I do, might take a little time."

"Well, then let me give you your first lesson right now... You already make me happy. Well, other than the last couple of minutes... I really should turn you over my knee for those...

"And nothing that you don't know yet could–or will–ever make me not. Not for a second. Just like teaching you things won't. And showing you things could never... EVER... unless any of them scare you... "

"They won't."

"But you'll tell me if they do? You won't be afraid to tell me? Because you'll think it won't make me happy?"

"No. I won't be afraid. I could never with you. Or be... of you."

"Then _know_, Isabella... that I'm looking forward to every moment of you not. Every. Single. One."

"Okay," she says, and bites her lip again...

That I stare at for a moment before I reach up to pull it free...

So I can pull it between my own...

And give her just a little peek...

Of what she doesn't know.

And what I'm willing to burn in Hell for an eternity for.

After the one I can't wait to spend with her.

* * *

><p>"I wouldn't put it in a jar of peanut butter, Isabella, and I wouldn't bake it in a lasagna, either."<p>

"No... I know you wouldn't. That's not what I was looking for."

"Then _what _are you?"

"I don't know, actually."

"Do you not like it?"

"Not like it? Edward, it's amazing."

"Then why are you dissecting it, sweetheart?"

"Because it's absolutely delicious. And absolutely better than mine. And I was looking to see if my eyes could figure out why that was, because my tongue can't."

_Her tongue..._

_IS JUST A WORD, ASSHOLE! And NOT the point, or yours to feel yet. Or get distracted by the thought of because you want to._

"Well, thank you," I start, after I clear my throat–and my head of all inappropriate thoughts... "for thinking it's amazing, and delicious, but I have to say I think you're wrong about that last part. It's not better than yours."

"I think it is."

"No... I think you just haven't made it in awhile–unless you did on a night I wasn't invited to have any–and perhaps can't at this moment remember how amazing and delicious yours is. Always."

"You were never not invited. And I never would have made something you loved on a night you weren't coming."

"I've had every lasagna you've ever made?"

"Yes. _Every _one. Since the day your mom taught me how to make it."

"She taught me, too."

"No wonder it's so good."

"But _not _better than yours. Because it's exactly the same."

"Because it's hers."

"Exactly."

"Maybe you're right... maybe it's not better. It really has been a while since I've made it."

"Which is why I did. I've been wanting it."

"Then why didn't didn't you tell me that? I would have made it for you. Everyday if it's what you wanted."

_I know you would have, beautiful... _"I was going to... just the other day, actually. But then I decided I would just do it myself for our dinner tonight."

"You do enough things for yourself, Edward."

"I uh... " _She didn't mean _that_, asshole. _"Well, I'm not as helpless as some."

"You definitely aren't. You've never taken my spoiling for granted. Even though you knew I'd never stop, you didn't. You know how to do things for yourself. And you always helped me with the things I did for you, and everyone else, or at least offered to, even if I wouldn't let you."

"Well, someone had to."

"No, they didn't. But you did. Only you."

"I'm just different, I guess."

"You are. And I always knew that."

"Don't give me too much credit, though, sweetheart... because sometimes I helped because the more I did the more it made Jasper look bad. And I got a kick out of doing that, even if you never complained about him doing nothing."

She laughs and then takes a sip of her wine, her pure happiness shining through her every expression and movement. "Alice is going to make him do things."

"Again... someone had to."

"I know... I created a spoiled, clueless, lazy monster."

"Yes, you did, but you meant well."

"I honestly and truly did. And it wasn't like he didn't do anything for me... or doesn't... to deserve it...

"He does take the garbage out. And wash my car–or now truck– whenever it's dirty..."

"Bless his overworked heart," I snicker.

"And he takes care of everything. Financially, I mean. I don't pay any of the bills. I've offered to... but he doesn't let me. I've never even paid for my own cell phone. Or car insurance. Or anything."

"Not to be a total rat here... but the reason your cell phone has always been on his account, Isabella, was so he could see every call you made or received."

Her mouth drops open for a second, but then she closes it, and shakes her head. "I should have known that..."

"And you should know that I already knew all of that, and agreed with it, and that those things won't change."

"What things?"

"Those things you've never had to take care of, and that he wouldn't let you."

"If you want to know who I'm talking to, Edward, just ask me."

"I will if I'm ever worried about it. Or I'll look myself."

"You were looking at my phone just the other night... when I came out of the kitchen with your beers."

"I was. And didn't pretend not to be when you saw me."

"I know... and I wasn't mad... and didn't even ask you why you were... but–"

"But now you are? Mad?"

"I am if you're worried about who I'm talking to."

"I'm not worried."

"Then why were you looking?"

"Because I can."

"Says who?"

"Me."

"So, that's how it is?"

"Yes. And how it always will be."

"Well, then you're definitely going to pay all of my bills."

"I already said those things won't change."

"Oh, but they _will_..."

"No, they _won't_."

"Yes they _will_. Because you can have my credit card bills, too. And that is a change, because Jasper doesn't pay _those_."

The gleam in her eyes makes me laugh. And know that she's really going to enjoy filling the perhaps 'fairy tale' closet I designed for her. "Well, they'll have my name on them, so of course I'll pay them."

"Your name?"

"Yes, _mine_."

"My credit cards will have your... " That gleam in her eyes is now something else, and that other something else in my pocket is now scorching my leg. "You mean... "

"I mean my _name_, Isabella."

"Masen..."

"Yes, _that _one."

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

"_Jasper_ is going to have to do things, Edward, not you."

"I made the mess, I should clean it up."

"What you made is a wonderful dinner for me, so sit down and bask in the glory of that, and let me thank you."

"You already did thank me. And I heard you, and felt you do it again with that kiss, so–"

"_So_ know that I already know that you aren't lazy, and want to thank you for that, too. Now put down the plates."

"Isabella, I'm not going to stand here–or sit, here or anywhere–and let you wash dishes in that dress."

"Would you like me to take it off?"

_God, I wish I had my camera... _

_Because his face... _"NO."

"LIAR."

"Little SNOT."

_Maybe... _

But I really didn't mean it the way his ears–that have turned a little pink–heard it. "I meant that I could take it off and put on something else. Something of yours. If you really don't want me to wash dishes in it."

"I don't want you to wash dishes at all," he says, trying to hide what he really does want. _Too late, Edward, I already saw... _ "I want you to leave them, and come into the other room so that I can give you the present I have for you."

Present? He has a present for me?

_Oh God..._

_Could it be THE present?_

"Dishes? What dishes?"

"Good girl," he laughs, and holds out his hand.

And I take it, and let him pull me away, for the first time in my life not caring about dirty dishes sitting in the sink. Or on the counter. Or...

_Okay, that's so not true... I do care. And I can't stand it. _"Wait..."

"It'll be okay, sweetheart. Trust me."

"I don't like your kitchen to be messy. I want it to be perfect..."

"It will be later. Just not yet."

"But–"

"Be lazy, Isabella. For once in your life. For me?"

"That's an unfair use of power, Edward," I tell him.

And he smirks at me. "But _effective_."

"You're as evil as you are beautiful."

"I assure you I'm more _evil_."

Maybe... though I don't think so. And don't want to hear him say any more about it, or where he thinks it will get him. "Whatever you say. Now, give me my present quick or I'm going right back in there."

"No, you're not," he tells me, guiding me gently and not so all at once to his couch. "You're going to stay right here, because it's where I want you."

_Talk about use of power... _"Okay. Dishes be damned forever!"

He gives me a cocky grin and walks away with a "I'll be right back."

And I don't move. Not a muscle. Because I want my present.

The present that may be untoppable. By him or anyone. Ever.

And so pretty it will make me cry.

So much that I'll probably flood this place.

And ruin my pretty shoes.

And his couch that I love being wanted on.

And...

The box in his hands is too big to do that.

My present isn't THE.

But if it isn't, then why is he now down on one knee in front of me handing it to me? "For you."

"Thank you," I say, and bite my lip, trying not to stare at his position on the floor.

"What's wrong?" he asks me, looking between his gift for me and my face with confusion on his.

"Nothing," I say, freeing my lip, and him, before he can try to or think about why he had to.

But it's too late for the second...

And he doesn't believe me for a single.

"Don't say nothing if it's–" His mouth drops open and his eyes fall to exactly what I was desperately trying not to look at. "Not."

"It is. I mean isn't... um..."

"It's not, Isabella. Nothing... because it's not _that _present... and I'm... I'm an IDIOT."

"No, you're not, Edward. I'm just a girl... "

"Yes, you are. Mine."

"Yes, _yours_, and–"

"And you've been waiting sweetly and patiently for me to show you how much you are... and the world..."

"And I'll keep doing it. And stop pushing you to do anything, and–"

"I don't feel pushed, Isabella. Just stupid."

"You're not that... You're sweet. Because you gave me a present. I'm the one who's stupid, because I haven't even opened it yet, and–"

He puts his finger to my lips to quiet me. And then gets up from the floor and sits next to me on the couch. "Never. And don't ever say that again."

I nod my confirmation that I heard him and try to turn my focus to the box in my hands. The box that's bigger than they are. And that I shake playfully, trying _not _to focus on the fact that it is, and then raise a brow at the unidentifiable sound that comes from inside. "Interesting."

"I don't know about interesting, but _something_," he says, his every feature apologetic for the something it isn't.

Which makes me feel like complete shit.

Because he _is _sweet, no matter what else he is. And _was _sweet enough to get and give me a present. And it doesn't matter that it's not THE...

Because I could never not love anything he gave me. Or the playful smile that he wore before he did. And before I took it away. By letting him think I was disappointed without even seeing what his present for me was, just because I knew what it wasn't.

So, I rip it open with childlike vigor, hoping to bring his back.

And do... just a little, I think, which is better than none... when I giggle at the pom poms inside of the box. "Are you sure these are really for me?" I ask with a suggestive smirk. "Because depending on how you look at them..."

"I don't deserve any cheers right now, so, yes, they're for you. To do whatever you want with. Like throw them in my face, maybe even, if you–"

"I don't want to do that," I tell him, cutting him off, "or whatever you were going to say next. And I love them, so, thank you."

I take one in each hand, and then put my pom pom holding hands on either side of his face, the black and white streamer strands creating a frame around it, and kiss him sweetly on the lips. "You're still up there..." I whisper against them, "and I'm sorry if I made you feel for a second that you weren't. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I just didn't think..." he says against mine, "_Wasn't_ thinking... when I–"

I kiss him again. Harder this time. And a little less sweetly than the first. Because I want him to stop thinking now. About anything but how perfect this night has been, even without the perfect present in my hands. Or on one of them...

And he does stop...

And pulls me into his lap...

Just like the first time he did...

That day in another house...

And on another couch...

After the first time he kissed me...

And kept...

While the tears slipped down my cheeks and over our lips...

The way they aren't now...

Though this kiss is.

The same.

And so is the way he's cradling me in his arms.

Sweetly. And tenderly.

Different than he sometimes does.

That may be because of this dress, but isn't entirely, I know. "I really am sorry, sweetheart."

I hear and feel and know how much he means it... and how much I need to show him he doesn't have to. "Don't be. For anything... _except _for that there's nothing else in the box."

And it backfires...

And he looks sorrier than ever before...

But only because I wasn't finished yet. "Where's my little skirt?"

"Talk about a present for me..." he returns, letting his sorrow go for a moment, at least.

"Yes, let's. Where is it? Because you were supposed to buy it when you bought _these_."

I give his face a gentle double pom pom smack and narrow my eyes scoldingly, making him laugh and look down. At my legs across his lap instead of around it...

"Put away where it will stay until I've earned the right to see it on you."

"Put away? So, you _did _buy it?"

"Of course I did. _Evil_, remember?"

"So says you. But right now we're listening to me... and I WANT IT. So, go get it from where it's hidden and give it to me."

"No way."

"I thought you were sorry?"

"Isabella... that's not nice."

"We both have power, Edward. And just maybe you're not the only evil among us."

"I already knew that," he snickers, but then instantly gets serious again. "But I have the final say, on all matters, so NO. It stays hidden."

"Please?"

"I'm sorry, but no."

"I just want to see it."

"So do I, so, again... no."

"Pretty please? With sugar on top? Just let me see?"

"Isabella... don't do that."

"Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please?" _We both know you can't say no to these puppy eyes, Edward... or this lip... so stop trying to be strong, because you're not _that _powerful..._

"_Just_ see?" he asks, surrendering like I knew he would, though maybe a little sooner.

"Yes... " I answer, crossing my fingers, which he can't see me do because the pom pom strands are covering them. "_Just_ see."

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

I can't believe I'm doing this...

But I can't believe I did that other thing, either.

That made her think I was doing another.

After telling her I had a present for her.

I'm so stupid...

And was so careless with who could never be...

I was down on one knee, for God's sake. Right in front of her. Of course she thought...

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID!

And then didn't even make up for it with the one thing that could have made me not.

The ring was right there...

In my fucking pocket...

I could have pulled it out...

Made everything right...

But I didn't.

Because it didn't feel _right _enough.

And, no matter how much she tells me I can't do it wrong...

I'm still afraid that I will.

And that I'll see disappointment on her face.

Much worse than what I saw a few minutes ago...

And that she's using as power over me now.

To get something that is definitely wrong.

Because she'll look so _right _in it...

_Jesus..._

_From the moment that picture entered my mind, I knew it would never leave._

_Would only change into others..._

_More right and more wrong and more evil..._

"Stop stalling, Edward!" she calls from my living room, where she still sits waiting on my couch...

For me to do exactly that...

_Stop _stalling...

So she can.

_Our Father... who art in heaven..._

* * *

><p>"I wasn't stalling. In there, or–"<p>

"I know. I was just kidding. And really mostly just missed your face."

"You did, huh? Really mostly?"

"Yes. And really completely."

"Then I'm glad I have this face. Really definitely."

"Me too," she laughs, and raises her pom poms in the air. "And that neck."

"You mean the one you should ring?" I ask, but then instantly regret the stupid words. _Ring? Really, asshole? You're rubbing it in her face now? _"I'm sorry, I–"

"Should relax," she says, tossing her pom poms to the floor and getting up from the couch.

I shake my head and she nods hers and grabs the other one of my offenses from my hand. "Yep, definitely the reason I wasn't a cheerleader."

"On that we agree," I tell her, as she holds it up against herself.

"I think we agree on lots of things," she says with a sweet smile, and then shocks me by folding the skirt neatly in half and setting it the side table. "Like that that's a great little skirt you bought for me, and that I'll look great in it when I wear it for you."

"Well, I certainly can't disagree with that..." I say, and wait for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

But it doesn't. She doesn't say another word about it, other than a very sweet "Thank you."

"You're welcome," is my response to that sweetness, but I'm still in shock. She's really not going to torture me with it? She truly wanted to _just see_ it?

Her face tells me she knows exactly what I'm thinking, but she doesn't let it be the only thing that does. "You really do think I'm evil, don't you?"

And I won't hold back the truth from her. "Yes... though in a way very different from me."

"An _innocent _way, perhaps?"

"And a pure, yes."

"Pure pure or pure evil?"

"Both."

She sticks her lip out at me in an exaggerated pout and I shake my head. I deserve _that _torture.

But then she shrugs and gives me a beaming smile. "Well, as long as you love me, I can live with your assessment of me."

"I do, Isabella... very much." _And so much more than I've shown you..._

"But, no matter how much you do, I can't live with your kitchen being a mess for another second. So, now that I've opened my present, and seen yours, I'm–"

"Going to stay right here."

"You know, I'm purely efficient, too. I can have it perfect again in ten minutes tops."

"I don't doubt that," I tell her, and grab her before she can take another step away from me.

And then make her take one closer to me. And then another. And another. Until there's no more space between us, and she's up against me. "_If_ I were to let you, which I'm not going to do."

"Why aren't you?" Her mouth asks the question, but I don't think the rest of her cares about the answer, because she's not trying to get away.

Or maybe she's not trying because it does...

"Because I have the final say, remember? And I already said that I wanted you here. Instead of there."

I guide her slowly back to the couch, and she lets me. With no resistance at all. "Is _here _part of your plans?" she asks, as she settles back into it.

"It was... if that's okay?"

She looks up at me... because at this moment I'm still looming over her, instead of beside her, and nods her purely beautiful, innocent head. "It really completely is."

And that makes me happy. Not because I'm evil, but because she trusts me not to be. Which tells me maybe I'm not completely. Not really completely, anyway.

And I move to sit down beside her, but she holds her hand up to stop me, still looking up at me. "Can I ask for something before you sit down? Since you want me here, and not there?"

"You want me to go clean my kitchen?" I ask her with a chuckle.

"No," she says, shaking her head adamantly. "I just wondered if I could have some more wine?"

"Of course you can," I tell her, and head straight to the kitchen, chastising myself all the way for my poor host skills.

Something that she's the master of.

She, who, when I return to my living room with her request, isn't in it.

Telling me she's the master of something else.

And something purely evil.

More completely purely evil, perhaps, than even me.

Because neither is the little skirt.

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

I know that Edward likes my dress...

His reaction when he first saw it was enough to tell me that. And the way his eyes have taken it in–or more specifically, me in it in–throughout the night left no question...

But he gave me a present. And then let me see another...

Something he should have known better than to do... Yay me!

And I _am _technically overdressed for a night in...

Or _was_...

Before I _un_dressed...

In his bedroom...

Which, in itself... well... I'm in here _alone_, so...

Yeah... anyway...

I wanted to wear a present from him!

Yes, I just stomped my foot. Because I was hoping to be wearing a different one.

And because I was, and am not, I'm being an evil little snot.

And wearing my evil little cheerleader skirt while I am.

And nothing else. Well, but my bra. And my pretty shoes. That match well enough since my little skirt is black and white.

And the reason I am... wearing nothing else... is because Edward didn't get me a little cheerleader top to go with it.

I wonder why?...

And then stop wondering because it doesn't matter right now.

What matters is that this little skirt isn't tight. And won't keep me from sitting on his couch–where he wants me, and where he planned for me to be tonight–the way I want to. And like to. And he really completely likes me to.

Again... Yay me!

And yay Edward for not getting me a little shirt. Because, because he didn't, I can wear one of his. And I know just the one I want...

And... Jackpot! It's right on top in the first place I look.

Just like I'm going to be somewhere else.

Purely _innocently_, of course.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

I've been dreading seeing Isabella come out of my bedroom since I discovered she'd locked herself–and her little skirt–in it.

Seriously... _dreading _it.

But...

OH. MY. GOD...

There she is. Or, _here_, rather...

In it. And those sexy, sassy fucking shoes...

And my favorite old Trail Blazers t-shirt.

That is my favorite now for a completely different reason.

Or many...

Because there's holes in it...

And rips...

And...

FUCK ME. "I'm putting you in that tower. And giving your brother the key."

Her innocent _Whatever did I do? _expression does nearly as much damage as what she did...

And I have to close my eyes for a moment to both. And because this prayer I'm now saying is important... CRUCIAL...

And I want God to take me seriously.

_Please_?_ I NEED you..._

At which she laughs. And starts to come closer, bringing it with her.

"Stay over there, Isabella. I'm begging you..."

"You said you wanted me _here_, Edward," she says, staying nowhere, and pulling my hands down and climbing onto my lap. "And you do, as you also said, have the final say... on all matters... so..."

"You're playing with fire, little girl."

"Is that a Trail Blazers joke?" she asks, still feigning innocence in this thing she's doing that's anything but.

"No, it's not. It's a warning... that I really want you to heed."

"Says your mouth," she says, pushing herself down on what doesn't. What screams something else to her.

And what she never acts afraid of.

Or offended by.

Or... "Sweetheart, please!"

"Sorry," she says, completely sweetly, and with even a little hurt in her eyes, I think, and moves back a little. "I just like knowing how you feel... I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I'm not mad," I say, and sigh, reaching up and pulling her lip free from her self-inflicted punishment, before pulling her face down until her forehead is resting against mine. "It's just–"

"Hard?" she finishes for me. But not evilly. Not evilly at all.

"Mmm-hmm," I hum, because it's all I can manage at the moment.

"Okay," she whispers, and slips her hands into my hair, massaging my scalp with a tender sweetness. "I really am sorry. For being a snot and whatever else I've been when you've been nothing but good to me."

"If I was really so good to you, Isabella, you wouldn't so often feel that thing you like knowing."

She pulls back just a little and gives my hair a tug, so I have to look up at her. "Would you say that to me if your name was already on it? That card we talked about, and everything else?"

"No, I wouldn't," I tell her honestly. Because I know I wouldn't. Won't when that time comes...

"Then don't say it now. Because only your _final _say on the matter matters to me."

"My final say will be–"

"All you. And that's everything I'll ever want. Or ever could, just like I told you."

All me...

I know she means it.

With all of her heart and all of her head and all of her...

Everything.

Which includes her mouth that's now on mine.

And her something else that's back on mine, too, because she likes to feel what _her_ all does to me.

And what it doesn't do to her.

What I don't.

Because she's stalling...

Innocently and purely and anything but evilly.

For what's right.

Which is exactly what I was doing.

Before I wasn't.

Before I pulled her closer to me...

Up a little higher on...

Not because I'm evil, but because I couldn't reach my pocket when she was lower.

My pocket that I reach into...

At the same moment she reaches into my now partially unbuttoned shirt to place her left hand over my heart. To feel something else.

Her left hand that I clutch to it, wanting her to know... purely and completely what she does to it...

Before I pull that beautiful, perfect, trusting and believing hand away...

Just a little...

Just enough...

To slip the ring onto it.

Because, right or wrong...

This...

Is all me.

And I couldn't wait another second to give it to her.

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella<strong>

Our lips are covered in my tears again.

The ones that I'm afraid may drown us both if I can't stop them.

Or if he can't make me...

Something he's trying to do and not all at once.

Because he knows how happy I am.

How happy he made me.

With his gift...

THE...

That I know was all him.

And not part of any plan.

I knew it the moment I felt it...

That it was _just _HIM.

Purely.

Completely.

And perfectly. My Edward.

"Thank God that t-shirt is black and not white."

"Why?" I ask him, not looking away from him to look down at it, even though he did... for just a second.

"Because white is see-through when it's wet," he answers, holding none of 'him' back.

"You're completely despicable," I tell him, and laugh, because I wouldn't trade him for anyone or anything in the world, despicable or not.

"I know," he says, wiping yet more tears from my face. "And I'm mostly sorry for that."

"Mostly might be a bit much..." I tell him, because I think it is. Completely, actually. "So, just be_ a little_ sorry."

"Okay. If you just be honest? Completely?"

"About?"

"All me."

"Well, of course I will, because that's easy... I love it."

"It?"

"Yes. It. And all of."

"Can you clarify, sweetheart? Because I don't know if you're talking about me or the pretty, that I'm going to go out on a limb and trust that you think is? Too? As in also."

"The pretty is the prettiest thing I've ever seen... after you. Does that clear up your confusion? And answer your questions?"

"Some of them."

"Well, you didn't ask any others, so..."

"No, I didn't," he answers. No apology for not in sight. Or the sound of him.

"I know. And I'm glad that you didn't. That you knew... know, I hope?... still... and will always... that you didn't need to... for what you didn't to be the most perfect thing in the world. To me."

"It was just me being me... completely... and giving in to it... what that is... and you... and letting go of the fear that it could be wrong. To or for... "

"It will never be wrong to me. Or for. All you..._ Never_, Edward."

"I love you, Isabella. As completely as I know how to."

"I love you, too. As completely as I do. Until you show me how else to. How else I can... and will... and... "

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

I didn't stop her...

From saying what she was trying to say to me...

She stopped herself.

Because she'd already said enough.

And knew I'd heard.

And felt the meaning of her words.

Like she did mine.

The ones I didn't say...

Ask...

Because I didn't have to.

And didn't need to hear her answer.

I felt it.

Before the first tear even fell from her eyes.

Officially locking me out of heaven...

And sentencing me to a lifetime of it.

With her.

I _felt _it.

Love.

Pure...

Innocent...

All...

Her.

Just like my mother wanted for me.

Wished with her last.

And I know I'll never, ever want anything else.

Or be sorry for the eternity that I won't.

Because of this beautiful and beautifully stubborn girl who was always right under my nose.

Though is above it at the moment...

Staring at the pretty part I gave her...

The part that she waited for.

With no expectations.

And took...

Happily...

With no disappointment.

In me.

And no fear.

That I could ever be wrong...

For her.

**The End...**

* * *

><p><strong>...of PART ONE.<strong>

**WHAT?**

**Yes. I'm serious. That's it. For Come Closer. Because he came(I KNOW he didn't, let's not get 'technical'...)... went... as close to her as he could get without _yet_. Which WILL come. Just in another place. Another place HERE. I'm NOT doing that 'thing' most everyone else is doing... **

**So, here, and with a new name, since she'll have one. And with the answers you didn't get in this one. And I know you're probably all PISSED right now... but this is my decision. My story and all that. And not one I made lightly. It was always a possibility. Now, I admit, one I thought I had dismissed... but one I obviously reconsidered. Heavily. And decided was the right one. For them and for this story. Which, don't be confused about, WILL continue. And progress in EVERY way you want it to. You'll just have to follow us to get it. And my 'author' button. Because, like I said, it will come in another place and have a new name here. Because I think it will be different, and deserves its own. Well, I _know_ it will... and because it will, believe it should. Now, if I knew what that name was, I'd tell you... but I don't yet. Because I just can't make up my mind about it. But I'll put a clue in the summary when it posts, and no one will not know what it is.**

**Now... *insert deep breath here*... whatever else you think I am, and may be calling me right now, I'm not stupid. And I know that many of you, maybe even all (except for those who have already sworn they're not going anywhere but _with_ us), may not stick around for Part Two. I get it. Why you might not. I dragged you through muck and down wrong roads and teased you... and took forever and a day to do it... and then didn't give you what you wanted... but this IS the best way to proceed. And, though it sucks if I lose all of you, I couldn't let knowing that might or would likely happen stop me from doing the right thing. Because I love you all... who've trudged through so much muck with me and this story... but–and this should come as no surprise to anyone if you've ever read one of my A/Ns–I love THEM more. And THEY are what it's always been about. Always.**

**So, I leave you now with a light heart. And a happy. No matter when or if you leave me and us. Because they're mine. COMPLETELY. And this is what's best for them.**

**Oh... and I know you probably also wanted some epic, romantic, and grand proposal... and hate the one she got... but what I wrote up there was how he did it. Before I wrote even the first word of this story. And I wasn't going to change that. Because she loved it.**

**That's it. Thanks for reading. And see you next time. _Maybe,_ I know.**

**Chloe**

**aka 'Most hated author on ff earth right now.' *shrugs and waves bye***

**WAIT!... No, this isn't where I say I'm kidding... it's just where I say that if you want to see the PRETTY... all 6+ carats of it... I'll post in on my fb. And probably will have by the time you read this. And one more thing... Say Goodbye is complete, too. As of last week. Not that anyone understood it... well, except me, of course. **

***Hits complete and runs from the arrows***


End file.
